Fat Dragon
by coldgravy
Summary: A Skyrim-themed homage to Fat Albert; follows the exploits of a massive, friendly dragon and his oddball companions, which include two future soldiers, a midget and a tubby, food-obssessive vampire. This fanfiction contains mature content, which includes strong language used, sexual content, fetishes, and vore. Pretty crazy, huh? Just attempt reading it; it'll sort of make sense.
1. Jailed! Part 1

In the Whiterun plains on one of the hottest of days in Skyrim, a group of highly-unlikely characters were hanging out together, losing at least five pounds by sweating. The first of these characters was an Argonian named Rocker with an attitude who would resort to cheating and sinking to peoples' levels. The second member of the gang was Serana Volkihar, the witty, sly and sarcastic daughter of the powerful vampire lord Harkon, who hated Serana as much as he did his wife, Valerica. Serana was also a vampire, but was still mistreated by her father, who was prone to freaking out over little things as well as being obsessed with winning and power, even more so than Rocker. Harkon hated his daughter and her friends, especially her boyfriend, a Dawnguard soldier named Aug. Initially, Aug possessed the same hatred of vampires as his father, Dawnguard leader Isran did, but it all changed when he found Serana locked in a sarcophagus in the remote cave of Dimhollow Crypt. After absorbing a bunch of hateful language and insults from Harkon, Aug left Castle Volkihar and returned to Fort Dawnguard, but was completely caught off-guard when he found Serana in the torture chamber inside the Fort. Serana and Aug had and still have a close relationship, with Aug willing to sacrifice himself at any given moment to ensure Serana's safety. Another interesting fellow was Wyatt, a human soul trapped in the body of a werewolf. Despite looking completely terrifying, Wyatt was a sweetheart, always comforting his friends, trying to help out however he could, and only displayed his vicious lycanthropic nature when a threat presented itself.

But perhaps the most notable member, and the de-facto leader of the gaggle, was Fat Dragon, an obese dragon who enjoyed helping people and doing wacky stuff with his gang. Fat Dragon also had another gang member on his underside; the paper-flat, living, barely-breathing body of an Argonian named Scando the Scaley, who got sat on by Fat Dragon a long time ago. The dragon and Serana also had a close friendship; being dragon and vampire, the two had known each other for a very long time; at least 200 years.

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon huffed, his dragon voice slightly shaking the eardrums of his companions, "Is it hot today or what?"

"Ruff!" Wyatt barked in agreement; his werewolf pelt completely covered in sweat.

"Man, this is bull!" said Rocker, kicking a small rock before collapsing in exhaustion.

"Eh, Serana?" said Aug, "What's the deal with the umbrella?"

"Because, if you've already forgotten, I'm a vampire, and we vampires will basically melt if we're directly in the sunlight", Serana replied, looking at her crudely-made umbrella that she crafted from firewood and various animal pelts.

"Oh. Sorry", said Aug.

"Well, what we standin' around here for, man?" Fat Dragon said, "We need to go for a swim!"

"Where?" Rocker asked. "The sea is like a quadrillion miles north of here, and even then, it'd be way too cold." Wyatt yipped in agreement.

"Well how 'bout this? We go to that lake in Falkreath; swim there. That way, it's closer, and it'd be warmer, too", Fat Dragon suggested.

"Yep, that's a better idea, but it's still about a 4-hour trek, and my family got some Bretons for dinner", said Serana. "They may taste bitter at first, but that aftertaste… delicious."

"Right…" Aug said, somewhat disturbed about his girlfriend's voracious cannibal appetite, but being accepting of it. Mainly because he knew that the chances of him getting eaten were moderately low.

"Well, what are we waiting' for?!" Rocker exclaimed, "Let's go for a swim!"

"What we are waiting for is a way to get there", said Serana.

"We could take the carriage, if we had some gold", Fat Dragon suggested.

"We need 250 septims", said Rocker.

"How in Oblivion are we gonna get that much money?" Aug commented.

"How about we all go home and try to find some spare money?"

"Hey, hey, hey; that's a good idea!"

"Yip!"

…

Serana was on her way back to her home, Castle Volkihar, which was located in the very northeastern corner of Haafingar, near the border of High Rock, when on the road, she saw one of her other friends.

"Hey, Serana! How you doin', baby?" Leeroy shouted.

"Yeah, I'm doing alright. How 'bout yerself?"

"I've been- I've been hanging around, you know; want some friends that I can just hang out with, you know? And because you're so pretty and sweet and popular, I thought you could maybe introduce me to the others?"

"Sounds like a good idea. I'll try to ask 'em, okay?" Serana grinned, her vampire fangs showing.

"See you around, Serana", Leeroy said as Serana climbed into the boat to sail back to her home.

…

"Lady Serana is back! Open the gate!" the watchman shouted. The barrier rose back up, and Serana walked into her home, her dark, ancient, shadowy castle. Perfect home for a 257-year-old vampire who was only about 14 in mortal years.

Serana entered the castle; the sounds of shouting and screaming echoing. A book suddenly went whizzing towards Serana, who ducked. Instantly she knew her father was having one of his crazy freakouts. Despite being a conceited, werewolf-hating sociopath with a hatred of everyone, including his wife and daughter, Harkon was known to have insane tantrums over numerous things. From not being able to find his boot to nearly murdering Wyatt when the werewolf pup came over for dinner, Harkon was obsessed with power, but ended up completely making a fool out of himself.

"Hey mother!" Serana shouted. "What's daddy freaking out about _this _time?"

Harkon burst into the room, his eyes glowing as red as the blood he drank; his mouth foaming, wielding a lamppost like a sword. Serana barely avoided getting beheaded when Harkon suddenly swung the pole around.

"Harkon!" Valerica hollered. "HARKON!"

"WHAT?!" the berserk vampire lord shouted back.

"Calm down, honey-"

"NO! SOMEONE STOLE MY DAMN ELDER SCROLL!"

"How do you know that someone stole it?" Valerica asked. "Maybe you misplaced it."

"NO, I DIDN'T!" Harkon yelled. "IT WAS RIGHT THERE AN HOUR AGO, AND NOW IT'S GONE!"

"Dear, why don't you go and calm down", Valerica suggested, trying to relax her raging husband.

Harkon growled at his wife, before angrily storming into his master bedroom.

"So…" Valerica said, once Harkon was gone (but was still flipping out), "What do you need, daughter?"

"Me and my friends want to go to Falkreath and take a swim in the lake, but we need 250 gold pieces to take the carriage", Serana explained.

"Well why don't you invite your friends over and you could swim in the sea?"

"Few problems with that. Number one; it is FREEZING cold out here; so cold that if I went swimming, I would float home in a block of ice. Second, my friends include a werewolf, a dragon, a Dawnguard soldier, and a smart-assed Argonian, and I'm scared that Daddy's gonna kill one of them."

"Well, we always have some spare thralls available. Maybe you could sell those?"

"No, mom, nobody else feeds on the blood of living humans."

"Well, I don't know what else to tell you. Sorry, dear."

…

"Goodnight, buddy", said the Whiterun stablemaster, petting the best of his horses before lighting the lanterns and locking up the stables. Turning to one of the Whiterun guards nearby, the stablemaster said, "Make sure nothing happens to Ivory."

20 minutes after locking up, the horse was asleep, and the guard had broken the promise, deserting the horse to go get some mead. A figure in black, who was carrying an Ebony Dagger for self-defense, silently snuck over to the hay-bales next to Ivory, grabbed a handful of hay, and lured the horse away from the stables. Once the horse was far enough away, the shadowy figure put away his knife, climbed up onto the steed, and rode the stolen horse away from the city.

…


	2. Jailed! Part 2

"It's even hotter than it was yesterday", Rocker complained.

"Agreed", said Aug. Wyatt barked in agreement.

"I feel like a piece of toast", Serana remarked. "Wait… Hey! Leeroy!"

Serana waved at her friend Leeroy, who walked over to the group of sweaty friends. "Hey, hey, how-how are you guys doin'?" Leeroy asked with a large smile.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "What you need, Leeroy?"

"Is it hot out here or what?" Leeroy exclaimed.

"Just look at poor Wyatt", said Rocker. "We've been using him as a sweat-rag."

"Well, you know where I go for a swim? Lake Ilinalta, in Falkreath!"

"Yep, that's a nice place, but it's like a 17-mile trek."

"Well not for me and my new friends, it isn't. I've got a horse!"

"A _horse_?!" Rocker, Aug and Serana said, their eyes widening. Wyatt's tail began wagging vigorously.

"Wait, wait, wait", Fat Dragon said, knowing something was wrong, "Where'd you get a horse?"

"I, I uh, bought it from the s-stables. In Winterhold!" Leeroy fibbed. "You guys want a ride or not?"

"Sure, I guess", said Fat Dragon.

"Okay; I'll go get him. You guys wait here."

"Serana, uh, how well do you know Leeroy?" Fat Dragon asked.

"As well as I know you guys", Serana replied. "He's cool, don't worry. Try not to worry 'bout a thing; enjoy the good times Leeroy can bring, right?"

"Well… alright…" Fat Dragon answered, still suspicious on how Leeroy managed to obtain a horse.

...

Defying physics, Leeroy, Fat Dragon and his crew were all able to ride on the gorgeous Palomino _without _breaking its legs and its spinal column.

"Man, these plains are simply beautiful", Serana remarked, looking around as the gang rode towards Lake Ilinalta.

"Not as beautiful as you", Aug remarked, tickling Serana, who turned around and embraced him.

Wyatt the werewolf was also eagerly looking around, but then the pup noticed something somewhat alarming: three armed humans on horses riding after them.

"Yip! Yap! Ruff!" Wyatt barked, trying desperately to get the others' attention.

"What is it bud-… Oh no…" Rocker said, before his eyes fell on the armed riders.

"What's wrong, Rock?" Leeroy asked.

"There are at least three people with swords and shields riding after us. They look like guards!"

"Let's stop and see what they want", suggested Fat Dragon.

"Oh NO!" Leeroy yelled, kicking the horse to speed it up.

"Why are we running? What's going on that we don't know about?"

"Nothin', but those are guys with swords and axes, and they're coming after us. I'm NOT stopping, Fat Dragon! Don't get all upset on me, bro!"

"I'm already upset", Fat Dragon said, his voice becoming sterner. "Now you'd better let us off, before I sit on-"

Without warning, the horse collapsed, knocking Fat Dragon, Leeroy, Serana, Wyatt, Rocker and Aug onto the ground. Aug quickly looked and saw that one of the guards had shot the horse with an arrow. The horse tripped, fell, and presumably died, but that wasn't the concern. Three guards in orange tunics surrounded the gang.

"You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people. What say you in your defense?" the guard asked, the tip of his sword lightly pressed against Serana's throat.

"Wha- what are you talking about?" Serana asked, breathing heavily.

"We had a horse go missing last night. A horse exactly like that one. One that wasn't purchased. One that was stolen."

"We didn't steal a horse, sir", Aug said, trying to get Serana out of harm's range.

"-Wait a minute… Leeroy, you said you got that horse from the Winterhold stables. Winterhold doesn't HAVE stables!" Fat Dragon said. Wyatt growled at Leeroy.

"I want all of you to stand over there, with your hands or whatever you have behind your heads. Hand over all of your weapons, first."

Fat Dragon and Wyatt, technically unarmed, went straight to where the guard directed, and Serana, Aug and Rocker handed over their daggers, Aug's Dragonbone Mace, and Rocker's Iron Greatsword.

"You know what happens now?" the guard said once all of the kids (relatively speaking) were gathered with their hands and paws behind their heads. The gang was speechless, frozen in terror.

"You all are off to the Dragonsreach Dungeon!"

Upon hearing this, Fat Dragon and Rocker completely froze, Aug fainted, Wyatt whimpered, and tears rolled down Serana's cheeks, before she started weeping, and eventually sobbing and crying. Wyatt hugged Serana to try to comfort her, but the young werewolf was terrified as much as she was.

…

Up in the mountains east of Whiterun, was a dragon's lair named Shearpoint, where Fat Dragon, his mother, and father lived. Fat Dragon's father had just returned from annihilating a settlement, when he saw his wife conversing with a human; a guard from the nearby city of Whiterun, from the looks of it.

"This is one of the humans that defends the city called Whiterun", Fat Dragon's mother explained to her dragon husband, who was puzzled by the fact that a human just blatantly walked up to their lair, without anyone else with him.

"Me and my boys stopped a horse today", the guard named Griffeth said. "Your son and his friends were on that horse. Turns out that the horse was stolen from the Whiterun stables last night."

"Oh no", Fat Dragon's mother bellowed with concern. "Can we go get him?"

"You can... but I would like you not to."

"Why?" Fat Dragon's father said. "Our son isn't a criminal, and from what I've seen, his friends aren't either."

"They explained that they didn't know that the horse was stolen", Griffeth explained. "Their friend, Leeroy, turned out to be the one who stole the horse."

"Well why can't we fly over to the city and get our son back?" Fat Dragon's mother asked.

"I would like to take them to Cidhna Mine, in Markarth."

"Cidhna Mine?!"

"Yes. That way they see for themselves what happens when someone commits a crime like this."

…

Cidhna Mine was by far the most frightening place that Fat Dragon and his friends had ever been. The gang had constantly been exploring various dungeons, dens, bandit camps, Falmer hives, and everything in between, but Cidhna Mine was absolutely nightmarish. As if watching miserable, scarred, dirty prisoners swinging pickaxes desperate to find enough silver to pay their fines, watching all of the weaker men and women getting brutally beaten by both wardens and fellow inmates was just scary. Serana was especially frightened, with miniature waterfalls of tears rapidly streaking down her face at the sight of a woman who had just been violently assaulted and raped, with blood pouring out every orifice. Aug softly stroked her hair to try to comfort his frightened lover.

"Pickaxe", one of the prisoners, a muscular Orc prisoner named Mor-Kharza said, handing Rocker a pickaxe. "Take it. Tell me how it feels."

"By the Eight... this thing weighs as much as Fat Dragon!" Rocker exclaimed, his arms wobbling as he tried to hold the massive pickaxe.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Mor-Kharza remarked. "Now try swinging it."

Rocker attempted to swing the pickaxe but ended up falling backwards, pulled down by the anchor of a pickaxe.

The Orc laughed. "Now try doing that for at least 20 hours a day, for as long as you are in here for."

"Yeah; not gonna happen", Rocker said, the veins in his arms throbbing.

"Well, you're forced to do that constantly. Mining ore for 20 consecutive hours. And believe me, kid, that's the least of your worries."

"What makes you say that?"

"There are people in here that are just simply dangerous. People that will beat the devil out of you and not even remember that they did it. People _die _in Cidhna Mine. Those who don't get murdered by fellow inmates end up completely messed up, or if you're a female, raped." Serana shivered in fear at the last part, cowering in fear behind Aug.

"So if someone tougher and stronger than you tells you to do something. Even if they order you to take off every bit of clothing or armor on your body, you either do as they command, or you end up with broken bones- or worse."

"Well", Fat Dragon nervously choked, "We, uh, have seen the prison, so can we go, please?"

"Like right now?!" Rocker quickly added.

…

"...And here we are; still hot, no money, no way to go to the lake", Aug sighed. Wyatt huffed in exhaustion.

"Hey, hey, hey; at least we're out of the mine", Fat Dragon stated.

"Good point, Dragon."

"Bark!"

"Aug?" Serana said, nervously coming over to her boyfriend.

"Yea?"

"Uh, I'm sorry that I got so scared earlier. I was just really frightened, and..."

"You don't need to explain", Aug smiled, locking lips with Serana, who's cheeks turned cherry-red.

"Wait a second, I've got an idea", Aug said, a grin rising on his face.

"Idea for what?"

"How we can go to the lake. Serana, this involves you."

"Yippee!" Serana squealed, despite being unsure of what the Nord was talking about. Even though she didn't really understand too much, Serana still liked to feel like a contributor for any plan that the gang created.

…

"Ahhh..." Serana said once she was in the water; the dumb look of satisfaction crossing her face, "The water here feels soooo nice..."

Aug and Rocker knuckle-bumped, and Wyatt did the werewolf-equivalent of a purr.

"So Serana", said Fat Dragon, "How _do _you use that vampire thrall power thing?"

"Eh... it's kind of a vampire thing... I can't really explain."

"By the way", said Rocker, "Any of y'all know what happened to Leeroy?"

"The guard told me that he's gonna be in Cidhna Mine for at least 5 months."

"Well in a legitimate way, he kinda deserved it", said Aug. "Not only because he stole a horse, but he lied to us, and because of both of those, he sent us to the scariest place in Skyrim."

…

**So some explaining; first off, this is a fanfic based on my Skyrim character(s), my imagination, and a hilarious incident where my closest IRL friend got sat on by a dragon, so I wouldn't be surprised if most of you didn't really understand it. Either way, if you liked it, I'm forgiveful. Second, at the end of a chapter, I will have these notes/trivia, so I can answer some questions or tell you a bit more about the characters, the plot, and interesting facts. For example, Aug fits perfectly well as a Nord name; but there is an assault rifle manufactured in Austria named the STG.77 AUG. That's not the only weapon-related name that you can use. There are numerous others, as well as some of the sights (Tasco reflex sights and British SUSAT scopes), which you should try using either for fanfiction or for creating a new character. **


	3. Terror on Two Legs

On a warm afternoon in Skyrim, Fat Dragon and his gang were taking a relaxing swim in Riften's lake; the gang had previously been to Aug's home, Fort Dawnguard, to invite their friend to hang out with them. Aug's guardian, Isran, the leader of the Dawnguard, was more accepting of Aug's friends than Lord Harkon was, but the Redguard still possessed severe abhorrence of Serana, due to the fact that she was a vampire, which was the very thing he's sworn to destroy. Despite this personal hatred, Isran still acknowledged the young Nord's friendship of the vampire girl, who wasn't completely malicious.

After the swim in the lake, at Fat Dragon's suggestion, the gang took a visit to the Bee and Barb in Riften to get a few pints before heading home.

"Aren't you kids a little on the young side to be drinking mead?" the Argonian bartender, Keerava, remarked.

"I'm 257 years old", Serana said, "Wyatt is at least 16, and Fat Dragon is over twice my age. We've got gold. Now give us some mead."

"Very well. What can I get you?"

"I'd just like some Nord mead, please", said Aug.

"Eh, I don't really care", Rocker shrugged. "Give me anything."

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon bellowed from outside the tavern, his voice heard through the walls. "Give me some Akaviri wine, if you got some."

"And you?" Keerava asked Serana.

"What's the spiciest thing you got? Like the one with the most kick to it, if you catch my drift."

"Well, we have three options. Black-Briar mead has that usual strength in it, or if you want something more exquisite, Argonian bloodwine and Surilie Brother's wine is available."

"Give me the bloodwine."

"Very well. And for your uh, furry friend?"

"Wyatt? He don't drink", said Rocker. Wyatt barked in agreement.

…

"Man, that was good...", Serana said, wiping some of the bloodwine off of her lips.

Aug took a sip of his mead and belched. "'Scuse me."

"You kiddin' me?" Serana laughed. "That was weak. Check this out."

Serana burped, but instead of a alcohol-scented gas, a ridiculously powerful force erupted from her throat, one that shook the building and blasted all of Aug's clothing and armor off, as well as sending him flying against the wall.

"Excuse me", she blushed, innocently cupping her hand over her mouth.

"What... by the gods, _was _that?!" Rocker said, completely astonished by Serana's newfound ability.

"I... I dunno", said Serana. "I didn't anticipate that happening."

"Well we gotta go find someone who knows what the heck that is", Fat Dragon commented.

"Ag… Agreed", Aug wearily moaned. "Now can someone find my pants?"

…

"Wh-wh-wh-why are we up-p-p here?" Rocker shivered as he climbed the 7,000 Steps to High Hrothgar, the home of the reclusive Greybeards.

"B-b-b-b-because supposedly there are these really old wisemen up near the top of this mountain", Serana explained. "OW! I bit my lip! Shivering sucks!"

"C-c-c-coming fr-fr-from you", Aug remarked.

"C'mon, g-g-gang", Fat Dragon said, "We're a-a-almost th-th-there."

"Wait; w-w-where's Wyatt?" Aug asked, his teeth clattering at a ridiculously fast pace.

Fat Dragon turned around to look for Wyatt, but his massive tail accidentally swacked Serana, who went rolling down the slope in a large snowball, while shouting and yelling. Aug sprinted over to where Serana had crashed, and helped her up, brushing the snow off of her. "You alright?"

"Oh, just fine!" Serana rudely replied, somewhat peeved about what had just happened.

Continuing the trek, the gang's efforts finally paid off; soon they were standing at the front of the ancient monastery known as High Hrothgar, the place where the Greybeards, who were followers of Jurgen Windcaller, practiced and mastered the way of the Voice, or Thu'um.

Fat Dragon opened the door for his companions, who all walked into the ancient fortress. "Wow", Rocker said, looking in awe around the castle, "This place is like two eras old!"

"Well hello", an elderly voice called out. The kids turned around to see an old monk with grey robes and a large grey beard (thus living up to his name) welcoming them.

"Who are you?" Aug asked the old man.

"I am Master Arngeir, speaker for the Greybeards. Welcome to High Hrothgar. May I know your names?"

"Ruff-ruf", Wyatt barked, trying to say his name.

"He's Wyatt", Rocker said. "I'm Rocker, and this is Aug. Oh, and that's Fat Dragon."

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon grinned.

"And you", Arngeir said, turning to Serana, "What is your name?"

"Serana. Serana Volkihar."

"The Dragonborn."

"The who?" Serana said.

"The Dragonborn."

"And that means what, again?"

"You were created by the gods for one purpose: to slay dragons, master your thu'um, or Shouts, and to prevent the end of the world."

Fat Dragon's eyes widened when he heard the first part. "Uh, Mister, uh, Arngeir, sir, uh, what was that first part, again?"

"The Dragonborn is a natural dragonslayer", Arngeir explained, "The Dragonborn is able to slay dragons and directly absorb their souls."

Fat Dragon's jaw dropped, hitting Aug on the head and knocking him unconscious.

"So, I'm a gift from the gods that can kill dragons, _and _absorb their life-force?" Serana smirked, slowly turning around to Fat Dragon, who was breathing heavily.

"That is correct, Dragonborn."

"I'm gonna gitcha", Serana whispered maliciously. "I'm gonna gitcha… I'm gonna gitcha…"

"HEY, HEY, HEY! OUTTA MY WAY!" Fat Dragon bellowed, before turning and running out the door, trampling Wyatt and Rocker in the process.

"I think I kinda like this", Serana smiled.

…

"We know you're back there, Dragon", Rocker said to Fat Dragon, who was desperately trying to hide behind a tree in the Pine Forest.

"Is Serana the Dragonkiller there?" Fat Dragon stuttered.

"Why does it matter?"

"Because, man, she gonna kill me if she finds me."

"No she is not", Aug said. "That's a bunch of bologna."

"Boo!" Serana shouted, revealing her position as being further up the tree Fat Dragon was hiding behind. The dragon screamed like a frightened girl before sprinting away, plowing through all of the pine trees before diving into the lake. Serana was laughing to the point where she could barely breathe.

"What was that for?" Rocker asked.

"That… did… did you see the look on his face?!"

"Not funny, S. He nearly trampled us again, and he's hiding in the lake like a frog."

Serana looked out to see Fat Dragon's horns, nose and eyes sticking above the water. "Hey Dragon!" Serana called out.

"What?" his voice echoed.

"Your soul… my belly. Start runnin'; lest ye want to end up in the Soul Cairn."

Fat Dragon instantly dove down and swam as far away from the cocky vampire as he could.

"Serana, I don't really… like this", Aug commented.

"Why?!" Serana chuckled, "This is really funny!"

"Put yourself in Dragon's… feet", Aug explained. "Fat Dragon is absolutely terrified that you are a natural-born dragonslayer, and as if that wasn't bad enough, now you're terrorizing him, threatening to kill him, send him to the Soul Cairn… And as cool as it is, don't do that vampire trick where you make your eyes glow red. That's just a little frightening."

"But I like it", Serana whispered, doing exactly what Aug just told her not to do. "And I know you do…"

"Seriously, cut it out."

"Alright, alright."

A few moments later, a courier came running up to the gang. "And what do you want?" Serana rudely asked. "Are you gonna be a killjoy? Or are you dinner?"

"I'm neither, you bloodsucking scum. I've got a letter for you, from a friend, who apparently is trying to kill himself. See what you do?"

"Just make like a maze and get lost before every drop of blood in your body has been sucked clean."

Serana broke the seal on the letter and read it aloud to Rocker, Aug and Wyatt. "Dear dudes, I just cannot keep living in fear that I will be murdered in the middle of the night. Therefore I intend to kill myself by noon. Meet me on the Throat of the World before noon if you want to say goodbye to me. But don't bring Serana."

"Oh crap", Aug said, placing his hand on his forehead. "We gotta go stop him."

"I… You're right", Serana sighed. "It wasn't really good to do that, and I get it. Now let's go get him before he hurts himself or destroys the property value of High Hrothgar!"

…

"Hey, hey, hey, this is pretty high", said Fat Dragon, peering over the edge of the largest mountain in Tamriel.

"Well hello, Fat Dragon", another dragon called out. It was Paarthurnax, the leader of the Greybeads. "What are you doing up here? It's dangerous."

"I gotta kill myself, man, before my friend does", Fat Dragon explained. "My vampire buddy Serana found out that she's the Dragonborn, and I think she intends to kill me."

"Dragon! Wait!" a familiar voice called out.

"Oh no, here she is!"

"Fat Dragon! Please! Don't kill yourself!" Serana begged, with tears in her eyes, "We all love you! I love you! I'm not gonna kill you, I-I was just screwin' around!"

"Seriously, she means it!" Rocker added.

"Can we shake on it?"

"Yes! Just don't jump!"

Fat Dragon's traditional trollface-esque smile returned to his face as he shook claw-to-hand with his vampire buddy. "Thanks, Serana."

"Any -TIME!" Serana accidentally shouted. The Thu'um missed Fat Dragon, but hit Paarthurnax, sending the elderly dragon crashing and rolling down the mountain to his death.

…

"We have nothing more to say to eachother. Paarthurnax's murder is beyond my power of forgiveness", Arngeir angrily said when the gang came back down the mountain. Aug also noticed Master Borri flip him the bird.


	4. With a Belly full of Blood

"This is where you and your family go out for dinner?" Aug said in disbelief as his girlfriend eagerly gave him a tour of Redwater Den, her favorite place in the world.

"C'mon, Aug", Serana said, "You take me to all of these other weird places, and you took me to Fort Dawnguard, and your friends there nearly butchered me. Can we please just spend a date somewhere where I'd like to go for a change? Somewhere that isn't a battlefield, or a Falmer hive, or an animal den…"

"Well what's so great about this place, anyways?" Aug asked.

"Are you seri- Redwater Skooma; that's why!"

"Skooma?" Aug said, his ears opening with interest.

"See?" Serana smiled, "It's a good place, with good people."

"Well, as long as I'm getting drunk..."

As Serana and Aug walked into the bar, Aug noticed all of the interesting characters after they had drank the Redwater Skooma: Khajiit, bandits, Imperial Deserters, were lying around, coughing and throwing up on the floor.

"Skooma", Serana said, tossing 10 septims on the counter. A few seconds later, Aug and Serana received their beverages. "Try it, it's good", Serana encouraged.

Aug sniffed the skooma. It had that weird scent, like fermented herring dipped in urine, but all other beverages had that scent, and they were tasty, too. Aug took a sip, and instantly his eyes popped out. Aug dropped the bottle and spit the skooma out in a spray.

"That was so terrible I think it gave me _cancer_!" Aug exclaimed.

"Well", Serana sighed, disappointed with her boyfriend's distaste of Redwater Skooma, "Different strokes for different folks, I guess."

Unexpectedly, a group of armed enemies assaulted the couple. Vampires, judging by the color of their eyes, armed with draining spells and war axes. Aug pulled out his signature weapon, a Dragonbone Mace, and Serana equipped her Elven Dagger, and the duo cut through the vampire menace like a warm knife through butter.

"What the hell was that?" Aug panted.

"I dunno", Serana replied. "But there's more to this den, more that I have yet to see."

"Well I want to know why", Aug said. "You coming with me?"

"This is the best date ever", Serana blissfully sighed, following Aug.

…

After bashing through the skulls of vampires and their death-hound companions, Serana and Aug had reached the door to a crypt, as well as a vampire's journal, which Aug decided to take. Turning around the corner, Aug and Serana were faced with another band of vampires. Aug and Serana slew the vampires with ease, and continued through the crypt, only to find something completely magnificent.

In the small cave was a massive fountain, which was flowing with endless amounts of cadmium-red liquid. The rest of the cave was insignificant, but this fountain was of paramount importance.

"What is this?" Aug asked.

Serana sniffed the liquid, before bending down and drinking a handful of it. Her eyes widened, and her eyebrows climbing to the top of her head.

"IT'S BLOOD!" Serana shrieked. "Blood, glorious BLOOD!"

"Uh, that's actually a little disturbing", Aug said, somewhat disgusted by the fountain of blood. "But I can see why you would like it."

"THIS IS AMAZING!" Serana cried.

"Well, maybe you should hold off until we know what it is capable of", Aug said.

"It's capable in meaning endless food!"

"It might be a trap…"

"Well why were there like 30 vampires here? If they knew that this… this miracle was a trap, then they would've blown this place into the next era", Serana replied, utilizing her smooth tongue to try and persuade Aug to see the Bloodspring from her point-of-view.

"Alright", Aug said. "We should tell your parents, assuming they don't try to capture and torture me… again."

"No, no; don't tell 'em", Serana quickly blabbed, "If they know, they're gonna like restrict access to it, or forbid me going there, or take it all for themselves or something like that."

"Well that's your call. I'm gonna head home, want to walk with me?"

"Nah, I'll just… be… staying here", Serana replied.

Aug rolled his eyes, turned around, and walked out of the crypt.

…

The next day, instead of heading to the outskirts of Castle Volkihar, Aug went directly to the Bloodspring. Aug had an uneasy feeling; infinite supply of blood; Serana's favorite... food...; combined with an obsessive, hyperactive female vampire... assuming she hadn't been killed by the rival vampire clan from the night before.

"Serana?" Aug called, his mace equipped in case there were foes nearby.

"I... Iblegh... ehh..." was heard.

"Oh no", Aug sighed, somewhat alarmed by the sound. Something had happened to Serana, and she was still alive, but possibly injured.

"Serana!" Aug shouted, charging into the Bloodspring chamber a la Leeroy Jenkins. "You leave her alone you bloodsucking- Oh… my… gods."

Serana was still alive, luckily, but the condition that she was in was rather interesting: Serana had constructed a simple pipe system linked to the Bloodspring, and was lying down to a position to where the blood flowing through the tubes was pouring directly into her mouth. Serana clearly had _way _too much; shown by her rather plump, swollen belly. Waterfalls flowed out the sides of her mouth, giving her an appearance similar to that of a serial killer or possibly the Joker from Batman, and there was a pile of vomit close to Serana.

"She must've fallen asleep", Aug thought. "Dumbass."

"Serana", Aug said, poking Serana's shoulder.

"I... ugh, what happened...?" Serana mumbled.

"You were just gulping down infinite gallons of blood, and you fell asleep", Aug explained, his eyes locked onto Serana's rounded stomach.

"What the... NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Serana shrieked upon sight of her massive belly, "What hap- how- NO! No, no, no, no, NO!"

Tears ran down Serana's face, wiping away the bloodstains near her mouth. Aug knew he had to do something to make Serana feel better, so he said:

"I think it looks kind of... sexy."

Serana wiped away some of her tears. "R-Really?"

"Serious. It just... I dunno; you look kind of nice with it. Plus we have too many skinny people in the gang; me, Rocker, Wyatt, and then we have the obese Fat Dragon, but now we have a pretty pot-bellied vampire, too. Now all we need is a deck of cards."

…

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "Where's Serana an' Aug at, man?"

"I don't know", said Rocker. Wyatt shrugged in agreement.

"FINALLY!" Rocker explained, spotting Aug and Serana approaching them. "Wait... guys, is it just me, or does Serana look a little, um, _larger_ than usual?"

"Hey guys", Aug said, knuckle-bumping Rocker and hugging Wyatt, who wagged his furry, fluffy werewolf tail.

"Hey, hey, hey; what was the delay?" Fat Dragon asked, "Where were you yesterday?"

"We found this -*BURP* miracle in Redwater Den", Serana said, belching halfway through as her body processed the countless amounts of blood; the churning of which was audible. "It's this gigantic fountain, and it pours blood! Endless, infinite amounts of blood!"

"Gigantic fountain", Rocker sarcastically remarked. "Not as large as your gut, though."

"Aug", Serana said, turning desperately to her lover.

"You shut your mouth", Aug growled at Rocker, "I think it makes her look incredibly sexy and beautiful to the point where words can't describe."

"Well you got problems, bro."

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon interjected, "Let's just drop it, before I sit on you both."

"Alright", Aug said in agreement to Fat Dragon's demand. Rocker replied similarly.

"Dragon, could I have a word with you?" Aug whispered.

"Yeah?" Fat Dragon replied, lowering his head so he could hear his miniscule human friend.

"Listen, the whole thing about Serana's belly being sexy… well, I wasn't being completely honest."

"Why?" Dragon asked, rather interested.

"Because you know how she told you and the guys about how we discovered that fountain of blood last night on our date?"

"Yeah…?"

"Well, she became obsessed with it. I made the dick move of just letting her stay there, and now she's completely upset, sad, and emotionally-ruined. So even though I don't think it's completely sexy, I still would like you guys to show some consideration, please. Not from just Serana, but for me. She is basically relying on me, and I'm relying on you."

"Well, why'd she drink that much?"

"Because vampires are obsessive. Her b- father is obsessed with power, her mother is obsessed with keeping her husband from getting power, and apparently this is her obsession."

"What about obsession?" Serana asked, startling Aug and sending him up ten feet in the air.

"Uh, n-nothing", Aug quickly babbled after he crashed back down to the ground.

"Well what were you saying about obsession?"

"We, uh, we was just talking about…" Fat Dragon nervously fibbed. "Uh…, -oh yeah! We was talking about how obsessed Wyatt is with killing people!" Wyatt barked and nodded in false agreement.

Even though she didn't completely buy what she was hearing, Serana went along with it. "So what do you guys wanna do?"

"Wanna go kill someone, Wyatt? Ready for some bloodshed, buddy?" Aug asked, still continuing the lie. Wyatt barked, and wagged his tail.

"I've had enough blood for one century", Serana said, placing her hands on her bloated stomach. "Can we do something else?"

"We could go ding-dong-ditch the Dark Brotherhood's Sanctuary", Rocker suggested.

"Nah. I can imagine an assassin coming after us. Or Ol' Man Festus Krex will start yelling at us, and THEN an assassin comes to murder us."

"We could go steal from the Thieves' Guild… again", Aug said.

"I don't think so."

"Ruff?"

"No, the Companions absolutely hate me."

"Well, what do you want to do then?" Fat Dragon asked.

"We could have a race to the Bannered Mare in Whiterun. Last person there buys us all a round of mead."

"That sounds good", Aug said, "I could always go for a drink."

"Couldn't we all, mate?" Rocker added.

Serana was smirking internally; the reason she added that last part was because she knew that she was the fastest member of the gang, as well as the stealthiest. Even Wyatt couldn't keep up with her, even when he was sprinting on all fours. She was the fastest; the gang knew it, and so did she. But there was deception.

…

"Last one there is a rotten egg!" Aug shouted. "No offense, Rocker."

"Bastard", Rocker growled, glaring at Aug, who smugly grinned in response.

"3… 2… 1… LET'S ROCK!" Rocker shouted. Wyatt instantly started sprinting, and Aug was trampled by Fat Dragon, who yelled, "Hey, hey, hey; I'm on my way!"

"Ain't that the truth", Aug groaned, spitting out broken teeth.

As Aug got back up, he was able to pass Fat Dragon and Rocker, putting himself ahead of the two, but behind Serana, who was desperately struggling to pass Wyatt. Serana was now rather uneasy; because in addition to not being able to pay her debt to her own challenge, this would also be unbelievably embarrassing.

Aug was still picturing Serana in a period of loss, sadness and disbelief if she lost, and Wyatt was nearing the Whiterun stables, so he knew he needed to act fast.

"HEY WYATT!" Aug yelled. "THERE'S A DEER OVER THERE! LET'S GO CHASE IT!"

Luckily, there was actually a deer grazing nearby. Wyatt turned around to see what Aug was talking about, and was thrilled to see that there was actually a deer. Wyatt never attacked humans, and rarely went after live animals, though the animals that he preyed upon were non-domesticated. Either way, if anything made a move on his buddies, Wyatt would tear them to pieces, with few exceptions. Wyatt stopped barreling towards the city, and instead turned to happily chase the young deer, which fled for its life. Rocker and F.D also recognized what Aug was doing, and assisted him in trying to fool Serana, who still went ahead and jogged up the pathway to Whiterun, opened the city gates, and ran up the street, pushing a young girl who was bullying a small boy to the ground.

…

"Well, took ye long enough", Serana remarked, as Wyatt, Aug and Rocker came through the front door and Fat Dragon popped his head through the ceiling.

"I'll pay", Aug said, reaching into one of the pouches on his armor and pulling out some gold. "Drinks for five. Now."

"Well you know you can get off of your lazy asses and get the drinks yourself", the bartender, Hulda remarked. "Here you go, you lazy pigs."

"Aug!" Serana whimpered.

"Who are you calling a pig, you milk-drinking filth?" Aug growled, confronting the bartender face-to-face. Wyatt hopped up to try to break up the eminent brawl, succeeding (Speech increased to 46).

"Man, that running gave me cramps", Serana huffed.

"At least you weren't _trampled by a dragon_", Aug added, glaring up at Fat Dragon.

"Hey, hey, hey; sorry for what happened today", Dragon replied. "At least you ain't the dude I sat on 200 years ago."

"Thanks for putting that in perspective", Aug nodded, raising his drink.

"Cheers", the rest of the gang (excluding Wyatt, who barked) replied, raising their drinks.

Rocker took one of the clean wooden bowls sitting on the counter and poured Wyatt's drink into it, so the werewolf could drink his mead. Wyatt wagged his tail before "kissing" Rocker, his wet dog nose freezing Rocker's skin.

"Aren't you gonna have your drink, Fat Dragon?" Aug asked.

"Nah, you can have it, man. I know how much you like getting drunk and bedding as many women as-"

"-Let's just leave it at that", Aug interrupted.

Serana chugged down her drink in not even a second. "Hey Aug, can I borrow your drink?", she said, reaching over and grabbing Aug's mead, gulping it down, "Thanks!"

"Go ahead", Aug said ten seconds later. "It's not like I was going to be drinking that."

Loud gurgling and grumbling was heard, the source being Serana's noisy gut. "Oh crap!" Serana said.

"What is it no-", Aug began to say, before a blast of cream-colored vomit erupted from Serana's mouth, splattering all over her boyfriend's armor and face. After spitting the remnants of the barf out of her mouth, Serana said, "Sorry", before fainting. Fat Dragon, Rocker and Wyatt took one look at Aug, who looked like he had taken a swim in vegetable stew, and immediately began howling with laughter.

"Well this sucks", Aug said, casually wiping his girl's puke off of his eyes, which had been tightly sealed when Serana's stomach first started rumbling.

…

"What am I gonna do?!" Aug wailed, pacing back and forth with his hands on his helmet.

"Do about what?" Rocker asked.

"Serana's weight! Okay? I've been trying to help her, and you guys are helping me; I appreciate that much, but this interferes with literally everything we do together: she steals my mead and throws it up all over my face, we can't even do love because her belly presses against mine, so I can't get anywhere near her, and we nearly got killed in a Falmer hive, because her stomach was churning and gurgling and making all these noises, and the damned Falmer instantly heard us, even though we were like thirty feet away. And the things are BLIND!"

"Well", Fat Dragon said, "Maybe it's time you tell her the truth. You can't keep this going, Aug. The ship is sinking, and all you're doing is slowing it down. You're going down anyways, so you might as well tell her before this gets too deep."

"Hey guys", a significantly-thinner Serana said.

"S-Serana!" Aug said in awe, "You lost the weight! How?"

"There's a guy in Morthal; Falion, who is a master necromancer. I don't really feel like talking about it, if that's fine with you."

"Serana", Aug sighed, "I'm sorry that I'd been lying to you."

"I already knew you were", Serana said, placing her hand on Aug's shoulder. "You can't undo that, Aug. But by lying to me for my own good, as well as all of the other times you've been there for me… well, that's what matters. We still good?"

"More than good", Aug said, embracing Serana in a _Gone with the Wind_-style fashion. "But… one thing."

"Yeah?"

"I dunno… I kinda liked the belly, despite it nearly killing me and getting me thrown up on."

Serana, Dragon, Wyatt and Rocker laughed, but stopped when Aug said:

"No… seriously."

…

**Yeah! 'Nother chapter finished, and by far one of the most satisfying to write, though I guarantee that further chapters will challenge this one. This one was extraordinarily long to write, but it was well worth it, IMHO.**

**Here's your trivia: Every cartoon, or at least every good cartoon, has the following plots sooner-or-later: a WG (weight-gain) sequence in which one or more characters pack on the pounds (for example, like that one episode of 6Teen, or various Spongebob episodes); a shrinking/growing/resizing sequence (Phineas and Ferb written all over this one); a "journey to the center of -x-", which means like going inside one of the character's bodies (Tour de Kidney, mates!); and a whole lot more that I challenge you to look for. Either way, those are the memorable ones, and the ones that you'll see (or at least the majority of them) in Fat Dragon.**


	5. The Hunt Part 1: As the Night draws in

…

**Here's to those who have watched **_**Dog Soldiers**_**; and a rather fun chapter to write, even more so than "…With a belly full of blood". Also, something that centers on Wyatt, for those readers that want to see more of the werewolf, which makes it worth reading.**

…

"Tomorrow's gonna be that full moon", Serana gleefully told Aug as the gang sat on the hillsides in the moonlight, watching the nearly-full moon as it rose.

"Hey, hey, hey; sure is pretty", Fat Dragon said.

"Yeah", Rocker sighed. "Most of the time the moon's concealed by clouds, especially on full moons. But tomorrow's gonna be exciting."

Aug noticed their werewolf friend Wyatt shaking nervously and whimpering.

"Wyatt? What's wrong, buddy?" Aug asked, running his slender fingers through Wyatt's fur. Wyatt responded by shaking his head and covering his eyes with his bushy tail.

"Something's wrong with him", Aug told the rest of the gang.

"Yeah…" Serana added.

"Come to think of it; I don't think Wyatt's ever been with us to watch a full moon", Rocker said.

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon said, "Why don't you come watch the moon with us tomorrow, Wyatt?"

Wyatt's eyes widened; his head shaking vigorously. Even his tail stopped wagging.

"Poor pup", Serana commented. "Wish he could tell us why."

The gang heard another dragon roar. Serana spooked, leaping into Aug's arms and knocking him to the ground.

"Don't worry, dudes; it's just my dad", Fat Dragon laughed. "What's up, pop?"

"Son, the two of us are going to Cyrodiil tomorrow. We're gonna go raid and destroy some settlements, how does that sound?" Fat Dragon's equally-overweight (even by dragon standards) father declared.

"But Dad, what about the full moon?"

"Don't worry; you'll be able to see it in Cyrodiil. In fact, you might see it better. Let's get moving."

"Man… well, see you, guys". And with that, Fat Dragon and his father set off for Cyrodiil, the ground quaking and shaking as the two mammoth dragons thundered across the plains of Whiterun; Scando the Scaley still pressed flat against F.D's ass.

"Damn it", Aug cursed.

"Don't worry, honey; we'll still get to see the full moon", Serana said.

"Alright. Now, can you please get off of me, now? You've been sitting directly on top of my chest for a solid four minutes, and I think you might've- yep, you farted. Now get the hell off of me."

…

The next day came; and the gang continued their usual mischievous fun, except without Fat Dragon. Wyatt, however, was not participating; instead, the werewolf was standing in place, shaking and shivering nervously.

"Wyatt!" Serana called, "Let's go looking for bird eggs!"

Wyatt shook his head.

"We could go in Whiterun and scare the devil out of small children", Aug suggested. Wyatt refused the offer.

"Well let's go hunting", Rocker finally said, trying to see if that would have any effect. Sure enough, it did. Wyatt's fluffy tail was wagging once more, as he bounced up and down in excitement.

"Well that certainly worked", Rocker said. "Let's go home and grab some gear. Some bows, arrows, crossbows, bolts, maybe a knife or two, and some light armor."

"Why light?"

"Why do you think, egghead?" Rocker rudely replied. "It's so we don't alarm the deer or whatever we're going to hunt. Also good for mobility; that way we don't get bogged down by all of the stuff we're gonna be carrying."

"Right", Aug said, pulling his Dragonbone Mace out.

"Woah, woah", Rocker said, "It's illegal to hunt with a mace, or any kind of axe, hammer or sword. Knives, daggers, bows, crossbows only. And no magic; the last thing we need is to burn the whole goddamn forest down. Go put your heavy gear, weapons and other stuff back home. Serana, you're good to go, so you go with Aug, assuming Isran won't bully you, and I'll go back to my place with Wyatt. We meet back here in one hour."

"Wait; I got an idea", Serana suggested. "Why don't we hunt at night, during the full moon? It'll have that predator-prey hunt feel to it, you know, just being in the dark, using the shadows, and silently murdering animals."

"That actually sounds like a good idea; let's do that! All in favor?"

"Aye."

"Affirmative."

Wyatt was scared of the new plan. The young werewolf barked desperately, trying to tell Rocker that it wasn't such a good idea, but unfortunately, Rocker misinterpreted this as a "yes", so now they were going to be hunting at night, during the full moon.

…

Evening came, and the gang was all geared up, equipped with Dawnguard-acquired crossbows, suits of Dawnguard armor, and a hunting bow as well as a quiver of arrows. Serana, as always, kept her Elven Dagger; Rocker had a Steel Dagger, and Aug was daggerless.

"Everyone ready to go?" Rocker asked.

"Yup; let's do this!" Serana energetically shouted, pulling her crossbow out.

The hunt was taking place in Falkreath; more specifically, the Pine Forest, which was teeming with wildlife: deer, bears, wolves, rabbits, eagles, saber-cats, trolls; all potentially good prey for the gang.

"Let's go", said Rocker. "Aug, you're up point with me. Serana, you and Wyatt spread out and look around, survey the terrain. Who knows, there might be somewhere to set a good trap or ambush."

"Serana", Aug said, "If anything happens, just scream as loud as you can, and I guarantee you I will be there before you can believe it."

"Thanks", Serana smiled, locking lips with the kind-hearted warrior.

"Well. if you lads are done lockin' lips; we've got some animals to kill", Rocker interrupted, drawing his crossbow and loading a Steel Bolt.

…

The young buck stood there in the clearing, nibbling on grass while cautiously scanning the area for predators. Just like animals, hunters would also have to exercise caution when stalking their prey: they would have to be silent, swift and alert. One false move and the entire hunt fails. And depending on the game, the animal might also fight back. Bear, saber-cat and troll attacks were often lethal, with most hunters ending up permanently wounded and scarred.

Something Aug chose not to mention to Serana and Rocker was that he had broken several rules with hunting, starting with using arrows treated with various poisons; which was illegal in seven of the nine holds. Aug had spent months crafting a useful array of poisons and potions that would cause internal burns, intense blood loss, paralysis, and a special type of poison that would cause 10 point's of the animal's health to be drained for a period of 60 seconds. Aug had treated his iron arrow with the paralysis poison, and he took aim at the unsuspecting deer with his bow. Right before he released the arrow, he heard an extraordinarily-loud shriek, which sent the deer packing and a flock of crows to take off and fly away. A moment later, Serana burst through the trees, breathing heavily and crying.

"Seran!" Aug shouted, "What happened?!"

"W-W-Wyatt! He's down by the river, and something's happening to him!"

"Is he injured? Is he dead?!"

"No , but if we don't start moving, we will be dead!" Serana cried.

"You get moving! I'm gonna go see what's going on!"

"Don't!" Serana desperately begged. "His eyes are red, his teeth look incredibly sharp, his fur's all rustled, and he was howling in a menacing way! We need to move NOW!"

Aug and Serana sprinted through the forest, pushing through the thick shrubbery and branches as the sound of a vicious lycanthrope howling echoed through the dark forest. At the top of the treelike, Aug noticed smoke; indicating that there was a cabin or house close by.

"There's a cabin about 20 yards ahead! Keep moving!" Aug shouted.

Aug and Serana continued dashing as fast as they could, eventually reaching the two-story home. Aug tried opening the door, frantically shaking the handle, but to no avail.

"WHY WON'T IT OPEN?!" Aug shouted, kicking at the locked door.

"Go through the window!" Serana suggested. Aug backed up and dived straight through the window. Glass shards scattered all across the floor of the house as Aug quickly scrambled back up onto his feet, helping Serana climb through the window.

"SEAL IT!" Aug yelled at the top of his voice. "GO GET SOME NAILS AND BOARDS!"

Serana ran into another room of the house to look for building materials, while Aug equipped his crossbow. Looking out, Aug saw his long-time furry friend, now in a completely berserk state. A tear rolled down Aug's cheek; he loved the werewolf to death, and he knew that this wasn't the real Wyatt. Wyatt certainly wouldn't intentionally do this. But there were bigger problems; Wyatt had some werewolf buddies more threatening-looking than him. A pack. A pack of werewolves that knew that Serana and Aug were barricaded inside this house, and were going to be trying to get them.

Serana immediately returned with a pile of boards, nails and two hammers. Aug and Serana instantly started boarding up the windows, side doors; anywhere the predators could come through.

"Wait, Aug", Serana asked, "Where's Rocker?"

…

**Well, this sure looks interesting, now, doesn't it? And by the way, I guess it's time I gave some trivia on the characters.**

**Fat Dragon was a mix of the dragon that sat on my friend's character, Scando the Scaley, as well as the infamous Fat Albert. Comparing Fat Dragon to Fat Albert, Serana is the energetic, sly character, sort of like Bill or Russell; Aug is, as stated, named after the abbreviation for the Austrian AUG assault rifle, and is kind of his own character. Rocker is my other friend's character, who my friend describes as the "cheater", who mirrors the behavior of Rudy. As for Wyatt, he's also a combo of Mushmouth (since both cannot speak clearly) and Odie from Garfield. Wyatt came along when I remembered how Odie, despite being woefully-moronic, was a kind, loving pup, and that made me wonder what the Skyrim equivalent would be. The answer: a sweet-heart werewolf who's always licking you, waggin' his bushy tail and hugging you.**


	6. The Hunt Part 2: Let the Hunt begin

"We have to go out and find Rocker", Serana urged.

"As much as I want to, Serana, we can't. Assuming I don't get ripped apart the moment I leave the house, I don't know if I would be able to find him, and assuming I find him, it's a 9 out of 10 chance that I'd just discover his corpse", Aug explained. "And if I die, then you'll be stranded here alone with eight bloodthirsty killers, and I wouldn't want that to happen."

"Well I'm a bloodthirsty killer, too. So I think we could probably talk this out…?"

"We probably… could not", Aug matter-of-factly replied.

"Damn it", Serana sighed. "Well let's go look over how much weaponry we have."

…

"Alright, this is absolutely everything we have on us as well as what we could find in the house. We've got two crossbows with… sixteen Steel Bolts, and three Exploding Steel Bolts of Fire. That ain't too good; considering that Rocker was carrying almost all of the bolts. We've got a woodcutter's axe, an Elven Dagger, two Iron Daggers, and… this", Aug said, pulling out an Ebony Sword from its case, which was strapped to his back.

"An… Ebony Sword?" Serana said in awe.

"Yup; crafted it myself. I like to keep it handy… for close encounters."

"You mean like the thing attached to your body-"

"-Yes, Serana, like that. Now let's get serious. We have one Hunting Bow with twenty Iron Arrows."

"Well we've got all of these deadly weapons; let's go slay some lycanthropes!"

"No, Serana, we can't", Aug said, stopping Serana.

"Why not?"

"Three reasons. One, Wyatt is out there. He's our friend, and he can't control what's happening to him right now, so we might risk critically injuring him. Two, only silver weapons and fire can hurt these things, and I think we should save those three Explosive Bolts for emergencies. And three, there are two of us, and like 8 or 9 of them. Werewolves hunt as a pack, and I'm betting that they are planning or are already set for an ambush."

"So, all of this stuff is useless", Serana sighed in defeat, dropping her dagger on the table.

"There's no need for that kind of talk. Yes, these weapons can't kill these things, but they will keep us protected until dawn, and they sure as hell hurt, I can tell you that much", said Aug.

"Alright, well what are we going to do?"

"Alright, here's my plan", said Aug, sitting down on one of the wooden chairs next to Serana. "We're going to need to use two of these special bolts for this."

"But I thought we were supposed to use them for emergencies only?"

"Do you want Rocker or not? What I'll do is fire one bolt outside, at the ground. The explosion should frighten the werewolves away for at least ten minutes, and while they're regrouping, I'll fire another bolt up into the air. The bolt should explode in mid-air, and that will be the signal flare, so that way Rocker can come find us if he's still alive."

"Alright, sounds good", Serana nervously replied, thinking of the vast array of horrible things that could happen. "Even though I don't fully agree with this, I'll assist you however I can."

…

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" Aug shouted as he left the house, imitating Fat Dragon, "Come on out, you milk-drinkers!"

The pack of murderous werewolves slowly came closer, snarling and growling at Aug, who stood his ground fearlessly. Aug then aimed his crossbow at the ground, and fired the bolt, which exploded in a small fireball. It was enough to make the werewolves retreat, desperately scampering away from the house. Aug reloaded the crossbow, and fired the second bolt into the air. The bolt flew up and exploded at a height of 25 feet. Rocker definitely would have seen it. But Aug still didn't know exactly where Rocker was; he could be two miles away, or he could be right around the corner.

Fortunately, though, Rocker was relatively close. Aug was frightened when Rocker, whose armor and scaly skin had been shredded to pieces, either by a werewolf or by something else (a werewolf).

"Rocker!" Aug yelled, dashing up to his wounded friend, escorting him into the house. "What happened?"

"W-W… Werewolf. Slashed me to pieces."

"SERANA!" Aug yelled, "Help me get him upstairs!"

Serana dashed out the door and quickly helped pull the wounded Argonian into the house before shutting and locking the door securely.

"What's the deal with all these werewolves?!" Aug exclaimed, plopping down onto a chair before clumsily falling backwards.

"It's a full moon", Serana deduced. "It happens at least once a month. Every time one of the moons is full, and if the skies are clear enough, werewolves transform and run as a pack, hunting mortals. When I was little, my parents never let me out of the castle when it was a full moon. They wouldn't even go out themselves. Even from that far away, I could still hear werewolves howling, and I was so scared. My mother had to read me a story and leave a light on just to keep me from creeping out. I'm still kind of uneasy about werewolves- excluding Wyatt, that is."

"Well what's the deal? Wyatt's never been like this? Damned traitor", Rocker groaned in pain.

"Understand that this isn't Wyatt. He has always been a thrall of Hircine, but Hircine's practically controlling him. We can't kill him, nor should we try", Aug replied.

Suddenly, the trio heard the door rattling. A werewolf was trying to get into the house, which was already completely dark. Serana nervously huddled up next to Aug, who slowly drew his Ebony Sword. Rocker was unable to move; however he was able to fire a crossbow from his downed position.

The rattling continued for about ten seconds, before mysteriously stopping. Serana was breathing heavily; this was the most scared that she had ever been before. Aug was also a bit nervous, but was determined to protect his friends.

Another noise was heard, coming from upstairs. This sounded like thumping, which could not have been good.

"I'm going upstairs to check", Aug gulped. Serana looked at him with concern.

Aug handed Serana his sword before picking up one of the daggers and heading up the stairs.

Aug slowly crept up the staircase; his shiny-white teeth clattering in fear of what might be up there. Drawing his blade, Aug slowly opened the door before a large clawed paw slashed the side of his face with force, knocking the warrior onto the ground. Aug nearly wet himself as his eyes fell onto the massive grey alpha-male werewolf that towered above him. Aug also spotted his werewolf friend Wyatt standing behind the alpha, unsure of what to do.

The brute of a werewolf grabbed Aug's head and neck with his massive hands and pressed him up against the wall, slowly choking him. The alpha menacingly smirked at Aug as he squeezed the boy's neck, slowly suffocating him. Wyatt was completely frozen, as he considered his two options: hunt with the glory of the pack and slaughter his only friends, or rebel against his superior and risk getting seriously harmed.

Aug's eyes were slowly rolling back into his head, his face turning blue as he exhaled for what he thought would be the last time, but that was before his friend, who Aug was convinced had gone to the darkside, viciously turned on his pack leader, clawing and slashing at the much-larger wolf in an effort to save his friend from death's grip. The Alpha stopped choking Aug, merely flinging the pitiful human down the staircase before turning to face his traitorous ally. Wyatt and the Alpha were in a brutal fight to the death, and Wyatt was losing badly.

Aug was favored by the gods at that moment, finding a silver dagger lying on the ground next to him. Aug stood back up, wobbling about, before using his last reserves of strength to plunge the dagger into the chest of the monstrous Alpha. The Alpha wailed in pain as the silver painfully poisoned his blood, and the werewolf, now pursuing Aug with unrelenting fury, attempted to slay the worthless human once and for all, but Aug just smiled. Right as Aug was about to be killed, the werewolf attacking him was finally slain by Wyatt, who was starting to snap out of his possessed state. Wyatt ran into the bedroom and growled at Aug, who understood that Wyatt wanted him to lock the door so that he wouldn't risk harming anyone until the sun rose again. Aug obliged, before rushing downstairs to aid Serana and Rocker, who had just finished killing the remnants of their lycanthropic attackers.

…

30 minutes later, the sun finally rose over Skyrim, thus ending the long night of bloodshed. Wyatt had returned to his peaceful state, and licked and hugged his three friends apologetically as the four adventurers walked out of the forest.

…

**Well, there's some action for you. Entertaining two-parter, good for some scares (was going to upload on Halloween but things came up), and something that'll give you a clearer look into Wyatt, and how despite being a sweet, kindhearted pup, he still has that feral animal inside of him, but he fights that, and that's what I like about Wyatt. And as a head's up; next chapter is a sequel to "Terror on Two Legs"; except it involves more than one frightened character, as well as a Daedric Prince..**


	7. Champeen of Meridia

**Meridia. Daedric Prince(ss) with a burning hatred of undead: draugr, werewolves, vampires, witches. Meridia's artifact that you get in exchange for completing her quest "The Break of Dawn" is the Dawnbreaker (ooh, I never would've guessed!), which is a fantastic sword (when you do the Dawnguard main quests, this is without a doubt the best weapon to use against the vampires), but it would be rather interesting if one of Fat Dragon's bunch acquired it… considering how two members of the gang are undead (a werewolf and a vampire).**

**And I introduce another character, created by one of my friends (who also enjoyed the Adventures of the Primeval Kids); the Skyrim version of Timmy from South Park. Mentally-malfuntioning Argonian. 'Nuff said.**

…

Fat Dragon, Serana, Aug, Rocker and Wyatt the loveable werewolf were exploring once again; this time in the Dwemer ruins of Arkingthamz, in the hills of the Reach. Despite warnings from seasoned guards, adventurers, Companions and mercenaries, the gang decided to go about with their plan of raiding what was considered one of the most dangerous places in the province. Dwarven ruins were already extremely dangerous to explore; starting with all of the various traps, flamethrowers, swinging objects, spinning blades, and continuing with the deadly inhabitants, which included Falmer, Frostbite Spiders, Chaurus, and a variety of midg- -Dwarven- built constructs, from tiny robotic spiders to massive 8-9-foot tall Centurions, which were all built to guard their former masters' cities. For many, these ruins were a source of fear and danger, but for a bunch of rowdy kids with an average age of 257, this was like the world's strongest Telekinesis spell.

"Wow, this place gives me the shivers", Rocker said as the gang thundered their way through the dead-silent caves and damaged tunnels.

"You and me both, mate", Aug remarked as he took point with his Dragonbone Mace in one hand and with his reliable Ebony Sword, which had saved his and his friends' lives during the Hunt that occurred a week previously, in his other hand.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Dragon, "Let's split up and see what we can find. Serana; you with me an' Rocker. Aug, you and Wyatt go together. See if you can't find any gems or gold or weapons that we could sell to make some money."

"Wyatt, let's go look over here", Aug said, beckoning for Wyatt to come over to him. Wyatt's tail wagged as the two friends went one direction in the cave, while Rocker, Fat Dragon and Serana went off another way, determined to find treasure.

…

"Come on, Wyatt, let's go look down here", said Aug, who was standing in the middle of a Dwarven hallway. Wyatt came along gleefully, and that's when Aug was hit on the head.

One of the transport pipelines mounted on the ceiling was loose, and as Aug walked down the tunnel with Wyatt, the pipe broke and fell, banging Aug on top of the head, rendering him unconscious. Aug dropped to the ground motionless, and Wyatt panicked. Wyatt whimpered nervously, pacing back and forth; unsure of what to do with his downed companion. Wyatt started howling; instead of being a howl-of-terror, it was more like a distress signal, a lone wolf cry (literally).

…

Aug was still alive, but was unconscious. That was when he heard a peculiar feminine voice speaking to him.

_"You. Yes, you; the one who lays unconscious on the ground. I am Meridia, the Daedric Prince of Life; and you are now my champion."_

"And what does that mean?"

_"It means that I command you to carry out my justice. My previous champion has displeased me, and you are to take his place by killing him and retrieving my sword, which you shall use to wipe all undead abominations from your world."_

"Who is it?

_"Does it honestly matter?"_

"Yes it matters! I don't want to randomly just kill someone! That's how High King Torygg died; a Dark Brotherhood assassin was trying to murder one of the member's of Elisif's court, and he accidentally shot the King when Ulfric Stormcloak Shouted at him and blew him into the assassin's line of fire!"

_"Look, as of now, you are mine, human. You shall do as I instruct: take out my previous champion, retrieve my Dawnbreaker, and use Dawnbreaker to rid the world of all its undead. Do this, and I will be watching over you and giving you my blessings and power. Disobey, and your soul is mine for eternity. Do we have an understanding?"_

"Yes Sir- I mean, Ma'am- I mean, my Jarl-"

…

"Hey, hey, hey; he's comin' back!" Fat Dragon joyfully exclaimed as the gang succeeded in reviving Aug.

"Aug!" Serana cried, running up to Aug and hugging him tightly, relieved that her lover wasn't dead.

"My head…", Aug moaned.

"I love you too", said Serana.

"I need to get to the Statue of Meridia", Aug declared, standing up quickly.

"The Daedric shrine?" Serana replied in confusion. "Why the heck do you need to go to a Daedric shrine? Are you planning to commit suicide? Do you want to become the Tenth Divine or something? Or are you just drugged?"

"Meridia commands me", Aug stated.

"Hearin' voices, eh?" Rocker said, slapping Aug in the face, "That is- that is the stupidest crap that I have ever heard!"

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon intervened, breaking up the argument, "He did get hit directly on top of his head with a pipe, so maybe he has head-trauma of some kind. Either way, he'll come out of it, so just let him do what needs to be done."

"Thanks, Drag", Aug said. "I'm off to Haafingar. I'll be back in a day or two. Cheers, mates."

…

Waiting for Aug to come home was like waiting for their new weapons to arrive via a courier carriage. Fat Dragon, Rocker, Wyatt and Serana had been sitting around Whiterun, waiting for their friend to return- alive.

"When is he gonna return?" Serana pouted.

"Hey, hey, hey! I see him!"

"You do?!" Rocker said.

"Yep, and he's holding some kind of glowing sword. Aug!"

"Yes?" Aug said, flipping, spinning and twirling the glowing sword around with skill.

"What is that?" Rocker said in awe.

"This… is Dawnbreaker. Pretty neat, huh?"

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "That's a cool sword you got there."

"Yep. Meridia gave it to me. She called me her new champeen, which I don't care about… as long as it means I get to keep the sword."

"Neat!" Serana exclaimed.

"Hey, hey, hey; that is one cool blade!"

"Can I touch the blade?" Serana curiously asked.

"Alright", Aug replied, holding the glowing sword out to Serana. "Don't touch the tip for obvious reasons."

Serana slowly placed the tip of her finger on the blade of the glowing golden Dawnbreaker, but as soon as her finger landed on the blade it instantly started burning in serious pain; like if she was touching the Sun. Serana started shrieking at the top of her lungs, her ear-piercing screech sending dozens of birds flying away. Serana dropped to the ground crying, her hands tightly gripped around her burning finger.

"Someone give me a healing potion! Stat!" Aug shouted. Rocker quickly perused his inventory and handed a Potion of Minor Healing to Serana, who gulped down the potion and threw the empty bottle against a rock.

"That HURT!" Serana yelled.

"I dunno", Aug said, touching the supposedly-lethal blade, which surprisingly enough didn't harm him. "Rock, touch this blade."

"Uh… sure", said Rocker, nervously placing the palm of his hand on the sword. To his surprise, he wan't burned by the supposedly-fiery sword.

_"The vampire and the Lycanthrope. Must die"_, Meridia whispered to Aug.

"What's a lycanthrope, again?" Aug asked aloud, confusing his friends.

_"The werewolf, you idiot. You must kill the werewolf and the vampire before they inflict lycanthropy and vampirism on more mortals."_

Aug slowly raised his magical sword and pointed the tip at Wyatt and Serana, who were huddled together in fear. "Meridia commands me to clean all undead abominations that prey upon mortals from Nirn."

Aug started walking towards the two "undead", dragging the blade across the ground. Wyatt and Serana decided to flee, and the next thing you knew, it escalated into a full-blown chase, with Wyatt and Serana running for their lives as their demented friend chased after them with a Daedric artifact that could possibly reduce them into a pile ashes. Fat Dragon and Rocker gave pursuit, the ground quaking as Fat Dragon thundered across the plains, yelling "Hey, hey, hey; I'm on my way!"

Dragon quickly leaped up into the air and sat on Aug, knocking the sword away from his grasp. Fat Dragon got up, and Aug dropped off with a bloody nose and bruises.

"Aug! What got into you, man?!"

"Please…", Aug choked, "I… must kill… werewolves and vampires… Meridia commands me."

"Well tell her to screw off", said Rocker.

"No, you don't understand", Aug begged, "I have no choice. I either carry out Meridia's will, or my soul will be claimed as her's and I'll be damned to Oblivion until the end of time."

"Well we've got to do something", Rocker said. "Can we possibly destroy this thing?"

"You tell me man; I dunno. But…"

"But what?"

"But maybe if we reassigned Meridia's champion to someone else…"

"No, then we'd have to contend with some random crazy guy we don't know or trust trying to murder us", Rocker replied.

"No, I mean if we gave it to someone who was at least somewhat-trustable that we could give the sword and the title of Meridia's Vanquisher to that would have no clue on what to do."

"Like who? Because we can't give this lethal tool to some random wino, or a kid, or even worse."

…

"What are we doing here?" Rocker nervously shivered as he and Aug walked up to the dreaded Thalmor Embassy unarmed. "These are the damn Thalmor. The agents of the Aldmeri Dominion!"

"Just follow my lead, don't do anything stupid, and maybe we can get these elves to aid us."

"Halt!", the guard barked. "Why are you here, human and lizard?"

"Can we please take a look at your dungeon? We need to find someone, please. We'll pay."

"How much?" the High Elf demanded, still unsure on whether to allow them in or not.

"5,000 gold. Half up front; and the other half when we leave. And an extra 250 if the person we're seeking is in there", Aug said, plopping a heavy coinpurse into the elf's hands.

"Very well", the guard said, unlocking the gates, "Just follow our rules, do not do anything foolish, or you'll land your asses in one of the very cells that you're searching."

…

Aug and Rocker, aided by a female Thalmor soldier, were toured the prisons, which contained dozens of imprisoned humans, Orcs and Argonians, sobbing and begging as they were tortured by their Thalmor captors.

"-D-Derpo!"

"Keep moving!" the Thalmor agent shouted, pushing the mentally-handicapped Argonian onto the ground.

"What are you doing to him?!" Aug cried, somewhat angered by what he was seeing.

"This stupid, filthy beast is being sent to the block. He refused to give us the information we demand, and he must be punished for his heresy."

"He's mentally disabled! He can't control that!"

"Which means his usefulness in the world is at an end."

"We'll pay you to release him!" Rocker quickly spoke up.

"How much?" the Thalmor asked, raising his eyebrow.

"2,500 gold. Right now; just let the poor dude go."

"Well, it's your lucky day, you moronic lizard", the bully said, pushing the mentally-disabled Argonian into Aug while accepting Rocker's gold.

…

As Rocker, Aug and their new Argonian friend left the Embassy, Aug turned to their flamboyantly-happy friend, and said, "What's your name?"

"Rrr! DERPO!" the Argonian cried, clawing at the air and waving his hands around.

"Derpo. Nice to meet you, buddy. I'm Aug, and this is Rocker."

"Au- Ro- DERPO! DRRRRRRRRRR-DERPO!"

…

"MERIDIA!" Aug shouted upon reaching the Shrine (which took less than ten minutes to reach), "We have brought your new champeen!"

_"New?! What happened to you, the one called 'Aug', being my _cham-**pi-on**_"_, the Daedra asked.

"I, uh- He-he took an arrow in the knee!" Rocker quickly spat out.

"Aaaugh! Oh, it hurts! It still hurts!" Aug said, putting up the worst fake "arrow-in-the-knee" performance.

"So, that is why we brought this dude, so he can be your champeen, and wield the blade in your honor", Rocker concluded.

"Y-Y-Y-YAAAAAAAAAAA! DDDDDRRRRRRREPO!"

_"Very well, then. This one, whose name I can't even pronounce, shall be my new champion, which is a word that you morons could never attempt to pronounce. Do you accept?"_

Derpo nodded in agreement, before clawing around in the air.

…

So Wyatt and Serana are safe; the magical sword that can burn them to a crisp sits in the hands of a happy, mentally-retarded Argonian. Oh yeah, and let's say they also got an additional friend. Wyatt in particular was overjoyed; being the lovable family (werewolf) dog he was, he was always open-armed when it came to company or family, and having someone who could speak just as fluently as he could gave him someone to relate with. A new best friend, amongst his other close friends.


	8. Missing in Action

**Dragonborn DLC came out yesterday (started writing on 12/5/12), and I am just as thrilled as I was when Dawnguard came out in the middle of the summer. I liked Dawnguard better, but Dragonborn is also very high quality. So in this texpisode, we're gonna be going to Solstheim, the resting place of the first Dragonborn as well as the origin of lycanthropy. I was telling all of my friends that, and I got to thinking, "I'm going to the source of the first Dovahkiin and the first werewolf. I'm beginning to think that Miraak isn't the only thing I have to worry about. Suppose there's like an Alpha Werewolf or something, a whole new breed."**

**But as ridiculous as it was, I went through the entire questline, and searched every square foot of the island; not a single goddamn werewolf.**

**However, just the other day, I not only found the only werewolf pack on the island, which was unexpected, but I learned two interesting things. The first is that the primary reason the werewolves of Solstheim are all but extinct is because the eruption of the Red Mountain (which just mimics numerous volcanoes and volcanic eruption scenes from the Land Before Time franchise) basically covered 5/6th of the island in ash and burned the entire forest down, and the werewolves also found out they weren't the only superpredators on the island: there were wereBEARS, and you can actually find some naked guys that'll attack on sight and turn into werebears. So Solstheim is one hell of a place to explore, and Dragonborn is worth getting. And I'm sorry about you PS3 players that haven't even met Serana yet; I think it's stupid, but I have the DLC, and I'm gonna play it. ;)**

…

"Now LOOK!" Lucan Valerius, owner of the Riverwood Trader yelled, banging his fist on the counter, "You kids come in here every other day asking the same damn question. Now listen! We don't got any Daedra Hearts, Ebony Weapons, werewolf chew toys, phased-plasma pulse-bows, chocolate milk, or Blood Potions! Now git! All o' y'all, git!"

"What a dick", Aug remarked as they left the Riverwood Trader.

"C-C-CHOC'LATE MILLLLK!" Derpo screamed.

"Dude, he's gonna go bananas if we don't get him some chocolate milk. And my stomach'll digest itself if I don't get some blood", Serana said.

"Yo! Guard!" Rocker shouted.

"What is it? Dragons?"

"Hey, hey, hey; what's that supposed to mean?" Fat Dragon asked, wondering whether the comment was an insult or just plain ol' Hold guard stupidity. Guards were basically on the same mental level as Derpo, especially the ones in Falkreath and Whiterun.

"You got any chocol-"

Without warning, an arrow streaked past Rocker and hit the guard straight in the knee. "NOT AGAIN!" the guard wailed as terrified, screaming children, men and women ran for their lives away from the unknown assailant.

"Aug! Get the townspeople and Derpo to safety! Wyatt, Serana, go find the bastard that fired that arrow! Dragon, let me up, and we're gonna be their friends-from-above!" Rocker yelled, giving the orders to try to protect the small settlement. Rocker climbed onto Fat Dragon, who struggled to take off due to his weight being the equivalent of that of ten dragons'.

Aug kicked down the door to the Trader and hustled Derpo, a small boy, a dog, and two women into the building as arrows flew about.

Rocker and Fat Dragon made a strafing run on the forest, blasting the terrain with a concentrated frost shout as well as arrows fired from Rocker's bow; clearing a way for Wyatt to sprint in and attack the hidden foes, backed up by Serana, who was dual-wielding her Elven Dagger as well as an Ebony Dagger she had found on the body of a dead Dark Brotherhood assassin that had attempted to kill her the week before.

Things took a horrible turn at that moment. Pretty much the whole gang was separated: Wyatt was at least ten yards ahead, out of sight; Fat Dragon and Rocker had gone around the mountain range for another pass, and Aug was still herding cattle. Serana stood her ground with a dagger in each hand, scanning around the forest. A twig snapping was heard, and Serana quickly spun around and stabbed a masked, robed figure in the throat with the Ebony Dagger. Before she could react, a stone was thrown that hit her straight in the back of the head- hard- knocking her on the ground unconscious.

…

"We've only got one casualty", Aug reported after the town had been saved. "But one M.I.A."

"What do you mean an 'M.I.A?'" Rocker asked.

"Serana hasn't been seen since those terrorists attacked."

"We gotta look for her! Wyatt! Show us where you last saw Serana!"

Wyatt led the gang up the road that he and Serana had advanced up, but then there was a frightening discovery. All that remained was a dead, bleeding body with a knife thrust into the neck, and more importantly, Serana's Elven Dagger.

"No…" Aug said, picking up his girl's prized blade. "Dammit. Alright, Rocker, search the body. Wyatt, you look around for anything else. I want to know what to happened. I _demand _to know what happened."

…

"Aug! I found something!" Rocker yelled, beckoning for everyone to gather around the body of the cultist.

"What do you got, Rock?"

"This note."

"…False Dragonborn… True Dragonborn… Miraak… Solstheim… Kill the- Oh NO!"

"What?!" Rocker asked, rushing up to Aug and grabbing the note.

"They're taking Serana to Solstheim. They're gonna kill her."

"Hey, hey, didn't you mention Miraak?" asked Fat Dragon.

"Yes, why?"

"Miraak was the first Dragonborn. I was around when Miraak was. He was evil. He ruled the dragons, and he ruled Solstheim. He died, and now these fanatical freaks are trying to bring him back. And it's only a guess, but I think that either before or after Miraak comes back, killing Serana will absorb her soul and all of her power."

"He WON'T return to power, because we're not gonna let Serana get killed. We're gonna save her, we're gonna tear those cultists a new one, and the tale of my foot up Miraak's ass will be remembered in song for countless generations."

…

"We need to hire a boat for Solstheim", Aug said to the captain of one of the docked ships at the port in Windhelm. "Some crazy people attacked us this morning, kidnapped my girlfriend, and arrived here on _your _boat."

"Well, it's gonna cost you about-"

"It isn't gonna cost me anything", Aug snarled, grabbing the sailor by the cuff of his shirt. "You brought these guys into Skyrim from Solstheim. These people tried to kill us. They captured someone and are planning to kill her. You. Are. Bringing. Us. To. That. Island."

"Or what? I'm not intimidated by you, you milk-drinker."

Fat Dragon turned around to show the arrogant captain what the outcome of crossing Aug would be. Upon seeing the crushed-to-a-pulp body of the Argonian adventurer Scando the Scaley, the man instantly agreed to ferry the gang to the old island of Solstheim, off of the coast of Morrowind.

…

**No, before you ask, I would not make the movie of it, unless the story became a colossal hit series or franchise; but I did have the Fat Dragon movie plotted out. Pretty much parallel to the Fat Albert movie, which was a great movie: some kid (like 9 or 10 years old) getting bullied at school each day, he's playing XBOX, a tear hits his controller, and next thing you know…**

**"…And I'm gonna sit on YOUUUUUUUUU!"**

**"And we're gonna show you a thing or two!"**

**"You'll have some fun now, with me an' all the crew, learnin' from each other, while we sit on YOU!"**

**[Rest of the theme song]**

**And also, Fat Dragon does sound the same as Fat Albert. I'm not trying to plagiarize or anything; I write this for my own amusement, my friends' amusement, and anyone else who's come across this and enjoyed it; whether for the Fat Albert elements, the Skyrim theme, destroying the lore completely, the comedy, or all of the above.**


	9. Solstheim

**This story arc is gonna be quite long (not 20 chapters, but likely more than 4); and for one reason: the gang is all on Solstheim, but they've split up for different reasons. Aug's rescue of Serana is obviously the highlight, but expect some sidestories from Rocker and Fat Dragon, and Derpo and Wyatt.**

…

The ship glided into the harbor of Raven Rock, the only major city on the island of Solstheim. The island was gray, both in the sky and on the island; because when the massive supervolcano in Morrowind, the Red Mountain, erupted 200 years ago; in addition to annihilating the whole terrain, Solstheim took part of the blow from the eruption: the entire southern forest was burned to a crisp, and what used to be a lush green forest was now a seemingly-endless wasteland; with burned trees and logs scattered about the landscape, and ash blanketing what was formerly grass. The gang had noticed that the enormous volcano was still erupting: the massive mountain with an even longer smoke was visible on the mainland.

"Hey, isn't this island where the first werewolves were born?" asked Aug, looking at Wyatt, who nodded.

"So you're saying there are _werewolves _on this island?" Rocker said. Wyatt barked; but what surprised everybody, even the werewolf himself, was when Derpo said, "Y-y-ye-ya-yes", and resumed babbling incoherently.

"Wyatt, say this sentence: You'll have some fun now, with me an' all the crew, learnin' from each other, while we sit on you!'", Aug asked, starting to question whether or not they had discovered a way for Wyatt the illiterate lycanthrope to speak.

Wyatt barked, barked, yipped, and howled happily, and then Derpo babbled, "Rrrr, you'll have some fun now, with me an' all the crew, learnin' from each other, w-w-while we sit on yooooou! rrrrrrrrrDERPO! YAAAAAAAAAA-TROLOLOLLLLDERPO!"

"Holy Stendarr", Aug said, "Wyatt can talk now. He can actually talk!"

Wyatt howled in joy, and a minute later Derpo cheered, "YAAAY!" while prancing around and clawing around in the air.

"Welcome to Raven Rock", a Dark Elf city guard wearing peculiar cream-colored armor said to the mismatched gaggle. "We all have a choice in our vacation destinations and clearly you've made the wrong one."

"We came here because our friend was kidnapped. We're going to get her back, dead or alive. Either way, we're not leaving without her", Aug explained.

"Are there any werewolves on this island?" Rocker asked.

"You mean besides the one standing next to you? No, they all pretty much got completely wiped out. If the volcano didn't kill them, then the werebears did. But I'm positive that there's at least one lycanthrope on Solstheim", the Redoran Guard explained.

"Wait, did you say were_bears_?"

"Correct. Similar to how there are men and women who transform into wolves, there are men and women that transform into bears. There aren't as many of 'em left for the same reason as why there are no werewolves, but there is a small group of confirmed werebears up in the mountains. We assume it's the only one, but nobody's been foolish enough to head up and confirm this."

"Well don't plan on us heading up there", said Aug. "But do you know of anyone named 'Miraak'?"

"Miraak… I've heard the name before, quite a while ago, actually. He's long dead. What makes you ask?"

"Like we said", Aug explained, "We were in Skyrim a few hours ago, and we got ambushed by a band of cultists or assassins or something. Although we killed the majority of them, at least one made off with one of our friends, and my girlfriend. The leader's body contained a note mentioning Miraak and Solstheim, and I'm fairly sure that they're correlated somehow."

"Near the center of the island is a large excavation site based around the Temple of Miraak", the guard explained. "We haven't gotten word from them for quite a while, so you'd be doing the town a favor by investigating this. But be careful, kids; this isn't Skyrim. There are lots of dangers here. Ash hoppers, the Reavers, ash spawn, werebears, and a band of pirates who've been searching for some treasure buried across the island."

"Treasure?" Rocker asked, his eyes and Fat Dragon's widening in interest.

"Yes, they're searching for the treasure chests of an ancient pirate king scattered about the shores, and they've also been looking for where the king was buried."

"Hey, hey, hey, Aug?"

"Yes?"

"Uh, is it, uh, alright if, uh, Rocker and I go for a little walk along the beach?"

"You're just leaving me, Wyatt and Derpo alone?! Why, Fat Dragon?"

"Dude", Rocker said, "This is a PIRATE we're talking about. A pirate with buried treasure, and likely a massive amount of gold and gems. We could probably buy an entire town in Skyrim with the money we'd be finding."

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon commented, "The dude's gotta point. And if we find some treasure and gold, we could maybe use some of the money to hire one of them mercenaries to help us save her."

Aug hesitated for a moment. "Alright", he sighed. "Try not to get killed."

"He's talking about you, Dragon", Rocker remarked, elbowing Fat Dragon.

…

Aug, Wyatt and Derpo continued trekking through the ash forest. The sky, the trees, the ground; were gray, barren, and silent. The silence was broken occasionally by the calls and howls of animals in the distance, which echoed for miles. But what was most surprising was when the trio heard a howl. A werewolf howl.

Wyatt howled in response and barked at Aug, which Derpo translated as, "We need to see those werewolves. Please."

"Why?" Aug asked. "They're probably not as kind and cuddly as you, buddy."

Wyatt whimpered. "But I recognize that howl. I've heard that howl before", Derpo babbled, pawing at a torchbug that was buzzing around.

Aug sighed. "Wyatt, I haven't the slightest idea what makes you so interested in these werewolves, but clearly you want to see them as much as I want to rescue Serana. Take Derpo with you; in case you'd need translation. Good luck, guys."

Wyatt joyfully gave Aug a bunch of wet dog-kisses, and bear-hugged him, wagging his tail at an alarmingly fast pace before he and his mentally-handicapped bestie went running off into the mountains, in search of the pack of werewolves.

Aug continued hiking through the ash-coated mountains, desperate to find Serana and exterminate the bastards that kidnapped her. Even if she was dead, Aug was determined to bring her body back to Skyrim and give her a proper burial. That at least would be a benefit of Fat Dragon and Rocker's treasure hunt; it would give them the gold to hold a major memorial in honor of their fallen.

Aug finally reached the excavation site of the Temple of Miraak. Ignoring a Nord woman who tried to talk to him, Aug just pushed straight through the miners, but Aug noticed that they seemed suspiciously brainwashed or hypnotized, which was somewhat ominous.

"The Temple of Miraak", Aug said to himself as he entered the ancient ruins, "Is about to become a bloodbath."

…

Serana had been gagged for a couple of hours as she was dragged further into the catacombs by the masked cultists, who had given her whole new meaning to the word "torture" and were continuing to. The cult obviously had its headquarters in the tomb of their lord, and currently Serana was strapped and tied up onto a bed naked, and cultists kept running up and jumping into bed with her, and well, making hate to her. (Buck-buck number one!)

So another cultist, probably the eighth person, was preparing to charge up on top of Serana and do her like late homework, but Serana had finally snapped at this point; being tied up and being repeatedly beaten and raped by her kidnappers had driven her far enough, though she didn't make this known to her captors. The cultist was preparing to charge, but right then Serana remembered her blessing given to her and her family by the Daedric lord Molag Bal.

She was a Vampire Lord. And these cultists had fucked with the wrong girl.

…

** Sorry for that kind of vivid, disturbing sexual assault stuff if it offended anyone. I add that in because this isn't just Serana getting beaten by cultists of Miraak, but it is far more grim. And I tried to put a positive spin on things by at least adding a humorous (the sexual assault bit is NOT funny) little touch; instead of just beating her and forcefully having sex with her, the cultists are making yet another Fat Albert reference by playing "buck-buck" with their prisoner, proving once and for all that the cultists in Dragonborn are completely daft**

** I also have two shoutouts. The first is a tremendous thank-you to all of the people who like this story, add it to their favorites, comment positively, and so on; this makes me feel really good, and in turn that motivates me to keep working on this story, so thank you guys so much.**

** And it may interest you guys also that I also plan on adding yet-another new character into Fat Dragon's gang. Although she won't be appearing in the Solstheim plot, if any of you are familiar with "ForgetMorals" on .com, she is one of my new best friends, a very sweet, artistic girl (check the rest of her gallery); and her character Mimzi is going to be brought into the story for at least one chapter, but it's highly likely that I'll keep Mimzi in. And if any of you have your own characters, feel free to tell me, and I'd gladly put them in the story if you'd like me to (giving you credit for your OC, of course).**


	10. The Frostmoon Pack

**So as promised, in between the action and romance, here is the first of the two concurrent events taking place on Solstheim. This is focusing on Wyatt and Derpo's search for the pack of werewolves in the mountains. And after this there will be a resume in the main story, and then Fat Dragon and Rocker's treasure hunt, and then the 1-2 chapter conclusion to the Solstheim plot. And then we have the intro of yet-another new character. And even though she isn't my character, for some reason I'm just thrilled to be including her; mainly because Serana was the only female in the gang up until now, and who knows; it could create another pairing, both romantic or BFF.**

**And here's a one-time thing; exclusive to this chapter. Werewolves (including Wyatt) have dialogue, which will be written in italics. So no further details will be given; just letting you know what the hell is going on with italics in lieu of onomatopoeia barks and growls. **

…

Although Wyatt was unhappy that he had abandoned Aug, something in Wyatt's heart told him that there was something unique about these werewolves; aside from the fact that they were the only pack left on the island, which used to be dominated by werewolves up until the Red Mountain's eruption and them nearly getting hunted to extinction by werebears.

Wyatt was somewhat reassured, knowing that Aug was like him: he was a kind, extroverted person, but only displayed his brutal nature when someone or something threatened him or his friends; so Wyatt was almost positive that Aug would completely terminate the bastards that had kidnapped their friend, and his girlfriend. The one thing Wyatt _was _worried about was Serana's status; in these times, a lot of rape and brutal torture was common, and Serana had been missing for nearly 18 hours. But one advantage of being an animal was that his brain was like a lightswitch: when one light turned on, another turned off; so he pretty much only thought of one thing at a time. Right now he was obsessed on finding surviving members of his species on the island. Derpo, as usual, was carefree and just blissfully happy and unaware; which was one of the perks of being mentally-retarded; is that nobody could be as happy as him. Ever. So Derpo basically thought of nothing except the one thing that made him really happy: chocolate milk, but was still intelligent enough to have a basic understanding of the world and other people around him.

Wyatt was also fiercely protective of his disabled friend, for multiple reasons; starting with the fact that it gave Wyatt someone who he could converse with that would actually understand him, their minds were both similar, thinking of little to nothing, and almost always in a good mood. Wyatt had received a friend that he could relate to, and as a result of his werewolf strengths, was very defensive of his friend, who basically couldn't survive alone without friends or allies or family.

Wyatt and Derpo continued hiking up the mountain, and their long march finally paid off, as they stared up the path to a small camp known as Frostmoon Crag, which, judging by all of the bloodstains and mutilated bodies, was no doubt the location of the werewolves, but Wyatt realized this: although the chances of Wyatt getting attacked by fellow werewolves was only about 5%, in Derpo's case it may be different.

_"Derpo?"_

"Ya-ya-ya?"

_"Can you wait here, please? I'm gonna go see if it's safe here, okay? Just please stay here, be quiet and don't move, okay?"_

Derpo nodded.

Wyatt casually walked up the path up to the camp, which, sure enough, was indeed populated by four werewolves; all in their lycanthrope forms, tearing the skin and flesh from the bones of dead elk and Dark Elves. Wyatt was understandably nervous about approaching these other werewolves; for he had never before actually met other werewolves, and was unsure on whether he would be greeted with open arms or ripped to pieces on sight.

Miraculously, when Wyatt walked into the camp, he was greeted warmly by his fellow werewolves, who playfully nipped at him and howled in joy, thrilled that they weren't the only werewolves remaining on Solstheim. Currently this was one of the happiest moments of Wyatt's entire life, and it got even better when the pack leader turned out to actually be Wyatt's father.

_"Son...", _Wyatt's long-lost, gray-furred, aging father barked, stepping up to embrace his son.

_ "D-Dad?"_

_ "You have no idea how happy I am to see you, after all of these years. Welcome to the Frostmoon Pack, son."_

All of the werewolves howled in joy, creating a form of music with howling a lovely melody (seen Alpha & Omega?).

_"Dad... what happened to all of the other werewolves? This is our home."_

_ "The werebears. After that volcano on Tamriel erupted, the werebears rose from the ashes and began their genocidal campaign against us. We are the only remaining werewolves on the entire island. Four of us, now five." _

_ "Oh. Hey, Dad?"_

_ "Yes?"_

_ "I wanna introduce you to one of my friends from back in Skyrim."_

_ "Oh, well, we'd most certainly like to meet him. Which pack is he from?"_

_ "Well, he isn't exactly from a pack..."_ , Wyatt whined, scratching behind his ears (equivalent to nervously scratching the back of your head).

…

_"Dad, please!"_, Wyatt whined, _"Don't hurt him! He's my friend!"_

_ "He's a mortal", _ Wyatt's father, also known as "Beta" despite being an alpha explained. _"Mortals are food for our kind; and we were lucky enough to get this much food. And we can't risk this one you call 'Derpo' going and revealing our location to anyone else."_

_ "Dad, please. He's my friend. Trust him. He's not completely smart, but he's kind-hearted and docile."_

The argument was broken by a loud roar which shook the cavern.

_"Werebears"_, Beta mused. _"Alright pack, move like you've got a purpose. Wyatt, you've got command over the pack. I'll guard the meal."_

_ "Understood, father. And he is not a meal"_ , Wyatt snarled, before he and the three other werewolves in the pack went running downhill to battle their ursine enemies, which outnumbered them 3 to 1.

The battle against the assaulting werebears and the defending werewolves was vicious; blood transformed the titanium-white snow into a horrible crimson color as werebears pummeled and clawed the werewolves and as the werewolves sunk their teeth and razor-sharp claws into the fat mass of their attackers. Oddly enough, Wyatt actually felt good about killing for one. Wyatt had always been empty inside; there was something missing inside him for an uncountable amount of time. But now Wyatt felt like a true werewolf. True, he didn't want to be a bloodthirsty killer, but this felt good for once, for he was in company of his father, who he hadn't seen for a very long time, and he was fighting to defend himself and his family from their sworn enemies.

The majority of the werebears were annihilated by the werewolves, but there was also a pack leader of the werebears, who ambushed Beta and started viciously clawing, slashing and biting at Wyatt's father, who was losing the fight.

In the midst of the fight for his life, Beta failed to keep an eye on the pack's dinner. Not that he necessarily cared at that moment in time, though.

…

In the midst of the violent, awesome carnage, Derpo had unintentionally escaped from the den and was returning back to it now. But this time with some new friends that he had made nearby.

…

Beta was knocking on death's door; the monster bear had drained a substantial amount of his blood, and was viciously slashing and pummeling the elderly werewolf to death; with Wyatt watching, his puppy eyes watering up as he watched his father get slain by a bear, but out of the blue, a spear went streaking past Wyatt's face and struck the werebear right in the ass. The bear viciously roared in agony, trying to remove the spear from its backside, but another spear penetrated the werebear's chest, severely wounding it. Beta now had the upper hand, quickly leaping up to wring the bear's neck with a painful sounding crack which seemed to echo across the island. After Beta sliced his foe's body apart and consumed the heart, he looked around to see the very creature he was planning to kill standing around, cheerfully clawing about, with about half a dozen small blue warriors, known as Rieklings, who had become the Argonian's new friends and followers.

…

_"Perhaps I misjudged you"_, Beta said to Derpo once the rest of the werebears had fled or been slaughtered. _"I'm sorry... for our pack trying to make you the main course this evening. You may not officially be one of us, but you aren't as bad as most mortals"_, said Beta. _"You may not be a werewolf, but you are part of the family."_

Beta opened his arms up and embraced Derpo apologetically, who laughed happily, pretty much not caring about the werewolf's apology.

"rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrD ERPO!" the Argonian howled, clawing around in the air.

_"And Dad?"_ Wyatt asked.

_"What is it, son?"_

_ "I know you want me to join your pack, but my friends... they're _ my _pack. I'm gonna miss you, but I belong to Skyrm."_

_ "I understand. Goodbye, Wyatt"_ , Beta said, hugging his son one final time before Wyatt and the pack's newest friend departed back to Raven Rock to wait for their friends and leave for Skyrim.

…

**So all-in-all this was a pretty good chapter to write. I finished writing it late at night, so apologies if it seems kind of cliché. But here you go, I guess. This was for the most part pretty fun to write, and I hope it's even more fun to read.**

**But here's what currently is my favorite bit of the Solstheim series; following this will be Aug's rescue of Serana, then the comedy segment of Fat Dragon and Rocker's treasure hunt, and concluded by Aug and Serana battling Miraak in Apocrypha and leaving Solstheim with their friends.**


	11. Reunited

**I think this chapter pretty much is summed up like this: Aug goes on a brutal killing spree to rescue Serana, who also escapes capture and gets vengeance on the Cultists of Miraak. And even after each one of their bodies lies piled-up on the ground in a lake of blood, the pair will still not be satisfied, so plan on packing whatever you need to go to Apocrypha.**

**And two things: for those of you concerned about spoilers, while I respect that and identify with you, just know that in every story or video game, the main antagonist ALWAYS dies at the end. Miraak, Alduin, Lord Harkon, Makarov from MW3, Solomon from Battlefield 3, the Prophet of Truth and the Gravemind from Halo 3, the evil Arbiter (evil because there is the "good" Arbiter in Halo 3) from Halo Wars (he's just an intimidating bully, but I still like him and reference him), and the list just goes on infinitely. And another interesting bit of trivia that has a minor role in this chapter is that Fat Dragon still is a dragon. Like Wyatt, he is much more different than a typical dragon, but he is still a dragon. And dragons can be summoned by Shouting their name. And I have Fat Dragon's shout: "Chub-Do-Vah", which, in game, would have a description of, "Hey, hey, hey! I call upon you in my time of need to aid me and sit on my opponent! Now get your fat ass over here on the double!"**

…

"No... please", the mortally-wounded cultist pleaded as she crawled across the ground away from the berserk Nord, leaving a trail of dark red blood behind her.

Aug walked up to the nearly-dead woman, who was weakly crawling for her dagger. Aug picked her up by the neck, and numerous bones were heard cracking and snapping as he pulled her up to eye level.

"My face will be the last thing your pathetic eyes ever see", he snarled, before plunging Serana's Elven Dagger into the cultist's forehead. Blood flew out of the hole in her head, onto Aug's face and armor as well as the blade of the dagger. Aug used his strength to lift the lifeless body and slam it down on the ground with brutal force, shattering every other bone in the body.

Aug knew he was a monster at this time, but he did not care one bit. The gang was his family, and Serana in particular was the most important thing to him. But these cultists had abducted her, beaten her, sexually-violated her, and possibly killed her, and Aug was going to inflict double that punishment on those bastards. And if Serana was dead, the temple would be knee-deep in blood.

The violent Nord continued bashing skulls and breaking bones as he proceeded further into the Temple of Miraak. As blood painted the ancient Nordic walls red, Aug wondered if Serana was still alive or not, or more importantly, where she would be.

…

Serana was alive; the cultists she was clawing and strangling were not. For the first time in her entire life, Serana had used her Vampire Lord power, which had been bestowed on her family centuries ago. To activate this took her a bit of time. Eventually Serana thought impure thoughts of Aug waiting in bed for her, and that's when Serana began to feel her skin bubble and feel something pushing out of her back. Serana rather liked being in her beast form: sure, she was quite exposed with skimpy clothing, and her face could stop a train, but she was powerful. And being in this impressive form with godlike power also helped her release quite a bit of anger that she absorbed from the cult's torture and then redirect it back at them.

The cultists were no match for Serana in her winged, demonic form: one cultist made the dumb move of charging Serana head-on with an Ebony Battleaxe; to which Serana quickly grabbed the handle and flung the cultist across the room, smashing her against the wall. A cultist mage was using fire and frost spells against Serana; vampires were 50% resistant to frost attacks, but were equally vulnerable to flame and sunlight attacks. Serana held her muscular gray arm out and used a Vampiric Grip to choke the life out of the magician, having no idea about how she did it other than the fact that it was totally beast. Serana released him from her grip, and the warlock smashed down on the floor dead. Nothing could match her power. Except maybe Dawnbreaker, which was still in Skyrim, in the gang's clubhouse. Yet another cultist attempted to bring her down, with a Silver Sword, which was noted as being highly-effective on undead, particularly lycanthropes, but Serana knocked the sword out of his hands before he could even raise it. The cultist had a look of shock and terror on his face, first looking at his empty hand, then as Serana lurched in and sunk her inch-long fangs into the side of his neck and shoulder, killing him in the most painful way possible.

Once she had finished killing all ten of the band of cultists that abducted her, Serana exhaled and moaned as she morphed back into her human state; shrinking slightly, losing her wings, her body changing color and texture, her claws receding into medium-length fingernails, and her face morphing back to the way it normally was. And as part of her best moment ever, Serana just randomly burped. If asked, she wouldn't know why, and she wouldn't have a reason.

No sooner than Serana reclaimed her clothing and put it on did Aug came running around the corner, with his mace in one hand and a sword acquired from a dead Draugr in the other.

"AUG!" Serana squealed, more than overjoyed to see her lover. "I KNEW you'd come back for me! I KNEW it!"

"Yes", Aug smiled, running his fingers through Serana's hair. "I wouldn't stop until I died, and if you died, I'd still be bringing you home. Your family hates me, but they're still your family, and they at least should be able to see their daughter's dead body and get closure. Well, except your father; he'd probably just throw it in a-"

Serana angrily slugged Aug in the face. "Right... sorry", he replied, rubbing his chin.

"Where's Fat Dragon and everyone else?" asked Serana.

"They're here, don't worry. Wyatt and Derpo went up into the mountains, and Rocker and Fat Dragon are searching for some buried treasure on the coast", Aug answered.

"Huh. Wonder how that's going?"

"Doesn't matter. Serana, we need to stop Miraak. We're here, and that little prick has proven himself to be very annoying and potentially harmful to the people of Solstheim, plus his fanatics brutally tortured you, which I will not tolerate."

"Yeah, 'cept I redirected their torture back and inflicted it upon them", Serana grinned.

"How?"

"Vampire Lord."

"Mmm-kay... Any ideas on how to get to where Miraak is?"

"You!" Serana yelled to the sole survivor of her murderous killing spree, who was barely breathing and sitting in a puddle of blood, "Where is your 'master'?"

"A... Ap- Apocrypha. Black Book... Hermaeous Mora...", the man spat out through mouthfuls of blood before finally succumbing to his wounds.

"Hermaeous Mora?" Aug asked Serana. "Isn't he a Daedric Prince as well?"

"The Prince of Knowledge and Fate, yes", said Serana. "He's made few direct contacts with mortals, but chooses to present himself as a disgusting mass of slimy tentacles. He also sounds kind of like a whale's mating call when he speaks, from what I've heard."

"Well that guy said something about a black book", Aug commented.

"Yeah. From what I know, Hermaeous Mora's Black Books are able to transport anyone who opens them into his realm of Apocrypha."

"So Miraak is in Apocrypha?"

"I would assume so, and if he isn't; there will likely be some books or knowledge on where he is."

"And, Serana?"

"Yes?"

"I think this belongs to you", Aug said, handing Serana's Elven Dagger back to her.

…

**And so the hunt to finally bring down Miraak once and for all begins. Aug and Serana are venturing into the realm of Apocrypha, and are soon going to be fighting their most formidable foe to date: the first Dragonborn.**


	12. Treasure

**This chapter will likely be short. For two reasons.**

**The first, while I do enjoy writing this and don't plan to stop until at least February (and even then I'm likely to return), this chapter in particular- no, this story in particular just sort of died down inside me, so while this won't be a ten word essay ("what I learned in boating school is how to drive"), don't plan on a three-or-four page document.**

**And the other thing is that I am super excited to be welcoming yet-another new cast member into Fat Dragon's crew; enter Mimzi, the OC Nord of one of my newest friends and likely my best female friend (I am one of those people that has a best male and female friend; nothing sexist), who, again, is trademark of [ForgetMorals] on , so I do not own her, but as a gesture of friendship as well as my own personal interest, I'm incorporating Mimzi into the story, so we shall see how this goes. And I'm adding her immediately after the Solstheim series, which is why I'm in a bit of a hurry.**

**But I am gonna try to put some effort into the conclusion, so there is some hope. And thanks again to all of you who continue to like, follow and add this story to their favorites; it really means a lot to me. :)**

**Oh, and this takes place before Wyatt and Derpo's story, basically right after they all split up.**

…

"Hey, hey, hey! We gonna find treasure today!" Fat Dragon joyfully bellowed as he and the equally-treasure-hungry Rocker began their search for the buried treasure located on the beaches of Solstheim.

"Any ideas where to start?" asked Rocker.

"Maybe the beach? Hey, hey, hey?"

"Alright- wait", Rocker said before stopping.

"What?"

"We don't have a shovel."

So Fat Dragon and Rocker went all the way back to Raven Rock, spent a half-hour picking Nirnroots and other ingredients indigenous to the island and then selling them to a local apothecary before finally earning enough money to buy a shovel.

"I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack", Rocker wheezed.

"You… and me both", Dragon panted.

"Can you stop panting and breathing on me!? You're above me, and you're a dragon, and it's basically like standing on the top of the Red Mountain."

"Sorry."

"Hey", Rocker said, pointing to a group of four animals floating above the surface of the water, "What are those things?"

"Hey, hey, hey; I don't know, man. Let's go check 'em out."

Rocker and F.D. strolled down the beach over to the water where the creatures were hovering. The creatures looked like a mix of jellyfish and a turtle, which was most interesting; in the countless time Fat Dragon's kind ruled Nirn, he had never seen anything like these.

"Hey, hey, hey, little fella", Dragon said, putting on his trollface smile, "Wanna shake hands… or, uh, paw and tentacle?"

The creature raised one of its tentacles, and shocked Fat Dragon with a blast of lightening. "OW!"

"What happened?!" Rocker said, rushing over to the injured dragon.

"He… he _burned _meee! Hey, hey, hey: THIS HURTS!"

"That little piece of… I'll handle this", Rocker growled, raising his shovel.

"Rocker, that isn't such a-"

"TALOS SMITE YOU!" Rocker roared, bashing one of the animals with the shovel. Next thing you know, Rocker is running around being chased by these creatures that are able to shoot lightening from the tips of their tentacles.

"KILL THEM! SIT ON THEM! HELP MEEEE!" Rocker wailed. Fat Dragon obliged, charging up and jumping directly onto the creatures, which were bunched together. But even though the creatures were dead, they had one more card to play; as soon as Fat Dragon's butt crushed them to a pulp, they exploded, shocking the underside of the dragon as well as the Argonian squashed against it.

Rocker took one look at Fat Dragon's smoldering butt as well as the completely-blackened Argonian adventurer stuck to it and just started laughing. Starting with snickering, followed by chuckling, giggling, and laughing hysterically.

"Shut up or I'll sit on you", Dragon said, his butt still hurting from the 450-megawatt (which I assume is high; and if you're wondering why he isn't dead, it's because he is a DRAGON) blast. "Let's just keep searching for that treasure."

Rocker and Fat Dragon continued down the shoreline, passing Horkers which were sunbathing on the rocks standing above the water, Mudcrabs, and other coastal wildlife. But after making another turn, the duo spotted a small camp on the beach about 15 yards away, with tents and boats.

"Huh. I didn't think there was any people out here", Dragon remarked.

"Let's go see if they have any leads on where the treasure is", Rocker said.

"Greetings, my negus!" Rocker announced as they walked towards the encampment. (I say negus in reference to a video on YouTube where a kid thought he had to spell "niggas" in a spelling bee)

"Do you dudes know where the treasure is? Like a map or something?"

As Fat Dragon talked, Rocker noticed something alarming: not only did these people look like escaped convicts, but they were armed: massive greatswords, battle-axes, warhammers, and maces were in the hands of the people.

"Dragon?" Rocker nervously stuttered.

"Yea?"

"I don't think these guys are friendlies…"

"Go for the dragon!" one of the pirates shouted.

"Oh balls! Run, dude!" Rocker yelled, turning and running away as the pirates charged at them.

"Hey, hey, hey; you ain't gonna die today!" Fat Dragon bellowed, grabbing Rocker and throwing him onto his back.

"Well tell that to them!" Rocker yelled. "Oh shit! They're gaining on us!"

Suddenly Fat Dragon spotted another group of the floating Netches. "I got an idea!"

The pirates, which also were attempting to snipe Rocker off, accidentally hit one of the calves with an arrow. The two larger individuals were enraged, and they went after the pirates, who fled in terror. Dragon and Rocker laughed as the pirates were chased back to their camp, into their boats, and cast off away from the island.

"You know, I think I kinda like those things", Fat Dragon remarked as the pirates fled the island.

…

**So the gang (or, more accurately, 1/3rd of the gang) learned something today, and they won't tell you about it in song. But that lesson is that the Netches on Solstheim in Dragonborn are annoying, and very dangerous, but the good news is that they only attack if threatened, so the bottom-line is: do not whack a Netch with a shovel. Or a sword. Or a pickaxe. Or any type of magic, melee weapon or ranged weapon.**

**And don't worry, they're gonna get their treasure at the end. I wouldn't have them get attacked by pirates and electrocuted by jellyfish-turtle-things for no reas- well, maybe I would...**

**Today's fun fact of the day is: going to be revealed in two chapters from now. But it is worth it, believe me. It's a hybrid of my Skyrim character, and one of my favorite movies; which, while being completely different, I've managed to put together seamlessly.**


	13. The First Dragonborn, slain by the Last

**To save some time, I'm not even going to bother writing the script of the entire quest, but to compensate, I will extend the battle against Miraak as much as I can; so plan on 2/3rds or 3/4ths of this chapter being the detailed boss battle against Miraak.**

**And any questions you have, whether about this chapter, this story, or the characters; feel free to ask; I will answer.**

…

"So, you have come, Dragonborn", Miraak remarked as Serana and Aug confronted him on the top of a tower in Apocrypha.

"You know why we're here", Aug said, pulling out a crossbow and taking aim at the first Dragonborn's head.

"Can it, mortal", Miraak said to Aug, "You are not the Dragonborn. You have no power. You are pathetic, weak, and undisciplined, just like this girl of yours; the last Dragonborn. The last Dragonborn, slain by the first. How ironic, yet a fitting ending."

Serana's face burned in rage, with a crimson color: How dare he insult her and her lover!

"The only one who's getting owned is you", Serana hissed. "We outnumber you, and I have more power than you think."

Miraak Shouted, and two large dragons landed behind him. "We shall see who has more power. Kill them. Make sure there is nothing left to bury."

The fight started with the two dragons attempting to incinerate the pair with their fiery breaths. "Get behind me!" Serana yelled, casting a Master-level ward spell to shield them from the dragons.

"What's the plan?" Aug said, trying to talk over the loud dragon roars and shouts.

"Take care of the dragons. He's mine!" Serana smirked, looking at Miraak, who was standing with a sword in one hand and a staff in the other. Right as the ward and the dragon attack paused, Serana drew an Ebony Sword and charged towards Miraak.

The two dragons continued trying to blast Aug, who ducked, rolled and evaded their fire- literally. Aug had also put his strongest poisons on his crossbow bolts ahead of time, so he was more than capable of dealing with two dragons at once despite the fact that he wasn't Dragonborn. Aug fired a bolt at one of the dragons, striking it in its pearl-blue eye. The dragon roared in pain, enraged, and got too cocky: the dragon went on the ground to personally finish off the Nord warrior, which was the dragon's mistake. The dragon was moving towards Aug on all fours, and Aug dropped his crossbow before pulling out a massive sword. The dragon lunged forwards, trying to eat Aug, but Aug timed the jump, and jumped onto the top of the dragon's head before plunging his sword, which was also coated with a custom poison, into the dragon's brain, killing it instantly.

"Who's next!?" Aug yelled, storming towards the second dragon with the sword that had killed its comrade.

…

Serana quickly looked around for Miraak, who seemingly disappeared. Miraak was behind her, cloaked with an Invisibility spell. Serana's ear picked up the slight sound of Miraak's foot hitting the ground and turned around, hitting Miraak in the face; breaking his camo. Wielding his staff, Miraak lunged for Serana, who did a barrel-roll sideways and resumed stabbing the Dragonborn, knocking his staff out of reach before Miraak knocked the sword out of her hands. Serana instantly tackled Miraak head-on, knocking him to the ground. While she had him pinned down, Serana quickly pulled out her crossbow and shot a bolt directly through Miraak's arm, making him release his grip on his sword. Miraak knocked her off, and while he was down, he took the crossbow and broke it with brute force. After he had retrieved his blade, Miraak grabbed Serana by the neck, and laughed as he planned to stab Serana, kill her, and then return to Solstheim and resume his reign of terror, but Serana had another ace up her sleeve: her Elven Dagger, which she quickly thrust into Miraak's chest. Miraak dropped both Serana and the sword as he tried to remove the dagger. Serana picked up his sword and decapitated him, killing him.

"And that's why you don't mess with a vampire", Serana huffed, stomping on now-dead Miraak's face. Serana pulled out both her Elven Dagger and Miraak's Sword, and turned to look at Aug, who had just finished off the other dragon.

…

"You did it", Aug smiled as he and Serana walked back to Raven Rock. "Just like you always do."

"No, _we _did it, Aug. We killed that bastard and saved Solstheim."

"Wonder how the rest of the gang did on their little side-quests", Aug remarked.

…

"Hey, hey, hey!" Fat Dragon yelled as Serana and Aug walked back into town.

"We got him. We killed Miraak. Solstheim is safe, but more importantly, you are", Aug said, smiling and gazing into his girl's eyes.

"Make love?" she blissfully sighed.

Aug and Serana dived behind a large leafy shrub as Aug showed Serana "teh loves". Moaning was heard from both, as well as a lot of kissing.

"Ew", Rocker said, his tongue retching in disgust.

"Well I think it's pretty sweet, hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon smiled. "Making love is a special thing. It brings people together- literally."

"Two things, bro", Rocker said. "First, how would you know a single fucking thing about love-making? You're a DRAGON. They are human... well, Aug is, and technically so is Serana. And second, TOO. MUCH. INFO. I feel like I'm gonna throw up now because of that. I'm just glad I don't have to watch."

A moment later, Wyatt and Derpo arrived, with happy looks on their faces. "Hey, hey, hey; Wyatt! Where was you at, man?"

"Ruff! Ruff! Yip!" Wyatt barked. A minute later Derpo babbled (though not 100% clearly), "We found other werewolves. Wyatt's father. We killed werebears!"

"Nice", Rocker said. "Meanwhile, those two lovebirds are having a little close encounter, if you will. Guys!"

No response; only moaning and kissing noises.

"SERANA! AUG! Put your damn clothes on! We're leaving!" Rocker yelled.

"Alright...", Serana pouted, starting to get dressed.

"Can you help me find my pants?" Aug asked.

As Fat Dragon and Rocker went to go about hiring a boat, a guard came running up to them. "Excuse me, gentle... reptiles, but weren't you two looking for treasure on the beach an hour ago?"

"Yeah; we didn't find nothin; so we ain't rich", Fat Dragon sighed.

"Well you killed off the band of pirates that had been harassing our town, kidnapping people and raiding our ships, and the Councilor of Raven Rock is most pleased. He would like to thank you by giving you two things. The first, is free passage to and from Solstheim, so no need to pay for a ride. And as payment, ten-thousand gold."

"TEN-THOUSAND?!" Rocker exclaimed in amazement.

"Yep. Just don't spend it all on skooma or mead. Or drugs."

…

As the gang sailed back home, eagerly discussing on how to spend the money, everyone had interesting stories to tell. It was a long ride home, but having 10,000 septims and friends with neat adventures to share made it more than enjoyable.

…

**So we are finally done on Solstheim! :D**

**The reason I cheer is because this is where it gets good. The intro to the following chapter will pretty much sum it up.**

**And what'd I tell you? The failed treasure hunt wasn't for nothing, Wyatt met his father, Derpo became pack-kin, and Aug and Serana's bond was blossoming.**


	14. Mimzi

…**And now that we've left Solstheim, it's time for the part I am SUPER excited for: the addition of not only another new character, but the second female.**

**But I have a number of things to mention first. One, this chapter is making a huge dent in the backgrounds of two characters, a background which may seem out-of-canon, but I've worked my best to blend them together and will explain when it is mentioned (not through notes; through character dialogue). But one final thing before we begin: I've been saying it countless times (at least twice), that this character Mimzi is NOT mine. Mmm'kay? I don't own Mimzi; my newest friend, ForgetMorals (actual name Julie, if you check her deviantART profile) owns her. At my own suggestion, I asked if I could include Mimzi, and she was very happy about this. Mimzi does have a different background than depicted, but I bring her in with this major twist, and that sort of sets everything in motion.**

**And a shootout; Julie, I hope you especially enjoy this chapter, and the arrival of your truely-interesting character into Fat Dragon's group. The reason I couldn't give you any details on what I asked you privately was because it'd be major spoilers.**

**Two more things: There is a funny reference that Futurama fans will pick out almost instantly, and that I like saying "Westinghouse M25A1 phased-plasma rifle" (copyright of Terminator), which may or may not have a role in this…**

…

"Dude… I can't believe we have _ten-thousand_ gold pieces!" Aug said, mouth agape.

"Well you better believe it, brohammer", Rocker said. "We are rich now."

"But one question?" Fat Dragon asked.

"…Which would be…?"

"What exactly are we going to spend all of our money on… besides 10,000 septim's worth of skooma, moonsugar, and other drugs and alcohol?"

The rest of the gang had that look of realized irony written on their faces.

"You know what we need?" Serana suggested. "We should buy and build a clubhouse or safehouse, so we can hang out in there, store all of our crap in there, and drink 'til it comes out our ears!"

"Hey, hey, hey; that's a good idea", Fat Dragon remarked. Wyatt barked in agreement.

"But yet another question: what exactly is 'it'?"

"Blood", Serana grinned.

"Well, hey, hey, hey; we're gonna build a clubhouse today!"

"Actually…", Rocker said, "Maybe we don't need to _build _a clubhouse. We'll still need to buy stuff and decorations and building materials, but this way, we'd still have a little bit of money left."

"What do you mea- what are you talking about; 'we don't have to build a clubhouse'?!" Aug exclaimed.

"Well, let's just pay a happy little visit to some unpleasant neighbors."

"Who?"

…

"Krex, get the door!" Astrid shouted. _"How dare they trespass into the grounds of our sanctuary!"_

"Who is it?!" Festus Krex, the only wizard in the Dark Brotherhood crankily yelled, opening the Black Door and stepping outside. The moment he was in the sunlight, Rocker stealthfully took him down without any noise, stabbing him through the heart with deadly force.

"Hide the body", Rocker said. Derpo and Wyatt nodded and dragged the lifeless mage's body into the bushes.

"Can I drink the blood?" Serana asked, giving puppy eyes.

"Uh, sure, as long as you don't get fat again or set off the alarm. These are skilled assassins we're dealing with", Rocker said. "Feed quickly and join us once we set the alarm."

"Copy", Serana said, nibbling on Krex's arm.

"Fat Dragon, stay out here, make sure nobody doubles back. Aug, you're up point. Survey the room and tell me what's inside."

Aug nodded, and began his reconnaissance by creeping silently into the home of the most lethal assassins on the continent. One Redguard with a Scimitar, a woman with a peculiar dagger and blonde hair, an Argonian, a female mage, and a large man with a barbarian appearance, as well as a Frostbite Spider, presumably tamed.

"What do you got?" Rocker asked.

"6 hostiles. An Argonian, Redguard, two Nords, a Dark Elf, and a Frostbite Spider."

"Aim for the Argonian", Rocker said.

Aug loaded a high-powered crossbow bolt into his crossbow, and took aim at the Argonian, Veezara, before Serana quickly rushed up and stopped him. "Wait. Don't shoot yet."

"Why?" Aug whispered.

"Because the Nord with gray hair is a werewolf. If he turns, we'll be exterminated. I'm a vampire, and I know. Trust me."

"Okay, thanks for the info", Aug said, patting Serana's shoulder. "Target locked."

"Fire."

A crossbow bolt traveling at the speed of sound struck, hit and killed Arnbjorn, whose body dropped lifeless onto the flood. The Brotherhood was now on high alert; the gang had stirred the hornet's nest.

"ATTACK!" Rocker yelled as he, Wyatt, Serana and Aug charged into the Sanctuary and started attacking the Brotherhood members. Nazir, the Redguard, was killed by an arrow plunging straight through his neck. The mage, Gabriella, tripped over Nazir's body and was promptly mauled by Wyatt, who then went and killed the Frostbite Spider, Lis. Serana had ripped a hole straight down Astrid's torso, making her die within less than ten seconds, and Rocker engaged Veezara in one-on-one combat and came out superior when his Iron Greatsword decapitated one of his own race.

"Wow… we did it", Serana said in awe. "We killed the Dark Brotherhood."

"Clean up the mess", Rocker remarked, laughing. "Time to make ourselves at home."

About an hour later, the kids had gone to Falkreath to pick up some building materials and decorations for the deserted sanctuary, and returned to the Black Door only to see an odd-looking weapon lying on the ground in front of them. The weapon had a dark gray finish, a handgrip, and a dozen other things that nobody had ever seen before. Well, almost nobody.

"Hey, hey, hey, what is that?" Fat Dragon asked, understandably nervous about what exactly he was looking at.

"This looks kind of familiar", Aug said, grabbing the weapon. Oddly enough, Aug knew how to hold the weapon properly, despite never seeing anything remotely similar to it since he came to Skyrim. Suddenly Aug growled in agony, dropping to the ground along with the rifle.

"AUG!" Serana shrieked, rushing over to Aug. "NO!"

"Arrgh…", Aug growled, tears streaking down his cheeks, "It's all- coming- back!"

"What is?!" Rocker asked, concerned about his friend's condition.

"The War… the future… dragons… extinction… GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!" "What are you talkin' 'bout?" Fat Dragon asked.

Aug started to climb back up but unexpectedly, a masked figure in a ghillie suit dropped down from the trees above and tackled him to the ground. The gang attempted to help him, but the unidentified assailant held Aug at knife-point, threatening to kill him if they made one false move.

"Corporal", the figure said, taking off the mask. To the gang's shock, this person was a female with cherry red hair.

"What… please… JUST STOP!" Aug hysterically cried, sending flocks of birds and herds of animals fleeing.

"Aug… it's me…"

"Wait… is that…" Aug said, suddenly snapped out.

"It's Mimzi, sir. It's Recruit Mimzi."

"Holy- M-MIMZI?!" Aug said, suddenly amazed at what he was hearing.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Fat Dragon yelled, "What is going on here?! Weird weapons, masked assassins dropping from trees, the future, a war, Mimz- what in Stendarr's name is going on here?!"

Aug sighed deep. "Guys. I'm not from here."

"We know you weren't born in Skyrim. You said that you were from High Rock, remember?" Serana said.

"No… I'm not from this time… this era."

"Wait… -what?"

"In at least five eras from now, there's a war. A massive apocalyptic war that rages all over Nirn. The dragons return for the second time, only that they are stronger and larger in numbers than we'd ever expected. I was a resistance fighter serving under the Empire's special forces group. I was conducting hit-and-run, reconnaissance, and other covert operations, just like the one we just did. But we weren't fighting just dragons. The Volkihar clan- Serana's family- rose to power, and joined the dragons' conquest of the planet in their mutual hatred of humans, so we were battling vampires AND dragons."

"Well if you're from the far future, then how are you-?"

"Here? This is the present. The far future has significant technological advancements. Dwarven technology has helped us build more advanced magicka-powered weaponry, homes, and fortifications. We weren't completely technologically dominant, but we were using the knowledge gained from Dwarven machines as well as assistance from experienced mages and talented blacksmiths, and we continued to refine and improve. The East Empire company had by then evolved into the Westinghouse Corporation, and they were manufacturing prototype rifles that fired highly-charged plasma bolts. These laser bolts weren't one-shot kills, but they could take down a dragon in about four shots, providing all of them hit."

"And that thing on the top?"

"A scope", Aug said. "Sort of an upgrade to bows and zooming in with them."

"Wow…", the gang said, sitting down in order to hear the rest of this fascinating story.

"So where does this Mimzi come in?" Rocker asked, pointing to Mimzi.

"Mimzi was one of the soldiers under my command", Aug said. "I saved her life from a dragon, and we became lovers. But the commander of our legion realized that it might be beneficial to send someone back in time to the 4th era. Me."

"Time travel?"

"With an Elder Scroll, yes. I volunteered to join because I wanted to protect my race from extinction, I wanted to escape the fighting; plus I was more than curious to see what Skyrim was like 5 eras ago. It was a relief to be able to escape all of the misery, depression and slaughter, plus I knew that I could handle any situation that might spark the chain of events that lead up to this apocalypse", said Aug. "It couldn't transport more than one entity, so I kissed my rifles goodbye. And it was a one-way trip, too."

"But then how did _she _come here?" Serana asked in an annoyed tone of voice. "And the rifle?"

"Even though I was back in the past, the war still raged, and more improved tech was created."

"And I wanted to see if you were still alive", Mimzi smiled. "I missed you, Corporal."

…

Aug was beyond thrilled that Mimzi was in Skyrim, in 4E 201 with him and all of his friends. But Aug forgot that Mimzi wasn't likely accustomed to the sight of a vampire, two humanoid lizards, and a werewolf. Fat Dragon, maybe, but it'd still scare the heebyjesus out of her.

"So I guess I got some introduction to do", Aug laughed. "Guys, this is Mimzi. Mimzi, this is Wyatt."

Wyatt smiled and wagged his tail every which-way. Mimzi screamed.

"This is Derpo…"

"RRRRRDERPO!"

Mimzi shrieked again.

"Rocker…"

Rocker smiled and waved. Mimzi looked at Aug for his approval to scream. Aug nodded, and Mimzi screamed.

"And this is Fat Dragon."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Fat Dragon bellowed, running in the opposite direction screaming.

"And… wait; where's Serana?"

…

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OMGWTFBBQ! 1337!**

***ahem* Sorry about that, that's just my buildup of how I am totally loving this. This chapter, and the following are gonna be super-goddamn-duper fun to write. **

**Hope you all are as in good of a mood as I am! :)**


	15. Bitter Rivalry

**This is just awesome. And it's plot (or part of it) is reminiscing back to the actual Fat Albert show; where there's a problem themed on various topics kids and teens deal with, and Fat Albert (Dragon) and his gang (future soldier/Dawnguard, vampire, werewolf, stuck-up douchebag Argonian and mentally-handicapped Argonian that speaks werewolf) do their... thing, and solve the problem, and have a good time.**

**But obviously I took a huge leap on the previous chapter, and since this part of the story (think of each individual chapter like an episode; and two-or-more parters being like specials or something) is focused mainly on my newest friend's character, Mimzi, I kind of give her the wheel in the sense that she has pretty much full control (I say pretty much because I sort of find the balance between what she requests and what I have mapped out) of her character's actions, so in a way she kind of helps me write this, so big thanks to Julie. She is a great, great person, and she deserves to get some praise or positive feedback, because she is a great artist, a kind person, and one with a creative mind, which is likely how we became friends so fast.**

…

"No…", Serana wept, hiding away in the sanctuary now-turned-clubhouse; her face pressed against a pillow. "No... no, this can't be happening to me..."

Serana took another swig of wine as she cried. The spiced wine lost its taste due to all of the tears splashing into it, but Serana didn't care. She knew that she wasn't going to be able to let go of her affection for Aug: the two were basically inseparable. They had been through so much together since Aug released her from the tomb she was locked in: they had defeated Miraak, the first Dragonborn; they had raided countless dungeons, animal dens, Falmer hives, and bandit camps; they had traveled to Solstheim; they had survived a major werewolf attack; they were given a disturbing tour of Cidhna Mine; and they had had sexual intercourse- more than once. Or twice. Seventeen times, to be precise (oh hey that rhymes). Serana's sadness and anguish was then replaced by burning fury. This was the man of her dreams. This was the guy that could give her everything she wanted or needed (other than in bed; wink-wink), and she wasn't going to let this bitch from the future ruin the rest of her life.

…

"I don't know what to do, Fat Dragon", Serana sniffled. "He hasn't talked to me OR made love to me since that... Mimzi showed up."

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "She seems pretty nice to me."

"To you. But she's stealing Aug from me!"

"Well, why don't you talk about it?" Dragon suggested.

"I am right now."

"Not with me; with them. With Aug, and then with Mimzi."

"Are you drunk? I'm NOT talking to Mimzi. She's ruined my life", Serana huffed, stomping her foot on the ground.

"Well...", Fat Dragon pondered, "Maybe you need to be assertive."

"And what does that mean again?" Serana asked.

"Assertive means to sort of push through; to not be held back or intimidated or challenged. If you just stay back in the shadows watching from afar, Aug ain't gonna notice you. You can't keep waiting for him to talk to you; you've gotta talk to him."

"You're... right", Serana sighed. "Thanks, Fat Dragon."

…

"Woo-hooh!" Aug cheered joyfully as he and Mimzi prowled around the Whiterun plains, blasting animals with their plasma rifles for fun. "I missed these damn things."

"I know", Mimzi said. "It's a highly-effective rifle; mainly intended for dealing with attacking dragons, but it works equally well on burning a hole through anything that's foolish enough to cross our path."

"Hey Aug", said Serana, "Do you wanna, I dunno, do something?"

"Like...?

"Maybe, like, uh, going raiding or something? Or getting a bite to eat?"

"Okay...", said Aug.

"Aug, c'mon, let's go kill a mammoth!" Mimzi said, pointing to a lumbering mammoth, "I'd love to see how well one of these work against mammoths", Mimzi said glaring at Serana for half a second before tugging at Aug's arm like a kid at an amusement park.

"Aug; come on! There are some bandits in a burial crypt that only I know how to get to", Serana said, her eyebrows locked as she glared angrily at Mimzi.

"Aug-"

"Screw off!" Serana aggressively growled at Mimzi, who was now staring her down.

"NO!" Mimzi yelled, dropping her rifle onto the ground and clenching her fists.

"You stupid stuck-up futuristic piece of-"

Next thing you knew, a fight broke out: dust was swirling around, Serana and Mimzi's mouths were foaming, growling was heard, and yells and curses were shouted as the two girls viciously bit and kicked the crap out of each other. Aug yelped right before the catfight started and dove out of the way to ensure that he wouldn't be turned into a scratching post. The rest of the gang rushed over to break up the fight; Wyatt and Rocker grabbed and held back Serana, whose hair was messed-up, her eyes were red, and her mouth was foaming as she tried to continue attacking Mimzi. Aug and Fat Dragon dashed over to pull Mimzi out; Mimzi also put up quite a fight, kicking Aug and Fat Dragon in a variety of places where it would hurt like hell to get kicked, and desperately squirming around, trying to escape their grasp and grab her M25A1.

"Knock 'em out", Aug yelled, "STAT!". Derpo picked up a rock and threw it, trying to aim for the top of the head; unfortunately it hit Serana directly in the face, but she was still knocked into unconsciousness. Fat Dragon smashed Mimzi with his large tail, causing her to drop to the ground motionless as well.

…

"Where is she!" Serana hissed two hours later upon waking up in the clubhouse. "Where is that little boyfriend-stealing bitch?!"

"Serana", Rocker said, "I know you don't exactly like this newcomer's arrival and all, but… this is just ridiculous. Ridiculous, uncivil, and concerning."

"Coming from you", Serana grumbled.

"Serana, listen to me. Mimzi is in Whiterun getting medical care. You viciously attacked her first, you snapped her arm, broke her foot, knocked at least five teeth out, and the mages are basically fining us half of our gold to fix her up. _Not _cool." Wyatt shook his head in agreement, making an "uh-uh" grunting noise.

"But… but she…"

"Serana, stay in the Sanctuary until we tell you to."

"Why?" Serana said, "You're not my mom, you know."

"Well, we've got three options here, Serana: one, is you can sit here and drink a tall glass of sit-the-fuck-down-and-shut-the-fuck-up, the second is that I can tell your parents-"

"Pff", Serana huffed, "I'm not a-scared of them; matter of fact if you try to go up there you'll likely be attacked on sight."

"Okay", Rocker shrugged, "And our last option is I can tell Fat Dragon."

Serana's pupils widened tremendously. "No. Don't."

"He is gonna sit on you if you don't stay here. Hard."

"Fine…"

…

"What the hell _was _that _abomination_?!" Mimzi angrily remarked as she woke back up after the long magical healing process. "And more importantly, why didn't you blast it apart?!"

"Don't call her an abomination", Aug said sternly. "Her name is Serana and she's-"

"Oh, so _it_ is a _'she'_? How very interesting!" Mimzi sarcastically replied.

"Hey, hey, hey; don't be that way", Dragon added. "_She _is our friend…"

"And my girlfriend", Aug added. "Mimzi, I know how much you missed me, and I really missed you too. But do you know how badly it hurts, watching the two girls you would die without getting into a bloody fight to the death? It hurts way worse than all of the injuries you both got, combined."

"Girlfriend or not, I still want her dead."

"Mimzi, I'm gonna arrange for you to stay here for the night", said Aug. "You're still badly injured, and we don't have the clubhouse all set up yet. I'll come for you in the morning, alright? Good night", Aug said, kissing Mimzi on the cheek.

…

**So who do you feel sorry for more? Who do you think Aug is gonna end up with? And I wonder what the gang- or at least, the male majority of the gang- is gonna do about this?**

**All-in-all; very fun to write. Emotion kind of runs the show here, but in the end there's a high chance that there will be a happy (more or less) ending for everybody. But what happens before that is what's really got me interested.**


	16. The Plan

**Well here they go, making some plans to reunite not only the two enraged girls with their eyes on Aug, but reuniting Aug with the two girls that he had given his heart to. So here's the conclusion.**

**And another thing that gives you this nice feeling and nice memories of Fat Albert is that the gang not only has a clubhouse, but a court with special, important meetings on occasion; mainly to discuss the solution to any obstacles faced, or to make plans and arrangements to raid a dungeon, or to debate on how to spend extra gold pieces.**

**And I use a hilarious phrase that was born in my graphic design class; not too much details, but in case you read a name that isn't mentioned in the story, I am letting you know now.**

**By the way, anybody want some bacon? 'Cause Rocker cooks the **_**best **_**bacon this side of Cyrodiil.**

...

"This super-secret meetin' of Fat Dragon's Dungeon Destroyers will now come to order", Fat Dragon announced to Rocker, Aug, Derpo and Wyatt, who were having a secret club meeting in a hidden cave used as their former clubhouse to discuss the situation between the two girls.

"We've got to come up with a plan tonight", Aug said. "Because tomorrow, Mimzi and Serana are going to awaken, fight to the death, and relentlessly pursue me."

"Isn't that a little bit exaggerated?" asked Rocker.

"Judge Dragon, may you please put your input on the situation?" Aug asked.

"Alright, Aug does have a point; if left untreated, this could tear apart the club and end with someone gettin' seriously hurt, both physically and emotionally. Court, what is your opinion on all of this jazz, and do we have any ideas on a solution?" Dragon asked, banging his tail on the floor (sort of the equivalent of the mallet or whatever that fucking thing that the judge uses is called [apologies if this court scene sucks; because I am unfamiliar with... pretty much everything]).

"Your honor", Rocker asked, standing up, "I think I may have an idea."

"All rise", Fat Dragon bellowed. "Except for you, Wyatt; you can still lay on the ground." Wyatt smiled and wagged his tail, and looked up to Rocker, waiting for what he was about to say.

"Ahem", Rocker coughed, clearing his throat so he could speak clearly, "Now everyone, what I am about to suggest may start another problem, but hopefully one that isn't as bad as the one our club is currently experiencing."

"Which would be?" Aug asked.

"If we got them on the same side, then maybe they'd realize that they could at least be friends, maybe besties. Look, what I'm saying is that we just be completely rude, obnoxious and annoying; and when they're pissed at all of us, both of them will have a mutual hatred of us", Rocker explained.

"Now Rocker", said Fat Dragon, "This plan of yours; it's a good one, but one question I have that I'm positive others agree with is, so first of all we're takin' a huge risk: first of all, it might not work, and then we won't be able to solve the problem. And if by some miracle it _does _work, then we're gonna have to deal with them ganging up on us."

"Fat Dragon", Rocker sighed, officially not caring about the "court" anymore, "You like solving problems, helping people, and repairing broken hearts and friendships. So ask yourself this: would you rather have Serana and Mimzi emotionally and physically scarred and hurt and feeling hopeless, wanting to either kill themselves, starve themselves to death, or eat excessively, or would you rather have the two girls be friends at our expense? It's all about sacrifices, my friend; only this time we're sacrificing something larger than Skyrim itself, in order to repair hurt feelings and broken hearts."

Fat Dragon paused for a while, thinking about what Rocker was saying. At long last he made his decision. "Rocker, would you please explain your plan to the fellas?"

"Alright, so tomorrow", Rocker began, "Aug and Fat Dragon are gonna go back to Whiterun and bring Mimzi back, and Wyatt, Derpo and I are going to go wait for Serana. Once Serana's up; Wyatt, hope you're ready for some exercise, boy, because you're goin' for a walk with Serana."

"A walk?" Aug asked.

"Well, when I say 'walk', I mean 'ambush'", Rocker said. "Derpo and I are going to get some rocks and sticks and other stuff and when Wyatt and Serana are coming up the road, Wyatt will quickly run away, and the second she turns around to see where he's ran off to, we pelt her with rocks."

"_ROCKS?!_" Aug exclaimed, "Are you nuts?"

"I'm not nuts, idiot. I'm saying we sort of deliver the message somehow, and that might get this plan working. And Serana will have more painful things than rocks and sticks to deal with if we don't do this properly and efficiently."

"Ah-ah?" Derpo said, flimsily raising his hand.

"Derpo?"

"Wyatt told me- he- he- he said that uh, uh, he don't wanna hurt Serana. An', an' he don't want you to, either", Derpo said. Wyatt shook his head in agreement.

"Wyatt", Fat Dragon said, banging his tail to get everybody's attention, "I understand that you don't want nobody to get hurt, but if we don't do this, then _everyone's _going to be hurt severely."

"_Aww..._", Wyatt moaned.

"You may continue with explaining the plan, Rocker", Fat Dragon said.

"Thank you. But, as I was saying, me, Wyatt and Derpo are going to take care of Serana, and Aug and Fat Dragon are going to deal with Mimzi. Aug, you're gonna be taking Mimzi on a happy little picnic or date- your pick. And Fat Dragon is gonna come and sit on her."

"NO", Aug said, banging his fist on the table, "I thought it was cruel enough throwing rocks and sticks at our own friend, but now we're gonna get a dragon to sit on someone who I haven't seen in years that has missed me for twice that length? Forget it."

"Aug", said Rocker, "Do you really want the two girls that you would do anything to protect killing and hurting either themselves or eachother, all for winning your heart? And you're devastated by this, too. I'm not trying to be a dick, bro, but I- we all know that you're basically crying inside. And this is the only way we can help you. Please. Have faith in me. Have faith in Fat Dragon. Have faith in Wyatt and Derpo. Have faith in yourself."

Aug sighed deeply, shedding a single tear. "Please be careful. Don't hurt them too badly."

…

"Sure was nice of you to take a little walk with me, Wyatt", Serana smiled as she and Wyatt went for a nice walk through the Pine Forest in Falkreath Hold.

"Yap!", Wyatt barked as he trotted alongside Serana.

"Sure is good to at least have someone who understands why I hate that bitch from the future with me to talk to", she smiled.

There were a ton- well not a _ton_, but quite a few rabbits nearby. "I noticed that you're not going crazy chasing after all of these rabbits", Serana remarked. "Kind of strange, but it's a good improvement."

Wyatt nodded in agreement, but the innocent little brown rabbits sitting defenselessly nibbling on clover was extreme torture for Wyatt. But what prevented Wyatt from going after the bunnies was the fact that his loyalty to his friends was more important than chasing stupid ol' rabbits.

"I admit, I am slightly confused on why you suddenly became interested in me all of a sudden", said Serana, "But it's still really nice of you nonthe-"

A barrage of rocks came hailing from the trees and hitting Serana. Wyatt ditched her and sprinted away into the woods. Masked figures jumped down (well, one jumped, and the other just fell out of the tree) and ran off in the same direction as Wyatt.

"You got _**Wayne'd**_!" Rocker yelled, running into the treeline, away from the road. Derpo and Rocker sprinted as far away from Serana as possible, joining up with Wyatt, who was panting vigorously. Rocker removed his hood, and Derpo merely swirled around and collapsed onto the ground in exhaustion.

Serana was hurt and confused. She was sad; with a few tears running down her bruised cheeks and landing on her scratched breasts (the top of 'em, at least), but more importantly, she was wondering what the fuck just happened. She was going for a stroll with her werewolf friend before she was gunned down with a hail of hard rocks, pinecones and sticks, dropping to the ground in pain as she watched the assailants flee the crime scene.

But most importantly: who the hell shouts, "You got Wayne'd!"?

…

"Aug", Mimzi blissfully sighed, holding hands with Aug as they finished their lunch on the plains of Whiterun, "I missed you. So much."

"Me too, Recruit", Aug said.

"I was promoted to 'Private' before I left", said Mimzi. "But I guess that doesn't really matter now, right?"

"Well it still is our duty", said Aug. "We're soldiers, and I volunteered to travel back to see if there was any way I could stop the eminent war. I was in my early 20's back then; but time-travel takes you back a few years in your age, so even though in Varrock, I was in my late-30's, I was de-aged by about 17 years. Hey, uh, I gotta go take a leak; I'll be right back."

"Okay...", Mimzi said. "Can you at least go behind a bush or tree or something this time?"

"Sure", Aug said.

Before Aug could even take off his armor and clothes, something with the weight equal to about ten freight-trains crashed down on top of Aug.

"_**OW!**_" Aug shouted.

"Hey, hey, HEY! Did I get her? Did I get her?"

"No, you dumbass! You sat on _me_! Fuckin' _**idiot!**_ You were supposed to sit on _her_!"

"But I thought that was-"

"I was going to take a piss", Aug growled, climbing back up. "I was standing upright. Girls don't stand when they pee, retard! Or at least, most of 'em. Now go do your thing, except not on ME this time!"

Fat Dragon sprung up like a frog and came crashing down on top of Mimzi. "Did I get her?"

"...Yep."

…

Serana and Mimzi were both filled with rage; between getting sat on by a dragon and getting "Wayne'd", the two girls were ready to call it a day when they ran into eachother at the new clubhouse. Rather than verbally opening fire on eachother, both girls took a look from head-to-toe of the other, and asked, "What happened to you?" simultaneously.

"You first", Serana said, trying to get a twig out of her hair.

"I got _sat on _by a _DRAGON_", Mimzi growled, popping her neck. "And you?"

"Apparently I got 'Wayne'd'; whatever the hell that means. I basically got bombarded by rocks, stones, clumps of dirt, sticks and twigs."

"That sucks", Mimzi said. "Sorry to hear that."

"Thanks", Serana smiled, "So how badly did getting sat on by a dragon feel?"

"You have no idea", Mimzi laughed, opening the Black Door. "You first."

"No, you go; I insist."

"How about we go in together?"

"Works for me", said Serana.

Upon entering their clubhouse, the two girls were surprised to see the rest of their moronic, silly pals waiting for them in the now-finished clubhouse, which looked spectacular with all of the new racks, chests, tables, banners and paint jobs.

"Oh wow, this is... amazing!" Serana said.

"Oh I know what the ladies like", Rocker grinned.

"Yeah, and what they like is anybody-but you."

"Son of a...", Rocker hissed.

"Guys?" Aug nervously asked, stepping up to the two girls.

"Yes?"

"Look, I know you both want me, and I'm really sorry I had to do all of this-"

"Wait... why'd you do that?" Mimzi asked.

"Don't you see?" said Aug, "You two are capable of being friends with one-another. You didn't think you could, but after dealing with the same bullshit, you realized that you both shared a common enemy: Rocker."

"Yeah- wait, what?" Rocker said.

"My point is, is that I... I want to be with Serana", Aug sighed. Serana squealed with joy and latched onto Aug, with Mimzi looking like she might cry.

"...But, Mimzi, you are now part of our club, our gang, our family. And we may not be officially a couple, but always know that I care about you and value you. You, Serana, and all of the others. And you're gonna meet a great man soon, I just know it."

Mimzi, Aug and Serana group-hugged eachother tightly, smiling and crying. Wyatt came over and joined the hug, hugging their legs. Derpo was also forcefully inducted into this warm moment, and Rocker shrugged and joined as well.

"Hey, hey, hey! Group hug today!" Fat Dragon cheered, joining the hug- from above.

…

**Well, *sniff*, they did it. The gang is now basically a family, Aug hooked back up with Serana, got closure with his romantic interest in Mimzi but still held onto his interest in her as a close friend, and Fat Dragon did it all. Everybody's happy... except for Rocker, who was beat up and stoned by Serana and Mimzi as payback for orchestrating the bad things that had happened to them.**


	17. Wabbajackoff

**So following Mimzi and Serana befriending eachother, to celebrate their new best-friend-forever relationship we have another little run-in with a Daedric Prince! I know everyone loves Sheogorath; I like him too, but more importantly, Sheogorath is my excuse to perform pretty much all of the TV "acts"; vore, growing/shrinking, switching bodies, completing crazy, insane puzzles, time-travel... you get the idea. In other words, Total Drama... Skyrim. Well not really, but let's just say that most of this is sort of like fear-factor stuff. And you'll see why soon. Very soon...**

**And by the way I hope I haven't ruined this by having characters and technology from the future, such as chainsaws. And yes, there is a chainsaw in this chapter.**

…

"So seriously, though", Serana asked as the gang walked through Solitude that evening, "Where did you come up with 'You got Wayne'd'?"

"Eh... ...I don't know", said Rocker.

Suddenly a Dark Elf with large, black eyes came running up to the seven kids. "Please! You've gotta help me!"

"What's up with you?" Mimzi asked, giving the madman peculiar looks.

"My master... please, you've gotta get my master to come back!" the Elf pleaded.

"Mast- what are you; like his little buttslave or something?" Rocker asked. "You need to chill out, bro."

"P-Please. I need you to talk to him! Ask him to return!"

"Very well; where is he?" Aug said.

Suddenly, Fat Dragon and the gang were teleported somewhere, eventually ending up in a small clearing with a long table filled with food and wine.

"Aye, good to meet ye!" the man with gray hair sitting in a fancy chair cheered.

"Um... where are we, exactly, Mister Pirate... guy?" Mimzi asked, looking around.

"Welcome to my personal world", the man laughed. "Oh, and watch yer tongue; you're speaking to Sheogorath! The Daedric Prince... of Madness!"

"_Look_, Captain Cutler", Aug said, stepping forwards and aiming at Sheogorath with his new M25A1, "Some crazy dude was begging us to tell you to come back home. We asked where you were, and then we were brought here. We. Want. Out. Now."

"Ah, don't dismiss it just yet, me boy", Sheogorath laughed, "Tell you what: I'll make ye a deal, kids. You complete my challenges, and I'll let ye go, AND, give you... THE WABBAJACK! Hahah!"

"The what?" Aug asked.

"Never mind that for now", said Sheogorath. "Five of you are gonna be challenged, so pick your contestants."

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "Our buddy Derpo is disabled, and Wyatt isn't exactly able to compete, either."

"Very well, then", Sheogorath smiled, "You five shall compete in challenges. The dragon, the vampire hunter, the vampire, the lizard, and the female soldier."

"And what are these challenges, exactly?"

"You. The dragon. I know about that lizard stuck to yer underside, but how do you think you would feel if you were about to get sat on?"

"I don't know", Fat Dragon said. Sheogorath snapped his fingers and Fat Dragon vanished.

"What the hell did you just do?!" Rocker yelled.

Sheogorath laughed, much to Rocker's anger. "Don't worry, boy; there's a-plenty to go around!"

"Plenty of what?"

"Ye have yerself a fear of chickens, eh?"

"Wait- no I _don't_!" Rocker said, despite secretly being terrified of chickens, and birds in general.

"To the coop with you!" Sheogorath heartily laughed, sending Rocker to another unknown location.

"Seriously, where are they?!" Serana asked angrily.

"Don't worry, madame, they're safe. For now. But you had gotten badly burned by that sword that my good friend Meridia gave to the one called 'Aug'; correct?"

"I... don't want to talk about it. Hell, I don't even want to _think _about it!" Serana said.

"Oh, you forgot about it, but it didn't forget about you", Sheogorath smirked, making Serana disappear with the snap of his fingers.

"You, the warrior, the vampire slayer", Sheogorath said.

"That's Aug to you, dipshit."

"Very well then", said Sheogorath. "Aug, is it not true that you have a little more than just a fetish for... stomach?"

Mimzi giggled. "Shut up", Aug said, glaring at Mimzi, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Ooh, but I do", Sheogorath chuckled. "You want some belly, and you got it."

"What-", Aug began to say before disappearing in the blink of an eye.

"...And you", Sheogorath said, looking at Mimzi, "I can tell yer not from here, are ye? That you teared a hole through time and climbed through it?"

"Yeah. What's it to you?" Mimzi said, placing her hands on her hips.

"You came back not because you wanted 'Aug'; but because you wanted to escape the war in your time, correct?"

"Yes...?"

"You could run from the war, but ye couldn't hide from it. Off ye pop!"

"So", Sheogorath said to Derpo and Wyatt once Mimzi was sent into the unknown, "You two hungry?"

…

Fat Dragon was transported into a forest... a familiar forest. He was back in Skyrim! So he thought...

"Hey, hey, hey!" Fat Dragon yelled, "I'm home, man!"

"So ye think", said Sheogorath, who appeared right behind him. "Tell me, does this forest look... familiar?"

Fat Dragon was thinking for a moment, but then something frightening struck him:

This was the same forest that he first sat on Scando the Scaley in.

"Best advice? _Run!_" Sheogorath cackled, teleporting away. An extremely loud "hey, hey, hey!" was heard, shaking the trees and the ground.

"Uh-oh…", Fat Dragon choked.

…

Rocker dropped head-first into a grassy paddock, outside of what appeared to be Whiterun. "Hey", Rocker smiled, "I'm home. I'm safe! And no chick-"

"Buckawwwwwwk!" a chicken behind Rocker clucked.

As Rocker screamed at the top of his lungs, his eyes popping out, Sheogorath appeared and said, "Who's the chicken now?", before teleporting to his next victim.

…

Aug was transported somewhere very dark and slimy, with the scent of death and blood lingering in the air. Aug could hardly see, and was a bit scared when Sheogorath popped up next to him.

"'Ello, boy", Sheogorath grinned. "So, tell me; are ye feelin'… I dunno, a bit sick to your _stomach_?"

"Yea", Aug said, feeling really sick.

"I'm pretty sure she feels the same way that you do."

"What do you mean, _she_?" Aug asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Ye wanted belly, boy; you've got it."

Aug pieced it together for a brief second before shouting in fear. "What!- Why, why you put me in here? Gimme _ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut_!" Aug whined.

"No", Sheogorath chortled, "You're not allowed to play ever again. Toodles."

"Play what? Wait- don't leave me you son of a- NO!"

Sheogorath disappeared, laughing wildly along the way as Aug was left for dead inside the stomach of Serana. "ARRG!" Aug roared in frustration, punching and kicking and doing combo moves on the stomach walls, which did nothing except get Aug covered in mucous and saliva. His dream had come true; but the problem with it was that it was in nightmare-format.

…

Mimzi was also dropped into territory that she was unhappy and frightened with: the scorched, smoldering ash-covered battlefields from the future, darkened skies, and roars in the distance followed by electronic pulse blasts and explosions. She had been sent back to the future, the future that she went back to prevent.

"Buckle up, soldier", said Sheogorath, who was dressed in Westinghouse Resistance garb, "Back to the future, am I right?"

"Why?!" Mimzi cried, shaking Sheogorath's shoulders, "Why would you send me back?! Please! I don't want to go back! You have no idea how emotionally harmful this is for me! I struggled to survive, watched my people die, and my homeland burned to ashes! I don't want to have to relive that!"

"It's great fun to watch", said Sheogorath. "Even more fun than zapping Heimskr with the Wabbajack!"

"I don't care about the Wabbajackoff!" Mimzi yelled. "You're the Wabbajack!"

"Uh, Private Mimzi, you've got a hostile coming in on your six…"

Mimzi turned around to see a dragon in the distance flying straight towards her position. Mimzi nervously raised and aimed her plasma rifle as her teary eyes looked into the red eyes of the large black dragon that was approaching her, fast and low.

"Care for some music?" Sheogorath asked as an electric guitar theme slowly began (let's go Terminator!).

…

And lastly, Sheogorath joined Serana, who was running for her life away from a Daedra wielding Dawnbreaker; also unaware that her lover that was inside of her, being shaken and tumbled about as Serana ran.

"So", Sheogorath said as he ran alongside Serana, "How's it going?"

"It's TERRIFYING!" Serana shrieked, breathing heavily.

"Yeah, but boy, oh boy is it fun to watch!" Sheogorath laughed, disappearing once more.

…

"So, you boys hungry?" asked Sheogorath to Wyatt and Derpo, who were frozen in terror. Wyatt and Derpo shook their heads.

"I guess ye'd like an explanation, eh?" said the Daedric Prince. Wyatt and Derpo nodded their heads.

"Well, allow me to explain. So I've sent each of your buddies to confront their greatest fears. They won't necessarily _die_; all they do is try to stay alive as long as possible; once they're 'killed'; they return here. Make sense?"

"Mmm-hmm", Wyatt acknowledged.

"Would you like a li'l look at what's going on?" Sheogorath asked, conjuring a magical mirror with the Wabbajack.

"Bark Ruff Ruff!" Wyatt barked, pointing to Fat Dragon, who was running for his life from a dragon about 100 times his size, hopping after him like a massive frog trying to sit on him. Trees were felled as the massive million-ton dragon sprung up a mile and crashed down as Fat Dragon fled for his life. The chase went on for some time, with Wyatt nervously biting his claws as the giant dragon came close to Fat Dragon, raised his butt, and crashed it down onto Fat Dragon, squishing him and sending him back to the longtable.

"Hey… hey… hey… WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" Fat Dragon roared, glaring angrily at Sheogorah.

"Entertainment, my dear sir; entertainment!" Sheogorath chuckled. "Care to see how your pals are faring?"

The mirror ended the video of the dragon chase, and opened up to Rocker in the chicken coop, who was _still _screaming after about 30 minutes.

"Seems that he's doing alright", chuckled Sheogorath. "How about the soldier? The male soldier, the one inside of the vampire?"

"What do you mean, _inside_, hey, hey, hey?" Dragon asked.

"Well", Sheogorath said, taking a sip from his wine-filled tankard, "Let's just say that his fetish for stomach will be gone after this is all over…"

The mirror opened up inside of Serana's stomach, which was sloshing and churning as she ran from the serial killer from Oblivion with a magical sword. Aug was suffering from this as well; luckily his soldier training was still with him, as he dove and evaded and sprinted through all of the stomach acids and semi-digested blood; otherwise he likely would've been burned to a crisp and digested.

"_SHEOGORATH! GOD DAMN YOU!_", Aug shouted. "Once I get out of here, your balls are MINE!"

"Ooooh", Sheogorath said, "I'm _soo _scared!"

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "That's our friend inside of one of our other friends who's currently running for her life as we speak. How do you find this _funny_?!"

"Because", Sheogorath laughed, "This is just beyond hilarious; ye have to admit!"

"As entertaining as it is", said Fat Dragon, "It's just cruel, and I want you to put an end to it. Now."

"Tell ye what", said Sheogorath, "I'll give one of yer friends a little 'freebie' and bring 'im back here, and I'll give another one an advantage_. _Does that please you?"

"Guess it's better than nothin'", Fat Dragon sighed.

Sheogorath snapped his fingers, and Rocker returned to their location, still screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Rocker. Rocker!" Fat Dragon yelled, "It's okay, dude; you're safe."

Rocker still refused to stop screaming, so to get him to shut up, Sheogorath clocked him on top of the head with a platter on the table.

"Alright, so now that the_ true_ chicken is safe n' sound, how about we give the vampire something nice?"

"Like what?"

…

Serana continued fleeing from the Dawnbreaker-wielding Dremora when Sheogorath appeared again. "Sheogorath! Help me!" Serana yelled, "Get me outta here; kill this guy; do _something_!"

"This outta help ye", Sheogorath grinned, conjuring up a chainsaw from the future. "Now what are you standin' here fer? Chop that bastard to pieces!"

"You're right", Serana said, picking up the chainsaw and turning to face the Daedra.

"Hey Cap'n Nutsac!" Serana taunted, "You think I'm scared of you, you little milk-drinkin' bitch?! That sword is scary, but tell me what you think- of this", she said, turning on the chainsaw and moving in to tear the Daedra down. The Dremora attempted to block with Dawnbreaker, but the chainsaw-crazy Serana sawed the blade in half before sawing her attacker in half.

"Wonderful!" Sheogorath clapped after Serana had brutally killed the Daedra with a chainsaw, "Splendid work! That advanced axe might've been a little bit unfair-"

"I don't give a flying fuck whether it's fair or not", Serana panted, "As long as it gets me out of harm's way. Now send us back before I kill _you _with this thing!"

"Alright, alright!" Sheogorath nervously said, staring at the whirring red chainsaw blade, "No need to do anything rash, here. I'm done havin' fun, so I'll get the other girl out of the future and teleport all of ye back home, does that sound good? I'll even give you the Wabbajack, and- "

"It sounds fantastic", Serana said, dropping the chainsaw on the floor. "Now _do it_. Now."

…

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon moaned when the gang had returned to the clubhouse after their traumatizing experience in Oblivion, "What a day."

"No kiddin'", Mimzi groaned, plopping down onto a bed. "At least _you _didn't get chased by a dragon-"

"Hey, hey, hey; as a matter of fact, I _did_; and he sat on _me_! You pretty much cheated because Sheogorath just pulled you out", Fat Dragon replied.

"All thanks to me", Serana smiled, sitting down next to her BFF Mimzi. "Wish I could've kept that cool-ass saw thing. That would've be awesome!"

Wyatt came trotting into the room, followed by Derpo who was carrying a handful of dead chickens. "An-an-anyone want-want chicken?" Derpo stuttered.

"CHICKEN?!" Rocker shouted, quickly leaping up, "NO! NO! GET THOSE FUCKIN' THINGS OUT OF HERE!"

"Honestly, Rocker", said Serana, "You're a bigger chicken than those chickens."

Rocker flipped off Serana. "Shut up. Chickens just give me the creeps, that's all."

"These are dead chickens that we're gonna cook, dumbass. What, are you scared of chicken shit, or feathers or something?" Serana sarcastically remarked.

"All of the above."

…

"Hey, guys?" Serana asked with a mouthful of food.

"Yeah?" Mimzi replied.

"Don't you just, like, get the feeling that we forgot something?" Serana asked, with tiny flakes of chewed chicken and spit coming out of her stuffed mouth.

"No, the Wabbajackoff's right here", said Rocker, holding up the magical staff which was lying next to him. "And don't talk with a mouthful of food; that's disgusting and rude."

"Sorry", Serana replied, swallowing her food. "Fat Dragon, throw me another chicken."

Fat Dragon went to toss a cooked chicken to Serana, but Wyatt sprung up and snatched the chicken out of midair and immediately began eating it.

"Fat Dragon,_ pass _me another chicken", Serana requested, frowning in annoyance.

…

"Son of a bitch", Aug cursed, still trapped inside of Serana's stomach. "Sheogorath, you piece of shit. It's dark, slimy, nasty and it smells like someone got sliced up with a handsaw in here, I can hardly fucking breath... this is just so weak."

The chewed-up, slimy chicken dropped down from above and landed, hitting Aug in the process.

"Really... really weak", he growled, trying to wipe all of the slime and bits of roasted chicken off of his armor, face and hair.

…

**Holy shit... this actually was quite lengthy. Oh well. But I do like this chapter, and even though it may (or may not) seem like I didn't give a damn about putting in any effort in writing this, I actually did. The reason I kind of came to an abrupt ending was because I was not about to write like a 101-page document on each and every one of the characters' stories, but I still have a little bit of it in here, so all hope is not lost. Next chapter is gonna be a Fat Albert classic: a game of "buck-buck", so that's another reason why I was kind of sprinting through this.**

**And don't worry... being an episode-based story, Aug will escape the belly of Serana without any problems or questions asked... similar to how Kenny always dies, yet nobody remembers or cares. That's pretty much the ushe for TV cartoons: every now and then, it'll end with a character still stuck or stranded somewhere because his dimwitted friends forgot about him.**


	18. Bucketh-Bucketh Part 1

**Now to tear a page out of the ol' playbook, this time we have the gang playing a game of "buck-buck" (one of Bill Cosby's most hilarious routines), and having a bit of fun... ...until Harkon, Serana's asshole father finally returns after like 16 chapters; this time with a gang of his own. A word of warning: due to his fiery temper, Harkon acts quite misogynistic and homophobic, but that's part of his character; modeled similarly based off of Stephen from the "Greatest Freakout Ever" videos on YouTube. And for the record, I do like Harkon... and then I don't. Mainly because he's a racist prick that has a ton of hateful comments on werewolves and even his own family, but he's actually a pretty good character; he sounds cool and all; great voice acting, and when you first meet him was great; he also served as a WAY better main antagonist than stupid puss-ass Alduin, who I killed in four hits.**

…

"Okay, seriously", said Rocker, "Who came up with this game? I mean, this kicks ass; just running in and jumping on people... which Fat Dragon does on a weekly basis, but still... this is a pretty cool game."

"Buck-buck number 6!" Mimzi yelled as she charged up to Wyatt, Derpo and Rocker, who were lined up like a long horse, in case you were unfamiliar with how the game "buck-buck" is played (see the note above; you can probably find it on YouTube). Mimzi came running up and leaped up, crashing down on top of the "horse" (Wyatt was at the rear, for that added "tail" effect), which finally collapsed.

"Hey, hey, hey; what a play!" Fat Dragon said, clapping.

"'Sup", Aug said (having escaped the depths of Serana's stomach for reasons unknown that will not be mentioned), spinning his Dragonbone Mace, which he hadn't used in quite some time since he got his M25A1 back, around. "You know where Serana is?"

"Think she was at her... castle; last I knew", said Fat Dragon.

…

"OH MY GOD! SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!" Harkon shouted at his daughter during the climax of yet another argument; this time over Harkon just blatantly barging into the bathhouse while his daughter was still bathing- naked. Serana and her mother obviously didn't take too kindly to this, and that what sparked a huge argument, with Harkon running wild with a barrage of misogynistic remarks and insults about how "girls take like 9 years in the bathroom", and how "a _snail_ moves faster than the rate that they piss", and other insults that were really pissing Valerica and Serana off.

Valerica Volkihar (sounds pretty cool) understood that this wasn't the way her husband always was. Sure, he was like this 99.99% percent of the time, but when he was cooled-down he was somewhat nicer and showed more care for his family as well as his court of vampires- it was hard to explain, because Valerica had hardly seen Harkon in a good mood, or even in a decent mood.

Harkon was getting even more enraged because witty-as-ever Serana kept topping him and using better and more clever retorts during their argument, which had been going for at least 15 minutes.

"At least I _have _friends!" Serana yelled, stomping her foot on the ground angrily.

"Yes; you have two stupid 'super-soldiers' from the 'future', a pathetic tub of lard of a dragon, two mentally-retarded lizards, and a smelly, furry beast that should be skinned! Those lawless, dimwitted, idiotic, pathetic beings that you hang out with; the male in particular, are such a horrible influence on you: you get raped by them-"

"Having intercourse by choice is not 'rape', dumbass", Serana yelled.

"Well I'm just surprised that you haven't gotten pregnant yet. But you get gang-raped by them, you get fat because of them, you get arrested because of them..."

"_I hate you",_ Serana said, her voice breaking as a tear rolled down her cheek. "_I __hate you so fucking much._"

Serana ran out of the castle crying, flipping off her parents before she left.

"Good!" Harkon roared, flinging a small wooden chair at the door, "STAY OUT! You little whore!"

"Honey, we need to talk", Valerica sternly growled through clenched teeth. "Now."

…

"Serana!" Aug yelled upon seeing his girlfriend come running up the hill in tears. "What happened?!"

Serana rushed up to Aug and bear-hugged him tightly, pressing her wet face against his chest and holding onto him tightly as she cried. "Shh... shh... It's alright", Aug whispered calmly as he pat and rubbed her back and ran his fingers through her hair. The rest of the gang instantly stopped playing "buck-buck" and went over to see what was the matter, with looks of concern and empathy written all over their faces.

"What happened?" Aug asked as he continued comforting his crying girlfriend.

"My... dad... is such... a fucking asshole", Serana sobbed.

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon said sternly, "Ain't nobody gonna be mean to my friend like this. What did he say?"

"Well", Serana sniffed, "He called me a whore- twice- just because Aug and I have made love so many times..."

"That prick", Aug growled. "When I make love, I'm making love and pleasure and joy to you. That's what I value most. We go through special procedures to ensure that you don't end up pregnant- assuming that you don't want to, and he's just jealous because he's never truly made love before in his entire life. He made you, sure; but your mother did all of the work; he put only five seconds of his time into creating you. And being raised by your mother, and your mother alone, is what's made you this kind-hearted, loveable girl."

"Thanks", Serana coughed, having a hard time breathing as she cried. "But he was insulting me and my mom with a swarm of misogynistic remarks; mainly me, and then he was talking crap about you. All of you. And he was blaming you guys for everything: for me getting 'raped', for me getting tubby on occasion, for... pretty much everything."

"Life's ultimate objective is about being happy", Aug said. "You don't always like being a bit pudgier, but one thing I know is that you always love the feeling of a full belly, even after small meals. This is your life, and if you want to do this with it, that's not within his command. He can't dictate you, not even as a father."

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon growled, "We gonna have a word with Harkon soon; right, fellas?"

Wyatt snarled viciously, ready to tear this vampire lord a new one and teach him not to bully his own daughter and her friends, Derpo's "tard-happy" roars sounded angrier, and Mimzi and Rocker raised their weapons.

"Serana", Aug said, kissing Serana's forehead, "I'm gonna have a talk with Dad."

"No... please!" Serana wailed, "I don't want to lose you! You're all I've got left!"

"Well I don't scare that easily", Aug said, charging up his plasma rifle with a Black Soul Gem. "Serana, have faith in me. Stay here with the gang; I'll go have a few words with this guy."

…

An hour had gone by, and Lord Harkon was _still _ranting and going on with his hateful comments against women as he argued with his wife. Valerica answered the door, which had been banged on, opened the door and was surprised to see her daughter's boyfriend, who had a look of determination and hatred on his face.

"Oh, uh, nice to see you, again", Valerica smiled, having no problem at all with Aug; not only with him having a relationship with her daughter but with him as a person: he may have been a Dawnguard, but he decided not to kill vampires in the knowledge that everyone can make their own choices, and some people chose to live as vampires.

"Hello. Is Harkon home?" Aug asked, sounding almost identical from Schwarzenegger's performance in _The Terminator_.

"Um, well, yes he is", Valerica chuckled. "Would you like to come in?"

"Thank you, ma'am", Aug said, stepping into the main hall of Castle Volkihar. Harkon was more than infuriated to see this pathetic being in his castle.

"Who let this faggot in?!" Harkon exclaimed upon seeing the one person he would like dead in his castle.

"_I _let _myself_ in", Aug growled. "Now listen-"

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill you where you stand!" Harkon roared, baring his fangs as he stood face-to-face with Aug.

"And give _me _one reason why I shouldn't blast a hole through your skull", Aug snarled, forcefully thrusting the barrel of his plasma rifle into Harkon's mouth, nearly chipping one of his fangs. "If you wanna keep a brain inside your head, I'd suggest you'd calm the fuck down and shut up and listen."

"Very well", Harkon growled, "Speak. I have little patience, especially with listening to you."

"Yes, and _I _have very little patience for not only you bullying my girlfriend and your own daughter into tears, but talking badly about all of us", Aug began. "We may be relatively young, we may get into some trouble from time-to-time, but we have lots of fun together as we learn things and do fun stuff. Even though you may not consider us good people or whatever, your daughter does, and we are what makes her happy. That's why she's always with us, is because she is emotionally unable to deal with your cruel nature and abuse. We make her happy. I make her happy. I love her, and she loves me; it matters not whether we're living or undead; we still have a close bond, and you saying, 'Oh, he rapes her'; I actually don't. I go to ensure her safety and well-being, and we make love because it makes both of us feel good, not just physically, but emotionally. Each time we connect, we grow closer spiritually."

"That's what she said", Harkon remarked.

"Well at least she _has _friends, you ass. Friends that care for her, protect her, and give her someone to play with."

"Again, that's what she said."

"All I have to do is squeeze this trigger", Aug growled, pressing the rifle's barrel tightly up again Harkon's throat. "You wanna prove that you have friends? That you're better than everyone else? Meet us at Secunda's Kiss tomorrow; get your other bastard friends together- assuming you have any, and we play buck-buck."

"I don't have to waste my time playing pointless games with you", Harkon remarked, turning back around.

"Well if you really want to show that you're superior to everybody else, then prove it. Wuss."

"Tomorrow", Harkon declared, "We play."

…

**So the challenge begins.**

**And another bit of trivia/commentary since I've kind of failed to keep up with the "fun fact of the day"; I love Serana, if you haven't already noticed. This is almost completely opposite of her in-game personality, which is also good. But Serana in Fat Dragon is kind of like the archetype for the perfect girl I'd ideally meet in the future. But one of the reasons Serana is so different is because growing up as a teenager (a 250+ year old one), a lonely one, at that, with abusive parents (mainly Harkon) has had a profound emotional effect on her. Severe depression basically was what ignited her careless nature; in an effort to feel better, Serana basically ignored all of the world's rules and laws in a desperate attempt to have fun and not be so sad and hurt all of the time. And like most depressed people, overeating (in a vampire's case, overfeeding) every now and then makes her feel better emotionally, but gives her quite a bad bellyache.**

**Hanging out with Fat Dragon, whom she barely knew at first when she was little but then got to know him better, and the rest of their friends, made Serana happier than she had been in over a century. Aug literally was the best thing that ever happened to her; and every time they have sex, it not only gives her that great physical pleasure, but mostly great emotional pleasure; because in the moments of intercourse, Serana just becomes really happy. So that's pretty much the reason why Aug and Serana have made love so many times in these recent chapters. And I don't think I'll actually go _too_ deep into a love-making scene... unless it was requested by popular demand.**


	19. Bucketh-Bucketh Part 2

**So we've got a "buck-buck champeen-ship-of-the-world" approaching, and I'm kind of interested in seeing how this goes down. Ready for some Fat-Albert homages? But first, how about I give you a tiny bit of trivia on characters' relationships with one-another:**

**Derpo's mental-retardation comes from his parents, who not only were also partly retarded, but drug addicts, and as much as they tried to take care of their son, he still was born mentally-handicapped and crippled. Despite this, he isn't completely lost; he does have enough intellect to be able to chat on a basic level with his pals, and is able to communicate fluently; particularly with Wyatt, who is also on the same brain level/frequency as him, so the two get along adorably, like in those cute videos where a dog is shaking hands with a baby, or guarding the infant, or doing something absolutely cute and sweet with it.**

**Although they're not like good associates, Valerica and Aug hold a pretty good friendship. At first Valerica was skeptical and paranoid by the fact that a Dawnguard soldier was dating her daughter, but as time went by and as Aug befriended all of these other odd kids, Aug realized that even though he hadn't even tried to, he just didn't want to kill others. Although most perceived vampires as bloodsucking scum bent on destroying the mortal world, Aug understood that the majority of the vampires were unwilling victims that only had to kill out of desperation to survive. And they were still human, just with pale skin, dark, glowing eyes, and razor-sharp fangs. Aug was initially dubious of Serana, but almost instantly became attached to her. And not only had she been a lonely, miserable child, but she had been rejected from society; so having a lover that she could talk with, mess around with, feed her, make **_**sweet love**_** to her, that kind of thing; brought so much joy into her life.**

**Similarly, Fat Dragon used to be an evil dragon, but after sitting on Scando the Scaley and leaving him crushed against his rear for all eternity, Fat Dragon realized that hurting people would only hurt himself, so with that Fat Dragon decided to change his ways and spread joy and fun rather than pain and misery, only using his talent for sitting on people when it would work to his advantage or his friends'.**

…

Noon had come; and Fat Dragon's bunch was waiting in the midday sun, waiting for Serana's father and his "gang" to arrive for the "buck-buck" championship.

"Looks like we're gonna win today", said Aug, smiling. "They ain't showin' up."

"Wait", said Rocker, "Here they come."

Serana's bastard father actually did show up, and with a small gang of his own: a Nord man in royal robes, an aging warrior with a long, thin beard, and a crabby-looking old woman with gray hair and a sneer.

"Alright, nooblets", said Harkon, "Meet Ulfric Stormcloak-"

"Wait...", Serana said, interrupting her father, "You're friends with _him_?! The man that murdered the High King of Skyrim?"

"Yes", said Ulfric (who I swear to God sounds EXACTLY like Arnold Schwarzenegger), "Ulfic Stormcloak. Jarl of Windhelm and the leader of the Stormcloak rebellion."

"And don't forget the true High King of Skyrim", his buddy Galmar chimed in, bro-fisting Ulfric.

"Mmm...", Serana said, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms.

"...And this is Grelod."

"Unfortunate to meet you, you little twit", Grelod squawked.

"Up yours", said Serana, flipping off Grelod the "Kind", who ironically enough, completely despised children and teenagers.

"Alright, line up, turkeys", Harkon remarked, pointing to the rock where the front of the "horse" would hold onto. Wyatt, of course, had to ride in the back, forced not only to have a bunch of old people and giants come running up and crashing down on top of him, but to be forced to smell his friends' butts for a solid five minutes or more. Wyatt had his toes crossed in the hopes that one of them didn't have gas.

With Wyatt in the back, Rocker was in front of him, followed by Derpo, then Mimzi, Serana, and Aug. Fat Dragon was not present at the time, but the gang had something in store for their rivals later down the road; a secret weapon.

"Buck-buck NUMBER ONE!" Galmar Stone-Fist bellowed, sprinting up and slamming down on top of the horse. Loud back-popping noises were heard followed by sharp spikes of pain, and Aug immediately found out why.

"Hey, man, these guys got _rocks _in their pockets!"

"Buck-buck NUMBER 2!" Grelod tried to yell, her elderly voice cracking. Instead of sprinting up and springing on top of the horse, Grelod walked right up behind Wyatt and kicked him straight between the legs, causing him to drop to the ground in pain, whining all the way down.

"That's cheating!" Rocker exclaimed.

"Do I look like I care, you little guttersnipe?" Grelod hissed.

"You should, you old hag", Rocker murmured.

More players from Harkon's gang continued to sprint up and crash down on top of the horse, which wasn't doing too well.

"Hold in, baby!" Aug yelled to Serana, who was wobbling uncontrollably.

"I can't do it anymore, Aug!"

"Come on! Hold on!"

"Buck-buck 400 coming!" Harkon yelled, landing on top of the pile of antagonistic old people that was going to be giving the gang back problems for the rest of their lives. The horse collapsed at long last.

"Alright, we held... 400 of your guys", Aug said, interrupted by Serana's loud back pop which was equal in noise to a high-caliber rifle shot.

"Well that was pretty good... for a mortal", Harkon remarked, "But we usually hold 'round 600. Alright, we're linin' up. Send my fat daughter up first."

"How dare you call me fat!" Serana snarled, charging full speed and jumping onto the horse, aiming specifically for her father.

"OW! God DAMMIT, what'd you eat, porkchop?! Bricks?!" Harkon yelled.

"I had a big breakfast", Serana grinned, patting her stomach. "Mimzi! Come on up!"

"Goin' for the gold, Corporal", Mimzi smiled, handing Aug her plasma rifle. "Buck-buck NUMBER TWO INCOMING!"

Mimzi leaped up in the air, did a frontflip, and landed directly on top of Ulfric, who yelled, "WHAT WAS THAT?! A _mosquitit_? You don't got no weight, come on!"

"Buck-buck number 3!" Aug cried, crashing down onto Galmar.

"A PIECE OF PAPER! Someone threw a piece of paper on top of me!"

Rocker came running up to jump again, trying to impress his friends and enemies with a 360-twist, but ended up miserably failing, faceplanting into a boulder.

"DUMBASS!" Harkon shouted, laughing with the rest of his bastard friends.

Wyatt and Derpo ran up and jumped onto the horse as well, also receiving their share of hateful and antagonistic comments.

"We win!" Harkon laughed evilly. "Let that be a little lesson to you fuckers. Mortals- or, at least, most of them; are inferior beings, especially stupid little kids who absolutely suck at everything."

"Wait", Aug said. "We still have one final player."

"Alright, bring him out, so we can kick his ass as well."

"Come on out... ...Faaaaaaaat Dragon! He _loves _to hear us call his name!" Serana grinned as the ground trembled.

The ground was shaking, trees were falling down, birds and animals were sent packing, and everyone at Secunda's Kiss was bouncing up and down as the ground beneath them quaked. "What- why- why is the ground shakin'?" Galmar nervously asked.

"'Cause that's Fat Dragon, comin' for you!" Serana laughed. Coming around the corner, Harkon's gang trembled in fear upon the sight of the large dragon, who said, "Hey, hey, hey; who wants to play?"

"OH SHIT!" Harkon yelled, and his gang was sent running as Fat Dragon and his pals cheered victoriously.

…

Lord Harkon quickly entered his castle, covered in sweat and panting vigorously like a werewolf on a hot summer day.

"What happened to _you_?" Valerica asked.

"Serana... her friends... a dragon..."

"I gotta record this on a calendar or something!" Valerica chuckled. "What year is it, again? The year of the 'You Got Owned'?"

"It's the year of the 'Shut the Fuck Up", Harkon wheezed, before collapsing in exhaustion.

…

**So hopefully Harkon will learn his lesson, for at least five chapters. Lesson learned: overfeeding your daughter and picking on her because of it + gigantic dragon equals "oh shit!"**

**Similar to how he behaves in game, Harkon is an elitist, which is why he finds some way to pick on any of Fat Dragon's friends. Harkon hates Aug the most, because Aug's fiery temper matches his, and it infuriates him that a "pathetic" human is in a romantic relationship with his daughter, who, ironically enough he doesn't give a damn about. Harkon hates Fat Dragon because he finds dragons or anything that matches his power repulsive. Poor Wyatt is also receiving tons of hate from Lord Harkon, mainly because he's a werewolf, which Harkon holds a significant abhorrence of, as well as the fact that Harkon sees Wyatt in particular as a dirty, smelly, filthy beast. Rocker is also hated, though not as much because they have only met on three occasions; but all three were unfriendly ones, and Harkon's view of Derpo is similar to the Thalmor's: mentally-handicapped or physically-handicapped beings were functionally useless in the world, and didn't deserve to exist in it. The person in Fat Dragon's bunch that Harkon hates the least is Mimzi, primarily because she was responsible for nearly putting an end to the romance between Aug and his daughter, as well as the fact that the game of "buck-buck" was the first time they had actually met face-to-face.**


	20. Fat Dragon Holiday Special

**Fat Dragon Christmas/holiday Special! Happy Holidays!**

**Yes, Christmas is celebrated in Skyrim, just under a different name: "The Time of Joy" or simply "Time of Joy". Pretty much the same: chopping down a tree, giving to the poor, spreading merry everywhere; that kind of thing. Mostly it's about having fun with your loved ones, friends, and family; the latter of which causes one or more of the gang to feel depressed, sad, and lonesome. But Fat Dragon is always gonna have a good time; and for him to have a good time, his friends need to as well, so this chapter will be the biggest one yet.**

**And another little note is that Mimzi, who, by now you should know belongs to my dearest friend Julie (aka ForgetMorals on deviantART); but something that was requested of me was to put a note in at some point saying that this is a non-canonical version of Mimzi; as defined by Julie, Mimzi is a normal Dovahkiin, from Elsweyr, who was cared for under adopted parents and grew up to be a thief and a pickpocketing master. Mimzi's character has a really interesting background, too, but I was trying to find the right way to not only establish her role in the story, but have a reason why Mimzi and Serana would have a bitter rivalry at first but then become best friends.**

**Even though this is a bit early, I wish all of you a Merry Christmas, except for the majority of my school as well as that rotten piece of chicken shit that murdered all those poor elementary school children recently.**

**...**

"Why in Stendarr's name are we out here?" Aug shivered as the gang trudged through the snow-covered forests in the Pale.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "We need to get a Time-of-Joy tree today."

"-A-Aug?" Serana chattered.

"Yes, my love?"

"Th-th-think we might have to hold up on m-making love tonight", Serana sighed, a puff of frost coming from her exhale.

"Why?" asked Aug, looking at his sexy girlfriend seductively, "I've been kind of, you know, _on_, and you're pretty horny right now, too; even though it doesn't seem like it."

"No, i-i-idiot", Serana replied, "My eyelids are frozen, my lips are frozen, my fingers are completely numb, and my private region is absolutely freezing, so if we made out, we'd both be in a lot of pain and we'd be stuck together for like 6 hours while we waited for the ice and snow to thaw."

"P-P-Point taken"", Aug nodded slowly.

"There it is!" cried Rocker, pointing to a lone tree in the middle of a snowy clearing. "That's the tree we're gonna get!"

"Take a majority vote", said Fat Dragon. "All in favor of gettin' this tree say 'aye'. Aye!"

"Aye", said Aug, Serana and Mimzi. Wyatt barked, which everyone understood as a "yes".

"Alright, then", Fat Dragon smiled, "This is the tree we're going to get, guys. Did anyone bring an axe?"

Everyone grew sudden looks of shocking realization on their faces, since no one had brought a Woodcutter's Axe with them during the 6 hour trek through the frozen wilderness.

"Well how are we going to get it down?" Aug asked, "Time of Joy is in six days, and we don't even have a tree."

"I'll handle this", said Rocker, pulling out his Iron Greatsword and powerfully swinging it at the large tree, doing absolutely nothing but breaking his sword.

"Dammit", Rocker cursed, "Can't cut it down with this, and now I've got to send it to a blacksmith to get it repaired. Who knows how long it's going to take, and more importantly how much it'd cost.

"Hmm", Fat Dragon grunted, turning around. When he turned around, his massive tail slammed Aug face-first into the snow.

"Aug! You alright?! I'm sorry!" Fat Dragon apologized.

"Ow", Aug grumbled, wiping the wet snow, leaves and bits of twigs off of his face and body.

"Wait", said Serana, "I've got an idea. Dragon, since you were able to smash Aug with that club-tail of yours, how about you use it to knock down the tree?"

"Hey, hey, hey, that's a good idea", Fat Dragon replied. "Heads down, dudes."

Everybody ducked down, and Fat Dragon spun around 360 degrees, smashing the tree down, which landed on top of Aug, and nearly hit Serana.

"Whoa", she said in shock, "That tree nearly hit me! Am I one lucky vampire or what, Aug? Aug?"

"He got crushed by the tree that you managed to dodge", Mimzi remarked. "Happy Time of Joy."

"Not for me", Aug said, muffled.

…

Because they had a dragon with them, hefting the fallen tree back to the clubhouse was not a problem. However, seeing a bunch of soldiers nailing the Black Door shut was.

"Hey!" Serana shouted to the soldiers dressed in black-and-red garb, "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

No response was given, so out of sudden anger, Serana advanced forwards and punched a worker straight in the jaw. Two of the soldiers quickly restrained her, and their leader walked up to the squirming, rage-filled vampire.

"Joggvir, Meck; let her go", Commander Maro ordered. The two Penitus Oculatus agents obeyed, releasing their grip and sheathing their Imperial Swords.

"What's going on- why the hell are you messing with our clubhouse?!" Serana asked in an angry tone.

"You part of it?" Maro asked.

"Part of what?"

"The Dark Brotherhood. Are you one of the members of the Dark Brotherhood?"

"No; we killed them all", Aug said, stepping up to join the discussion.

"Killed the Dark Brotherhood, all by yourselves?" Maro asked, clapping his hands in respect. "Impressive work, kids; you've done Tamriel a massive favor. Those pitiful assassins were plotting to murder the Emperor, until you came along."

"Good, I guess. Now let us in to our clubhouse so we can start decorating our tree", Rocker demanded.

"Sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that", Maro said, "We can't risk having another band of assassins spawned inside that Sanctuary."

"We killed the _entire _Dark Brotherhood!" Rocker angrily yelled, "We didn't get paid for it, either; our reward was ownership of their secret home!"

"Yes, and I'm afraid that that reward has expired", Maro rudely replied, "Now get your sorry asses out of here or I will have you promptly arrested."

…

"God dammit!" Serana yelled in frustration as the gang walked away from their clubhouse. "What right do those guys have to take our home away from us like that?! We killed at least eight assassins, spent like 9,000 gold on getting it cleaned and modified, and then those twits just take it away from us for literally no reason at all!"

"Hey, hey, hey; this just sucks", Dragon sighed.

"I'm gonna go home and see if my parents- or, more specifically, my mother, can do something about this", said Serana.

"Would you like me to come with you?" Aug asked.

Serana was reluctant, knowing that Aug's safety in Castle Volkihar was dangerously low: the only other person that wouldn't mutilate him viciously would be Valerica, Serana's mother. "Okay", she sighed. "But please just follow my lead."

…

"Have I ever told you how impressive and… terrifying this castle is?" said Aug as the pair walked up the misty bridge up to the gate of the shrouded-in-fog Castle Volkihar.

"Thanks, sweetie", Serana cheekily smiled, taking anything that described her castle or family in an intimidating way as a compliment.

"Lady Serana, good to see you again", said the watchman. "Now why are you bringing this guy here?"

"Because he's my boyfriend, and me and him need to talk to my mother. Can we come in, please? Aug isn't going to cause any trouble, right?"

"Not unless trouble causes me", Aug replied.

"Mom?" Serana called out as she entered her home, "Mom, you there?"

"Lady Valerica?" Aug shouted as well.

"Serana", Valerica smiled, hugging her daughter, "How nice to see you, sweetheart!"

"Happy Time of Joy, Mrs. Volkihar", Aug smiled. "By the way, can I call you Valerica?"

"Thank you, Aug", Valerica smiled, "You may be our enemy, but you are respectful, and because of this you are respected and welcomed here."

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BASTARD DOING HERE?!" Harkon yelled, pointing at Aug, who just stood there, baffled.

"Calm down, honey", Valerica sighed, not ready to deal with Harkon's fiery temper at that moment. "Go ahead", Valerica said, looking back at Aug and Serana.

"You know how we killed the entire Dark Brotherhood and turned their refuge into our clubhouse?"

"That's my girl", Valerica smiled, pleased at her daughter's knack for bloodshed and killing."Go on."

"We spent like half a day going into the woods and cutting down a tree, freezing our asses, eyelids, genital regions, chests, arms, fingers, hands, feet, legs and heads numb; we finally come back and then there are all of these fuckers blocking off the Sanctuary, threatening to arrest us", Aug explained.

"Well Serana, why don't you and your friends spend the holiday here, with your family?" Valerica suggested.

"_Family..._", Aug murmured to himself, suddenly having a tear roll down his cheek and fall onto his M25A1. "I... I need to go", Aug choked, sounding like he might cry. Aug slung his rifle over his back and quickly walked out of the castle, breaking into a sprint the moment he had stepped outside.

"-Aug?" Serana asked in concern.

"Good!" Harkon shouted. "And stay out! Worthless human!"

"Okay, Father", Serana growled, stomping up to him, "I've asked you, Mom's asked you; you need to calm the f- down. You may hate him, but I am in love with him, and Mom holds high levels of respect for him, too, so you'd better start treating him with some respect."

"Or what?" Harkon laughed, "I am the king of all of the Volkihar vampires, and that includes you. You can't dictate me, girl."

"Yeah, you're the ruler of this clan, but the only reason the other vampires are your followers is because you use fear to get them to do your will. They don't respect you; they serve you because they don't want to be harmed, and when people are scared of you, they don't like you. Nobody likes you; then you have no friends. And if you have no friends, you're not happy", Serana angrily explained.

"First of all, I don't need friends", said Harkon. "Power. Power is what matters-"

"Power doesn't mean dammit", said Serana. "And besides, what good would power be, anyway, if you didn't even have at least one friend to share it with? Nobody to help you gain it, nobody to use it with, nobody to do anything with. And power doesn't buy happiness, even though you'll say it does. Look at me. I may be on the brink of poverty when I step out of the castle, but I'm happy. I have wonderful, funny, and kind friends to play with, go raiding with, get drunk with, and explore with. And I have little to no power. You have any friends?"

Harkon was caught off-guard by Serana's remark: for the first time, her daughter had asked a question that he might not be able to answer.

"…Well…", Harkon said, "When we played that stupid game of yours, I had three other people with me."

"Mom told me what happened", Serana said, placing her hand on her hip, "They didn't really have any other choice; you either threatened to kill them or take them prisoner. Those aren't exactly friends."

"Well, I've got your mother? Right, honey?"

Valerica continued to glare at her husband with her arms crossed.

"Mom", said Serana, turning back around to her equally-annoyed mother, "I need to go find out what happened to Aug. Can you please go see about reclaiming our clubhouse? I think my friends are still there, last I remember."

"Sure, honey", Valerica smiled. "I'll see what I can do. I can't guarantee anything, but I'll most certainly try."

…

Aug was sitting alone in the cold on the frozen shores of the Pale, not too far away from Castle Volkihar, which could be seen in the distance, sadly carving and whittling a piece of driftwood with a dagger.

"Aug", said Serana, running up to him as soon as she spotted him. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Serana, you are lucky."

"I know I am", Serana gleamingly smiled. "I've got you, the gang, a clubhouse, food… what more could I want?"

"But you have a family."

"Sure", Serana replied, "It may bring whole new light to the word dysfunctional, but I still have my mother."

"But you _have _a family", Aug said.

"Oh no", Serana said in a caring tone of voice. "Did something happen to yours?"

Aug nodded.

"What happened?"

"They were confirmed K.I.A during the war against the dragons. My mom, my dad, and my sister."

"What does K.I.A mean, again?" asked Serana.

"Dead. They are dead."

"Oh", Serana sighed, understanding now why Aug was this upset. "I'm so sorry. Truly, I am. Do you want some time alone?"

Aug pondered it for a minute, eventually nodding in agreement.

"I'll see you soon, buddy", Serana said, affectionately kissing and hugging Aug, who sat there in the black sands motionless. "I'm going to see about what I can do to retake our clubhouse from those stupid soldiers; then I'll head home, so if you need me, there's where I'll be."

…

"Man, when the hell are they gonna come back?" Rocker complained, as he, Wyatt, Fat Dragon, Derpo and Mimzi sat outside of their former clubhouse, watching a bunch of douchebag soldiers block it off, and all of their hard work along with it.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Fat Dragon joyfully exclaimed. "There's someone coming, and she looks like Serana!"

Although they were not upset or shocked, the gang was quite surprised to see Serana's mother, who they had never seen outside of the castle as well as barely knowing her.

"Valerica?" Rocker asked, not even bothering to ask whether it was okay for him to call her that or not.

"Yes. Don't wear the name out", she replied, snapping her fingers in his face.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon.

"Good to see you, Dragon. It's been too long. What's going on? Serana told me that they were blocking up your clubhouse."

"Pretty much; yeah", Mimzi chimed in; lazily pointing over to the diligent Penitus Oculatus group that was continuing to destroy their clubhouse.

"I'll handle this", said Valerica, patting Mimzi on the shoulder.

"Hey!" Valerica shouted to one of the workers, who was a Redguard. "HEY!" Valerica shouted; no response was given, so Valerica threw a rock at him, which got his attention. "Hey, Pedro! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Valerica yelled.

"Orders, ma'am. Please be on your way."

"I don't give a shit-and-a-half about your orders, Juanito! Get your asses out of here!" Valerica chided.

"Ma'am, I think you need to leave", Commander Maro said in a stern tone.

"You first", Valerica growled.

"This is official business that you are currently disrupting; and continuing to do this will land you in prison", Maro replied.

"Do I care? Do I? These kids are my daughter's friends; they worked extremely hard to get ownership of that sanctuary, they spent their hard-earned gold on fixing it up and redecorating it, and you have no right to just take it away from them like that", said Valerica.

"Oh, yes I do", Maro grinned. "Last warning. OUT!"

Valerica stood her ground defiantly, glaring at Maro with arms crossed.

"Kids", Valerica smirked, giggling, "Don't try this at home."

Valerica was convulsing, her skin bubbling, before she finished her transformation into a Vampire Lord and immediately began butchering and eviscerating Maro's men as Fat Dragon and the gang watched in horror, shock and awe. Not only had the gang not seen a Vampire Lord before, but they had no clue that Serana's mother could be so vicious.

"Hey... hey... hey...", Fat Dragon said, his pupils widening with interest as Valerica grabbed Commander Maro by the throat with her massive, slender, gray hands, clawing up the back of his neck in the process, before she squeezed her grip on him and made his head explode, the parts of which splattered the former commander's men. With their leader dead at the hands of a massive, unstoppable vampire creature, Maro's boys went running for their lives, deep into the Pine Forest. Valerica shivered and moaned as she slowly reverted back into her human form. As soon as she was back as a human vampire, Valerica popped her neck and fingers to release the pressure that the transformation had stored within her.

"Well, at least we have dinner tonight", Valerica laughed, turning back around to her daughter's friends, who were paralyzed by fear, huddled together shivering.

"Did I scare you?" Valerica asked with concern.

"Only a little bit", Rocker replied, his teeth chattering.

"I think what he meant to say was, 'Thank you for getting our clubhouse back for us'", Fat Dragon said.

"Oh, my pleasure", Valerica smiled. "Our family got dinner that put up an honorable fight, and you now have a clubhouse again. Say, would you all like to come over for dinner? Time of Joy dinner?"

"Two questions", said Rocker, raising his hand. "Number one; are _we _the main course? And two, could you please maybe see if there's other food available in the castle? Because most of us don't drink blood and eat people."

"Well", said Valerica, "I don't know if we have that kind of stuff in the castle, but I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks!" everyone cheered joyfully, waving their hands in the air and giving thumbs-up.

…

Much to Harkon's dismay, the worthless friends of his "pathetic, whorish" daughter were going to be gathering together in his castle for dinner. Every time Valerica and her estranged husband got into an argument, Valerica always won; and after a heated verbal battle, Harkon reluctantly agreed to help organize the holiday dinner, but something unfortunate-yet-unfortunate happened: a foul odor with origins unknown was lingering in the air inside of the castle, making it near damned impossible to breathe.

"Hey Mom... Ho-ly shit..." Serana began, running in before instantly widening her eyes and pinching her nose shut. "What the hell is that stench?!"

"SHITTER WAS FULL!" one of the vampires in the castle shouted. "Ran down into the cattle pen, and it smells horrendous down there!"

"Fuck", Valerica cursed, "I had invited your friends over for dinner, too!"

"You did?" Serana asked in confusion with a nasally voice.

"Yes, I did. Your father doesn't like it, but then again he does lots of things that I don't like, either, so he's coming to dinner. And no, we're not having friends for dinner. But then this happ... Let's talk outside", said Valerica, beckoning for Harkon to come outside into the fresh-yet-frosty air, where they all could breathe normally and be able to discuss what to do about this sudden problem.

"Serana", Valerica said, "Your friends were still at their clubhouse, last I recall. Go there and tell them that having Time of Joy dinner at Castle Volkihar is no longer an option, so we're coming to them."

"Got it", Serana smiled, rushing away.

…

Taking a carriage to Falkreath for a mere 50 septims significantly decreased Serana's journey length by 70%; once she reached her newly-reclaimed clubhouse, she was surprised to see Aug waiting for her at the Door.

"Serana, can I talk to you for a moment?" Aug asked.

"Sure", she smiled. "What's up?"

"Thanks", Aug smiled. "For everything you do and have done for me. I miss my family and all, but you guys are my family. I hardly knew them, but you guys have done so much for me, my feelings, and my safety that it makes me realize that you _are _my family. I love all of you. I love Fat Dragon, because he's such a jolly, funny fellow with a great thing for solving problems and helping people, as well as keeping us entertained. I love Wyatt, because he's proof that the werewolf _can _be Nord's best friend; he's sweet, affectionate, fun, cute, and swears loyalty to us, even if it would mean sacrificing himself. I love Derpo because even though he has little strengths and intelligence, he's always happy, and knows how to make us all laugh, making him quite inspirational. I _like _Rocker, because even though he's a complete antisocial, pessimistic, misogynistic, sarcastic, snarky asshole, he has a tiny bit of good inside of him; and he's helpful and supportive on rare occasions. I love Mimzi, because Mimzi was my only friend and reliable ally during the war, she was a devoted follower, and being away from her for all these years just made me that much happier to reunite with her, and give her the opportunity to live a safe life... relatively speaking. But most importantly, I love you."

"What do you love about me?" Serana giggled, huddling next to Aug.

"What I love about you... you're fun, you're incredibly interesting and unique, talented, you have a great sense of humor, you score very high looks-wise, and probably the best thing about you is your sweet, sweet pus- -personality."

"Aww", Serana said, pressing her face into Aug's chest; ignoring what she knew what he was originally going to say.

"Thanks", Aug replied, rubbing his girl's back. "Come on, we should go inside and greet the gang."

"My family's going to be coming over for dinner", said Serana. "Hope you don't mind."

"But Fat Dragon told me that we were going over to the castle for dinner?"

"Well, there was a bit of a... gas leak..."

"What did you eat _this _time?" Aug jokingly remarked, "A Giant's Toe?"

"Not me, dumbass. It was in there when I came in; and my parents were complaining. So I asked if we could relocate our holiday feast here, and now they're coming over; likely within the hour. We have food, right?" Serana asked.

"Stale food, yes", Aug replied.

"Damnit", Serana sighed. "Aug, we've gotta go to the market and pick some stuff up. Now."

…

The couple returned to the Sanctuary about 15 minutes later with baskets full of bread, roast beef, fried chicken, bacon, sweetrolls, wine and mead. Aug held the door open for the lady, and the two of them brought the groceries in before dropping the baskets, as well as their jaws. The gang's Time of Joy tree had been burned to a crisp in the time that they were gone.

"What the shit- what the fuck happened to the tree?!" Aug yelled. "Dragon! Rocker! Derpo! Wyatt! Mimzi! Get your asses out here! NOW!"

Within seconds, the five aforementioned lads arrived into the room. "Hey, hey, hey; what's wrong with you today?" Dragon asked.

"You- you're not even the least bit upset that our tree got incinerated?!"

"It was an accident", said Rocker. "Derpo was carrying a lit candle, but he tripped over Wyatt and dropped it straight into the tree. He's really sorry."

"It's okay", Aug said to Derpo, understanding that he didn't intend to light the tree up in flames. "But why didn't you put it ou- there was a pool of water right there! Like 12 feet deep!"

"We just got scared and jumped into the water", Rocker said.

"Milk-drinkers", Aug snorted. "Guys, we've got company inbound in less than 15 minutes. We need to get a good tree on the double."

"Are you on skooma?" Rocker replied, "We can't go all the way out into Dawnstar looking for another one! Matter of fact, we're in a fuckin' forest; why don't we use one of these trees?"

"Because these trees almost always have wild animals in them", Aug remarked, "Plus they smell funny."

"Better than no tree at all", Rocker said. "Come on, we need to get a tree! They could be coming at any minute now."

…

_**"What... is the music... of life?"**_, hissed the Black Door when Harkon knocked on it.

"Let me through or I will slaughter you and have you torn apart, limb, by limb", Harkon snarled, his fists clenched.

The door opened up, and Rocker welcomed the two vampires in, noticing the bodybag containing the remains of Commander Maro, who would likely be the vampires' main course. Valerica was delighted and tickled to see her daughter's creativity in decorating the former assassins' headquarters as well as preparing the table, food, and getting a nice looking, dark green pine tree, which was lit with Magelight spells of different colors: orange, crimson, hunter green, pthalo blue, among others. Even Harkon was impressed, despite not admitting to it.

As everybody got seated, grabbed their food, and began chattering with eachother, Aug got everyone's attention; though not in a passive way... unless shooting a plasma bolt in the air counted as passive and subtle.

"Can I have your attention, everyone? Good. Now I would like to first thank our two special guests for coming out, Lord Harkon and his lovely wife Valerica of the Volkihar vampire clan, so could we get some applause for them?"

Valerica blushed as everyone clapped for her, while Harkon rolled his eyes, sitting lazily in his chair similar to a Jarl.

"So, everyone may begin eating", Aug smiled, raising his flask and nodding his head to all of his guests, who all raised their mugs and bottles and Blood Potions as well.

Everyone began eating; Aug was having some ribs, Valerica and her husband were feeding off of the corpse laying on top of the dining table, though Valerica was showing courtesy by occasionally taking a bite or sip out of one of the food items that her daughter and her boyfriend worked hard to get. Fat Dragon didn't feel like eating, so he sat nearby and watched.

"Derpo, stop feeding him from the table", Aug said in a condescending tone to Derpo, who was feeding his werewolf buddy from the table like a small child would.

Wyatt started coughing, wheezing, and hacking. "What's wrong with him?" Harkon asked, "What's wrong with the dog?"

"Oh, he's just yackin' on a bone", Rocker laughed. Rocker kicked Wyatt, and a disgusting hack was heard as Wyatt puked out the bone.

"Ew", Mimzi remarked, before taking another bite of bread and a sip of mead.

Serana in particular had been eating like a pack of wolves, and not before too long she found herself extremely stuffed, bloated, and in pain.

"Ugh... Aug, I'm gonna go- go lie down for a b- *HACK*", Serana moaned, before regurgitating a chicken bone, which landed on Rocker's plate.

"Sure", Rocker sarcastically remarked, "It's not like I was _eating _or anything."

"Poor baby", Valerica said once her daughter made her way into the bedroom and tried to take a nap in the hope that the food would at least partially digest and make her feel better. Either way, Serana was likely not going to be eating for about a week.

"She'll be alright, hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon said. "She gets kinda like this sometimes; with gettin' all hungry n' stuff, but she just takes a nap and she feels better, so don't worry."

"Wait..." Mimzi interrupted, "Did you hear that squeaky noise?"

"What are you talking about?" Rocker asked.

"No, I hear it too", Aug said. "Mimzi, where's it coming from?"

"The tree, I think."

Aug slowly moved up to the tree, pulled some branches back, and nearly had a heart attack when a large rabbit sprung out of the opening, onto the table. Everyone screamed in horror, especially Rocker, who screamed as loud as he did when Sheogorath had sent him to a chicken coop.

"Shit!" Aug yelled, "Everyone be quiet! Don't move."

Everyone was huddled in fear in the corner together, while Aug and Mimzi snuck around, trying to see if they could trap or kill the rabbit, who sat on the dinner table nibbling on Derpo's baby carrots.

"Where's Serana?" Aug murmured, "She usually eats these goddamn things."

"She's sleeping, remember? And she's out _cold_: every time she stuffs herself silly, she's like a bear in hibernation. She wouldn't wake up even if this place was struck by a meteor", Mimzi explained.

"Fuck... Mimzi! LET'S ROCKKKKKKKKKKKK!" Aug yelled, grabbing his plasma pulse rifle and tossed Mimzi hers, before opening fire on the rabbit, which was hopping and springing around dodging the superheated plasma bolts being fired at it.

"EVERYONE OUTSIDE!" Rocker yelled, rushing the guests, Dragon, Derpo and Wyatt outside to prevent any injuries.

"You got him!" Mimzi yelled once Aug blasted the bunny. "Aug! Lay off the trigger; you've been shooting the body for three minutes! Ease down, Corporal!"

"I think it's dead", Aug said, placing his rifle up against the table.

…

"I know this has been chaotic and unexpectedly disastrous", Aug said once all of the guests were back in the room with the scent of scorched rabbit lingering in the air, but I want to thank you for coming. I may be stranded in the past surrounded by werewolves, lizards and elderly vampires, but I've never been happier. I wish you all a wonderful, blessed Time of Joy. Happy Holiday."

…

**And likewise, I wish you all a Merry Christmas... or Hanukah... or Kwanza... or whatever holiday your religion celebrates this time of year. This took so long to write, took a lot of motivation, too; but watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation had re-inspired me, as shown in the final scene.**

**So from Fat Dragon, Mimzi, Aug, Serana, Wyatt, Derpo, Rocker, Valerica, and Harkon, Happy Holidays! :)**


	21. The Griefer Part 1: Serana grows

**Now before I begin this heavily-modified, significantly-extended version of one of the first Fat Albert episodes (Bill Cosby was and will be a comical genius, and Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids was proof of this, while still delivering the intended messages), I'd like to throw out a warning that this chapter in particular goes a bit deeper in terms of sex and fetishes, so if that kind of stuff bothers you or disturbs you, please refrain from reading this chapter.**

** I'd also like to mention that this is part of my original storyline involving Fat Dragon (at that point in time there were only like 3 or 4 characters, excluding Scando the Scaley) where the storyline was a lampoon on annoyances in online (and offline) gaming; and in this episode, instead of "The Bully", we have "The Griefer", which I'm sure all of you absolutely loathe as much as I do (griefing is basically physical cyberbullying). And Minecraft fans might pick out a little Easter-egg/reference, so eyes peeled for that.**

**But this is kind of like an "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman" parody, which also correlates to the sexual content warning, so if you're eating sauerkraut, consider getting a bucket (don't worry, it's not _that _bad). Enough spoilers there.**

…

Fat Dragon's bunch was hard at work setting up a campsite. A fun idea that was suggested by Aug; backed up by his girlfriend was that they go camping and hunting for three days in another area of Falkreath Hold. Rocker, the pessimist, of course thought this was simply a gay idea (his words, not mine).

"It's not camping if we're less than a mile from our clubhouse, idiot!" Rocker snarled.

"Uh, yeah, it is", Aug replied, defiantly stepping up into Rocker's face.

"Hey, hey, hey; Aug's right", said Fat Dragon. "Camping is camping. As long as you're outdoors, or you aren't in your house, it's camping. And it's fun regardless."

"I still think it's complete boon", Rocker replied, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.

"Well what do you want to do?" Mimzi asked in a straight-to-the-point tone of voice. "Just sit around in the clubhouse all GODDAMN day and night?"

"Yeah, pretty much", Rocker replied.

"We're gonna sleep under the stars on sleeping mats..." said Mimzi, attempting to convince their stubborn friend to join the fun.

"And freeze our balls off..." Rocker said.

"We're gonna make _love_..." Serana said, running her hand up against Aug's chest as she looked at him seductively and blinked at him.

"Uh, correction: _you two_ are going to make love", Rocker said. "And that's disgusting; I could've gone without hearing that, thank you very much."

"We gonna cook some food", Fat Dragon said, hungry for pretty much any kind of grilled or cooked meat at that moment.

"Good for you."

"We're gonna go hunting", Mimzi added. Wyatt barked happily, wagging his bushy tail which kept swishing across his mentally-handicapped friend's face, who didn't seem to mind.

"Hunt what?" Rocker said, suddenly taking slight interest in what his friends were suggesting.

"Your pick. We can pop an arrow or two into an elk or skeever, go hunting for some bear or wolf, if you want a challenge, or get Wyatt or Fat Dragon to slice the shit out of a mammoth."

"Well", said Rocker, smiling, "I guess I should try..."

Everyone cheered briefly, patting Rocker on the back.

"Hey, hey, hey, we need to get to a shop or market so we can buy some stuff", Fat Dragon said.

"Good call. It's getting kind of late", Aug said, pointing to the setting sun. "We should make haste before any of the shops close up."

…

After basically clearing out an entire shop, Fat Dragon and his gang left the building with arms full of bags, cloth, lanterns, hunting bows, sticks, arrows, and other camping goods. But there was someone waiting for them. Gaylord, a local griefer, had been causing trouble in Whiterun for some time for his own amusement, with his buddy Spoon at his side; causing physical and emotional harm to other children and teenagers for their own sick amusement.

"Hey Spoon", Gaylord (who spoke in a British accent) chuckled, "Do check this out."

As Fat Dragon and friends walked past, Gaylord stuck his foot out, intentionally tripping Derpo, who fell face-first onto the cobblestone and slowly started crying as Gaylord laughed. Wyatt whimpered in upset as he went over to comfort his crying friend, licking his wounds and hugging him to make him feel better. Everyone was angered by this douchebag act, particularly Serana, who angrily stormed up to the griefer and his crony.

"What the fuck is your problem?!" Serana angrily hissed. "Why would you do that? He didn't do anything to you, he's always happy, and you've made him sad and hurt. Why?!"

"Entertainment, my dear, entertainment!" Gaylord explained. "By the way, those are some truly impressive tits ye got there."

"Um... excuse me?!" Serana replied.

"I'd like to see how they feel!" Gaylord yelled, grabbing and squeezing Serana's breasts.

"AUG!" Serana shrieked at the top of her lungs. Her boyfriend rushed up and violently punched the griefer hard in the face, knocking him backwards into his bastard friend Spoon's arms.

"You do NOT! And I mean do _NOT_, touch Serana that way! Do you **_understand!?_** You putrid fucking **_*%& !_**" Aug viciously roared and screamed, stepping up to protect Serana from her attacker.

"You tell 'im!" Rocker shouted, "Kick that piece of shit all the way to Solstheim!" Mimzi nodded in vigorous agreement, and clapped her hands.

"Halt!" a Whiterun guard shouted at Aug, who was in the midst of angrily strangling Gaylord until he popped like a grape. "What seems to be the problem, here?!"

"Oh, thank goodness you came, Sir", Gaylord fibbed, "My associate and I were trying to help this one kid up, but then these animals viciously attacked us!"

"Bull-fucking-shit!" Serana yelled. "_He _tripped Derpo, then he started grabbing and squeezing my boobs!"

"I think you kids need to leave", the guard ordered, siding with the villain. "Now."

"But, sir, he was-"

"That wasn't a request. That was an order. Move along or face the Jarl's justice!" the guard declared, brandishing his Imperial Sword.

…

"Motherfucker", Aug cursed under his breath as the gang was forced out of Whiterun with their camping supplies and hurt friends. "That rotten piece of mammoth butt-cheese..."

"Hey, hey, hey; I'm gonna kill him someday", Dragon growled. "He gone too far, Gaylord. Sexu'lly violatin' Serana, hurting Derpo..."

"Those goddam guards have stones in their ears", Mimzi remarked. "Seriously, why couldn't they be smart enough to realize that Gaylord attacked us first?"

"Well, forget about them", Rocker said. "We're gonna have a wonderful camping trip, and we're not gonna let this raggedy-ass piece of horseshit and his little butt-buddy ruin our fun."

"You're right", Aug said. "Serana, baby, are you okay?"

"Yeah", Serana whimpered. "But the twins still hurt. I mean, with you, it's wonderful, because I trust you, and you're gentle. Fuckin' Gaylord was like trying to rip them off!"

"Don't worry", said Fat Dragon, "You're gonna get revenge soon enough, don't you worry. Bad things happen to bad people, and Gaylord's gonna git what's comin' to him."

…

The camp had been set up, a small bonfire had been made, and the gang was enjoying a fun, relaxing camp-out under the stars. Rocker had gone hunting with Wyatt, and within an hour they had brought back a ton of meat in addition to the meat that they had already brought with them into the woods. The group was gorging on their prey, chomping, gulping and tearing the cooked meat apart and chewing it to pieces. Well, everyone except for Wyatt, who was not present.

"Where's Wyatt?" asked Mimzi as she chomped down on a rib and tore the flesh off of the bone.

"I got him out there looking for a snipe", Aug said, sitting back lazily as he roasted sausage over the campfire. "Don't know how long he's gonna be out there", Aug laughed. "There ain't no damn snipe."

There was temporarily silence before it was broken when Aug suddenly shouted, "Oh shit! My wiener's on fire!"

Serana screamed in terror, quickly grabbing a bucket of water and dumping it on Aug.

"Not _that _wiener", Aug frowned as water dripped off of his hair and soaked his sausage.

"Oh", Serana chuckled in embarrassment. "Sorry. I thought you were talking about, you know, your-"

"Let's end it right there", Aug smiled, tickling her chin. "And that wiener's gonna be waiting for you, sugar."

Serana wiggled in glee, eager for later that night.

"But can you go get me another wiener from the basket? Since you doused my first one?"

"Sure honey", Serana giggled, standing up to go grab some more meat for her lover. The rest of the gang were staring awkwardly at Aug, who casually replied, "Yeah, I know what it feels like, havin' a burnin' wiener."

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "We could've gone without hearing that, thank you very much."

"Sorry", Aug said.

"So", Rocker asked, "Do you mind asking me why you and Serana are so sexually active?"

"Well, only if you want to hear it without losing your appetite. Don't worry, it's not that disturbing."

Everyone finished eating; both out of hunger as well as to be able to enjoy a campfire story without feeling sick to their stomachs.

"Well answering your question", said Aug, "We have a tight bond, Serana and I. I live to make her happier, to protect her; and when she's horny, she's happy. Very happy. And so am I. That feeling's nice, you know?"

"Aww, that's so sweet", said Mimzi. "Disturbing, but sweet."

"I just feel uneasy about talking about it, so can we please change the subject?" Aug requested.

Serana returned with food for herself and her boyfriend. "Thanks, baby", Aug smiled, taking the sausage offered to him.

"*Urrrrrrrrlllllll...*" Serana's stomach rumbled. "Sorry", Serana blushed in embarrassment, scratching the back of her head nervously.

"It's okay", Aug smiled with undivided interest, slowly rubbing her belly. "It's okay."

"Why do you take an interest in that kind of thing, anyways?" Rocker asked, taking a bite out of his Horker Loaf.

"No point in trying to hide it any longer", Aug sighed. "To be honest, I don't know the origin of my belly fetish. All I know is I love it, but with Serana only. Growling, stuffing, whatever, I just take interest in it for some reason."

"Yeah, my stomach and I don't exactly get along too well", said Serana. "And that applies for the rest of my digestive tract. But I've just got a bottomless pit for a stomach; I'm hungry 24/7, and I'll eat just about anything offered. But as weird as it may be, Aug's fetish makes me feel kind of good, because if a guy wouldn't even consider dating or marrying a vampire, they sure wouldn't want one that gets tubby every now and then."

"And you're very beautiful, either way", Aug smiled.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "I think that your relationship is pretty cute, y'all. And Serana, the people who matter are the people who care. Don't let anyone else tell you how to live your life. Wyatt and I are both considered 'evil'; because most dragons and werewolves are, but that kind of lifestyle doesn't appeal to us."

"Thanks, Fat Dragon", Serana nodded, "You are a good friend, and a really great... dragon."

Rustling in the bushes was heard, and the gang turned around to see Wyatt, who had something in his mouth as he wagged his tail happily.

"Wyatt? Man, what the hell you got?" Aug yelled. "Buddy, there ain't no such thing as a snipe! Buddy, that's a fuckin' _skunk_; you need to put it down!"

Wyatt went trotting back into the woods to bring the skunk back to her home as the campfire confessional continued. "So Rocker", Aug asked, "If you don't mind _me _asking, what was it that made you so cranky and stubborn? No offense."

"Well", said Rocker, "When I was younger, I often found myself as the runt, the weakling; always coming out empty-handed in everything, which made me angry. I wanted to be able to win something for once, so badly that I decided to resort to cheating and rule-breaking. I honestly couldn't give a damn whether I was playing fair or not; just winning something for once was what mattered most to me."

"But the guilt of not playing fairly still had you upset", said Serana.

"Right", said Rocker. "All of my insecurities and constant failures had just left me bitter. Is it alright if we drop the subject? I'm kind of uncomfortable talking about this."

"Very well", Aug replied, "Serana and I were about to go to our scheduled appointment."

"Scheduled appointment?" Mimzi asked, scratching her head in confusion.

"An appointment between her... lock... and my... lockpick", Aug said slowly, not knowing the best way to indirectly word the phrase, "I used to be here talking with you, but then I took a penis in the vagina"; coming up with the best way he could.

"Right..." replied Mimzi, standing up to start walking over to her tent. "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm calling it a night. So... goodnight, I guess."

"We've got our tent over the hill", said Aug as Serana eagerly tried to rush him to their private spot, "So if you need us, that's where we'll be. Don't need us."

…

"Hey, Aug?" Serana asked as the two sex addicts undressed.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think that we're kind of whorish? Because I've been thinking, and it seems really awkward talking with the rest of the gang, because they think of us as puss or penis-hungry primitives."

"Serana, they're our friends", Aug said, staring at Serana's breasts as they both undressed. "They understand. Just because they don't really like it doesn't mean that they don't like us. Everybody's different. We've all got our interests, dislikes, fetishes, preferences, personalities; that's what makes Skyrim a better place. Wouldn't it be boring as hell if everyone was the same? If everyone looked the same, sounded the same, liked the same things? Sure, you might like it initially, but it would lose its flair very fast."

"So", Serana smiled once she and her beloved partner were completely undressed, "How shall we do it?"

"In the tent, preferably", Aug replied literally.

"Well duh", said Serana, "I mean how do you want to, you know, go about it?"

"I heard from this whore in Riften-"

"That's not nice", Serana frowned.

"Wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. Haelga from the Bunkhouse in Riften, her niece or whatever told me that she had slept with 6 different guys in the same month, and that one of them was wearing full Daedric Armor."

"Point taken", said Serana. "Continue."

"Anyways, uh, S-Woww-Tittybang... I heard that they did this position where it was like, inverted, with the girl on top; it would have sort of like a spike pit effect, though not as painful. Wanna try that?"

"Sure", Serana shrugged. "The fact that you're making love to me once more is what matters most to me."

So Serana and Aug were in the "girl-on-top" position; and Serana loved the feeling more than anything, even more than her relationship with Aug himself. Sex had always felt good, but this was phenomenal.

…

Aug and Serana were for the most part concealed; the only thing sticking out was their bare feet. The orgasm was so intense and wonderful that Serana didn't feel the slight pinch on her foot, neither did Aug. But he would in a second.

...

Serana felt dizzy and numb for a second; her vision blurry and white (like the effect of a flashbang grenade), before coming to a few seconds later.

"Ugh", Serana moaned, sticking her giant tongue out and putting her large hand on her massive forehead, "What happened? Aug?"

No response, so Serana began to worry. Her worries increased to the same size she was when she found out that she had grown tremendously, at least 50 feet tall and likely over 15-20 tons. But she would have to wait to worry about her massive size increase, she told herself; her primary concern was what in the wet sack of SUSAT (remember when I mentioned my fondness for firearms and optics?) became of her partner. Trying to prevent drawing even more attention, Serana frantically looked for Aug without speaking, because even a whisper could be heard by the residents of Solitude. Serana looked all over the ground, hoping that she didn't crush him in the same way that Fat Dragon crushed Scando the Scaley over a thousand years ago. Serana fingered her bellybutton; knowing that he likely could've been trapped in there, but right when she began to lose hope she felt something squirming around in her pussy; which gave her hope as well as a wonderful, tingling pleasure. Serana inserted her index finger into her vagina and pulled out her tiny boyfriend, who was covered in juices and slime, was in a fetal position, and had the look on his face as if he had seen a Predator.

"Aug!" Serana whispered, which was a giantess's equivalent of speaking normally, "Aug, honey, are you alright?"

Aug's eyes were still widened in horror as he nodded slowly. "P-Please don't use me as a sex toy again unless I ask you to. Can you do that f-for me?"

Serana nodded. "I'm really sorry, Aug."

"Well, at least you didn't eat me or something- eat me the normal way, that is. But we never speak of this to everyone, understood?"

"As much as I don't want to, we're more than likely gonna have to."

…

**O.o**

**I know. But in this interesting, arousing way, it was actually rather fun to write and better to read; quite descriptive, even though it's not the kind of descriptive you seek. This is Part One, and there's likely going to be only one Part after this; before giving Mimzi (Julie's character) some screentime... well, you know what I mean...**

**Consider this porn if you will; that is for you to decide. It isn't written as pornography; written as a normal sex scene gone hilariously wrong. So don't let this permanently influence your opinion on the rest of Fat Dragon, because this kind of thing is exclusive to this one chapter... and the chapter after it, which would be Part 2.**


	22. The Griefer Part 2: Giant Love

**Rather short conclusion, but I'm gonna make it worth it.**

**So Serana's a giantess, and Aug has proved to all of the creepers of the Internet that wishing your girl was giant so she could "use you as a dildo" that that is not a good idea. It felt good for Serana, but I highly doubt Aug would ever do this again... though he does live to serve Serana and make her feel good...**

**But I just wonder who did this to her? And more importantly, what she'll do to the little dipshit? Let's find out, shall we?**

…

"What the hell _happened_?!" Rocker asked in disbelief as he looked up at the naked giantess Serana.

"I'm not sure", Serana bellowed (though she still has a sweet voice more or less). "I... I was getting banged by Aug, and then I felt this pinch, and then a minute later I'm giant."

"No, I mean where the hell are your clothes?" Rocker asked. "It's disgusting!"

A tear of shame rolled down Serana's cheek and splashed down on top of Rocker, soaking him.

"Lay off", said Mimzi, "It's embarrassing enough. Serana, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I don't really feel too weird... unless you count being ginormous as 'weird'."

"Hey, hey, hey", asked Fat Dragon, looking at his wet, slimy friend, "Why you so slimy, Aug?"

"Well", Serana snickered, slightly trembling the ground, "Let's just say that I grew while we were making love..."

"Oh gods", Aug sighed, "Don't tell them..."

"We were doing this 'girl-on-top' thing, and let's just say that Aug got more pussy then he wanted."

"Oh my gods", Mimzi laughed, "Seriously?"

"Pretty much like went all the way up into her womb", Aug grunted.

"Oh, but you felt _so_ good", said Serana, carefully patting her slimy boyfriend. "I wish we could do that again."

"While that makes me happy that you're happy, it wasn't exactly too good for me. It felt like I was being eaten alive by a snake or something", Aug said.

"But it was an accident, I swear."

"Serana, I'm not mad", Aug said, trying not to hurt her feelings. "True, it wasn't exactly the most pleasant experience for me, but I forgive you. And we can have some nice love-making after this is all over."

"Thanks", Serana sniffed, picking up her sticky boyfriend and kissing him, much to the disgust of everyone else.

A familiar cackling was heard, much to the annoyance of the gang. Yup, it was Gaylord, and his bastard toadie Spoon.

"Oh, that was most delicious!" Gaylord laughed, nearly falling to the ground laughing.

"Gaylord, you motherfucker", Rocker hissed, clenching his fists. Wyatt and Derpo growled angrily, and Mimzi and Fat Dragon threw ferocious looks at the bastard. "Should have known _you _were behind this shit."

"Indeed, my reptilian friend", said Gaylord, shaking Rocker's hand. "This quite possibly might be my greatest accomplishment ever! That poison was worth buying, and... that was just hysterical, what with that guy getting crammed up your c-"

"Finish that sentence", Serana roared. "I dare you."

"Oh, what is ever the matter?" asked Gaylord. "Did I happen to forget how _sensitive _women are? Oh, shame on me."

"Shame on you, indeed", Serana hissed, quickly grabbing Gaylord and throwing him into her mouth. Gaylord's British accent cracked as he screamed while being forced down her esophagus, eventually landing with a 'splash' in her stomach.

"Holy shit!" was Spoon's last words as he watched his "friend" get vored by his own "creation".

"Oh, don't worry", Serana giggled, "There's plenty to go around, Spoony."

Serana went Fat Dragon-style on Spoon, who stood there, frozen in fear as he watched Serana's colossal booty come down on top of him. Serana got back up after sitting on the bully's apprentice; no sign of him was remaining: no blood, no clothes, no nothing.

"HEY, HEY, HEYYYYYYYY!" Fat Dragon roared in joy, followed by the rest of the gang who began howling and cheering for their friend, despite being horrified that Serana basically ate a person with her butt (a step up from the thermometer trick).

"That was alpha!" Rocker praised.

"Hey, hey, hey, that was pretty good technique, Serana", Fat Dragon nodded. "Maybe you could show me a few things some time?"

"Yeah", Serana smiled, blushing at all of her friends' compliments. "Can I have some time alone with Aug, please? Can you maybe see about looking for a potion or something in one of the towns?"

…

As the sun set again, Serana sat propped up against a small mountain with Aug lying on her belly, listening to the gurgling, moaning and growling noises as well as Gaylord's screams and pleads to let him out, which wasn't going to happen. Serana burped, which bumped Aug up into the air slightly. As it got colder, Aug curled up in his girl's bellybutton and looked up at her and smiled.

"Aug, you make me so happy", Serana sighed. "You really do. What's your opinion on me being giant like this?"

"Well", said Aug, "Having a bigger girlfriend means there's lot's more of you to love. There are advantages and disadvantages, and if you want my fair opinion, I kind of like you smaller. Ultimately I care about your happiness, so if staying gigantic pleases you, then by all means stay this way."

"Well I think I kind of like being small", Serana replied, "Being giant is cool and all; you can see all over Skyrim, you get to eat griefers, who, by the way is going _crazy _in there... but yet you feel like a monster. And you can't make love, which is one of the most important parts of my life. So I guess I'll take the remedy for this."

"But, Serana?"

"Yes?"

"I have a suggestion for you..."

…

_"Oh..." _Serana moaned, her eyes closed in wonderful relaxation as Aug went back into her now-wet pussy squirming and wiggling around; willingly this time. Aug was somewhat uncomfortable, but he felt good inside for making Serana this happy one last time. Aug continued wiggling around through her vagina, rubbing the inside at certain points; which made Serana's leg shake and thump rapidly like a dog that was getting a belly rub. Serana had never felt this good physically in her life: the bastard that bullied her and her friends was screaming and banging around on the inside of her tummy, the griefer's pal was moving around desperately in her intestines and lower tract, and her beloved Aug was giving her an exclusive, wonderful-feeling experience superior to normal fingering.

Serana went through her vulva and recovered Aug, who, despite being all sticky and uncomfortable again, felt good that he had succeeded in making his girl the happiest she had ever been.

…

**Don't you just love SeranAug? I do.**

**Which leads me to a fun, interesting piece of trivia: even though the story is named after Fat Dragon, it actually revolves around the relationship between Serana and Aug as they learn, love, and learn to love.**

**If you view this as porn, don't complain, because it isn't written as porn; nor would I even want to.**


	23. Princess of Windhelm Part 1: Meltdown

**This is going to be another large story, and it gives Mimzi a lot of screen time as she comes to terms with her past and everyone in it, including her parents which she had never met, so this will add and test friendships and romantic relationships, including Mimzi finally finding love, but within her gang.**

**Nearly all credit for this storyline goes to ForgetMorals aka Julie; I'm just writing. Also to relieve myself of the guilt of basically writing a porno script (and I'm not taking it down; the rating is there for a reason). But even though I sort of voice myself through Aug, I personally wouldn't be too fond of going, you know, _in_.**

…

Another somewhat-normal in Skyrim; jolly ol' Fat Dragon, the snarky redhead Mimzi, sarcastic, soulless prick Rocker, mentally-handicapped Derpo, nice doggy Wyatt, sex-motivated future soldier Aug, and his witty, pretty, somewhat-slutty vampire girlfriend Serana with a black hole for a stomach.

So these seven oddballs were hanging out in their clubhouse, pretty much playing chat roulette; chatting about each of their weirdest moments and interesting backgrounds.

"So, um, good to hear that you two are back together", said Fat Dragon, referring to Aug and Serana, who was cuddled up tight next to Aug.

"Well, technically we never broke up", Aug replied. "We made up with the sex that we were _going _to have before that gaywad Gaylord made Serana grow on top of me and made me get stuck up her vagina, nearly crushing me to a slimy pulp..."

"Sorry", Serana blushed. "I didn't do it on purpose, you know. And besides, before they got the remedy you volunteered to do it again."

"True", said Aug. "But it was still kind of yucky, regardless. I kind of prefer the type of sex where my... love tool is in your... love socket, not my entire body."

Serana seemed a bit upset, sniffing and wiping off a tear that rolled down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, baby", Aug whispered, patting her back and embracing her. "I don't mean it."

"I know", Serana sighed. "It... it was just so embarrassing, no matter how good it felt. And I nearly had a heart attack because I thought I had crushed you and killed you."

"Well your bellybutton was pretty nice", Aug smiled, poking into her pudgy navel with his finger and wiggling it, which made Serana wiggle and giggle.

"Serana, do you think you can go hunting? Bring us back some lunch?" asked Rocker.

"Sure", Serana smiled, kissing Aug on the cheek and picking up a bow and a quiver of arrows. "I'll be back soon with some food."

…

As the gang eagerly awaited lunch, Aug had been keeping everyone entertained by telling great stories of his career in the epic war against the dragons, such as a mission where he and a squad of five managed to hold out for a seemingly-endless time, defending against wave after wave of dragons, before giving Mimzi the floor, so she could share her war stories with her friends, who were leaning in with interest to hear what she had to say.

Everyone has secrets. Aug's odd belly fetish, for example. But he isn't really ashamed of it, and the people (or dragon, werewolf or lizards) around him, his closest and only friends, understood. They may pick fun at him from time to time because of this, but they don't do it to bully; they do it for everyone to have a happier mood, even Aug. Mimzi, however, had a secret bigger than Serana when she grew into a giantess. A secret bigger than Serana as a giantess with a massive belly, whether stuffed or pregnant. She wasn't from the future, like Aug was. She was originally from the 4th era, but her past was complicated and depressive. She had the the most unlikely parents, and only had her father's Amulet of Talos as a memento. Mimzi had been bonding with the rest of her new friends for about two months now; especially with Rocker, who she seemed to enjoy arguing with, and her female bestie, Serana, who she was able to discuss private female topics with; ranging from periods to yummy food to cute boys; but as she befriended everyone and raided numerous dungeons and bandit camps, the guilt from lying to her friends about her true origins for all of the time she had been spending with them, inside of her had been taking its toll on her emotionally. And she felt that it was too late to go back and tell the truth, so she had to continue lying, even though the guilt was eating her alive. Most importantly, she was scared of what Aug's reaction would be to find out that his best soldier and closest friend during the war wasn't really from the 9th era.

"My story's kind of the same", said Mimzi. "I lost my parents when the war started, and I was basically a soldier in the Westinghouse Resistance for all of my life- up until now, that is."

Aug raised an eyebrow, knowing that there was something fishy about her story. Although he didn't know where she was originally from, he knew for a solid fact that she wasn't a soldier for as long as she claimed to be; she had only served under his command for a year as soon as she completed basic training and survival tactics. But Aug decided not to say anything, attempting to hold back his suspicions.

Mimzi was nervous, too. She was fighting the tears as she looked at her beloved Amulet, thinking sadly about how she never knew her family. And even though the majority of the gang with family had a dysfunctional family, they still had a family; a mother, and a father who cared for them, raised them, and was there for them when they needed them most.

"I... I need to get some fresh air", said Mimzi, standing up and walking out, into the brisk air of the Pine Forest. As Mimzi strolled through the forest, which was alive with a ton of bird calls, chirping crickets, relaxing frog croaks, and deer and elk cries and calls, with her Amulet of Talos in her hand, she attempted to remember her past, which even she knew little about. All she had was the knowledge that she grew up in Elsweyr, and the Amulet, which she knew had a significant value and importance to. But this quiet moment was broken by a cry for help, a cry that sounded like her BFF Serana. Mimzi quickly put her Amulet back around her neck and sprinted through the forest over rocks and logs to come rescue her screaming friend.

"Where is she?!" the small girl holding Serana down demanded.

"Please!" Serana cried, her face as red as the blood that she drank almost constantly, wiggling and struggling around frantically, "Let me go! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Where's Mimzi?" the girl shouted, shaking the terrified Serana, who might've even wet herself.

"Right here!" Mimzi yelled, kicking the child off of her friend with unrelenting force. The child got back up, but once Mimzi looked into her eyes, she realized that this was someone she knew well from her past. Babette.

"Babette..." Mimzi said, dropping the large stick that she was preparing to smash the vampire child with; her jaw dropping in surprise and astonishment as well.

"It was you all along", said Babette, pointing at the Amulet of Talos hanging around Mimzi's skinny neck.

"Babette...", Mimzi wept, embracing her long-time-no-see friend.

"What... what is going _on_?" Serana asked, her cheeks and face still a burning crimson color with burst blood vessels all over. "I get ambushed by another vampire, I wet myself, pee is running down my legs, and I don't know what the fuck is going on!"

"Can we all sit down for a second?" Babette kindly asked, gesturing to a fallen log.

Everyone took a seat, with Mimzi cuddling Serana in a motherly, comforting way, but also trying to avoid any contact with her legs, which were still soaked in urine.

"Miss...?" Babette began, trying to get Serana's name.

"S-Serana", Serana replied, wiping her nose with her hand and then wiping her hand on Mimzi's shirt.

"Serana, I was part of... the Dark Brotherhood", said Babette.

"Yes, and we killed them all", said Serana. "Except for you, that is."

"Well you see", Babette sighed, "That's where it gets complicated. You see, I was looking for Mimzi because as soon as I found out that she returned to Skyrim-"

"Wait...", Serana said suspiciously, standing up slowly, "What do you mean _back_ to Skyrim?"

Mimzi looked away nervously as Babette continued. "You learned that Mimzi was from the future, along with some other guy, right?"

"Yes", said Serana. "Mimzi's my bestie, and Aug is _wonderful_, both in looks, bed, personality, penis size-"

"Let's focus on the question, please", Babette interrupted, looking rather queasy. "But Mimzi and the other guy came from the future, correct?"

Serana nodded.

"Aug, assuming we're talking about the other male from the future, was born in the future. He grew up during the beginning of the war. But Mimzi wasn't from the future. She had been cast forward in time by means of an Elder Scroll, so she was actually born in this era, not in the 9th era."

"What?!" Serana said in disbelief, turning to look at her friend Mimzi, who looked like _she _was gonna wet her pants. "Why would you lie to me? To us? We're your friends!"

"Yeah, but-"

"But apparently you didn't trust us or care enough about us to tell us! There's no shame in that, Mimz! I'm not mad because you're originally from the 4th era, I'm mad because by not even telling us, you basically are saying you don't even _like _us!"

"Can we all just drink a nice, tall, cool glass of shut-the-fuck-up!" Babette angrily scolded, clenching her fists. "I need to talk to Mimzi, and since you are supposedly her best friend, Serana, I think you would benefit from hearing this as well."

"Sorry", Serana apologized, playfully flicking her best friend.

"It's alright", Mimzi laughed, before starting to tickle Serana's tummy, which gave her the giggles and squeals.

"Sweet moment, girls, but can I please continue?" Babette sighed, getting rather annoyed by the immature antics of the two girls. "But Mimzi, I have some information to give you about your par-"

"Ew", Mimzi said, leaning away from Serana. "Did you just fart?"

Serana just slowly turned her head and smugly grinned at Mimzi with the look of dumb satisfaction in her eyes.

"MIMZI!" Babette yelled.

"Huh- wha- yes?"

"You should read this", said Babette after cooling down, handing Mimzi a sealed letter. Serana handed Mimzi her beloved Elven Dagger, which was the fourth most important thing to her (Aug and having sex with Aug being the first, Mimzi being the second, and overeating being the third) so that Mimzi could break the seal without shredding the letter, which seemed to be of paramount importance. Mimzi read the letter, which contained the following.

"_Ulfric,  
It has been years since we last seen each other, and at times when I think of you and the adventure we had, I can't deny how much I miss you. I now suffer in the sanctuary as my minutes are spent and my death is nearing. When parted due to our differences I never regretted it, because it was for the best of both of us. Not just for us, but for a bit of both us that we left behind. I write this letter in my last breathes to inform you of your child. When she was born I didn't want to risk her life to our troubles. Something so precious and innocent as a beautiful baby Nord deserved better. I never told you this out of worry of you absconding her, and forcing her into your foolish war. Also how I cannot face you after all we've been through. The amulet you gave me was left in her basket as I gave her to her new parents; wandering Khajiit who seem honest enough. For years I regretted giving her away, which was one my few regrets. Now that fate as seemed to pass me again, I have come upon her. The same amulet hangs from her neck as I hold it in my hand. It is a pity I now discover her, and wretched knowing how she was living under my roof the entire time and I was to foolish to see it. She is a vision of you, my love. A beautiful, fresh-faced young lady, with red hair like snowberries. Her eyes... the same color as yours, a sea blue. Her name is..."_

Tears came to Mimzi's eyes as she read this note that pretty much summed up her entire life.

"Wh-wh-who wrote this, Babette?" Mimzi croaked, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Who was my mother?"

Babette paused for a moment, preparing herself for Mimzi's reaction when she found out that she and her friends had murdered her own mother. "Your mother was... Astrid. The leader of the Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary in Falkreath- or at least, while it was still active."

"Wait... you mean... no..." Mimzi said, placing her hand on her forehead and dropping on her knees.

Mimzi screamed/roared in massive frustration and sadness, practically shaking the ground, and rattling Serana and Babette's ears. "FUCK!" Mimzi screeched, angrily kicking the log and hurting her foot in the process.

"Mimzi..." Serana said, reaching out in concern for her friend.

"Shut up, tubby!" Mimzi angrily hissed, slapping her best friend's hand- hard, then attempting to kick Serana's belly even harder. "You and your rotten fucking friends made me kill my own _mother_!"

"But-"

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!" Mimzi cried in seething rage and hurt, slamming herself into trees, slinging rocks and dirt balls around, hitting herself with a rock, and clawing and scratching herself as she cried a river of tears.

…

**So apparently Mimzi's really upset; but wouldn't you be, too? Killing someone who you then found out was your mother? This looks bad, likely will hold the record as the most severe problem... I'm not even sure if good ol' Fat Dragon could do anything about it. But Serana, despite being kind of hurt and offended by Mimzi's actions and words, still remains a true, loyal friend, so that's why I love her and you should, too. **


	24. Princess of Windhelm Part 2: Captured

**As always, after the commercial break (read: clicking the mouse button), I've got a mouthful, so bear with me on this one. **

**First of all, this story arc is fun as fuck to write; essentially the whole thing was written by my good friend Julie, who, if you don't even know who she is by now then you're retarded. Just kiddin'. But seriously, you should check back on "Mimzi"; because that has a whole lot of info and contact shit for the genius that masterminded this brilliant character.**

**And this helps me release some of my anger for the Thalmor... no, Serana, I didn't say release-! Goddamnit... somebody might need to either open a window or build an atmospheric processor. And no incinerator units; rifles only, for obvious reasons...**

…

Serana sat motionless as she watched her bestie cry herself apart. Serana chose not to say or do anything; because in addition to not wanting to have Mimzi unintentionally lash out at her again and then make them both sad wrecks, Serana understood and identified with Mimzi's anger and sadness over the death of her mother. Serana felt sick to her pudgy stomach; it was either this depressive, gloomy thing or possibly that vegetable soup she'd purchased from a Khajiit caravan.

Mimzi was bludgeoning herself with a large, hard rock, crying and screaming each time the minerals smashed against her neck. Babette was working desperately to try to calm and ease Mimzi, who luckily was running out of steam. Mimzi just flopped down on the ground in exhaustion, but still resumed sobbing and convulsing.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Fat Dragon yelled in concern upon seeing their friend lying face-first on the ground, covered in blood, bruises, dirt, claw marks and cuts. "What happ'ned?"

"You... fuckers... made me kill my _**mother**_!" Mimzi roared, throwing a menacing look at the dragon.

"What are you talking about?" Rocker asked.

"She was talking about leaving", Babette interrupted. "Mimzi, dear, Skyrim doesn't seem like a welcoming place. We should leave."

"Wait, what do you mean _leave_?!" Rocker exclaimed. "She's our friend!"

"Well other than the fact that her 'friends' betrayed her family and killed her mother, she needs to be able to outrun her-"

"No, she needs to-"

"HEY!" Serana shouted over everyone else, who turned to look at her. "What about Mimzi?" she asked. "You can't just make decisions for her, and that goes for you too, Rocker! I want her to stay as well, but if she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to!"

Once again, the argument continued escalating at an alarming rate, and only Fat Dragon was able to stop it; because no one fucks with Fat Dragon. Because he's Fat Dragon.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Dragon, trying to calm down himself and everyone else, "Mimzi, can you at least please tell us your story? So we can get a better understanding of it? If you don't want to, you don't have to, but it would mean a lot to me."

Mimzi sighed. "Alright, here it is. Here's the story. My mother, who was an impressive, skilled assassin that was _killed_, and my father, who I've heard is or was a famous Nord war hero, were in troubled times: not only could they not be with eachother because of their different pathways, but because it was during hard times, so they were forced to give me up for adoption at a young age until I was rescued by a Khajiit couple. My adoptive father named me after a rare desert flower exclusive to Hammerfell and Elsweyr, which is where I grew up, until it went extinct. It was said to be the only flower that was able to grow in droughts and badlands. The petals looked similar to that of a lily's, except with a blazing crimson color and pthalo-blue interior."

"Well how did you end up in the future?" asked Rocker.

"Because at one point", Mimzi continued, "My adoptive parents were killed, so I was basically left to fend for myself; feeding off of scraps of revolting food, having to swing an axe constantly and get tons of blisters just to make enough money to have somewhere to spend the night safe and dry... it was miserable, but then I was hired as part of a security force for an excavation team. Pretty much everyone in that team died as well during our descent into the Dwarven ruins, but we found amazing, unreal things, including an Elder Scroll, which I was ordered to read; since I was basically hired as cannon fodder, and things just got really blurry, and I felt myself floating and shaking, then about a minute later, I find myself in a highly-advanced military compound with alarms, sirens, and soldiers armed with high-tech rifles sprinting into battle. And from there, I began to learn my way around, eventually taking up arms with the Westinghouse Resistance, where I was first assigned to Aug's squad."

"Hmm, but how did you return to the 4th era then?" Fat Dragon asked.

"Aug had left the 9th era and traveled back to the 4th for two reasons: one, is so he could escape the physical and psychological torture and misery of the long, brutal war, and also so he could do whatever he could to try and prevent the war from happening in the first place, correct?"

"Yep", Aug replied, glaring at his friend with arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

"I left for those reasons, as well as to try to put my training, maturity and skill to the test and find whatever happened to my family."

"Wait", Aug said, raising his voice, "So let me get this straight: you didn't really care about seeing me after all; you only came to advance your own personal goals?! Why the fuck didn't you tell us! WHY!"

"Can it", said Babette, giving Aug the "zip it" sign. "Mimzi, this isn't a request. We _have _to leave."

For once, Derpo and Wyatt's lightswitch brains were on the same level. Upon realizing that their good friend was going to be departing for good, Derpo slowly started crying, turning to Serana for comfort. Similarly, Wyatt whimpered sadly, tightly hugging Mimzi as his teary green eyes read, "_Please don't leave_", and his paintbrush of a tail wagged all over the place.

Just when things couldn't get any worse, at least 40 agents of the Aldmeri Dominion- the loathed Thalmor- surrounded everyone with bows drawn and swords at the ready.

"You", a female agent on horseback said, pointing to Mimzi with her Elven Sword, "You're coming with us. Give me that Amulet."

Mimzi was scared, intimidated, even, but she defiantly said, "NO", to the overbearing High Elf, stomping her foot down.

"Watch your tongue, missy. This wasn't a request, nor a question. You are coming with us back to the Embassy in Haafingar. Dead or alive. Your choice."

"May I ask exactly why I'm being taken prisoner?" Mimzi asked, still refusing to hand over her amulet.

"Not only are you being disobedient and a 'Talos'-worshiping heretic, but you happen to be the daughter of the leader of the rebellion. Those pathetic Stormcloaks think they can drive us from the land? If they think that a bunch of worthless, raggedy humans can face the might of the Aldmeri Dominion, then they are horribly mistaken."

"Wait", Mimzi said, "What do you mean 'the daughter of the leader of the rebellion'?"

"Humans", the Thalmor Ambassador, Elenwen chuckled, "Always so clueless and moronic. Your father is Ulfric Stormcloak, Mimzi Stormcloak; the stupid Nord that thinks he has the might and courage to drive us out of this land."

"Wait", Dragon said, "Ulfric is Mimzi's father. Ulfric Stormcloak, who we played buck-buck with? The leader of the rebellion?"

"Yes, idiot", said Elenwen, scoffing rudely at Fat Dragon, "Ulfric Stormcloak is this girl's father. And since we've had no success in quelling his rebellion, we now officially have leverage. You all must leave, or you'll end up at the Embassy with her."

"No..." Mimzi cried, being more scared than ever, despite her hot-headed attitude.

Aug raised his M25A1, and his followers raised their weapons as well.

"If you so much as lay a finger on her..." Rocker growled, staring viciously into Elenwen's malignant, yellow eyes with his fists clenched.

"Or what? You beasts are just as insignificant as humans. You Argonians must've been dropped hard when you were still hatchlings, because your head is completely empty. And likewise, a tubby, unappealing vampire is worth next to nothing; no man will ever want you. Plus a clueless, oafish dragon who also has been watching his weight... go up. But perhaps the most pathetic", Elenwen continued, looking to Wyatt, "is this stupid dog. His kind, as well as vampires and dragons, have no right to exist in this world. None."

Wyatt was crying and whimpering as he was bashed with hateful, hurtful comments and snide remarks, but then something inside of him finally snapped. Wyatt's eyes were red, and his fur looked more raggedy and feral. Wyatt grabbed one of Elenwen's agents by the neck, strangling the breath out of him with brutal force fueled by rage. Wyatt continued crushing the High Elf's throat, before slinging the body with mass force at another Thalmor.

At that moment, the roads through Falkreath became a bloodbath as Fat Dragon's Dungeon Destroyers clashed with the leadership of the most evil faction on Tamriel; Derpo had also become maddened and assisted his savage werewolf friend in strangling Thalmor, stomping on their chests, and breaking as many bones as they could. Fat Dragon was using his standard combat form of jumping up and sitting on Thalmor. Aug's berserk rage returned as he violently shattered skulls and broke bones, bludgeoning foes with his Dragonbone Mace in the left hand and blasting high power plasma shots through the Thalmor with his Westinghouse M25A1. Rocker laughed as he swung his greatsword around and bisected and eviscerated the lightly-armored Thalmor; clearly enjoying the bloodshed.

The battle instantly came to a dead stop when Fat Dragon spotted Elenwen, who had Mimzi as a hostage at knife-point.

"One move, and she dies", Elenwen snarled, pressing the sharp dagger against Mimzi's throat. "You cannot win this, so don't even try. You aren't the hero; you will never be. Either way, this bitch's story will not have a happy ending if you so much as blink."

Rabid bloodlust struck Serana, but this time it wasn't about hunger; it was about seeing the High Elf's lifeless corpse in a pool of blood at her feet. Serana quickly pulled out an Ebony Sword and lunged for Elenwen, but Serana was almost instantly disarmed and restrained.

"Anyone else feel like trying that?" Elenwen shouted, slapping Serana in the face. "You all are officially enemies of the Thalmor."

"Tell the Thalmor that they can get down on their knees and suck big male cock", Aug replied.

"My apologies, soldier boy", Elenwen laughed, "I forgot how hot-headed and cocky you humans were."

"No, _you _elves are the real enemy!" Aug yelled. "Everything horrible has happened because of you! You aren't any better than the rest of us, despite how your massive ego the size of your vagina says."

"You piss me off", Elenwen hissed, stepping up to look Aug dead in the eye.

"Go fuck a tree. Let. Them. Go."

Elenwen snapped her fingers, and one of her archers shot Derpo in the chest with an Elven Arrow, knocking him down.

"DERPO!" Rocker yelled, rushing over to his downed, but still breathing friend.

"I have things to attend to, and I can tell you do as well", Elenwen laughed cruelly. "We're taking these two to the Embassy. Tie them up and throw them in the carriage."

…

Aug was breathing and hissing in seething fury: those fucking elves had crossed the line, and he was going to do something about it. And he would personally watch Elenwen slowly and painfully bleed to death at his feet, begging for mercy which would not be given.

"Hey, hey, hey", Dragon asked Babette, "How's Derpo doin'?"

"Poor guy's messed up pretty bad", Babette sighed as she tended to Derpo's painful wound. "If he wasn't able to fight before, he is definitely nowhere near operational. He's alive, but he's badly messed up, so that's one less man."

"Fuck..." Aug sighed, face-palming. "So those rotten funts have both of the girls kidnapped; no doubt to be tortured and/or sexually or physically violated."

"Aug", said Fat Dragon, "You are the hero. And below all of your fetishes, interests and sexual activities, you are still a soldier at heart, so you will know what to do. We will be right behind you from start to finish."

Aug, Fat Dragon, Wyatt and Rocker entered their quarters, gathering all available weaponry they could. Aug took a satchel full of soul gems with high powered souls stored within, before taking both his rifle as well as Mimzi's, which she had left in the clubhouse. Aug had Serana's Ebony Sword, Mimzi's Amulet of Talos, and a quiver full of high-powered arrows and crossbow bolts; among all of the other firepower at their disposal.

"Alright, gents", Aug said, "There are four of us and 400 of them, so we're obviously going to need some backup. First, Rocker and I are going to scout out the Embassy; keeping notes of all of the gates, doors, fences, and everything that keeps us away from Serana and Mimzi. Once we're done, Fat Dragon, you and Wyatt go to Castle Volkihar and inform Serana's parents; and Rocker and I are going to pay a visit to Ulfric Stormcloak. I know we're all in strung-out shape", Aug sighed, a tear rolling down his cheek, "But stay frosty. We're going to liberate our homeland from the tyranny of the elves, no matter what the cost."

…

**Aug is such a terrific character, or at least I think. His relationship with a witty, sweet vampire that has no hope of ever filling her stomach is an odd one indeed, but it's actually what the story revolves around; is their really weird, fucked-up, bizarre relationship.**

**And his devotion to Serana is likely the best quality of his character; even after getting trapped up in her vagina and getting transported into her stomach ("gimme _ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttt t!_"), he still held onto his love and affection for her; because in addition to being someone with a personality as great as her body, Aug was able to identify with Serana over a lot of stuff, mainly their lives without true parents to raise and care for them. **


	25. Princess of Windhelm Part 3: Reunited

**Ready for some kick-ass action? Ready for some sweet romantic moments, including the blossoming of an all-new relationship? Ready for some funny shit, and warm family moments? Then you've come to the right place.**

…

After the reconnaissance of the Thalmor Embassy in Haafingar, Aug and friends... well, three of them, to be precise, were splitting up into pairs to request some backup on their assault of the Embassy. Although they very much did not like it, Fat Dragon and Wyatt knew that they had to trek to Castle Volkihar and inform Serana's family of the ongoing crisis.

Harkon was rather annoyed to hear someone banging on the castle door.

"Honey, go answer the door", said Valerica as she cleaned the bloodstains off of the silverware and plates and goblets.

"No", Harkon yelled, "I'm not going to get the door! If you care about it so much then you get it!"

Valerica tuned Harkon's whining out, and eventually Harkon was left with no other choice but to answer the door, which he was likely going to kick down and crush whoever was on the other side. Harkon opened the door, and instantly slammed it shut upon seeing her daughter's annoying friends, especially the dog.

"Hey, hey, hey, there goes _that _plan", Fat Dragon sighed. Wyatt barked and yipped.

"Yeah, hopefully Aug and Rocker will have better luck than we did."

…

"This is r-r-ridiculous", Rocker shivered as the cold-blooded lizard and his mammal friend walked up the frozen steps to the Palace of the Kings, which was where Ulfric Stormcloak resided and commanded his forces in the fight against their elven overlords.

"Can it", Aug said as they entered the palace, "This needs to be done."

Ulfric Stormcloak, like most Jarls, sat lazily upon the throne half-asleep, but was suddenly woken up when he noticed two familiar faces walked into his fortress.

"Halt!" Ulfric yelled, his deep voice echoing through the spacey castle. "Who are you, and what are you doing in here?"

"We've met before, I believe", said Rocker. "We kicked your ass in a game of-"

Aug knocked the butt of his rifle on Rocker's head. "Ow..."

"With all due respect, sir, we need your assistance... she needs your help."

"What do you mean, 'she'?" Ulfric asked. "Are you talking about... my daughter?"

"She was abducted by the Thalmor not even an hour ago. She dropped this", Aug said, handing Ulfric the Amulet of Talos that Mimzi had dropped when she was kidnapped. A tear came to his eye as he tightly clenched the amulet, which was the only thing he had to remember his daughter from.

"What happened to her?" Ulfric asked, looking at Aug sadly. "Where did she go?"

Aug, being the intelligent lad he was, immediately understood what Ulfric was asking. "She was cast forward in time, to the 9th era, like me."

"How?" Ulfric asked; his respect for Aug growing slowly as he found out the answers to the questions that had troubled him since Mimzi was conceived.

"An Elder Scroll, that sent her 5 eras forwards in time. There's a war, sir. A war much more catastrophic and apocalyptic than the one you're currently fighting. I was born in the 9th era, but I suppose that doesn't matter too much; when I turned 21, I volunteered to travel back in time, both to escape the psychological and physical horrors of the war, as well as to safeguard history, if that makes sense."

"I never knew her", Ulfric said. "My own daughter. I hadn't even spent a week with my baby girl before things got heated and Astrid and I were forced to abandon her. I didn't even know her name. But I gave her that amulet, so I can remember her, and maybe when she grew up, she could begin to wonder about where she received the amulet, which might lead to us meeting each other again."

"But if you don't mind me asking", asked Aug, "Why did you and Astrid have to abandon your own daughter?"

"Times were and still are rough", Ulfric sighed. "Both of our careers were miles apart, and especially with the start of another war, we just didn't want to have our darling little girl suffer from the rough climates of warfare, blood and assassination missions, or be harmed in any way, so as much as we hated to do it, we were forced to say goodbye to her; only feeling good in the sense that we were at least attempting to send our child to a safe place. By the way, boy, what is your name?"

"Aug... sir. I was a corporal in the Westinghouse Resistance, and your daughter was a member of my fireteam."

"Westinghouse Resistance?" Ulfric asked with interest.

"During and before this long, dreadful war, the knowledge from experienced mages, blacksmiths, and Dwemer artifacts helped usher in a new age of technological advancements. During the success of all of this, the East Empire Shipping Company had evolved into the Westinghouse Corporation, which oversaw pretty much everything; including having its own military, which I joined", Aug explained.

"But Aug, I now need to ask you a serious question", said Ulfric. "Where is my daughter?"

"Mimzi, which was the name her adoptive parents gave her, was captured earlier by Elenwen and her Thalmor forces, and they also managed to capture my girlfriend, Serana Volkihar. What they plan to do to Serana, I don't know, but it scares me nonetheless; I do know that Elenwen plans on using her as leverage, as a hostage: either you surrender yourself, or she experiences a whole new meaning of pain. And she's going to torture her, which is also unpleasant to think about, which is why-"

"Which is why we are going to save her. _Now_", Ulfric said, his eye twitching in seething rage at the thought of those rotten elves abusing his little girl. "We are going to rip those rotten elves to shreds and raid the Embassy. I want to meet my little girl, alive, and this time we're avenging all of the victims of those wretched bastard elves. Either way, Elenwen's head will be rolling on the floor in a pool of blood."

Galmar Stone-Fist handed his commander his battleaxe. "Give this between that elf bitch's eyes."

"That will do, Galmar", said Ulfric. "Now, we move."

…

Serana was close to going mentally-unstable; as she screamed, cried and roared in agony, fear and rage, thirsty for revenge.

"YOU LET US GO RIGHT NOW!" Serana cried, clawing through the bars at her guard, who laughed cruelly. As Serana fell into a corner screaming and crying, she was also being forced to listen to her best friend get verbally, physically and emotionally tortured at the hands of the enemy. Elenwen was simply a heartless monster at this point, who was beating and clubbing Mimzi for her own pure enjoyment. Mimzi had a few tears, but most of her insanity was from anger, and a burning hatred in her heart for all High Elves, including the funt Elenwen, who, as soon as Mimzi broke the chains of oppression, would be savagely disfigured and damaged; opting not to kill her instantly so Elenwen could experience the same kind of pain that she had been inflicting against Mimzi and her vampire friend, who was screaming and bawling in sadness, horror, and fear.

"You should've stayed in the future", Elenwen venomously whispered into Mimzi's ear. "The dragons would have shown you more mercy than you will be shown in a moment."

Mimzi angrily spat a slimy mouthful of blood and saliva into her torturer's face, glaring and snarling ferociously at the High Elf, who brutally punched Mimzi in the jaw seconds after the blood splattered across her face.

"You are just as weak and worthless as your father", Elenwen taunted, "He was a squealer as well. Squeal for me, little piggy. Because you'll be going somewhere much worse than a slaughterhouse. You will be ripped apart, slowly and painfully, and after I'm finished with you, I might consider doing the same with your little friend who's crying like a little bitch in the corner."

"I hope I give you the shits, you fucking _**wimp!**_" Mimzi growled, spitting into Elenwen's open mouth. Elenwen did not take too kindly to this, and to inflict yet more pain upon her victim, she clawed and scratched her face with her long, sharp fingernails, leaving Mimzi covered in blood, scratches, and the desire for vengeance.

"You know", Elenwen smirked, "I still have issued an execution order on all of your miserable little friends, so I'd love to hear you react to this.

"If you came to hear me beg..." Mimzi growled, breathing faster and stronger than before, "you will be disappointed."

"Oh, how much I would love to see that worthless Argonian burning and painfully dying, or maybe that pathetic lard-assed vampire friend of yours-"

Elenwen had crossed the line. Fueled by her hatred and fury, Mimzi was able to use brute strength to smash the steel bindings and cuffs that had been pinning her against the wall and violently smash the heartless High Elf in the face. Mimzi was breathing heavily, her eyes were red, her muscles and veins were bulging, before grabbing and choking Elenwen by the neck and violently slamming her down against the ground. Mimzi roared in a ferocious battle cry, which made Serana stop crying to see what was going on. Mimzi had decided at that moment that enough was enough, and that she was going to get even more horrible revenge on her captors now that she was free from the chains of oppression and depression.

"Serana..." Mimzi huffed as she looked at her friend who was huddled in the corner in fear. "I'm going after Elenwen. I'll come back-"

"Go get her", Serana nodded. Mimzi went off running in her relentless pursuit of Elenwen.

…

The Thalmor rushed into battle against the four man (two Nord, one werewolf, and one Argonian) assault force that was courageously attacking the Embassy, no doubt trying to liberate their comrades and to exact revenge on Elenwen. The Thalmor were using all three styles of combat to try to bring down this anger-driven team: mages with shock spells were slaughtered and mauled by Wyatt, who was determined to free his friends, even if it mean putting his own life on the line; swordsmen and agents with axes tried charging their attackers head-on, but Rocker smashed them apart with brute force with a massive warhammer that their new friend Ulfric Stormcloak had given them before heading up to assault the Thalmor Embassy and rescue Aug's love interest and Ulfric's daughter, who he was dying to meet. And skilled archers who were using high-powered arrows were terminated by Aug and Ulfric, who was wielding his little girl's Westinghouse M25A1. But Ulfric was fueled by not only the desire to rescue his precious daughter, but to free all of the saddened, hopeless victims of the elves' tyranny, and unite them in an attempt to drive the bastards from their homeland.

Wyatt roared in a Howl of Terror, to intimidate their elven foes, and used his beast strength to forcefully tear down the gates into the Embassy, where they would split up; Rocker and Ulfric going after Elenwen, and Aug and Wyatt heading to release their friends from captivity as well as any other poor souls that were imprisoned in this hellhole.

"Damn!" Aug growled, "The door's locked!"

Wyatt pushed his friend out of the way, and with a great burst of strength and might, tore the reinforced door down, before springing in and slaughtering the Thalmor inside. Aug came with covering fire, taking aim at the Thalmor that were about to attack Wyatt and putting a bolt of superheated, phased plasma through their skulls.

"Hey!" a voice down the hall yelled, "Someone help us! Please!"

"POWs!" Aug said to Wyatt, who nodded in confirmation and tore down the door into the dungeon/torture chambers. At least a dozen unfortunate prisoners were imprisoned, some of them being tortured by Thalmor at that moment until Aug thrust his girlfriend's Ebony Sword through their chests and necks, before hacking through the cuffs and chains that had the poor people suffering. The prisoners grabbed weapons from their fallen torturers' bodies, and united under Aug and the bloodthirsty werewolf up point, continued to fight their way honorably and heroically through the dungeon, not stopping until they were free, or if they died trying.

"Aug!" Serana screamed, trying to get her man's attention. "Help me!"

Aug quickly fired a shot at the lock, before kicking down the iron door with unrelenting force. Serana cried as she and her lover embraced, which was a teary moment for both of them.

"I knew you'd come back for me", Serana sobbed, "I just knew it."

"Always count on it", said Aug, handing Serana her sword and her Elven Dagger, which she had dropped when she was captured. "Where's Mimzi?"

"She was being tortured up on that thing over there, but she broke out and went after Elenwen."

"Good. Ulfric and Rocker are headed that way as well."

"Ulfric? Stormcloak? The leader of the rebellion?"

"Is fighting to free his daughter, yes. Serana, Ulfric is Mimzi's father, and as soon as he learned what was happening, he dropped everything to come and break her out as well as to break every bone in that Elenwen's body."

"Prisoners!" Aug declared to all of the freed men and women following them, "There is an escape tunnel down that way! You are _free_! Talos guide you!"

The prisoners cheered and roared victoriously as they swarmed out of the prison, saluting their saviors along the way as they courageously cried in extreme joy.

…

"Where'd you go..." Mimzi muttered as she searched one of the rooms where Elenwen could be hiding. Elenwen ambushed Mimzi from behind, slamming her hard in the back of the head with a book before attempting to pick up Mimzi's sword and finish her off, once and for all. Right before the High Elf could make that final swing, Rocker jumped through the window, dropping his warhammer as he tackled Elenwen to the ground. Elenwen kneed him in the groin, wounding him as she picked up Rocker's hammer and went to lunge and smash him while Mimzi looked on in horror, biting her nails nervously. But Aug, Wyatt and Serana intervened; Wyatt slashing Elenwen across the stomach, knocking her up against the wall, fatally wounded.

Ulfric entered the room, dropping his rifle to take her out with honor; it'd make for a greater song. Wyatt, Aug, and Rocker stood back and watched silently, while Serana helped her bestie back on her feet. Ulfric grabbed the fatally-wounded High Elf by the neck so he could look her in the eye.

"I knew your daughter was as weak as you", Elenwen remarked, coughing for air. "If you hadn't shown up and saved her, she and all of her pathetic little friends would be-"

Ulfric growled angrily before slinging Elenwen against a wall violently, fracturing the back of her skull. "Any last words? Oh, that's right, you don't get any, you elf bitch."

"Well kill me already, milk-drinker", Elenwen coughed.

Ulfric snapped his fingers, beckoning for Aug and friends to come over and get their input and comments on this as they continued to give Elenwen the same torture she had been inflicting on countless people for decades.

Wyatt had already slashed Elenwen across the torso, severing an artery and slowly causing her to die of bloodloss, so Aug stepped up to the barely-breathing elf and kicked her in the side of the head before bashing her forehead with the butt of his rifle.

"Don't... mess... with... my... friends", Aug snarled as he bashed and fractured the side of her head. Rocker stepped up and stomped on her chest- hard-, breaking her ribs. Serana sat down on her face for about 10 seconds, before getting off and laughing as Elenwen's eyes widened and she coughed even harder.

"Sis-fist", Serana smirked, knuckle-bumping Mimzi.

"You filthy, stinky piece of-" Elenwen coughed, outraged by the fact that Serana completely owned her by farting directly on her, before Ulfric picked up the warhammer and smashed down on Elenwen's bruised and disfigured face, shattering her entire head into blood-covered chunks of bone and cartilage.

…

Ulfric approached his daughter slowly and silently, but eagerly; thrilled that for the first time ever, he had met his own little girl, who was also being hugged, kissed and licked by Wyatt, who had returned to his calm state.

Mimzi stood there speechless as her long-lost father approached her, her bottom lip shaking and wobbling before reaching the brink of tears. Wyatt, Aug, Rocker and Serana watched this happy reunion, with tears in their eyes and smiles on their faces.

Ulfric's eyes were red from holding back tears as he placed his hands on his daughter's flawless, smooth cheeks, whispering, "You have my father's eyes."

Mimzi tackled her daddy to the ground with a hug as she cried into his shoulder. Her friends clapped, smiled and nodded as they cried, before joining in a warm group hug.

"Princess", Ulfric smiled, kissing his daughter's forehead, "Princess of Windhelm."

"Princess Mimzi Stormcloak", Mimzi smiled as she buried her face into her father's robed chest.

…

**Someone tell me that this isn't the sweetest, most heartwarming moment ever; I fuckin' dare you. Mimzi finally meets up with her father, who she had never truly met and gotten to know, and everyone's happy; mainly because they not only witnessed the sweetest moment ever between father and daughter, but because they all avenged the deaths and suffering of countless others when they collectively beat up the nearly-dead Elenwen, ending the Thalmor threat- for that moment, anyways. And Aug also asked Serana why exactly she sat on Elenwen instead of shooting her in the face, and Serana just cheekily smiled and said, "Vampires are masters of stealth. _All_ kinds of stealth", receiving a grossed-out look from her boyfriend, but then turning into a hug, with Aug rubbing his hands along her back down to her butt, despite what he just learned but did not give a shit-and-a-half about.**


	26. Serana's Ex Boyfriend

**SeranAug has got to be the best pairing ever; they both are completely different, as described by our good friend Julie "ForgetMorals", who describes them as "a futuristic horndog and a sexy vampire with no hope of completely filling her stomach". But let's say Serana's _vore_-acious appetite is going to come in handy for her later, and her belly will be more than full, and she'll be more than satisfied. Because someone she once loved has returned, and Aug isn't too happy. You'll see why, soon.**

**And forgive the return of more sexual stuff, there is a rating for a reason, but in my defense, it's kind of part of the characters' personalities and preferences. And if you like that sort of stuff, you're in luck, since this is another long chapter.**

…

Aug, the future soldier with a heart the size of his manhood, which was also pretty impressively-sized (or at least to his girlfriend), and his sexy vampire girlfriend who scored all A's on the three B's (boobs, butt 'n belly; particularly in the latter), Serana Volkihar, were on a romantic date away from the rest of their friends. They had gone on a picnic up in the mountains of the Pine Forest in Falkreath; which translated as Serana eating all of the food in under two minutes, and then getting an upset tummy, which she whimpered for her boyfriend to rub and massage; this was delicious for Aug, who was rather fetishistic when it came to belly. But as part of his eternal devotion to Serana, his fetish was focused solely on her, because she was one of the only two girls he knew, and she was amazing in every regard. She had done little to displease him; the only major thing that had affected their personal relationship and sex life was when Aug himself became the sex toy, but in the wrong size. Their antagonistic asshole friend Rocker the Argonian frequently picked on Serana for her weight and eating habits, but Serana didn't care too much. You only get one life, and you get to spend it however you please, and if stuffing her belly full of yummy food was what she wanted, it was damn well what she was gonna do. And she was fortunate to have Aug as a boyfriend; because in addition to his pleasing penis size, suggestive personality, and kindness and acceptance of others, he was the only guy who liked a tubby vampire. Plus that meant free belly rubs, which both parties enjoyed.

Aug was lying back against a rock, with his full girlfriend sitting in his lap, moaning in relaxation as he rubbed and played around with her noisy, tubby belly, which was currently crammed with two full bottles of Black-Briar Mead, an entire cheese wheel, two sweetrolls, and three massive steaks that were digesting at a slow-but-comfortable pace.

"You know what I love about you?" Aug smiled as his fingers slowly slid across his girlfriend's extended stomach.

"What?" Serana giggled, leaning up to look at her boyfriend, who was no doubt about to say some sweet, possibly arousing and horny about her.

"What I love about you... would be your sweet eyes, mouth, cheeks, hair, and face in general; your sense of humor, fun and adventure, your hungry belly..."

Serana giggled, snuggling up against Aug. "Yeah. And it feels even better to have a great guy such as yourself to rub it, caress it, stroke and massage it, because it can hurt if left without proper lovins'. Go ahead."

"...Your devotion to me and the rest of the gang, and your..."

"Yes...?" Serana asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"Your _sweet, sweet_ pussy. I know I probably shouldn't say that, but-"

"Maybe you can get another look at her, if you so desire", Serana winked, slowly taking off her clothes in front of Aug, who grinned and began strapping off his armor.

Love-making time.

…

Aug and Serana had been having sex for at least five minutes, as Serana squealed with joy as she reached the climax of an orgasm. But mainly it was because in addition to rubbing her squishy booty, Aug was also continuing to rub her aching stomach; though his USS Sulaco-sized (well, not really; pardon my _Aliens_ fan-boy-ardee) penis was also playing a major role in this wonderful feeling of romance and sexual pleasure. It was dirty, somewhat-slutty sex time until a courier came running up the path to the two naked youngsters (relatively speaking) with a note, watching this live HD porn with undivided interest.

"I, um... have a... letter", the courier stuttered, his eyes locking in on the female vampire's genitalia, which was currently... ...leaking, much to Aug's shocked surprise as well.

"What the fuck, man?!" Aug shouted, throwing a rock at the young man. "What the shit, Juan?! Man, we are making motherfucking vampire babies right now, and then you just come up- here- get the fuck out-"

"Aug, just take it easy", said Serana, slowly sliding the erect penis out of her wet vagina. "What do you have for us? Was it important enough to interrupt us during the middle of sex and belly rubs?"

"Just take the damn letter", the courier huffed, tossing the sealed letter at Serana's breasts before turning and angrily walking away.

"May we, proceed?" Aug whispered, kissing/nibbling on her bellybutton and rubbing and squeezing her buttocks.

"Just a second, baby, I want to read this letter", Serana kindly replied, slowly pulling Aug's slender hands off of her fat buttocks, but still enjoying the attention and love given to her belly. Aug obliged reluctantly, but still resumed tickling, patting, thumping on, licking, and rubbing her bloated gut playfully.

_"Serana"_, Serana read aloud, trying to ignore both her stomach cramps and Aug's tickling and licking, _"If you may remember, I'd left Skyrim with the rest of my clan about 200 years ago, but I have since decided to move back to my home, so I can reunite with my beloved. You, the girl with pretty black hair, adorable orange eyes, soft baby cheeks, curly eyelashes, and a terrific body image. I, Rodrick, have returned."_

"Rodrick's coming back!" Serana cheered, jumping up and whacking Aug in the face with her basketball belly.

"Ow..." said Aug, rubbing his nose. "Who's Rodrick, anyways?"

"Rodrick", Serana smiled, biting her lip and crossing her arms tightly, pressing Aug's head and face against her belly, which roared and bubbled loudly in the boy's ear, "Rodrick was my boyfriend before we ever met. Only Fat Dragon knew him, but he had only met him twice, and for some reason they didn't really get along too well, but about 5 years before my mother locked me in that sarcophagus, Rodrick and his clan were forced to depart Skyrim, though he never told me why."

"And now he's here, looking for you? Your previous boyfriend?"

"Yep! Can't wait to see him again!"

Tears rolled down Aug's cheeks. "Aug, what's the matter?" Serana asked, pressing up against her boyfriend and slowly helping him back down onto the sleeping bag to seduce him into making love to her some more.

"I don't want him to take you..."

"You mean romantically? Heavens, no. You and I are soul partners, forever as one. Your man-part will be the only one to enter my girl zone, you will still rub my stuffed little belly with your soft, tingling touch, our lips will be the only ones to lock, and we will always be a couple. Or possibly husband and wife. I know how important I am to you, Aug", Serana smiled, huddling right up next to her man and rubbing his crotch with hers. "Can you continue picking my lock, honey?"

…

After yet-another night of boners and boobies and booties and bellies, SeranAug had finished their numerous orgasms, the products of which were soaking the ground around and below them. Serana had put her Vampire Royal Armor back on, as well as her hood, which she wore for protection against the sunlight, which was kryptonite to her kind. Aug had finished packing up the camping supplies, which were soaked with discharge fluid, 75% female-spawned, as well as strapping his Blackguard Armor and boots back on, and slinging his Westinghouse M25A1 rifle over his shoulder. Serana had strapped her cape back around her neck and began walking until she tripped over her cape, falling and smashing her chin on the ground. Serana started crying instantly, her normally-pale face reddened. The second he heard Serana's first wail, Aug immediately sprinted over to his downed girlfriend, kneeling down to help her up.

"My chin!" Serana screamed, weakly putting her hand on her chin, which was in serious pain.

Aug quickly felt around through the pockets and pouches of his armor for any healing potion, before eventually pulling out a Potion of Plentiful Healing, which had an aged look to it.

"P-P-Please... h-help me", Serana sobbed, starting to freak out before slipping into unconsciousness.

"Lie back and open your mouth as wide as you can", Aug said, softly caressing her arm, which was also cut up. Serana opened her maw as wide as she could, coughing out a mouthful of blood, and Aug poured the potion into her mouth. The interesting-fruity flavored potion splashed down into her mouth, sliding down her esophagus and into her belly, which was still crammed full of junk food. Luckily, the potion was still working, because her pain went away almost instantly, and the blood stopped flowing out of her body.

"You okay, baby?" Aug asked, hugging his potbellied, crying girlfriend, patting her on the back compassionately.

"Yea-*URPPPPPPPPPP!*" Serana sickly burped, twitching.

"Ew", Aug remarked. "Smells a bit better than your butt burps, though."

"Elenwen seemed to like the scent a lot", Serana snickered. "It hurts, though. Acid stomach."

"Poor thing", Aug said in concern, gently rubbing his girlfriend's still-stuffed belly, which had shrunk a little bit but was still noticeable. "Think it might've been the potion. Sorry, baby."

"Hey- -*HICCCC*!- At least it stopped the pain, and my chin feels better."

"Wait...", Aug said, noticing that her mouth was opening a bit wider than it should, "Serana, open your mouth as wide as you can for a second."

Serana opened her mouth, which was tremendously wide and open and black, except for her red, slimy tongue, uvula, and throat, as well as her white teeth and fangs. "Ow...", said Serana, rubbing her jaw, which was now sore.

"Now that is actually pretty kickass", Aug said, clapping at Serana in respect and admiration.

…

Serana and Aug had been waiting in Dead Man's Drink for about an hour, waiting for Serana's previous lover to arrive. "So, Serana", said Aug, "What was this Rodrick dude- what did he look like?"

"Well", Serana said, trying to talk through clenched teeth and muttering to avoid hurting her mouth, "Rodrick was, as you already may know, a vampire; he had black, scruffy hair that covered his eyes, he had a scar on his right cheek that went across his eye, he had a tattoo of something like a snake or something on his ass, he was missing a finger, he was an albino, and he was a skilled assassin-for-hire. He also was respected by my father, which is saying something."

"Interesting", said Aug.

The door opened, and the man that matched the description slowly walked in, robed up in mage robes. "Serana?" Rodrick announced, asking where his ex-girlfriend was.

"Rodrick!" Serana squealed, hugging Rodrick tightly, "It's been way too- *BELLLLLLCHHHHHHHH!*"

"-Long. Excuse me", Serana blushed in embarassment, cupping her mouth innocently with one hand and placing her other on her stomach.

"Eh, it's okay", Rodrick shrugged. "Who's he?" Rodrick asked, motioning to Aug, who was sitting casually with a friendly smile on his face.

"This is my current love partner", Serana smiled, "Aug. Aug, meet Rodrick, Rodrick... Aug."

"Nice to meet you", Aug smiled, politely attempting to shake hands.

"You're dating him? A _mortal_?" Rodrick scoffed in disbelief.

"Yes", Serana said, her eyebrows fixed in place, "Aug is my lover. He makes love to me, he plays with me, he goes raiding with me and our other friends, we go camping together, he feeds me..."

"Oh so you're a thrall, then?" Rodrick remarked, looking at Aug with his fangs bared.

"No", Aug said, standing up to Rodrick with an offensive look in his eyes, "_I'm _not her food. She eats anything, really: sweetrolls, mead, wine, taffy, bread, steak, small animals, midgets, and at one point she ate a flower basket."

"It's true", Serana grinned.

"You're a vampire, Serana", said Rodrick. "Vampires don't care for mortals. We kill, we feed, we drink, and we do nothing else but that."

"Well, I may be a vampire, but I've got two things to tell you, Rodrick. First, I may be a vampire, but I'm still a human- a woman: I smile, I frown, I cry, I sneeze, I cough, I vomit, I burp, I fart, I have periods-"

"Okay, Serana, that's enough", Aug said with a disgusted look on his face. Some of the other patrons in the tavern made gagging noises and motions as well. "You've made your point."

"And just because I'm a vampire, that doesn't mean I need to be a vampire. So I have Sanguinare Vampiris; whoopie-fuckin'-do. It's like someone who has cancer of Ataxia, or the Rattles, or Bone Break Fever; it may handicap them, but it doesn't force them to completely change their lifestyle. I'm a vampire, but I can live my life however the fuck I want: I can play fun little games with my friends, I can go raid dungeons with friends and my boyfriend, I can eat and give myself a large food baby if I want to. So even though I still have that thirst for blood, I told myself that it wasn't worth ruining peoples' lives as well as my own image and reputation just to get my 'fix'; the only lives lost are whatever fits in my mouth and is unfortunate enough to go... well, down there", Serana continued, poking her basketball belly, which wobbled slightly.

"Don't you want to know why I returned to Skyrim, Serana?" Rodrick asked.

"I have a feeling you're going to tell me anyway, so go ahead."

"I came here to be with you. Because I loved you, and now I need to free you from this... evil human, before any further harm can be done to you."

"He is not evil!" Serana exclaimed, stomping her foot on the ground. "He is the sweetest, most kind-hearted, interesting man I've ever met and will meet. And just because he isn't a vampire doesn't mean that he isn't special in his own ways. You think he's 'weird'; two of my friends are a dragon and a werewolf! And they're very fun, jolly beings."

"Then you truly are corrupted", Rodrick snorted. "You think you're a vampire? You're a disgrace. If you would like me to show you more joy and happiness, then kill this stupid fuck."

"Rodrick", said Serana, a tear rolling down her cheek, "I loved you, and you still love me. But Aug and I are lovers now, and by bullying him and bad-mouthing my other friends, you're telling me that you don't love me- at all. No more. I'm done with you. You will not touch him!"

"So", said Rodrick, turning to Aug, "I see this dragon has fangs. You are weak, 'Aug'. Your kind was put on this planet for one reason, and one reason only: you are prey, game."

"I guess I forgot to mention that I was a future soldier", Aug growled, pulling back the charging handle on his bullpup plasma rifle and taking aim between the bush-headed vampire's eyes.

"Oh, most intimidating", Rodrick remarked. "You may claim to be a soldier from the future, but you're still mortal; which means that you're still prey for vampires. Like me."

Aug rushed in to fire at the vampire, who knocked the gun out of his hands and under a table. Aug desperately crawled for the weapon, but Rodrick stomped down on his spine, wounding him badly while Serana watched in both horror and seething rage. While she was forced to listen to her ex-boyfriend verbally abuse her current boy, she stretched her jaw, which was still able to open quite wide.

"Rodrick. Last warning", Serana ordered, "Get out. I don't want to see you again; unless I come across your headless remains, understood?"

"I'm still gonna torture this guy", Rodrick remarked.

"Well we all have a choice in Speech perks, and clearly you've made the wrong one", Serana smirked, before suddenly grabbing Rodrick by the shoulders and cramming his entire head into her mouth. _"Blegh"_, Serana thought, _"Hair tastes so nasty. But Rodrick, on the other hand, tastes good. Really good."_

"Hey!" Rodrick shouted, partially muffled, "What the fuck are you doing, Volkihar?!"

"Proving... that... I... am... a... true... vampire... and... that... you... don't... fuck... with... me... and... my... boyfriend..." Serana grunted, forcing his body further into her mouth and down her throat with every pause. At this point, everyone in Dead Man's Drink went screaming for their lives out of the tavern. Aug stood motionless and speechless, his eyes widened to the size of oranges as he watched Serana eat a non-miniature human alive.

Serana was under great pressure and pain as she sucked the offender down her gullet: she had never been in this much physical pressure before in her lifetime, and she was likely not going to do anything remotely similar to this for at least a year- unless someone did something really offensive to her, Aug, or any of the gang, and Fat Dragon wasn't around to sit on the person.

One final thrust, and the lower half of Rodrick was quickly sucked down her throat and crashed into her stomach, which grew immensely. Serana was in even more pain right now; it was painful enough swallowing this little turd, but she wasn't sure if her stomach walls would be able to take it. The last thing she'd need would be for her appendix to burst or something.

Rodrick, surprisingly enough, did not put up much of a fight. He was going crazy in there, frantically thrashing and squirming around in the tight, dark, slimy space that was now officially his new tomb, but Serana's painful acid stomach finally put itself to good use, and started painfully frying, burning and digesting, screaming through the whole nightmarish process, albeit muffled. Serana wearily collapsed to the ground, her monstrous belly still anchored down on the floor.

"Serana!" Aug yelled, throwing his rifle down and sliding over to help his agonized girlfriend. "Serana, baby, are you alright?"

Serana could barely speak, or breath, for that matter. She was burping at an extremely fast rate, loud and strong, and also threw up all over Aug at least 11 times as her meal ran out of breath and slowly suffocated and died.

"Aug...", Serana wearily moaned, her face a crimson color from all of the burst blood vessels.

"Don't talk", Aug whispered, vigorously rubbing her giant belly while getting an equally-sized erection, "Save your strength."

Serana burped loudly, and Rodrick's boots- or what was left of them, came splattering on the floor, covered in digestive enzymes and spit. Serana giggled, now feeling wonderful since her dinner had finally died and was beginning to be transformed into ample fat reserves, mainly in her belly, then on her butt, and a little bit also was stored into her perfectly-round breasts.

"Oh...", Serana moaned happily as Aug rubbed her massive gut, "That was- *BURP!* -The most _delicious_ thing I've ever eaten, and the most satisfying thing, too!"

Aug could barely hear because Serana's digestion and gastric processes were even louder than Rocker's electric lute, but he could still hear her, though not too well. Aug was going AWOL hormonally and mentally: the girl of his dreams just got over 1,000 times better. Obviously he was shocked and frightened that Serana actually ate and swallowed a live human being and painfully digested and suffocated him, but the guy was an asshole, so he totally deserved it.

"Aug?" Serana sighed as she laid back and peacefully listened to the disturbing groaning and rumbling of the decomposition of her ex-boyfriend.

"Yes, gorgeous...?"

"It... it feels kind of weird for you to say that to me", Serana calmly replied, starting to mellow out as she tried to fall asleep and wait for her dinner to fully digest.

"I... I'm sorry", said Aug, "It's just that I love you so much. And I honestly don't think you could get any sexier than this."

"Well- *hic* -that's very sweet of you", Serana blushed, painfully exhaling.

"Well when I say it, I mean it", Aug smiled, affectionately petting her large, rumbling, shaking belly. "Just don't do this again, okay? You don't need to be killed, whether from guards or from your 'prey' like, getting out."

"Okay...", Serana blissfully sighed. "You said you barricaded the door, right? Because I don't want anything more to happen today. I just wanted a nibble and a nap, and I'm currently missing the nap bit. Can we... maybe make some love before we go to bed?"

Aug sighed, not wanting to say this but knowing he had to, "Serana, baby, I just don't think it's a good idea. For my own personal health; I don't wanna be the next Scando the Scaley."

Serana's eyes teared up, and her bottom lip wobbled, so Aug climbed up onto her massive tummy and kissed her straight on the lips while holding her cheeks. Serana's eyes widened in surprise but mellowed back down as she accepted the kiss, kissing and hugging him in return.

"Aug", Serana sniffed, "I- *barp!* -love you so much."

"I do, too", Aug smiled, hopping down off of her titanic belly and lying down next to her, rubbing her belly and then her breasts, which made her giggle and squeal.

"I'm tired", Serana yawned, trying to sit up so she could scratch her back and then her butt. "Goodnight, love."

"Sweet dreams, Mrs. Sexy", Aug smiled.

In the midst of their good-night routine, Aug had forgotten two things: one, was that Serana was a side-sleeper; who slept on her side instead of on her back or stomach, and two: he was lying right next to her. Some say the shout can be heard all the way from Solstheim.

…

**As much as I hated to end this, I had to, but 8 pages in OpenOffice... wow. But this was such a lovely chapter; really strengthening Aug and Serana's romance, Aug comes down with boneritis nearly like a dozen times; Serana almost achieves her goal of actually having a full stomach, but here's the fun fact: even after she vore'd Rodrick, she still would've continued feeding. She will never get obese, because I cannot stand obesity and obese people, but she can get one hell of a belly, and maybe some nice 'melons and buttcheeks in the process? Plus her metabolism is a lot different than most peoples', so she goes through it pretty quick. Not instantly, but within a day or two. Now obviously what happened between this chapter and the next one will not have any connection, but after gobblin' Rodrick up, it'll be at least 17 days 'til she gets a large potbelly.**


	27. A New Romance and a Big Problem

**As much as I love SeranAug, and how the story revolves around their wacky-ass relationship with Fat Dragon and company leading the way, I did mention the inclusion of another pairing, though they won't be as frequent; that pairing is Rockzi, which I invite you to try to decipher.**

**Before Serana Rodrick (alive), there was that warm, magical holiday moment where Mimzi (later discovering her last name to be Stormcloak) finally reunited with her father, Ulfric Stormcloak; with assistance from Wyatt, Rocker, Aug, and Serana when she was released midway.**

**So Rocker and Mimzi both argue and disagree and fight and stuff, but who knows; that kind of competition... attracts. But Ulfric, being a semi-elitist (similar to Harkon, though Ulfric isn't that discriminatory), wouldn't take too kindly to an Argonian having a relationship with his daughter, or maybe even a simple friendship.**

**So obviously this focuses primarily on Mimzi, Rocker and Mimzi's father, Ulfric, but another little conflict is going on- continuing, I should say. A conflict inside of Serana.**

…

Fat Dragon and friends were all chillin' at their clubhouse in Falkreath, more or less entertained: pretty much everyone was playing soccer outside, Serana was sitting on her affectionate boyfriend Aug's lap as he rubbed her soft, pudgy belly and they both read up against a tree, in the calm, windy shade.

"I'm open!" Rocker shouted. Derpo kicked the soccer ball, which was made out of animal skins and feathers, which only rolled about two... inches. To prevent tears, Mimzi quickly rushed in, kicked the ball, and it went streaking towards Wyatt, who spun around in a 360-degree angle and whacked the ball with his fluffy tail, which then hit Rocker straight in the face and knocked him down.

"And that's another victory for the Bodark", Mimzi laughed.

"Shut up", Rocker snarled. "Wyatt was being a fuckin' cheater! He whacked it with his tail and it hit me in the face!"

"Quit bitching about it", Mimzi remarked, shoving her way through Rocker as if he was a set of Western saloon doors. "Just play the goddamn game already."

"Excuse me, Miss", a courier asked, tapping on Mimzi's shoulder.

"So who are you? What do you want?" Mimzi asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I have a, uh, letter, from Ulfric Stormcloak, your father. Looks like that's it. Got to go", the courier said, handing the letter to Mimzi Stormcloak before Rocker assassinated the young man with a dagger.

"W. T. Fuck! Why'd you kill him?" Mimzi exclaimed.

"Because they're fuckin' annoying, that's why!" Rocker yelled back.

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon muttered to Wyatt and Derpo, "This outta be good."

"Why do you always challenge authority?" Mimzi chided.

"Challenge- what the fuck are you talking about?! When did authority come into this, and more importantly, who is the authority?"

"What I mean, scaley, is that you always rebel against everything! You challenge authority, you cheat, you steal, you sabotage, you play completely un-legit..."

"Yes, and you happen to be so perfect, too, right Private? I've heard your stories; you steal, too."

"I only did it out of the necessity to survive! I had no choice."

"Well you still were stealing", said Rocker.

"Aren't you gonna open the letter?" Fat Dragon asked.

"Oh, yeah", Mimzi smiled, before elbowing Rocker in the face, "Thanks, Fat Dragon."

Mimzi broke the seal and spent a moment reading through the letter.

"What's it say?"

"Well", said Mimzi, "It's kind of dual-purpose. It's a letter from home asking me to go to Windhelm and see my father, and it also asks if we would be interested in clearing out a troll's den. High paying bounty, too; 5,000 gold."

"So you're going to go to Windhelm, then?"

"Yep. And Rocker's coming with me."

"What?" Rocker exclaimed, "Don't I get any say in this?"

"Yes", Mimzi replied, "You can say 'yes', or simply shut the fuck up."

"No, I'm not going. Fuck off."

"Rocker, can I at least talk to you privately before I depart?" Mimzi asked in a calm, friendly tone.

Rocker sighed deeply. "Fine..."

Mimzi and Rocker walked a bit away from their friends. "Rocker", Mimzi said, "I like you."

"How so?" Rocker asked.

"Well, we fight a lot, as you can tell."

"No shit", Rocker replied, "Why would you like me if we're always arguing and fighting, and I'm always calling you a bunch of horrible, hateful, vulgar, unprintable misogynistic terms?"

"Yeah, but as cruel and frustrating as it is, I kind of like it; and it would just be so weird without it. So, Rocker... I think I'm in love with you."

Rocker was shocked upon hearing this; it was totally unexpected to hear that a girl actually _liked _him, but at the same time he was paranoid, and determined to prevent the rest of his friends from finding out that Serana and Aug weren't the only couple in Fat Dragon's Dungeon Destroyers.

"Alright", Rocker muttered, "I like you and all, I really do, but I am not going to let the others find out about this. You will not tell them, or we're done before we've started. Capiche?"

"Okay", Mimzi said. "But we've got to think of a reason why you would want to come with me. Do you plan on making love to me at some point during the journey?"

"Aw HELL _NO_!" Rocker exclaimed, making a cross with his fingers and sticking his tongue out.

"Okay, okay", Mimzi frowned, somewhat embarrassed by Rocker's rather rude reaction (just realized that that phrase was alliteration), but kind of seeing his perspective. "We need to head out, soon; the last thing I want is to be walking through the dark, sulfurous wastelands of Eastmarch and through the frightening forests here in Falkreath at night."

…

At this time it was a little bit after noon, and after saying goodbye to their friends, Rocker and Mimzi (also known as "Bad Company" or "Bravo 2" [the squad's callsign in Battlefield: Bad Company 2, which is without a doubt the best game ever made]) set off for Windhelm. Mimzi was obviously very happy to see her daddy again, and possibly get some sweet father-daughter bonding time that she had been deprived of since birth. Fat Dragon was wishing them both good luck and safe travels, as well as praising Rocker for accepting to do something that he clearly did not want to be a part of. But there was one member of the gang that sensed that something was up: Wyatt. Although he wasn't all too concerned over the whole situation, Wyatt was well aware that Rocker wouldn't just spontaneously agree to accompany Mimzi, whom he had held a rivalry with practically since the day they first met; but they were getting along, and they weren't bothering him or his close friend Derpo, so Wyatt had no objections to this, though he was still well-aware of how suspicious it looked.

…

There was, however, another problem going on privately; one that could be more catastrophic if exposed.

Aug and Serana didn't give a shit about Mimzi and Rocker leaving; mainly because they weren't informed nor did they bother to get up off their fat, lazy asses to check.

Something dangerous had happened recently, and Aug had to do his best to cover it up so no one would discover that Serana vored a human being... well, vampire, but still. Aug was feeling so stressed and guilty and unsure of what to do, because his main concern was for Serana, who was also afraid of what could happen to her; and in addition to that everyone would think he was an accomplice somehow, and that would lead to him getting put in a deadly position, too.

One reason Serana also frequently overate was because she had strong stomach acids, which was another benefit of vampirism. Feeding off of living bodies with blood that may contain viruses or bacteria was essential for the survival of vampires, and being able to quickly down that and eliminate all of the germs and infective elements was another requirement. So when it came to "human" foods, which no vampire except for Serana would ever consume, their digestive systems got straight to work breaking down their meal. With that said, biochemical factors like calories, carbohydrates, lipids and proteins still affected the vampire, so there was an extremely small decrease in how long it took for the consumed food to break down, but this had a tiny difference, only decreasing the digestion time by 1%. Serana was a vampire, so these internal strengths prevented her from becoming morbidly obese; however she still could gain some weight.

Aug disregarded Fat Dragon's opinion and thoughts on liars and cheaters; because for him, this was a serious issue. Aug still felt extremely painful guilt as he told one lie after another immediately after Serana had eaten Rodrick: first he had to hunt down and execute all witnesses of this act, even though it hurt him to do it; then had to travel to their clubhouse and tell their friends the lie that Serana was sick with something highly contagious, to prevent them from wondering where their friend was. Aug also knew that he had to help Serana to somewhere secluded, where she wouldn't be discovered; and Castle Volkihar was not an option, either, for similar reasons. And to continue to maintain the illusion that Serana was sick, Aug had to head back and forth to see Serana, who was slowly getting a smaller gut over the week-long period of time that he had hidden her, and back to the rest of the gang, who were wanting to see Serana and check on her. Aug had to lie and say that Serana was still very sick, and that going near her while she's sick with the "disease" would be a very dumb idea; so that prevented her friends from seeing her long enough until she had finished her week-long dinner. Still, Serana was terrified that somehow Rodrick would return from the grave to bite her back; he had died almost instantly thanks to her acid stomach syndrome which occurred when she took an expired healing potion, but Serana was still paranoid and fearful that the deadly secret would finally become exposed.

Serana had been easing her pain by eating; she was currently cramming her stomach full of glazed cheesecake, cooked by her kind boyfriend, who was snuggled up alongside her, laying on his side with his ear on her exposed belly; listening to all of the plopping and gurgling and bubbling noises with a sexual interest-influenced, wide smile on his face. _"It was weird"_, Serana told herself, _"But it was a match made in Sovngarde"_. And it was. Aug's unusual fetish gave her self-esteem, and a happy feeling that no matter what her desires and hungers were, she'd always have a sweet boyfriend to comfort her, caress her, cook for her, give her relaxing belly rubs after a large meal, give her someone to talk to that would listen to what she had to say, and at least a dozen other nice things.

In addition to listening to the sexiest noises in history's history on max volume, Aug was also reading a book. Although he knew how to read, books didn't really appeal to him, so he was not interested in reading words on paper; instead he read the looks of fear on the faces of his enemies as he raided numerous dungeons with his lovely girlfriend. But since she was more or less incapacitated, Aug didn't really have much to do, other than sit for at least half a day in a quiet, abandoned fort, talking with Serana, giving her long, extremely-relaxing belly massages as well as foot rubs and back rubs, or sitting around and listening to her moan and sigh in discomfort and exhaustion. But Aug also spent a couple minutes at one point taking a peek around the deserted castle's interior, and came across a library. The library's shelves were pretty much empty, but there were still a few books intact. The book that Aug was reading that was intriguing to him was _Racial Phylogeny_, which was a very interesting, factual book on the genetics and traits of the different races of Tamriel, so Aug now had a new hobby to add along with Serana, sex with Serana, her belly when it was full of food, plasma rifles, and shooting stuff with plasma rifles.

Serana had even less to do: she basically couldn't move, so she was stuck on an uncomfortable-but-large bed with a massive, aching stomach which was filled with her former lover-now-enemy, so she was in a lot of pain and discomfort. She was still being fed, so food wasn't a problem, and she had Aug with her, which made her feel a lot better than if she was in there alone.

After the couple had spent a little under than a week evading and hiding in seclusion from Serana's parents and their own friends, things were _looking_ normal: Serana had returned to her normal (read: tubby) size; the beer belly and the love handles that were pretty much her default were present, with just a couple pounds more added on. Everyone had bought their lies that Serana was sick and that Aug was taking care of his girlfriend; when Rocker asked Aug privately why Serana was looking a bit bigger than normal, Aug explained that while Serana was out, she had been brought snacks by Aug; without much exercise, the additional poundage hadn't really burned off. Not that Aug cared, because feeding his girlfriend was his fantasy, and Serana's fantasy was being fed, so this was mutualism in the most true sense of the word.

Aug and Serana were sitting under the lush tree together, with Aug's head up against Serana's active belly, and Serana, who was continuing to gulp down the delicious cheesecake. Aug clearly had a problem, because he was turned on the moment he heard and felt the chewed-up food sliding down her throat, rumbling along the way, before splashing into her pudgy, stuffed-to-the-max tummy (with Serana, I'll use that word, because she's just so :3 and I really don't care who knows it). Serana moaned in pleasure, and Aug smiled widely.

"Mmm", Serana sighed, "That was delicious. Where did you learn to cook like that?"

"By cook, you mean steal, right?" Aug asked, slightly lifting his tilted head up.

Aug heard rumbling, and Serana felt it. If Aug was a dog or werewolf like Wyatt, his tail would've wagged itself off. Serana burped, her stomach bumping up slightly and bouncing her perverted boyfriend's head up lightly.

"The noises you make...", Aug said, gently patting the sexiest bit of Serana.

Serana belched again, but it wasn't as romantic as before: something hard inside her stomach practically Sparta-kicked the side of Aug's head. Serana gasped in shock, looking nervously at Aug.

"Are.. you okay?" Serana asked, "I didn't mean to do that. I really didn't mean to do it... please..."

"Is the food baby kicking?" Aug jokingly remarked, trying to put a positive spin on the happy accident. Serana started gagging and gasping and choking, her face slowly turning blue. Aug rushed over and performed the Heimlich-manuever on his choking girlfriend, who coughed and hacked rapidly before a vomit noise was heard and a jawbone from a human skull, which was all slimy and partially dissolved, plopped down onto her legs. Serana looked terrified, clearly looking like she was about to throw up everything she had eaten in the past month.

"It's from Rodrick, isn't it?" Aug asked, picking up the slimy bone by the very corner and holding it away. Serana slowly nodded, her face turning a sickly greenish-red color.

"I... know why...", Serana choked. "Whenever an animal, or in my case, human, eats another human or humanoid whole, after or during their digestion, the indigestible bits, like the armor, clothes, and bones, are regurgitated out; the whole experience lasting less than 48 hours, but being extremely uncomfortable and unpleasant, sort of like a period, which I'm sure you have not had before. But point is", Serana began to cry, "This is it. I have until I barf up Rodrick's remains, then I'm an outcast for the rest of my life, assuming I don't get executed, that is."

"Outcast?" Aug scoffed in disbelief, "Give me a motherfucking break! You are the most kind-hearted, sexiest, most playful and beautiful young woman that has ever existed. Why the hell would you be an outcast?"

"Because", Serana coughed, her throat still irritated from the bone scraping the inside of her esophagus, "The gang is going to reject me. They'll think I'm a cannibal planning to eat them all, and they'll forcefully exile me from the club. And they might also send you out as well, because with all of the attention you give my midsection, they'd assume that you've been plotting this with me for all of this time."

"They'll understand", Aug smiled, placing his hands on his crying girlfriend's cheeks as he leaned over her large belly to comfort her. "Fat Dragon will. He's a good guy, you know that. You've known him for a long time, have you not? He'll understand. And if anyone gives you any hassle over it, the two of us could knock some sense into that unfortunate bastard. You had to eat him, Serana. He was a misogynistic bully that was making horrible comments about both of us, you were hungry, really hungry, your stomach was completely acidic and toxic, and he needed to die an un-honorable death. You like a full tummy, Serana. The feeling of... hell, you like it more than that feeling you had when I was forced up your vagina. And you loved that shit."

"A full stomach is cute and feels good", Serana smiled, patting her bloated gut, "But even that feeling wouldn't make me feel better if I had been forcefully cast out by our friends. And if they rejected me, or worse still, us, my feeling of satisfaction of revenge would be replaced by unstoppable guilt and regret."

"Well we're going to have to tell them", Aug sighed. "As much as I don't want to, we've already told a HUGE lie, and continuing this lie would be what crushes our relationship and standing with the rest of the gang. So prepare yourself", Aug said, nodding and kissing his teary girlfriend, "But know that I will follow you until I'm dust in the breeze, you realize that, right?

"Yeah", Serana giggled, flattered. And no, it wasn't from her butt.

…

**Big... fucking... chapter /**

**But don't let ½ of this monster fool you; this actually is sort of the Rockzi special, so sort of like with the massive Solstheim quest, it'll hop back and forth between Rockzi and SeranAug.**


	28. Rockzi

**So Aug and Serana have a major problem in... inside of Serana, but Rocker and Mimzi are also dealing with and are going to be dealing with some more bullshit, too, so let's take a little look and see how they're doing.**

…

"What year is it?" Mimzi asked, trying to playfully piss Rocker off as they hiked through the mountains to her father's castle. "I think it's the year of... I can't remember..."

"It's the year of the shut-the-fuck-up", Rocker growled. "So seriously, can you close your mouth for half a single goddamn second? How do you even manage to breathe without passing out?"

"I have a nose", Mimzi grinned smugly.

"Good for you", Rocker replied, rolling his eyes. Not that anyone like, you know, actually gives a fuck."

"Why are you so stubborn, bro?" Mimzi remarked.

"Because I'm having to go here with you- why do you even need _me _to come deal with the trolls? Can't you get Fat Dragon or someone to do it? Get Serana to suck them up her butt like she did with that 'Spoon' asshole?" Rocker said, making a quick sucking noise.

Mimzi angrily punched Rocker in the back of the head.

"OW!" The fuck?!" Rocker yelled.

"Don't you be talking about her that way", Mimzi said angrily, "She's my girlfriend; don't fucking mess with her."

"If she's your girlfriend, then why the hell do you claim to love me? Can't you two make your own babies?"

"Come on, you know we don't work like that", Mimzi replied after an awkward pause. "And I never said I wanted to make babies with you to begin with."

"Okay", said Rocker, "Then care to explain why you asked me if we'd be having sex at some point during the trip?"

"Because I was screwing around", said Mimzi. "And how would that even work? Would I like, have to lay an egg or something, and have to sit on it until it hatched? And would the baby be like a walking abortion or something? Like with six eyes, being three different colors, having two tails, both male and female parts?"

"It is possible for Argonians and humans to reproduce", said Rocker. "That's all I know. Orcs and Argonians, Argonians and elves, elves and Khajiit, Khajiit and humans; doesn't matter. True, you'd get some pretty fucked-up results, but it's still genetically possible. It's been done before."

"How would you know?" Mimzi curiously and playfully asked in that sort of annoying, pestering voice, her eyes twinkling.

"First of all, don't do that shit", Rocker said. "That's just disturbing. Frightening. But I know that it's possible; I've seen a hybrid baby before. Don't remember what species, but I do remember that it looked like it climbed out of a trashcan, fell into the Solitude sewers, and climbed back out."

"That's mean", Mimzi replied, giving Rocker a disapproving look.

"Hey, just sayin'... plus you're the one who's trying to get me to bang you so you can have a freaky lizard baby."

"First of all", Mimzi angrily growled, picking up a rock and flinging it at Rocker, "I never said that I actually wanted to have sexual intercourse with you, asshole. And second of all, yeah, I wouldn't want to be a mommy any time soon, but that would still be my darling baby. I'd love her, no matter how good or bad she looked."

"She?" Rocker asked, amused at where this conversation was going.

"Yes", Mimzi said, puffing out her chest diva-style, "_She. _She would be so cute. She'd have big, bright blue eyes, adorable little eyelashes, lovely golden hair, and she'd be a sweetheart. People might call her a freak, but she'd be my baby, and I'd love her. And I couldn't find a fuck to give if anyone thought she was weird or if I was weird, because we're all weird. Fat Dragon is weird, Wyatt and Derpo are, you and I are, and Aug and Serana are, but Serana isn't as weird as the rest of us."

"Yeah, because she just crams her mouth full of 'normal' all the time..."

"Look, Rocker", Mimzi said, "Serana is my friend. You might hate her, but she's very nice, kind and sweet. She's very friendly and extroverted, she knows how to have fun, and how to cheer people up, so who cares if she's a bit fat? Aug loves her that way, in addition to her wonderful personality."

"Which brings us to how weird Aug is", Rocker remarked. "I like the guy, but he's got a serious problem, for real."

"He's your friend, too, so don't badmouth him. And I like talking about my baby, so I'm not gonna let you dictate what I can and can't think about."

…

Two hours later, Mimzi and Rocker finally reached Windhelm. Rocker had the look of an apocalypse survivor all over him, because listening to Mimzi blab consistently about her "dream baby" as well as beatboxing and singing "The Age of Aggression" for a solid hour had that sort of effect on him.

"Damnit", Mimzi groaned upon seeing the bridge up to the fortress city, which was out of operation, "We can't go across the bridge. You!" she yelled, pointing at one of the Stormcloak guards posted at the Windhelm Stables, "What's the deal with the bridge? Is the city closed or something?"

"No, madame", the Nord replied, "The bridge is being repaired, so all access from the bridge is suspended until further notice. But you can go down to the docks and enter through the Gray Quarter, if you would like. There is a small boat that you can use to get across, assuming you don't want to swim in the frozen waters."

"Okay. Thanks, dude", Mimzi smiled, nodding to the guard.

Rocker and Mimzi took less than a minute crossing across the canal to the frozen, stone docks where they had been before, when they traveled to Solstheim to save Serana, but Rocker was noticing all of his Argonian brethren working like slaves out in the cold, snowy winds, being forced to carry cargo, crates and supplies all over the place. This disturbed the Argonian, so he poked Mimzi, who turned to see what he wanted.

"What's the deal with all of these guys working the docks?" Rocker asked.

"Well", Mimzi said, looking at her feet nervously, "My father isn't exactly too fond of... well, pretty much anyone who isn't a Nord. He's just kind of an elitist, like Serana's dad; he claims to be a true Nord, and that because this is our home, we have control over it. Not my decision; his. I don't agree with it, either, or like it, but that's just the way he is, and as much as I want to, changing his thoughts on that is beyond my power."

"Well you go ahead and talk to your racist pa", Rocker stubbornly said, chin-upping Mimzi angrily, "I'm going to talk to my egg-brothers and sisters here working like slaves out here in the freezing cold."

"Okay, I guess", Mimzi replied. "See you later, I guess."

…

"Mimzi", said Ulfric, stepping up off of Ysgramor's Throne to warmly embrace his daughter, "I have been looking forward to seeing you again."

"Thanks, Dad", Mimzi smiled, kissing her father's cheek. "So what's going on? Why'd you call me out here?"

"Daughter, remember how when I came and rescued you from the clutches of those damned Thalmor, how I said that you were the Princess of Windhelm?"

"Yes?" Mimzi replied, leaning in with interest.

"When I said that, I was not just saying that in an affectionate way", Ulfric explained. "I would love for you to move here, into Ysgramor's City, where you could live in luxury and happiness whenever you wanted. In addition, I'll also give you your own personal bodyguard squad to guard you and your house, the luxurious Hjerim, which is located almost right next to the Palace of the Kings here. This title is much more prestigious than becoming Thane, so I would love nothing more than to have my blessed little girl at my side, helping me run this city."

"Sounds rather tempting", Mimzi nodded, considering her father's proposal. "But..."

"But what?" Ulfric asked, motioning for his right-hand man Galmar to bring him his coffee at the same time.

"It's just that I live with... with my friends, in the abandoned Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary in Falkreath", Mimzi explained.

"Your friends could move in with you, I guess", Ulfric suggested, "But first tell me who- and what- they are."

Mimzi knew that there would be no point in lying to her father, so she decided to come clean, but she listed her friends in order from more-likable, human races, to Argonians, and then to beast races, so that Ulfric wouldn't immediately have a heart attack when she told him that one of her friends was a dragon.

"Well", said Mimzi, tapping her chin, "There's Aug, the brown-haired Nord that helped save me, and also let you use a high-powered, ultra-advanced phased-plasma rifle."

"Yes", Ulfric said, thinking very positively of Aug, "The boy is a true Nord, the heart and soul of a warrior. Very well-mannered young man, and he is most certainly welcome in this city. Continue."

"There's Serana", Mimzi smiled, thinking of her fun, eager-to-eat, playful female bestie. "She's a Nord, as well, but..."

"But what?" Ulfric asked, taking the coffee tankard from Galmar and taking a nice sip of delicious imported coffee.

"...She's a... vampire..."

"A _vampire?!_" Ulfric exclaimed, spitting out a mouthful of coffee which nearly splattered across his daughter's face. "Why are you friends with a _vampire_?"

"She's not evil, Daddy", Mimzi said, tugging at her father's arm. "She's very nice and pretty, and she doesn't eat people or drink blood any more. She loves to eat and eat, but she likes to gorge on things like pie, sweetrolls, bread, cooked meat, and stuff like that."

"Mimzi", Ulfric sighed, wiping some drops of coffee off of his mouth, "I believe you when you say that this 'Serana' is a sweet girl; I really do, but she is still a vampire, and I can't put my people at risk because of this."

"Can you please think about it? _Pweaaaaase_?" Mimzi asked, giving her dad the watery-eyes-and-sniffle routine. Like all fathers, Ulfric fell prey to this, and reluctantly agreed to put it into consideration.

"There's Wyatt", Mimzi continued.

"Sounds like another true Nord", Ulfric commented.

"Well, not exactly, 'cause uh, see, he's a... werewolf..."

"_**WHAT?!**_" Ulfric bellowed in shock, nearly unleashing the destructive power of the Thu'um on his daughter by accident.

"Yes, a werewolf. But he's good, too; really! He's very sweet, playful, affectionate, and he would never hurt a fly unless the fly tried to hurt one of us."

"I don't know about that one", Ulfric said, waiting for his daughter to continue listing her freaky friends.

"There's good ol' Fat Dragon..."

"Fat Dragon? I pray to Talos that that is only his nickname", Ulfric said, now suddenly afraid of what Mimzi's response would be.

"The 'Fat' part is the nickname", Mimzi clarified.

Ulfric's eye twitched uncontrollably, his face frozen in horror. "So let me get this straight... you're friends... with... a _**DRAGON?!**_"

"Well... yeah...", Mimzi nervously chuckled.

"Mimzi, darling", Ulfric stuttered, "Please do your old man a favor, and stop talking about these crazy friends of yours before I have a heart attack."

"MIMZI!" Rocker shouted, barging through the massive castle doors.

"Oh shit...", Mimzi muttered.

Several Stormcloaks moved in to restrain Rocker, who angrily pushed them out of the way. "Get off of me, you homos!" Rocker growled.

"Aren't you supposed to be working the docks, lizard?" Ulfric asked, demanding to know why the Argonian just stormed into his palace.

"Chill, Broseph", Rocker replied, "I was just coming to see Mimzi. And more importantly, I need to speak to you, sir."

"Dad, please, let him speak", said Mimzi, noticing that her dad looked like he was about to burst every vein in his head and brutally strangle and choke Rocker to death.

"Very well", Ulfric rudely sighed, "Speak, worm."

"First of all, don't you remember me?" Rocker asked. "From the raid on the Embassy? I worked alongside you to help save Mimzi and Serana?"

"Maybe..."

"Well whatever. My point is, is why the hell you're making all of the Dark Elves and Argonians stand around in the cold, outside of the city? They don't get any homes, and they are forced to work day and night for hours on end. It's not even remotely fair, and they deserve better than this."

"Alright", said Ulfric, "You talked, and I listened. Now I shall talk, and you shall listen. I am the Jarl of this city, and the leader of the rebellion against those rotten elves. I call the shots. And I am the true High King of Skyrim; you would be wise to remember that, boy."

"Tell me", said Rocker, challenging authority once again, "If you're the High King of Skyrim, then why are you still sitting here in this shit-bucket?"

"Rocker, seriously; shut the hell up", Mimzi said, extremely scared that a fight was going to break out.

"Mimzi, how in Talos's name do you know this disrespectful cretin?" Ulfric asked, appalled that this "friend" of his daughter's was just rudely lashing out at him in a disrespectful manner before taking another sip of his coffee.

"Well", said Mimzi, "He's one of my friends, and... my... boyfriend..."

"SAY _**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?**_" Ulfric loudly exclaimed, his eyes popping out as he spewed the rest of the steaming hot coffee at Rocker's face.

"Dad, chill. We haven't been on a date, and we've only since become a couple because I admitted to liking him", Mimzi explained.

"Well what the hell do you see in that _**thing?!**_" Ulfric asked, gesturing to the Argonian standing before him. "He smells funny, he has serpentine eyes, sharp teeth, and- he's not even human!"

"Hey!" exclaimed Rocker, offended by this comment.

"Because, Daddy", said Mimzi, "Yes, he smells as bad as he looks, but he argues with me, and calls me a wide array of unprintable misogynistic terms and slurs."

"And you like him _**because of this?!**_" Ulfric outrageously cried.

"Matter of fact I do", said Mimzi. "Every time we fight, I feel so... stimulated, so... well, let me put it this way: we argue over every little thing, and I basically always win, which makes me feel like a badass. I don't care for sex, I just like feeling like an epic winner every time I verbally own him, which is _my _pleasure."

"-Bu- but- but-?"

The massive doors to the palace swung open once again, and an even larger mob of Argonians marched into the room. "What the fuck?!" Ulfric yelled, "Why did you let all of these-"

The Argonians stood aside to reveal the reason why they had entered the Jarl's palace: two dead Frost Trolls were laying dead on the floor, obviously slain by the Argonian force. "Wait...", said Ulfric, "You killed the trolls?"

"Yes, assbutt", said Rocker, "_Now _will you let us live in the city?"

Ulfric shrugged. "Well, you lizards saved me the trouble of having to go and kill those fuckers myself or hire the Companions of Jorrvaskr to do it, so tell you what, uh, Rocker, how about you forfeit your payment, and instead, your brethren will be allowed to live inside the city, though homes may not be readily available."

"Thanks, Dad", Mimzi smiled, kissing her father, who embraced his daughter.

"Just one thing before we depart", said Rocker, "Why did you want those trolls dead so badly?"

"Trolls be trollin'", Ulfric grinned, nodding.

…

**Ugh... finally D: I'm tired.**

**This took sooooo long to write; mainly because I wasn't in to it too much, but my motivation was that Julie wanted to see something good, and she's done so much for me that I can't even try to resist.**


	29. Telling the Truth

**So Rocker and Mimzi have the whole situation with Ulfric and their relationship cleared up, but that doesn't mean that it'll be a stable relationship, so that outta be interesting. Love each other, but hating each other at the same damn time...?**

**Meanwhile, a more stable couple is dealing with a big problem, as you may remember, so let's check back in.**

…

"What am I gonna do?" Serana cried as she paced back and forth with her hands on her head. "I _ate _somebody- alive-, and now all of our friends are going to think I'm a bloodthirsty cannibal that-"

"Chill, Serana", said Aug, "You're not a cannibal. If anything, this is kind of the normal thing for your kind."

"What do you mean?"

"Vampires feed on blooded mortals, primarily humanoids, so by default vampirism is a form of cannibalism", Aug explained. "You voraciously swallowing some asshole that was pissing us both off is different, yes, but think of it as just a step above just sucking blood."  
"But I... I just feel so weird, so wrong", Serana replied, placing her hands on her belly to try and feel the skull that was going to be coming back out soon.

"Well, that's normal, and I can identify with you there", said Aug, "But fear is the greatest weapon there is. Fear holds you back, holds you hiding in the shadows."

"What does fear have to do with anything?" Serana asked, completely dumbstruck by what her boyfriend was telling her.

"You're scared that you're going to be hacking up a dead guy's bones soon, right? Plus, you're scared because it might be painful."

"Huh", Serana grunted, "Good point. But still, I don't know what to do about this. I feel like I'm going to throw up _now_."

"Well why not do it here, now, while we're alone?" Aug suggested.

"Because I still don't feel comfortable about it. The Vomit Express is going to be leaving the station soon, and there's nothing anybody can do to stop it. Part of the fear comes from not knowing when it will happen. It could happen tomorrow morning, or in 17 minutes, or at midnight... any number of possibilities."

"Well you're continuing to prove my point", said Aug.

"How? What?"

"You have a limited amount of time before you 'expire', so to speak, so why not make it worthwhile, enjoying yourself as much as you're able to, instead of cowering in fear, doing nothing but crying and wetting yourself?" Aug suggested.

"You're right", Serana said, suddenly feeling completely calm and relaxed as she came to terms with the situation at hand.

…

"Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-MMM!" Serana grinned as she goose-stepped back over to their friends, licking her lips and rubbing her belly vigorously, "That was one hell of a cheesecake!"

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon remarked in amazement, "You ate an entire cheesecake by yourself?"

"Well, I had a couple of molecules of it, because when she was talking or coughing or burping, crumbs and stuff flew into my mouth", Aug replied. "Still, a hungry girlfriend is a stuffed girlfriend, a stuffed girlfriend is a happy girlfriend, and a happy girlfriend makes me happy."

"Say that again, you lost me at 'girlfriend'", said Fat Dragon.

"Okay; when she's hungry or full, she's happy; whenever she's happy, I'm happy. Which one of those words do you not understand?"

"Aug, chillax", Serana laughed, nudging her over-protective boyfriend. "So, Fat Dragon, what's the plan for today? And by the way, where's Mimzi and Rocker?"

"They went to Windhelm, because Mimzi's dad sent a courier asking for her to come; and Rocker went with her as well. Now as for what we're doing today, we haven't decided."

"We could... work out. Or go raiding. Or steal a bunch of stuff", Serana suggested, disregarding the fact of the situation that was going to be rising out of her belly within time.

"Sounds good", said Aug. Wyatt barked in agreement.

…

"We did it!" Aug cheered an hour later. Fat Dragon yelled, "Hey, hey, hey!", and Wyatt howled with joy. His handicapped buddy tried to howl as well, doing an okay job.

"I can't believe we stole all of the cheese in Whiterun!" Aug exclaimed, opening one of their sacks containing tons of cheese wheels and slices, which dumped all over the ground. "Every tavern, every shop, every house, every market stall... even the Jarl's Palace!"

"So", Serana smiled brightly, "What exactly are we going to do with all of this cheese? Sell it?"

"Naw", Aug said, flipping his hand, "It's cheese. We're not going to eat _all _of it, unless you get your cravings, of course, and we'll just keep it all in the clubhouse or something."

"Yeah...", Serana began to say, before bending to her knees and coughing. _"Oh no..._", Aug thought, "_It's time..._"

Serana's eyes were bloodshot, the same color as the blood she slurped, as well as her face, which was turning a frightening dark red color. Everyone rushed over to Serana, who was starting to throw up in small "bursts", as opposed to throwing up normally in a large hurl of undigested food, mead, and tiny organisms (ant-sized insects and possibly the "Ant Bully", from that '06 summer flick) that went down Serana's gullet whenever she dropped food and picked it back up and ate it, because that's how gluttonous she was. In terms of size, her appetite was the size of Fat Dragon.

Aug was freaking out, and moved in to start Heimlich-maneuvering his choking girlfriend, who was turning blue. Aug knew that it had to be the skull of the late Rodrick, and likely some other bits of bone subsequently. Placing his arms around Serana's beltline, Aug's might and brute strength tightly constricted Serana's stomach, hoping to free whatever was choking her and get it out.

"COME ON, GODDAMNIT!" Aug screamed a la Ellen Ripley from _Aliens_, the veins in his neck and face looking like they were about to burst.

Serana made one final, loud, disgusting hacking noise, and a slimy upper skull flew out of her mouth and plopped down in the dirt in front of their friends. Serana also burped loudly immediately after regurgitating the skull, and thinned bones popped out as well, falling like a disgusting bundle of sticks down in a pile next to the skull. Derpo immediately fainted, and Wyatt and Fat Dragon had looks of horror and shock and awe about what they had just seen.

"Um, uh, what is that...?" Fat Dragon nervously asked, backing away from Serana while pointing at the bones which had just flown out of her mouth.

"...Bones", Serana replied.

"Of what...?"

"A vampire. Another vampire, actually", Serana chuckled, smiling in a kind and honest way at her frightened friends.

Wyatt started whimpering and crying, covering his face with his tail as he laid down on the ground, and Serana was about to cry, too, because this was what she knew was gonna happen. All she needed to do was wait for Fat Dragon's words, and then she goes into exile. Possibly out of Skyrim.

"Guys-" Serana said, reaching out towards her friends with a sad look on her face, "I'm not a monster. I'm not going around eating people-"

"WELL THEN WHAT IS THAT?!" Fat Dragon yelled, pointing to the bones.

"I- I- He-" Serana babbled, tears slowly spawning in her eyes.

"He was being a dick to us", Aug intervened, stepping up defiantly. "Okay? Serana's innocent. She's our friend, my _girlfriend_, and if you were her friends you'd understand that she's just hungry all the time, but she values you, me, Wyatt, Derpo, Rocker, and Mimzi more than any piece of food. Food that is eaten and digested can be replaced. Friends and friendship cannot be replaced as easily. And besides, Rodrick was being an a-"

"Wait", Fat Dragon asked, "Did you say 'Rodrick'?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Dragon cheered, "That dude was pretty dang mean, and Serana's done us all a huge favor! Thanks, man!"

"You mean it?" Serana asked, all bubbly-eyed as she wagged and wiggled her butt in place of a tail.

"Yep! You a badass, Serana!"

"Yay!" Serana squealed, hugging Aug tightly and kissing him, "Thank you guys, and most importantly, thank you, Aug!"

"Mission accomplished", Aug smiled, looking up into the sky.

"So where's-" Serana began to say, before hearing a loud crash.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Aug yelled, "I got crushed by ANOTHER tree!"

Serana's unfinished question was answered when her BFF and her mortal enemy came through the clearing over to them.

"Oh, hey Serana", Mimzi smiled, hugging her friend. "What's been going on?"

"Just had a little nibble", Serana replied, "Pie. That's a fun word. Pie, pie, pie, pie, pie. Pie. Yummyyummyyummy pie!"

"I'm sure it was", Rocker remarked, receiving a murderous glare from the female vampire. "So, Fat Dragon, what else happened while we were gone?"

"Aug got crushed by a tree, and Serana _ate _somebody! Alive!"

"Oh, that's coo- say _what_?!"

…

**Aug always pulls through for Serana, just like I would. And that chick's got one monster appetite, so my best advice and finishing line for this episode is: don't piss her off. Bad things happen. VERY bad things...**


	30. Everybody Wants Ya

**Self-esteem is such an important thing, to me, and to all of you, even those of you who refuse to admit it. Having other people liking you is a major desire, but if you don't like yourself, then you won't feel good at all. Depression is rough, very rough and sad. So when one of the members of Fat Dragon's crew has a huge drop in self-esteem, then you can count on one or more friends stepping in to show them that they have value and are special, unique, talented individuals.**

…

For everyone, Serana's new body form was an improvement. She was partially handicapped, but she was able to do all sorts of stuff with her perfectly-spherical breasts and plump belly which was holding a food baby almost 24/7. And from this eating habit, Serana was also able to do some pretty damn good tricks with her tummy.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Fat Dragon cheered, clapping his massive clawed hands, "Do that trick again, man!"

Serana was doing what many would call a "farting stomach"; her belly was full to the limit with liquid (she had drunk a lot of something before showing up, so it could be blood, milk, mead, anything.), and by sucking in her stomach and then letting it out, and then doing this repeatedly, making this unique sloshing noise which had Aug going crazy in terms of sexual desires and fetishes.

"***Bluup... blorp... blop... doop***", said Serana's stomach as the liquids within it sloshed and splashed around as she sucked her gut in and instantly let it all out. All of the gang was impressed with this neat trick; except for Rocker, of course, who was disgusted by pretty much everything Serana did.

"Eww", said Rocker, sticking his tongue out, "That is nasty. Serana, you are such a disgusting overweight slut, and you've got to stop eating so much. You don't look 'sexy'; Aug's just brain-damaged. You look completely repulsive and grossly obese."

"Hey Rocker," Aug growled, standing up for his girlfriend, "You know what year it is?"

"I think it's the Year of the"

"It's the Year of the Shut The Fuck Up, so shut it."

"Yes", Serana said, nodding in agreement to her protective boyfriend's retort.

"You're such a pig though; I mean, you _ate _somebody for cryin' out loud!" Rocker exclaimed, jabbing Serana's gut with a stick.

"Do you want to, you know, join what's left of him?" Serana growled, clenching her teeth and fists. "Because my farting tummy would be 'sloshy with a chance of screaming' if you keep insulting me, my body, or my boyfriend."

Rocker surrendered at this point: Serana had wolfed down an entire 5'8 human being, which made her stomach grow as large as a horse, and she had hacked up all of the bones remaining from her delicious meal, so he knew not to push her too far. "Okay, okay", Rocker sighed, pissed that he had lost yet-another argument.

"Do that trick again, man!" Fat Dragon said eagerly. Serana nodded and smiled, and all of her friends gathered up to watch. Aug, being the fucked-up horndog he was, had his ear right up against his girl's belly, so he could hear the sloshing and churning and glooping noises at maximum volume.

"Aug, baby, I don't want you to get hurt...", Serana said nervously. Serana obviously didn't care that he was doing this, because it was pretty much the usual thing, which also made her tingle in happiness and significantly raised her self-esteem. Serana's concern is that, as she had said before, she and her tummy were not exactly on the best of terms, such as when Serana made the sad, horrible mistake of buying the mystery meat from one of the stalls in the Whiterun marketplace; the result was the most emotionally and socially painful experience she had ever experienced: diarrhea kept her on a toilet in the Bannered Mare's cellar for about 2 hours. If that could happen, all of the food and the ocean of blood (even though she didn't like to cause too much pain to others, she still retained that voracious vampire appetite for blood) and mead sloshing around in her cavernous stomach would have the strength of a Giant's Club.

"***RUULP-***"

Serana's stomach scored again: when she exhaled and let her belly just fall out, the force punched Aug in the head, knocking him to the ground with incredible force. Serana gasped suddenly, concerned and embarrassed.

"Aug!" Serana cried, trying to help Aug up, "Aug! Are you alright?"

"Yeh", Aug replied, placing his hand on his forehead, "What did you eat? Bricks?"

Serana giggled, realizing that once again her charming, comforting boyfriend was trying to put a positive spin on things despite the pain and embarrassment that had occurred. "Glad to hear you're alright, baby", Serana smiled, hugging Aug with one foot off the ground in that charming fashion. Aug smiled, embracing his beautiful vampire girlfriend, with soft, silky midnight-black hair, beautiful luminescent orange eyes, naturally cherry-red lips, flawless skin. Aug had scored majorly: he had always been alone in the world, and so had Serana, and when the two found eachother, the bond formed almost instantly. And it was even further reinforced when Serana, who just loved to eat and eat and eat despite getting a large food baby immediately after, found out that her boyfriend wasn't turned away by this unusual habit that would result in most guys dumping her for someone "hotter", so both parties benefited from this condition: Serana was able to just stuff her belly full of tasty food, and not have to worry about how other people would think of her, and Aug was obviously turned on, because as he had said, "Every bite of food is another hunk of my love stored within you... but don't eat _too_ much, because then it can't hold it all."

Aug is terrible with words, he knows. But he's a thoughtful, gentle, attractive young man with a heart as big as his manhood- they don't make hearts much bigger than that, and a special part of his heart reserved for Serana, and Serana alone.

"Okay", Serana said, "I guess I'm done with the farting stomach/punching bag act. Hey, Wyatt?"

"Hmm?" Wyatt whined, tilting his head at Serana.

"You wanna show us some of _your _tricks?"

Wyatt barked, getting up and sitting down next to Serana, wagging his tail and panting happily.

"Wyatt, play dead", said Serana. Wyatt obliged, performing by far the best "play dead" performance ever. Wyatt stood up tall, locking his body up with his clawed hand tightly clenching his furry chest, making desperate, convincing gasping noises, widening his eyes, and dropping backwards onto the ground, motionless. All of his friends clapped; some cheered, but as Serana smiled and clapped, she noticed that her best and only female friend was looking kind of unhappy, envious, if anything.

This theory was proven correct when Mimzi said that she was going to go down to the river for a bit, and immediately Serana knew something was up; which naturally made her unhappy, because there were but two things Serana lived for: her gluttonous, insatiable appetite, and her friends whom she loved dearly. Even though her stomach disagreed with her, Serana's heart told her that her friends and making them smile were more important, because as scrumptious as all of the sweetrolls and sweetbread and cheesecake and mead and mammoth steaks were, at the end of the day all they were were just fat deposits in her belly, on her butt, or on her breasts. Making people feel good was something that could be remembered through a lifetime, especially because Serana herself was somewhat insecure, and it mean a great deal to her when her friends complimented her and helped her, not caring about how she looked externally or judging her by her family or kind, but how she was on the inside. She was a kind, thoughtful person, with good leadership and social skills, a fun-loving attitude, an almost-fantasy relationship, and she rebelled against the "codes" that society had set and determined for vampires: she didn't see the point in being malignant and misanthropic, because she was a firm believer in the 'do unto others as you would want done to you' moral; she was fat, she thought she was ugly (even though her friends proved her wrong), and she didn't like it when people picked on her, so she decided not to spread the miserable affliction. Plus, Serana had broken free of Molag Bal's control; Serana found normal food, preferably high in calories, absolutely scrumptious and delicious, way better than blood. She still liked to slurp and suck blood, but she only did so about once a month, because it was also a bit tricky finding a way to feed without getting a bounty or bad reputation.

"Aug", Serana said, releasing herself from Aug's warm embrace, "I'm gonna go check with Mimzi for a bit; is that okay with you...?"

"She's your best friend, and best friends deserve some time alone. I'll just show the guys that neat trick where I snap my-"

"Aug", Serana said sternly, closing her eyes.

"Sorry, sweetie", Aug smiled, kissing her on the forehead.

…

Mimzi sat by the river, glum, depressed and alone, chucking pebbles into the moving water out of sheer boredom.

"What's the point?" Mimzi asked herself, "Why did I ever come here, if I can't do anything-"

"Mimzi?" Serana asked, exiting the clearing to where her friend was sitting.

"Oh shit!" Mimzi quickly murmured, not wanting her tomboy-badass reputation to be comprimised. "Hey, Serana", said Mimzi.

"Can I, uh, talk to you, for a bit?" Serana asked.

"Is it about belly rubs or getting you some food or something?"

"'Well, that too, but that's not what I'm talking about, that's not why I'm here", Serana explained. "You okay, sis?"

"...No...", Mimzi sighed. "I'm just... I have no unique characteristics or anything, no good looks, nothing."

"What do- what are you talking about?!" Serana said, dropping her jaw in disbelief over what she was being told, "You're a _very _pretty girl, Mimzi. You have such a great personality and rebellious attitude, and you're a hell of a lot prettier and thinner than I'll ever be", Serana continued as she briefly fingered her navel.

"You're pretty, too", Mimzi said, not wanting Serana to demoralize herself or lose hope or faith or confidence, "You're pretty in different ways, Serana. And if anything, I envy you. Your never-ending hunger and large potbelly are what makes you so special and appreciated and unique. I don't have anything like that, nothing that makes me stand out in a positive way."

"Well you could always gorge with me", Serana suggested. "Food is wonder- if you're single, and you need love, eat food. Food, food, food, glorious food!"

"There are several reasons why I don't want to do that", Mimzi replied. "First, is those are _your _special characteristics; they're what makes _you _sweet and pretty and well-liked. I can't copy what you're doing; not only because then it wouldn't really be my special trait, but because Rocker has tight limits when it comes to looks in girls, and considering the amount of verbal abuse you take from him based on your visible weight, I'm positive that he'd dump me for so much as taking an extra muffin or two during breakfast. Plus, I like staying in shape, and I work really hard to keep my six-pack and muscles strong. I could probably lift Fat Dragon... if I ever wanted or needed to, that is."

"Well, okay", said Serana. "This is the lifestyle I want to live, it's the one I'm both happy and successful with, and that's why I thought I'd bring it up."

"By the way", asked Mimzi, "Why _do_ you have such an appetite, a thing for looking pregnant by stuffing yourself?"

"Well", Serana sighed, "Being a vampire, obviously we have the need to feed, but I've just kind of lost my taste for blood. That said, I still enjoy it, but like Fat Dragon, Wyatt and everyone else, I just decided that I wanted no part in bringing grief and fear into peoples' lives, so I've sort of cured myself of vampirism. The downside, which is how most people see it, is that you still need to feed, and lots of regular Nord food and drink are required to have the same level of sustenance that drinking blood provides, but the properties of the food, like the fat level and stuff, still apply. But I'm a nice girl. Except to the food; I'm practically the Destroyer or something. Whatever is edible and fits in my mouth and tastes good... is a meal. A meal for an appetite that will never be full."

"Oh", Mimzi replied. "Well, you are such a sweet girl, and I don't regret having you as my BFF. You've got a heart the size of your belly, basically."

"Aww...", Serana blushed, leaning over to hug Mimzi tightly, "Thank you!"

"Sure", Mimzi smiled.

"But seriously, why would you ever assume that you aren't completely adorable?" Serana asked, appalled that anyone could think that Mimzi was hideous in any way.

"Because, look at me!" Mimzi said angrily, standing up. "I'm tiny. I'm a midget, part-Dwemer! Short, stupid hair, hands and feet the size of a dwarf skeever, I'm tiny and pointless! I could probably fit in your mouth; I'm that small!"

"But I might swallow accidentally...", Serana said.

"I'm not asking or telling you to eat me, I'm just telling you that I'm that puny. I'm positive I'm no more than 5 feet tall, I've got short hair, dinky little feet and hands, and I'm just useless."

"No you're not", Serana said. "You are not. Okay, don't say that. Do not say that. You're my best friend, and everybody wants you. Everybody wants you and everybody likes you. You're another girl who I can discuss girl topics with, like boys, food, makeup, that sort of thing, and that's part of why I'm always in a positive mood, because I have someone to talk to that understands exactly what I'm saying."

"Yeah", Mimzi sighed. "But I'm ugly, imperfect, and I have no chance at all of becoming as well liked as you are."

"The secret to that is how much faith you have in yourself, and how much you believe in yourself", said Serana. "Take me for example. I'm happy with the body and belly I have right now, but I know that if I ever wanted to lose weight, I believe strong enough that I could."

"Oh, and Serana, can I ask you something?" Mimzi asked.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Can we keep this whole conversation a secret? I... I have my reputation, which is pretty much all I've got left, and I cannot afford to dampen it."

"Secret's safe with me", Serana smiled, hugging her smaller friend compassionately.

…

**And once again, sweet and sexy Serana manages to raise her rowdy, mischievous friend's self-esteem, which is the most important thing with your emotions. If you don't even like yourself, or believe in yourself that, "Hey, I'm going to make some new friends", then you can't be happy. You just can't. Everybody needs friends: to talk to, to play with, to have fun with, to cheer up, to mess around with, share secrets and troubling matters with. Even those crazed villains in Disney movies that want to "rule the world", because what the hell is the point of being the overlord of the human race if you don't have anyone to converse with, or share money with, or to argue with?**

**Oh, that's right, there is none. See you next time, stunt nation. ;)**


	31. The Fat Dragon Poem

**This chapter is unique in that it's poetry, as opposed to written romance and action. It's sort of a personal test to see how well I can write poetry, too, so cut me some slack if you think it sucks. But regardless, this obviously will be quite short, so don't expect 5 pages' worth of poetry.**

…

So first there is Fat Dragon,

All massive and happy,

Followed by Mimzi,

Who is snarky, bitchy and quite snappy.

Wyatt the werewolf,

Is a adorable, sweet puppy,

And Serana is a kind vampire,

With a large, round tummy.

Rocker is a lizard,

Always has a bad attitute,

Derpo is another lizard,

With an always-good mood.

Aug is a soldier from the future,

Which was always wars and rifles,

Now here in Skyrim,

He deals with constant bullshit and trifles.

Valerica is Serana's mother,

All cool-headed, friendly and slick,

Serana's father, Lord Harkon, however,

Is just a complete dick.

Leeroy Jenkins, a former friend of Serana's,

Nearly landed Fat Dragon and friends in jail,

But when he was proven guilty, and they were proven innocent,

This quite clearly, was his ever-biggest fail.

Wyatt is defensive of his friend, Derpo,

Who was born a 'tard,

And Rocker picks on Serana,

Calling her a lazy hunk of lard.

Mimzi has attitude,

Perhaps even more,

Proven when she punched Rocker,

When he called Serana a whore.

And Fat Dragon is always positive,

Filled with joy, happiness and glee,

Isn't that sweet-

Oh Gods, he's about to sit on me!

…

**I think I pulled that off pretty well, but I want you, the readers, to give me feedback; tell me what you think not only of this poem, but of the other chapters in the story, too.**


	32. Sea-Whores Part 1: Seeds of Corruption

**So our good friend Julie had given me some chapter/episode suggestions, and one of them was an "amazon" concept. For those of you who might not get what I mean by that, it basically refers to those jungle women you see every now and then on TV, who live sort of like cavemen, except they absolutely loathe males. Usually you find them in rainforests and uncharted islands, hence the moniker "amazon". **

**But the "amazon" concept doesn't really blend too well with Skyrim, since there are no rainforests in the province or any primitive ape-women, so I ask myself, "What would there be in the world of Skyrim that would be a culture, a race of beings dedicated to female friendships, beauty, and harmony with nature?"**

**Here's a hint: H2O. Water. Werewolves and Vampire Lords aren't the only shape-shifting beings in the world.**

…

It was a day at the beach for Fat Dragon and the gang, even though the beach was pretty much a desolate, frozen wasteland as always. Rocker and Mimzi, both competitive athletes, were racing against eachother down the beach; technically making this time a romantic stroll. Aug and Serana, the major couple, were making out on the beach, though this was one of the few times where they weren't having sexual intercourse in broad daylight, and currently they were kissing and hugging, rubbing their arms all over eachother as they kissed and moaned affectionately. Derpo and his canine friend Wyatt were having some best friend time, too: the two took turns throwing sticks and retrieving them. Wyatt absolutely loved fetch, but he also knew that it would be both considerate and kind to Derpo to let him go after the stick. Wyatt and Derpo had an adorably cute relationship, mainly because the two were able to understand eachother very well. Although dogs and werewolves had a pretty sharp IQ, Wyatt still wasn't a hyper-intelligent being, and Derpo was on the same intelligence level as he was, perhaps a bit lower, so Wyatt made it his sworn duty to look after and play with Derpo. Good ol' Fat Dragon himself was scuba-diving, which his friends kept telling him was an extremely stupid decision, but it wasn't as cold as Dragon thought it would be, so he was having a good time swimming around and getting bitten by slaughterfish.

But something nobody had thought of was that maybe they weren't the only ones there. But the thing was, nobody else was out on the beach, or even in the remote area.

A gust of wind blew one of Wyatt and Derpo's toys, an inflatable beach ball, out into the water, about 8 yards off-shore. "Oh shit...", Aug sighed, knowing that some tears and whimpering would begin soon if action wasn't taken. Sure enough, Wyatt gave Aug the irresistible puppy eyes, all wet and blue and teary, and Aug decided to take the risk of freezing his balls into ice cubes to make sure that no one left the beach sad. Aug gently rolled Serana off of him, and got up, stretching and popping his back, then his neck, which he rotated around several times, followed by his arms, his hands, his fingers, his toes, his feet, and his legs, before slowly trudging into the freezing water.

"Why you do this shit, Aug?" Aug asked himself angrily as he casually swam out to retrieve the beach toy, which was floating in place, almost suspiciously. "Got it!" Aug yelled upon reaching his quarry.

But before he could react, something incredibly strong tugged him underwater. Aug yelped once, loudly, gathering everyone's attention. Serana instantly began to panic, and Rocker and Mimzi instantly answered the call of duty, diving into the water courageously and quickly swimming out to rescue their friend from whatever was attacking him. Wyatt began barking and yelping as loud as he could; preferably to summon Fat Dragon, though also to anybody that might have been in the vicinity.

Quoting _Finding Nemo_, Aug did not survive an apocalyptic war, nearly contract an STD, and swim out into cojone-freezing ice water just to become breakfast to whatever low-life, four-flushing cheapskate excuse of an ocean predator that was trying to gulp him down. Aug did happen to have a secret weapon: the ocean was littered with a jaw-dropping amount of shit in it, and a pointy stick that had been in Aug's swim trunks was what started to turn the tides of this potential ending. Aug violently and aggressively stabbed and jabbed the creature that was trying to eat him, but Aug realized that the monster was intending to drown him. By holding him tightly in its mouth, the creature was denying Aug the opportunity to surface for air, and the moment the Nord lost consciousness, he would be in its stomach and out its ass almost instantly.

Aug's head and eyes looked like they were about to pop, but right before his planned death, Fat Dragon came to the rescue, rising up slowly from the water like a Navy SEAL, before pulling Aug out and flinging him back towards the beach. Aug face-planted into a massive rock upon landing, but hey, at least he was alive, though he would definitely have a broken nose for at least a month and a half. Once his endangered friend was rescued, Dragon tightly clenched the creature that had been trying to stomach Aug and flung it back towards the beach so everyone could look and see what the fuck was attacking them.

To everyone's amazement and disbelief, this creature that everyone assumed was a shark or something actually turned out to be a woman; a woman with snow-white hair, sharp teeth, and pointed ears. But the most intriguing bit was that this thing had the tail of a fish, or maybe a dolphin or whale. The woman was panting heavily, blood running down her face and dripping into the water she was lying in, and rolled around to look and accept her inevitable death.

"What... is that?" Rocker asked, speechless at what he was seeing. "Fat Dragon, what is that thing, dude?"

"Hey, hey, hey", Dragon replied, "I don't know, man. I honestly don't got a clue."

"I know what it is!" Aug growled, angrily getting up, grabbing his M25A1 and pressing the barrel against the mysterious woman's forehead, "It's dead, that's what-"

"Aug!" Serana shouted, "Chill out!"

"What are you?" Rocker asked, baffled and convinced that it was an illusion or something.

"I'm...", the woman coughed, hacking up a large amount of blood, "I'm Miami. I'm... I'm a mermaid."

"Say _what?!_" Rocker said, his eyes jumping out of his face, climbing back up his legs and back up into their sockets

"Mermaid, bean brain", Mimzi remarked. "You honestly don't know about the Mer?"

"I know Bosmer, Falmer, Orsimer, Dunmer, Altmer, and Dwemer", said Rocker, "I have no clue whatsoever what the fuck this thing is."

"Ilomer", Mimzi said.

"That's... right...", Miami coughed, "Ilomer are part woman and part fish. We live in harmony with the ocean and everything within it."

"Well if you live in peace and harmony and shit", Aug panted, continuing to aim his Westinghouse at the voracious mermaid, "Then why the fuck were you trying to _eat _me?!"

"Because you are food. Nothing more", the mermaid hissed, her eyes turning black as she observed and studied Aug.

"Well if you eat humans, then why the hell would any of us or anyone in general give up their past lives just to be fish-women?" Aug asked.

"I didn't say _all _humans were", Miami replied in a ghostly whisper

"You self-indulging piece of shit!" Aug roared, violently grabbing the mermaid by her thin neck and dragging her out of the water, "STOP talking cryptically!"

"Okay then, ass", Miami growled, pushing herself back down the beach into the water like a seal or horker, "_Men_ are food."

"Men like, guys with balls? With beards?" asked Rocker.

"As repulsive as that is, that is a very accurate statement", Miami replied. "Women suffer and are forced to put up with the rude, disgusting men that treat them insignificantly, offend them at every opportunity, and force them to do degrading acts, but as a mermaid, you have no need to worry about the antics and rude behavior of males. And since we are at one with all of Di Stephana's blessed creatures of the ocean, that leaves us with one food source: the bastard humans that forced us to pledge ourselves to the Daedric Mistress of the Depths."

"So let me get this straight", said Serana, "As a mermaid, you get to live in peace in the ocean, be a complete hedonist, and make a meal out of anyone who does anything to offend or hurt someone."

Miami nodded. "No more stress, no more sadness, no more depression. Become a mermaid. It would be good for you."

Now Wyatt obviously knew that this sea-whore was trying to seduce their two friends into deserting them and their own lives, and possibly to their deaths. But Wyatt, once again, was held back by his inability to speak, so he couldn't weigh in on the situation.

Serana thought about this rather-tempting offer, and reflected upon how suckish her life on dry land was: she had a somewhat-abusive, dysfunctional family, she always was a bit depressed the majority of the time, she felt like crying every time Rocker insulted her, even if she had won the argument, and to be able to put all of that behind her was an offer she could not refuse. But she still needed to verify that what she was hearing was true.

"Give me a tour, first", Serana said, much to the shock of Aug.

"Cast Waterbreathing, and follow me", said Miami.

"Se-Serana", said Aug, twitching and stuttering in horror and disbelief, "You can't be serious... please, you're making a big mistake."

"The only mistake she's ever made is being up on this dry shithole with you, kid", Miami hissed, grinning cruelly at Aug, who sharply glared back.

"Listen, Miss Puff", Aug growled, "You sociopathic men-hating sea-whores might not like men, and might not give a shit about a relationship, but us normal people do. So if being a male-hating lesbian floats your boat, I hope it sinks, I really do."

"Aug, relax", Serana smiled, "I just want to see what it's like down there. Mimzi, aren't you going?"

"No, I'm an aquaphobe", said Mimzi, shaking her head and backing away.

"If you want to enjoy the good life, girl, then you will have to get over this pathetic, pointless phobia", said Miami.

Serana hugged all of her friends goodbye for the moment, and once her spell had been cast, Miami and Serana set out into the deep blue sea. Aug stood there, speechless and twitching, a few tears sliding down his cheeks as he stood gawking at the ocean which was threatening to destroy his life and relationship that he held close to his heart. Wyatt whimpered as well, coming over to comfort Aug as well as to receive some comforting as well.

…

Night had fallen, and Aug had still remained motionless, staring out into the watery horizon lit by the bright moon. Aug had never been this sad and hopeless before, and he just felt like he would throw up.

"Aug", Mimzi said, placing her hand on his shoulder, "She's gone for now. Come get some sleep."

"Gone", Aug said flatly, "Gone for good."

"No, she said that she just wanted to take a look, and that there was a better chance of her getting struck by lightning than the chance of Serana becoming a mermaid."

"Mimzi", Aug said, his eyes widened with the look of a traumatized, terrified soldier (i.e Hudson from _Aliens_, who was basically going mad from all of the nightmarish events in the film), "Serana is easily corruptible and gullible. Food makes her do anything, and she admits to not really enjoying her life with her abusive father and Rocker, so this could be catastrophic. The she-vampire that comes out of the ocean won't be the one that went in."

"Well, don't you want her to be happy?"

"Relationships are a two-way street, Mimzi. In love you care more for your partner, but to keep the love train moving you need to balance it out. Basically, she's going to come out of that ocean- assuming she does, a man-eater and a man-hater, just like that piece of flippery slippery horseshit that came out of the ocean and tried to kill me. I'm staying on this beach, with my rifle at my side, and I will not rest until Serana returns safe and sound", Aug said, cocking his plasma rifle.

"Very well", Mimzi sighed. "And Aug?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss her as much as you do", said Mimzi. "She's my best friend, and we have such a great friendship, and like how you don't want your romance to end, I don't want our friendship to be compromised by this stupid mermaid."

"Thanks", Aug said, wiping a tear.

"I'll leave you alone now, and I'll be back at the cabin with the rest of the fellas."

…

Under the bright moonlight, Aug sat lying on his back on the black sand, looking right out into the ocean which had officially broken his heart and further fueled the thirst for vengeance. Was Serana even alive? And if she was, would she be a monster that went around swallowing people alive? One that would plot to destroy ever aspect of her past life? She had already vored her ex-boyfriend, Rodrick, when he made the huge mistake of pissing her off, and she wasn't even a mermaid. And Aug hated mermaids, especially upon the discovery that these so-called "beautiful, peaceful, pacifistic women of the sea" were nothing more than man-hating savages who punished the males for nothing by slowly- or possibly quickly or instantly- microwaving them inside their stomachs, and for what?

Aug heard faint yelling, and quickly sprung up onto his feet. It sounded like cries for help, and familiar ones, too. Aug was instantly brought on alert, and recognized these calls and wails as Serana's. She was alive, but if action wasn't taken, she wouldn't be for much longer.

Aug heroically grabbed his rifle and charged to the rescue, shouting and growling his anger on the ocean. Aug slung his rifle and climbed up a large rock in under ten seconds, and spotted Serana, floating on the surface surrounded by blood, most likely her own. Aug bravely dived into the water, and battled against the raging surf to rescue his loved one. Aug reached Serana, who was panicking and breathing heavily, and tugged her back to the shoreline, nearly drowning in the process. Aug performed CPR on Serana, pumping on her chest to get the water out of her chest, which was curiously exposed and bare.

"You... you saved me", Serana coughed.

"Yeah, I- HOLY SHIT!" Aug screamed upon noticing that his beautiful girlfriend was now a fish from the waist down. "What the fuck! What the shit?!"

"Siren", Serana said, sounding almost like a cyborg as she ominously placed her hands on the back of Aug's head.

"Sir- what?! What are you talking about- we need to get you to a medical center, pronto!"

Aug noticed Serana's eyes flash red with widened black pupils, before she hissed viciously and thrust Aug's head into her mouth, her shark teeth shredding the back of his neck. Aug shouted and fought desperately, actually disobeying his personal promise to never harm Serana by brutally stabbing her with a knife. The stabbing and ripping of the Daedric Dagger had no effect on Serana, who was gulping Aug down at an alarming, frightening speed. Aug resumed swearing and fighting, and immediately realized that it was all over to him when his rifle's sling broke, dropping it beyond reach. A high-powered phased-plasma rifle would be very handy in where he was going, and was not going to be returning from.

One final thrust and Aug was entombed within his former girlfriend's stomach, which smelled of blood and saltwater. Serana dragged herself back into the water and swam down, meaning that if Aug miraculously escaped, it would make no difference because he would drown before reaching the surface.

"SERANA!" Aug screamed with rage (sounding like Michael Biehn, if you've ever seen _The Terminator _or _Aliens_), "GODDAMN YOU! MOTHERFUCKER! YOU ROTTEN MOTHERFUCKER!"

And then the concentrated stomach acids began bubbling and rising up, immediately starting to dissolve and burn Aug, who resumed making his last, desperate stand. The digestive enzymes were burning through his skin, and now through his armor, which was now cooking him from the inside. Aug desperately tried to shake his armor off, but with little space to move around, Aug was unable to strap off his now-completely fried Thieves' Guild Armor, not that it would've made much of a difference. Aug was barely alive, his entire body completely scorched and disfigured, and the last thing he heard and saw before blacking out was Serana regurgitating his barely-breathing body into the dark, black depths of the ocean, which would become his final resting place.

…

The most horrifying night-terror in known history finally ended when Aug quickly leaned up, all sweaty and teary-eyed as he breathed heavily, clenching his chest.

Upon bringing himself back together, Aug's eyes went through a dramatic change as well: he had officially been driven to the true definition of insanity, and was now going to see the mermaid world burn and fall apart, as well as the permanent extinction of all mermaids on Nirn.

But deep down, tucked away and hidden in this massive balloon of traumatized, anger-driven fury, the desire to find Serana and bring her home was the primary objective, and Aug was not about to accept defeat or death to a bunch of stupid sea-whores that planned on corrupting his loved Serana.

…

**Well, I kind of impress myself once again: this wasn't the direct story that Julie had suggested, but an interesting twist on it; as opposed to the concept that mermaids are fun, fun-loving and playful, these ones woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and have an insatiable appetite for humans, but Aug is a soldier. Soldiers fight for what they believe in, and for what is right, and Aug won't back down.**

**Stay tuned for the next part of this arc, which will be a bit delayed by a new chapter of "The Dawn".**


	33. Sea-Whores Part 2: Slaughterhouse

The only way to escape the darkness that threatened his lover, Serana... was to embrace it.

Aug had just about lost hope, but after a frightening nightmare, Aug was now hell-bent on saving Serana, destroying the mermaids, and on a more personal level, to hunt down, execute, and skin Miami as a trophy; both for her evil actions against Serana and nearly eating him. The true predator would be shown in due course.

"I'm not standing down", Aug said to himself, loading his M25 with a powered Black Soul Gem, which would provide the most power. "I'm coming for you, Miami."

Although it was not really the smartest move, Aug decided not to inform the rest of the gang on his suicide mission, and instead hiked to Dawnstar, spending his gold which he had been saving for a Nordic Sword that would be imported from Solstheim. Aug instead spent his hard-earned septims on a handful of Potions of Waterbreathing from the local apothecary. Aug, being a clueless bum in regards to magic, also needed to learn an Alteration spell tome to effectively survive and breathe underwater; the potions being carried in case of emergencies. Aug also had fashioned a pair of shock runes into the form of hand-tossed charges, which would shock anything within a 15 foot radius as his panic button if more mermaids were to show, but he didn't want to use them if he didn't have to.

Aug, chewing on a piece of nicotine gum, intensely armored up, and as a finishing touch, he tied a black and white headband around his forehead, which had the iconic Fat Dragon phrase, "You got Wayne'd", written on the back. Aug took a deep breath, picked up his rifle, and also pocketed his dagger; for the Dragonbone Mace would be extremely heavy and would be like having a chained block clamped to his leg. Aug popped his fingers, knuckles and neck, with a look of determination and vengeance-craving on his face, and once casting Waterbreathing, walked straight into the ocean, likely not to return.

…

"This is amazing", Serana gurgled as she looked around the underwater mermaid kingdom.

"Isn't it though?" said Miami. "So, what was your name again, sister?"

"Serana. And why'd you call me 'sister'?"

"Because you want the power", Miami replied in a hypnotic voice, trying to brainwash Serana in a seductive manner. "You want the happiness. You want to be in touch with your inner beauty."

"Wait", Serana said, now starting to see the true personality of her new mermaid "friend", "I _am _happy. Okay? I have six wonderful, kind, hilarious friends, I have the cutest and sweetest boyfriend ever, and you may not think I'm pretty, but I do, and Aug... his man-part just points up into the stars every time I get a food baby."

"But that's not what I'm saying", said Miami, "What I'm saying is that you can be doing better than this. You can look better and feel better than this, and if you enjoy stuffing your belly, then we have the resources to fill your wish and your gut. The resources? The most useless, disgraceful excuses of humans that roam the shores and sail the seas."

"Even though I'm not a man", said Serana, "I find this very offensive, and I am telling you now to stop."

"But, Serana", Miami replied, rubbing her hands around on her skinny abdomen, "You were and still are a vampire, right? I can smell it on you. You have a taste for man, and we've got a buffet of 'em. You should be thrilled."

"No, but I..."

"C'mere", said Miami, tugging Serana and taking her over to a sunken ship surrounded by buildings. "Do you know what this ship is?"

"It's a large ship, I can tell", said Serana, "Imperial one, from the looks of it.

"Yes, but this ship was since retired from service when an onboard fire destroyed most of the crew."

"What do you mean, 'most'?" Serana asked, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

"At the very beginning of this era, the ship sunk, but at least a dozen sailors and soldiers had somehow survived", said Miami. "How, you may ask? They had constructed a water-resistant airlock device, contained within the ship. This warship was a prototype."

"And now it's gone. Destined to rest at the bottom of the sea for no purpose", Serana said.

"Oh, but that is where you are wrong"", said Miami, opening the airlock and holding it for Serana, who swam in. Miami sealed the door, the water draining out of the room through the floor. "It does have a purpose."

The second door opened, and stepping into the shallow water-filled room safe room, Serana's eyes bugged out upon seeing the horrific sight of aftermath-survivors, who had been driven to the brink of insanity and rampancy by all of the torment and torture the naval battle and then the mermaids' cruelty had inflicted upon them. Serana watched with tears in her eyes as a male was beaten and thrown around by two malicious mermaids, clearly enjoying tormenting this man. The man, presumably one of the sailors from the crew, was not going to take this from two freaky fish abominations, and violently punched one of the mermaids straight in the chest, angering her. The mermaid's eyes smoldered with fury, slamming the man down and held him down so she and her friend could savagely maul and devour the sailor, whose blood spread like wildfire through the water. With their stomachs full, the ravenous mermaids tore apart and mutilated the corpse, much to the sadness and dismay of a small Redguard boy who had been watching this violent, gruesome act.

"Here", Miami smiled, brutally dragging the small, crying child up to Serana's feet and slamming him to the floor, "Eat the boy."

Serana looked into the despair-filled eyes of this small child who was no older than ten, and started breathing heavily for a few seconds, before replying, "I'm sorry, what?"

"Take this human", Miami growled, "And eat. Him."

Serana still hesitated, sparking anger in the sociopathic mermaid.

"If you wish to become one of us and enjoy a glorious life in the sea, you must accept our customs. This is one of them."

"You're takin' the piss, right?" Serana asked.

"You think I'm joking? You think I like jokes? I'm telling you to kill this child, for his fate is to become dinner for us", Miami hissed.

Serana defiantly stood in place, her orange eyes glowing into Miami's black ones. Clearly Serana wasn't joking around, which was her mistake.

"What good are you to us, if you can't even eat a human?" Miami slowly snarled, twitching.

"I didn't say I couldn't eat a human, Miami. I just will not eat this boy for no reason!"

"Thank you, lady!" the boy sobbed, tightly hugging Serana.

"Pathetic", said Miami. "Just path- You're a vampire. You have a natural bloodlust, and by joining us, your hunger can be permanently filled."

"I may be a vampire", Serana growled, glaring sharply into the equally-enraged mermaid's eyes, "But I'm not a mindless, heartless _monster _like you and all of these other inhumane creatures. I may deal with my parents, my own emotions and physical dilemmas, dangerous moments, and other things, but at least I'm not permanently ruining the lives of others and their loved ones."

"Pathetic", mumbled Miami, grabbing the boy by the head. "Absolutely pathetic."

"NO!" Serana shouted as Miami's monster teeth crushed down on the neck of the child, effectively beheading him. "Fucking bastard!-"

Serana lunged forwards to strike this soulless mermaid, but slipped, crashing down on top of the headless body of the small boy, which was bleeding like a stuck pig. Miami laughed, smashing Serana on the head with her massive tail, knocking her unconscious.

"And now", Miami smirked, "We welcome a new sister into our fold."

…

At least ten dead mermaids were piled up on the sea floor as Aug assaulted the mermaid city head-on, concealed by the gargantuan cloud of blood generated by the bleeding corpses. Aug had never been so infuriated in his life; these mermaids had abducted his girlfriend, and tried to kill him, so naturally… he would kill them back.

These fish-women that he was blasting with a high-powered plasma laser rifle were not as tough or smart as Miami, but they still put up a fight; most of them wielding spears, and a few lunging forwards like hungry sharks trying to deal massive damage to their determined attacker.

Numerous mermaids were swarming out, and with no other choice, Aug fired a shock grenade in the general direction, sinking below the mermaids, and then going off, firing a high-powered electric pulse that shocked and killed everything in the vicinity. But just slaying endless mermaids wasn't going to get him anywhere. Seeing that one of the mermaids had barely survived the electrifying pulse, Aug slung his rifle and pulled out a spear gun, which was normally used to hunt or trap Horkers, but would most likely work equally well on a deranged mermaid from the dark depths of the Sea of Ghosts. Aiming for the tail, Aug fired the spear, which traveled through the water at a high speed, punching through the tail of the wounded mermaid and pinning her to the sea floor. The mermaid cried out in pain, but Aug kicked her in the side of the head, demanding to know where Serana was.

"Your leader. Where is she?" Aug asked, threatening to stomp this creature's head flatter than Scando the Scaley if she was uncooperative.

"You're… too… late", the mermaid coughed. "It's already happened. Game over for you, buddy."

Aug growled/roared in raging fury, stomping his boot down and smashing the skull of the mermaid, who twitched for a second before floating motionless. Aug picked up the mermaid's spear, and was now dual-wielding a Westinghouse M25A1 and a spear, now focused on getting Serana out, even if it would be the cost of his life.

…

"Let- me… go! You stupid fish!" Serana growled as she thrashed around, trying to break out of her cuffs.

"I'm very disappointed in you, Serana", said Miami. "I offered you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to become one with the ocean, and to prey on the fools that had made your life miserable, but you just idiotically refused! So I've got something planned for you."

"If it's making me a meal, I will warn you that I have gas and that you will have it, too, so if you want to make every fish float to the surface dead-"

"Not that", Miami replied, revolted by what she'd just been informed of. "You came down here to see what it was like, and you were to decide between heading back onto land or permanently residing down here. But that opportunity has since past. You're becoming a mermaid by _force_."

"WHAT!?" Serana shouted in disbelief and anger.

"It's not so bad, honey. It's a bless-"

"Don't you _**DARE **_call me honey!" Serana hissed, her mouth foaming and bubbling up. "Only my mom, my boyfriend, and my dad when he's drunk call me 'honey'''!"

"See these?" Miami said, holding out her palm to reveal a handful of tiny, shiny black spheres. "These are the seeds of your destruction. These are what turn you into a mermaid."

Serana's pupils dilated upon sighting the spheres; most likely fish eggs of some sort.

"Where you want it?" Miami smirked, scanning and studying Serana from head to toe. At that moment Serana realized that one of these cursed, aborted fish eggs was going to be going up one of her orifices.

…

**For censor's sake, I will not tell you which of the three the cursed fish roe was inserted into; I'll leave that up to you to decide.**

**In gleeful celebration of Aliens: Colonial Marines, there will be some A:CM quotes in the following chapter, as well as a Predator theme, because that's fitting for the falling action and resolution.**


	34. Sea-Whores Part 3: Payback

Many lives of the sadistic, malignant maneater mermaids that had spent centuries lurking the waterways of Skyrim and either capturing and imprisoning or consuming humanoids alive had been taken by Aug, or more accurately, by his future phased plasma rifle. But as fun as slaughtering these bitches was, Aug's one and only concern was getting Serana out, and getting her home, even if it would require putting his own life on the line.

The sunken ship that Miami had secretly imprisoned Serana in not too long ago stood out as the most likely place for a town hall of sorts, or at least where the black-hearted mermaid Miami would be. And chances were good that if that slimy, slippery piece of horseshit was there, she would either have Serana with her or know her location.

The ship's corridors and openings were abandoned. There were dead bodies of both humans and mermaids floating around in the water, casualties from both Miami and her mermaids or Serana during her last stand.

The door into what appeared to be a safe room was sealed tight, but from the inside. Aug deduced that there was something behind that door that the Ilomer intended to keep back there. But the chances were clear that either Serana, Miami, or evidence of their location(s) would be there, so it was a risk worth taking. With his rifle slung, Aug used his impressive strength to open the hatch and enter the halfway-submerged room, where his eyes fell upon a terrible sight.

Serana could be seen in the corner, straining, breathing heavily, and crying through pain. Miami's sinister plan worked; by having a cursed roe forcefully inserted into her body, a girl with a bottomless stomach and a natural bloodlust would be forced to accept a life in the ocean, thus making her one of the most reliable and unique mermaids in Miami's clan.

"Serana!" Aug yelled, his voice audible due to the shallow water which enabled him to breathe and speak clearly.

Serana sobbed, her face turning red and blue with tears as she clenched her stomach and chest in pain.

"Get... away... from- me!" Serana groaned, trying to refrain from attacking and eating her boyfriend. Aug was absolutely frightened, and noticed that Serana, who had since been stripped naked, had a slight, slight teal hue to her, and the skin around her vagina and hips looked rather rough, almost scaled. She was being turned into a mermaid. A hungry, hungry black-eyed mermaid with razor-sharp shark-like teeth, and a taste for man and anything that wasn't a member of their own kind.

"Serana", said Aug, calmly walking over to her. "Serana, it's me."

Serana lunged forward in an attempt to sink her teeth into Aug, but crashed down painfully on the floor, beginning to cry.

"Most impressive", a familiar voice said, clapping her hands. "Most impressive, indeed."

"Miami...", Aug snarled, his eyes turning bloodshot. "Release her immediately."

"Calm down, soldier boy", Miami chuckled, "This is a good thing. Look at her."

"Listen, you fucked up flounder", Aug growled, "Look at Serana. I love her so much, and you're making her life a living nightmare. She is crying, she's in pain, she's breathing heavily, she's covered in blood, she's naked, and she's convulsing in pain, all for your own sick and twisted amusement. LET. HER. GO."

"How about this?" said Miami. "And please do listen, for this is your opportunity to end all of this."

"I'm listening", said Aug.

"We hunt. But not together. I am the predator, and you are the prey."

"Now why exactly is this relevant?" asked Aug.

"Normally Serana would be fully turned into a queen of the waves in 2 hours, but since her vampirism conflicts with becoming a mermaid, she has 4. But, however, I do have a proposition for you", said Miami. "Can we please sit down?"

Although Aug was confused by the ravenous mermaid's sudden hospitality, he still refused it. "No", he said, "But I will listen to what you have to say."

"Well, you're not too stupid, for a human", said Miami. "But what I'm asking is a deal, a challenge, a bet."

"Of?"

"You are a respectable, unorthodox, lethal hunter, boy", explained Miami. "You have courage, strength and unrelenting force. Most humans that we eat go down almost instantly, but you've been putting up quite a fight. So in respect and admiration of your skill as a predator, I have a proposition to make."

"Which would be?" asked Aug.

"The hunt shall begin, human. You, and me. If you manage to find and capture or kill me over a period of three-and-a-half hours in our special game preserve, then using my magicka-enhanced blood, I will lift the curse from your friend here, and will also allow you to do to me as you see fit. If you manage to evade me for the 3½ hours, I will head back to the keep, and you should, too."

"Sounds too easy", Aug growled, cocking his rifle.

"Ah ah ah..." Miami replied, waving her finger and casually lowering the barrel of the raised gun. "That thing that you have, that superbow, would be a completely unfair advantage. If you don't want me to have an extended hunting party of my sisters and hunting sharks, then I would refrain from using that weapon, whatever it may be."

"Very well", said Aug, switching the safety on and slinging his rifle. "Continue."

"But if I win..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah; I get deported to your belly and have my body mass transformed into the fat on your ass while my phased-plasma rifle becomes a trophy or something, I've heard this shit before", Aug said, doing the "blahblahblah" motion with his hand and rolling his eyes.

"Actually... no. Well, yes and no", Miami continued. "I already tried to make a meal out of you, and failed, so if I win, you won't have to worry about me killing you. However, the consequences are just as, if not more grim: first, your beloved Serana will be forced to spend the rest of her years, which will be endless, in the dark depths of the ocean, never being able to return to the world she loved and knew. She will become a creature of the deep like us, one with a stomach craving human flesh, and as part of her transformation celebration, you're going to be the main course. And you would not be killed in advance, that's up for our mermaid-vampire hybrid's stomach acids to determine. If you don't die instantly, then you will be cursed and doomed to spend the rest of your life within the acidic, toxic belly of the girl you loved and trusted, starving to death and being digested slowly and painfully, the ultimate, true meaning of pain and suffering."

"Fair enough", said Aug, holding his hand out to shake with Miami. "And, by the way, even though I absolutely want to see you bleed slowly and painfully, I give you credit and respect for being such a formidable, challenging, honorable foe."

"Thank you, human", Miami nodded, "Even though I wish you to have a similar fate, the thrill of the hunt is accelerated by knowing your enemy, and having one respectful, fair, honorable, and legitimate."

"Alright", said Aug, "When does this hunt begin?"

"Ilomer hunting tradition declares that the game shall be given 15 minutes to run, hide and prepare, but to make the game more fun and fair for the both of us, I'll double that time", said Miami.

"Very well", Aug replied. "Point me in the direction of the hunting grounds."

"That direction", said Miami, pointing towards the hunting site in the distance. "A large coral reef community, with large, dense forests of kelp and seaweed, has been the site of our most successful hunts. Head that direction and ready up; you have thirty minutes, starting now."

…

In under 15 minutes, Aug had swam to the reef, and already had his ambush planned out: hiding in the dense kelp would give him the element of surprise, the concealment that he required in order to carry out his strategy.

This strategy was simple: knowing that the mermaids were part-fish, which meant that they would have a bit of shark-like characteristics (also explaining why this group of mermaids was so aggressive, hungry and dangerous), Aug had managed to create a lure with blood. Aug had used one of the spears of his primitive speargun, harpooned a fish, and stuck the harpoon into the sea floor, effectively making a fishkebab that would be irresistible to the mermaid. Aug was hiding in the dense kelp and seaweeds, with a knife in his hand, patiently waiting for his quarry to arrive.

…

Miami showed up to investigate the wounded fish-on-a-stick, and immediately recognized it as a trap. But instead of fleeing, Miami opted to try and coax Aug out of where he was hidden.

"I know you're here, kid", Miami laughed. "All you've done is give away your position. Still, nice try. Most of my meals haven't been this intelligent. But, of course, you won't be _my _supper."

No response was given, so Miami resumed talking.

"Boy, you do realize that the longer we dawdle, the sooner this girl of yours will become part of Di Stephana's world, right?"

Again, just silence. But then the tiniest molecule of blood entered Miami's nostril, and she immediately zeroed in on the source. Something or someone was bleeding back at the shipwreck, and Aug was most likely involved.

"Clever bastard", Miami murmured, admiring that her prey was able to think and reason.

…

Miami entered her ship, sniffing and searching around. The scent of blood reemerged, coming from the room where Serana was being held. At first Miami believed it was just Serana injuring herself, but she remembered that there were several other humans, alive and dead ones, contained within the room as well. This all was most likely irrelevant to her hunt for Aug, but she knew that this could be a potential location where her prey was hiding.

Opening the door, the entire room was concealed in blood-filled water. A severed arm floated out of the bloody water, hitting Miami's face. She was startled, but not scared. Aug would be joining these dead souls. Miami could also hear Serana growling, crying, screaming, and convulsing, though this was not her concern.

"Human!" Miami shouted, extending her retractable claws, "Where are you?!"

"Peek-a-boo, motherfucker", Aug quickly whispered, bludgeoning Miami on the back of the head with a piece of driftwood.

As soon as she recovered, Miami swung her tail around, stirring up the water and moving the blood away, effectively breaking Aug's cover. Miami and Aug both circled around the room, waiting for the other to strike.

"Give it up, kid", said Miami, "She's done for. And so are you."

"_**I'm… gonna kill… you!**_" Aug snarled, pulling out his knife. Aug lunged in to impale Miami, who grinned as she swiftly dodged the first lunge, and the second. On the third one, Miami held out her arm to counter Aug's strike, smiling with widened eyes as Aug tried to force through her arm, but Aug released the dagger, which floated down from his right hand into his left hand. Since there wasn't anything blocking him now, Aug thrust the blade through Miami's bellybutton, making her lean forward and cough out blood. Aug switched hands, holding Miami with his left hand and stabbing her with his right: first stab was in the bellybutton, once in the appendix, once in the chest, and as the finale, sliced a gaping hole through her torso, killing her. Aug punched through the hole, tightly grabbing Miami's spine and ripping it out, pulling her head through her body.

"Well... done", Miami garbled as her eyes rolled back.

Realizing that now wasn't the time to admire his new trophy, Aug quickly sliced a bit of Miami's skin off her lifeless body with a knife, and quickly rushed over to Serana, who was still convulsing, crying and moaning. Serana was having the most intense internal conflict ever, as her friendly vampire personality and her voracious mermaid personality waged war within her soul and heart, but Aug swiftly popped the hunk of meat into her maw, which slid down her throat. Once again, Aug knelt down with his head against her belly, not only eager to hear the sexy digestion, but to ensure that the cure would be successful. Sure enough, about a minute later, Aug heard bubbling, and following that, he noticed that the fish-like scales that were slowly growing from her feet and up her legs decay and fall off. Serana's monstrous shark teeth shrank back down to her normal fangs, and her soulless, bloodthirsty eyes were restored to her normal, beautiful luminescent autumn eyes.

"Aug...", Serana smiled bleakly, slowly drifting her hand towards the man who had saved her life from eternity in the ocean alongside cold-blooded killers, "You... you..."

"Yeah?" Aug replied, cupping his hands around his girlfriend's soft, baby cheeks.

"You... you gotta feed me some more of whatever that was!" Serana eagerly cried, indicating that she was back on line.

"YOU'RE BACK!" Aug squealed, warmly embracing his girlfriend, who hugged him back.

"No, seriously", said Serana, licking the blade of Aug's knife, "Feed me. Feed me. Feed me. That stuff you fed me, it's delicious. Yummy, yummy, yummy. And I wonder how it would taste barbequed...?"

"One order of fried mermaid, coming up", Aug smiled, quickly and playfully poking Serana's bellybutton, making her laugh.

…

It was still midnight when Aug and Serana rose out of the sea, dragging both parts of the now-deceased Miami onto the shore with them. Obviously Serana chowed down on the mermaid that nearly killed her, and within 15 minutes, the mermaid's body had been stripped clean, leaving nothing but bones and bad memories. Serana was in obvious pain as she slowly digested and processed the tremendous amount of meat, and once again, her loving boyfriend was there, soothing her pain, massaging her belly, and keeping her company; the three things that made her most happy.

"Aug...?" Serana said, huffing and exhaling in exhaustion.

"Yes, milady?"

"I, uh, need to- want to ask you an important question..."

"I hope it isn't about food", said Aug, poking her stomach. "You basically ate a mermaid, and technically this is the second humanoid you've fully eaten."

"Just -urp- the meat", Serana burped, coughing. "I'm so full; I'm probably not going to eat for another... day, maybe two? I have a high metabolism, even though I don't really know what that word means."

"Well what's this question? " Aug said, lying down next to Serana with his arms crossed behind his head.

Serana knew the question, and it was a question she was definitely ready to ask. But something told her that it wasn't the time to bring it up.

"I... I just can't... not now. Can you sort of rub me to sleep?"

"Sure", Aug sweetly whispered, sliding closer to Serana to carry out her request. And this belly rub was by far his favorite, for this one was containing the remains of by far the most antagonistic being he had ever gone up against.

"Can you sing to me, sweetie?" Serana asked, cuddling up innocently with a warm smile on her face.

"What song would you like?"

"Age of Aggression. I just really like that song. It's just so... motivating, inspiring. My mother used to sing it to me when I was little every so often."

"_We drink to our youth, and to days come and gone. For the age of oppression is now nearly done..._" Aug sang, making his girlfriend sigh blissfully; the pains of her aching belly going away as his wondrous voice sung her favorite song.

…

**One thing that I do like about this fanfic, which I hope many of you realize and appreciate ( =) ) is that this story contains many messages and morals which you pick out. For example, one of Fat Dragon's readers said that she absolutely adored this portrayal of Serana, liking her better than the actual Serana, and saying how she would very much like to meet her. She said what she likes with Serana being Garfield-esque (fat n' lazy) is that it sends a message to girls that they shouldn't have to care about how society expects them to look or act. In addition, it also has a dual purpose: Aug represents people with fetishes and their purpose, which is to make that girl with the big belly or feet feel like she's loved, like she's beautiful as she is, and like she shouldn't worry about what others think of her. And vice-versa, with guys with the big or small or whatever body parts which makes the others avoid him and smash his face into the locker, you ladies with a fetish don't need to be shameful; you're doing the guy such a kind favor, you don't even fully realize it. So that's the moral I like, and both in the previous chapters and in future ones, try and find morals that make you feel good, and if you want, you can tell me; good feedback is much appreciated :)**


	35. The Midget Games Part 1: Dumbledwarf

**So after about a month without an uploaded chapter/episode, I add yet another story to the story... if that makes sense. And to spice it up, I'm adding an eighth character, as requested by Mikey (i.e "Dragon's Buttslave"): Presenting Reverend Midget McDumbledwarf III, the reincarnation of Scando the Scaley.**

**And something else that I have to get off of my chest is the issue of how Aug and Serana are becoming the stars of Fat Dragon. But something a friend recently suggested would be that Fat Dragon is sort of like the godfather. Comparing it to Futurama, Dragon is the Professor, Aug and Serana are similar to Fry and Leela, Rocker is Bender (which makes perfect sense), Mimzi is Amy, and as for Wyatt and Derpo... your call, guys.**

**The reason why I haven't been uploading in a while is due to two things: Aliens: Colonial Marines, and working on my sci-fi novel.**

…

"So when exactly did this first begin?" Aug asked as he gazed upon the now-dead remnants of legendary dungeon raider Scando the Scaley pressed against the underside of his dragon friend Fat Dragon.

"Hey, hey, hey", Dragon replied, "Last night... I always feel him down there. Not a lot of movement or anything, but there's just this miniscule amount of life in him that keeps telling me that he's still there. But it stopped all of the sudden. I dunno why."

"Well...", Rocker declared, jabbing the paper-thin remains of Scando the Scaley with a sharp stick, "I think it's safe to say that this guy is dead. Dead-dead. Game over, man."

"So... what do we... do?" Fat Dragon weakly replied, clearly saddened by the fact that the one thing that made him unique was gone.

"Let's go raiding or something", Aug grinned, cocking his rifle and widening his eyes. "By raiding, I mean exterminating."

"Hey, hey, hey, that's a good idea..."

"Let's get-it-ON!" Serana said, pumping her chest.

…

About a day later, the raiding party of Wyatt, Derpo, Serana, Aug, Dragon, Mimzi and Rocker returned, with a considerable sum of loot.

"Check out me swag!" Serana giggled as she twirled around, her numerous golden necklaces swishing around with her.

"As usual, looking exactly as cute", Aug smiled as he dragged the massive sack of gold on the ground behind him.

"You mean I don't look any cuter?" Serana sniffled, her eyes tearing up.

"No, no, no, no, no", Aug replied, rubbing her cheek down her shoulder and across her food baby, which was somewhat dirty due to the hostile raid from the day before.

"How I do love you, Serana", Aug smiled, kissing his dirt-covered vampire girlfriend on the cheek. Serana wiggled with glee and hugged Aug.

"You ever heard the meaning of 'too much information'?" Rocker asked, "As in trying to seduce that dirty pig into bed with you for the 14th time this month?"

"Have you ever heard the meaning of 'shut the fuck up'?" Aug growled in retaliation, raising his fist at Rocker, who was intimidated. "That's what I thought, now do what I just said."

The Black Door opened, and Fat Dragon and friends entered. The lights were out, which was odd, since nobody had put out the candles and torches before they all went raiding.

"Sir, I don't like this", said Mimzi to Aug, a look of concern crossing her face.

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon said, trying to pacify his alarmed friends, "Don't worry about it; it probably went out on its own or something."

"Alright, Fat Dragon. Rocker, can you go relight the torches?" Aug asked.

"How come I have to do it?" Rocker bitched. "Why can't- can't, uh, Derpo do it?"

"DERPO!"

"Because he'd probably set himself and this whole clubhouse on fire", Aug replied. "Just do it, you incoherent son of a bitch."

Rocker growled and scowled angrily, cursing under his breath. But despite his hidden rage, he went to do as instructed.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "Lemme take Wyatt and Derpo out to go pick up some fresh meat. We'll be back in a while."

"Alright, cool", Mimzi smiled.

"Someone go get us some mead", Aug continued. "Don't we have a fridge?"

"Yes, and we've got 8 ice-cold bottles of Black-Briar Mead in it, as well as some other snacks and condiments-" Mimzi replied.

"Did you say _condoms_?" Aug replied.

"Wha- NO! Con-di-ments!" Mimzi shouted.

"Good, just checkin'."

"My back hurts", Serana whined, plopping down onto a beanbag chair. Serana felt something below her, and her food-influenced brain told her it was a snack. Serana reached behind, and grabbed the object, cramming it into her mouth and beginning to swallow. Serana delicately pressed the end of the object through her cherry-red lips, and the unidentified object crashed into her stomach, which crashed to the floor. Once again, Serana had that wonderful feeling of having something large in her cavernous belly. But what concerned her was that she didn't know what it was.

"Okay, the lights are on- WHOA!" Aug exclaimed, coming into the lit room and gazing upon Serana, who looked like she was pregnant with twins or possibly triplets. "Serana, baby, what did you-"

Serana replied in the form of a loud, clicking-like burp. "*BLEP!* Excuse me, but I ain't leavin'."

"What- what did you eat?" Aug said, poking Serana's colossal stomach with a shock-stricken look on his face.

"Something I sat on."

Aug for once was disgusted by Serana's behavior. "You sat on something you didn't even see. Your butt came down on it. Your butt. You just finished raiding a dungeon, you're all dirty, you haven't bathed in at least 24 hours, you sat on it, and you just ate it. What the fuck, girl?"

"Ow!" Serana yelped, jerking forward.

"I didn't realize harsh language was that effective-"

"No, dimwit, the thing inside of me; apparently it's alive, but ideally not for long. It tasted pretty good. Suffocation. Attempting to hold in a burp. It'll go into unconsciousness-"

"Serana, for the love of god... cough it up or I will cut it out", Rocker snarled. "Now one of those is the fun option, but not for you."

"As unclean as it makes me feel", Aug sighed, "He's right. Barf it out, so we can at least know what it is. You've got yet another food baby, and apparently this one's kickin'."

"Alright", Serana sniffed, "But you realize how badly it's going to hurt, right?"

"I'm here for you, sweetie", Aug smiled, playfully nipping at his ever-so beautiful vampire girlfriend.

"Thanks, barf-bag", Serana smiled, "But I... give me a minute, I'll be right back."

Serana hurried up, hefting her enlarged stomach (which was roughly the size of a large basketball), and retreated back into the Sanctuary. Aug started to panic, because he heard violent, painful coughing and hacking, and it was clear that Serana was in a lot of pain.

"How long is that bloated hunk of vampiric lard going to take?" Rocker remarked cynically. "She's been hocking that shit up for like five minutes."

"Rocker, shut up", Aug hissed, glaring ferociously at his antagonistic friend. "I love her, she loves me, and I don't love the thought of her being in pain, so can you just shut your goddamn mouth?"

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon said, "Rocker, man, you really should treat her better. She didn't do nothin' to you."

The argument was cut short when out of nowhere, a tiny little person, no taller than two feet, rapidly scurried across the room, robed with gray mage robes and a stereotypical Gandalf-esque wizard hat, and coated in saliva. Wyatt instantly sprung up and began barking; his mentally-equal pal Derpo imitating his barking.

"Wyatt, stand down, pal", Mimzi instructed, patting her vigilant friend on the head. "What the hell was that?"

"Is it gone?" a nasally, squeaky voice asked.

"Who said that?" asked Aug.

"Where'd it go?!" Serana exclaimed, charging into the room with a drooling mouth and a look of severe lust on her face.

"Whoa, whoa, easy", Rocker said. "Yo! Short stuff! Get your little midget ass out here!"

The dwarven wizard slowly inched forwards, swishing his 11-inch long wand around and occasionally lunging forwards with it as if it were a spear, and his eyes fearfully scanned the tall people around him.

"What are you?" Aug asked, noticing Serana had that look on her face and that drool in her mouth.

"Yes, what is your name, little morsel- er, meal- midget- …what's your name?" Serana asked, with thoughts of devouring this tiny dude running amok through her head and her stomach.

"Reverend Midget McDumbledwarf III", the dwarf replied. Everyone began howling in laughter. "What's so funny?!" the dwarf asked.

"That's...", Mimzi chuckled, her lungs drying out from laughing, "That is a funny-ass name!"

"Hey!" Dumbledwarf exclaimed.

"Seriously, that's a stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid name", said Aug.

Dumbledwarf was growing enraged by the second; his entire body beginning to glow red like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's nose.

"Can I eat him now, guys?" Serana asked between bursts of laughter.

"With butter?" Aug asked, "Or Spriggon Sap, syrup, choco-"

"HAMEDISHAN! SWISHSWISHSWISH!" Dumbledwarf shouted, waving his hands and his tiny wand around in the air.

Absolutely nothing happened.

"What the hell was _that_?" Rocker chortled. "That didn't do a single goddamn motherf- hey, where's Aug?"

"Oh balls", Mimzi said, "Midgicide, what'd you do to him?"

"I did to him what his gluttonous girlfriend here did to me", Dumbledwarf grinned, crossing his arms triumphantly.

"You...", Serana sputtered, "No, no, no, no, no nonononononono! AUG!"

"Seriously, Humpy McStumpy", Mimzi growled, grabbing Dumbledwarf and heisting him up by the tip of his Gandalf hat, "What. Did. You. Do. To. Him?!"

"He's got a dull dagger and a couple of hours' worth of air", Dumbledwarf explained.

"You don't mean-"

...

"DUMBLEDWAAAAAAAAAARF!" Aug shouted from within the depths of the filthy, junk-food-filled, yet sexually arousing wasteland that was his girlfriend Serana's stomach. "Seriously, this is like the third time I've been in here! I like it from the outside!"

"Aug! Honey!" Serana screamed, placing her hands on her stomach with a frightened look on her face, "I didn't do it, I swear! As tasty as you were, I'm not gonna lose you again! Just- just try not to get digested slowly and incredibly painfully!"

"Reassuring?!" Aug shouted back. "And can you not shout? My eardrums are bleeding as I speak!"

"Sorry, baby", Serana replied, frowning in guilt.

"What?! I can't hear you!"

…

"So what are we going to do?" Mimzi asked Serana, who was breathing heavily and sweating anxiously. "Only Rocker, you, me, and this little dude are here. Obviously Aug is out of commission, and you're the mission objective-"

"I need vampire girl words", Serana replied.

"Oh, right", Mimzi blushed, "I'm still sort of in that Westinghouse Resistance mode."

"What's she talking about?" asked Dumbledwarf.

"Me and her boyfriend, who you might have killed, came from the future. There's a big war and whatnot, and we were soldiers in the same unit. I owe him for saving me during that special operation in Falkreath ruins."

"You came from the _future_?" said Dumbledwarf, "No way."

"Well I actually was born here in the 4th era, then I was sent forward in time using an Elder Scroll, and a few months ago I came back", Mimzi explained.

"Guys, can we please focus?" Serana wept. "Do you have any idea how scared I am right now? Knowing that my Aug could get killed? He's the only person who'll ever love a fat pig such as myself! Oh, God!"

…

From within the bubbling cavern filled with semi-digested meals, Aug cried slightly. Not out of fear, but of not being able to comfort Serana, to not be with her to help her. Technically, he was with her, but officially he was _within _her.

…

"I'll be back", said Dumbledwarf, before disappearing.

"Wait!" Serana cried, reaching her arm out as tears ran down and splashed on her breasts. Mimzi hugged her sobbing friend in comfort, and although Rocker once again refused to care, secretly he was concerned about Aug.

…

**Finally, I've returned! And I have a mouthful this time.**

**Dumbledwarf is my friend Mikey's character, the reincarnation of Scando the Scaley, who, for those of you who don't know, was the paper-thin Argonian stuck to Fat Dragon's ass. And this little bit is going to be great, or at least, I think it will.**

**Stick with me, folks. For those of you who have, thank you.**


	36. The Midget Games Part 2: Aug's Quest

**So the essential conclusion to the debut of Reverend Midget McDumbledwarf III is coming, and in addition to addressing Aug's belly fetish once more, it also serves as a romantic thing; Aug and Serana are growing closer together, and there's nothing I love more than SeranAug. Happy Belated Valentine's Day!**

**...**

Groaning and churning noises, dripping, and slow bubbling were noises plentiful within Serana's tummy, and Aug sat there on a large slice of soggy pizza, trying not to think about the hellish predicament he was in.

"Hello, friend", Dumbledwarf joyfully smiled as soon as he spawned next to Aug.

"_Friend?!_" Aug roared, brandishing his only weapon, an Iron Dagger, "_You're _the one that sent me in here! You're the one that's gonna make me die, and you're the one that's about to get shanked-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa", Dumbledwarf nervously chattered, backing away, "There's no need to get violent. Can we please talk about this?"

Aug found a chunk of sweetroll that was shaped more or less like a chair, so he climbed up upon it to hear what the midget was talking about. "Why did you do this to me, Dumbledwarf?"

"What is this girl's name?" asked Dumbledwarf.

"You mean this fertility goddess", Aug corrected. "I only understand one of those words, but she is unbelievably sexy; both on the outside and on the inside. I love her, and you know what hurts more than the thought of being digested in agony and pain and having my body mass converted into fat on her buttocks, breasts or belly? Is knowing how hurt Serana would be, and how hurt she is right now."

"But she still tried to eat me", Dumbledwarf replied.

"Look, dude, Serana is a vampire, so she has this natural bloodlust. And she's just a very different girl. She doesn't like being completely malevolent and harming others, so she gulps down at least like 120 septim's worth of food every day as comfort and nourishment."

"But why is she fat?" Dumbledwarf asked. "Why do you like her with a large tummy?"

"Obviously, her boobies and booty increase in size slightly, which any guy can agree is a good thing", said Aug. "She first got herself bloated when we discovered a bloodspring fountain, and she was completely wrecked. So I lied and told her that it made her look hotter than the Sun, but as time went by, I just sort of grew to like it. My biological tool for close encounters grows too, if you know what I mean. And that makes her happy; is that now she can receive deluxe treatment: stuffing, tummy rubs, naps, sexual intercourse, massages, and all sorts of love that her parents failed to give to her."

"So she never had parents or something?"

"Her father and mother currently rule the Volkihar clan, but her parents have grown so bitter and malignant towards each other that Serana no longer associates them as her parents. Her father is abusive, he is an elitist, a racist, a bully, and completely antagonistic towards his daughter's love of mortal food as well as her friendships with all these other knuckleheads", Aug continued.

"Oh", Dumbledwarf said. "I think I see why now. But still, I wouldn't want her to try to do anything else to me, so I'm not bringing you out yet."

"What?!" Aug exclaimed, springing up, "You can't be serious! What did I do?"

"You value her, and she values you. Do you value your other friends as much as Serana?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?" Aug laughed, "Of course I care about them!"

"Well, as a bit of a test, I challenge you", said Dumbledwarf.

"To what? Rock-paper-scissors?"

Dumbledwarf flicked his wand, conjuring a magical map of Serana's stomach and handing it to Aug. "What's this for?"

"You're going to voyage on like a true dwarf", Dumbledwarf explained. "First, you'll want to make your way through the Sweetroll Fragments, where you will receive your first riddle. The riddles are in the form of scrolls, which will be placed atop of a conjured pedestal. Answer correctly, and you shall be able to proceed. Fail, and you'll need to survive against what is unleashed. After that, you shall make your way across the Fallen Bones, across the Sulfuric Soul Fields, and finally to Corrosive Ponds. Survive all of that, and I grant you freedom as well as my friendship. Do it for her. There's about an hour's worth of oxygen, so I'd get moving if I were you."

…

As Aug traversed the depths of his vampire girlfriend's junked-up tummy, he was able to hear crying; undoubtedly from Serana.

"He's dead", Serana sniffed, blowing her nose on one of Rocker's clean shirts. "And I was going to ask him something extremely important. Now he just joins the rest of all of that tasty food. But I don't want him to di-i-i-i-i-eeeeeee! Oh, gods, Aug! AUG!"

"Serana!" Aug shouted, praying that his weeping girlfriend could hear the tiny voice emitting from her stomach.

"Aug!" Serana cried. "I love you so much, baby! I didn't want to lose you! Are you alright? And how is it in there? Is it as cute on the inside as it is on the outside?"

Aug took a look around at the gut-wrenching gut of Serana, which was all humid, slimy, smelly, and bubbly. "I guess you could say that", Aug called back.

"Aww...", Serana squealed, looking up at her friends with a happy smile. "Isn't he the cutest? Is there anything I can get you, Augsie?"

"_Augsie?!_" Rocker exclaimed, laughing.

Instead of instantly retorting, Serana listened up to what Aug was shouting to her. "Hey, Rocker, Aug asks if you know what 'due respect means'".

"Oh man, I love this part", Mimzi snickered.

"Due respect?" Rocker snorted, "Not likely. And what does-"

"Due respect means you shut your goddamn mouth and stop messing with Serana- I mean, me", Serana replied.

"Rocker, let's go outside", Mimzi said, winking at her friend. Serana was appreciative that Mimzi was dealing with Rocker's negative and sarcastic behavior, so now she was left in peace and quiet with only Dumbledwarf and Aug.

"Aug, sweetie?" Serana asked sweetly.

"Yep?" Aug replied.

"Do you think you could keep me updated on what's going on? Because I care about you, and I don't want to lose you", said Serana.

"Well, even though it's hot, smelly, and has little oxygen in it, the inside of your stomach is exactly as beautiful as I thought it would be", Aug smiled, somehow knowing that Serana could see him.

More sniffling was heard, and a few more tears came as well. "Aug", Serana said, wiping her tears of extremely high happiness away, "I love you. If there's any way I can help you, please, let me know. I'll drink the entire ocean if it will get you out of there sooner."

"Serana, why don't you try and get some rest?" Aug suggested.

"Why?" Serana asked. "I don't want something bad to happen to you and not know about it."

"Serana, if you take a nap, you'll be able to wake up with me out of your belly and with my lips pressed against yours", Aug smiled, his heart beating intensely; but in a good way.

"I'll be lonely, though..."

"I'm kind of as close to being with you as I can be, plumpkin", Aug said, knowing how Serana liked being called "plumpkin" for some weird reason. "And you can dream, can't you?"

"Yea...", Serana sighed. "Hold on tight, I'm going to attempt to go lie down."

"Excuse me", said Dumbledwarf, "But would it help you if I transported you there?"

"That would be really sweet of you", said Serana.

Dumbledwarf quickly uttered some nonsensical rabble while waving his wand around, and Serana was transported into her large, comfy bed, all bundled up in warm covers, and with soft pillows for her to rest her head on.

"Do you want me to sleep on my back or side?" Serana asked. "To make it easier and safer for you to navigate? I don't want to lose you."

"Back, if you could", Aug requested. "_Sweet dreams, plumpkin._"

Serana smiled, sliding into her bed and beginning to enter a peaceful, tranquil nap, reassured that Aug was going to survive.

…

Serana had fallen into a calm, relaxing sleep, which had also managed to slightly power down all of the action in her stomach. Recently-eaten food was still digesting, but at a slower rate; it was now safe for Aug to begin his journey to freedom.

Aug reached the Sweetroll Fragments: a maze of hunks of chewed sweetroll that had not been digested yet. Before Aug went to enter, a beam of holy light glowed upwards; the scroll levitating in the beam. Aug opened the scroll, and it contained the first riddle, which was:

"_The heart of a rock, this one has."_

Immediately Aug knew it was Rocker: the part that was missing was that he had a heart and a brain made out of the same stone. Cold-blooded, gambling, cheating, racist, misogynistic sociopath with fierce eyes, yellow quills, sharp teeth, and green skin; definitely Rocker.

_"How did he and Mimzi even hook up to begin with?" _Aug asked himself.

As Aug went to proceed to his next objective, he heard a strange noise, like something toxic. Aug slowly turned around and his eyeballs drove away upon seeing that the hunks of sweetroll were melting into what appeared to be toxic waste. Aug deduced that the chunks of sweetroll had never been digested, and in combination with Serana's wacky diet, the sweetrolls were now toxic. The glaze was Serana's favorite part of the dessert, and Aug noticed the glaze cracking, followed by an intoxicating stench being emitted from the crack.

A slice of bread which was drifting around then formed a safe pathway across the digestive enzymes, either by intent or coincidence. Aug continued on, ready to accept the next challenge. At this time, about 40 minutes had passed, and Aug was beginning to feel the effects of the lack of oxygen, so he needed to make haste and continue with the quest.

The Fallen Bones were bones from small, living animals that had alchemical value, such as salamanders, frogs, fish, and dragonflies. And they conveniently formed a bridge across the pool of acidic enzymes which would dissolve Aug if he was in them for even a nanosecond.

Taking it nice and slow…

…When all of a sudden, Aug was nearly hurled directly into the stomach acids. Everything was shifting and sloshing, which could only mean that Serana was shifting position in her sleep inadvertently. Aug quickly sprinted across the collapsing spinal column of the unidentified vertebrate as it fell apart, making a leap of faith across onto the "ground" below. Aug quickly turned around after landing on the small bit of cooked venison to watch the skeletal remains crumble into the sea of stomach acid.

A scroll plopped down from above in front of Aug, marking another riddle that must be answered in order to pass. "Alright, let's lookie here...", Aug murmured, scanning through the riddle.

_"He is the crescent of kindness, but upset his friends, he will send you howling."_

This one was not so obvious. Aug had only one sociopathic friend, and five nice, kind-hearted friends. Aug repeated the phrase, trying to formulate an answer. His head and lungs were beginning to gradually hurt more, so that was the indication that he needed to hurry. Howling certainly narrowed it down.

"Wyatt", said Aug. Inside his own head, he heard a sound, followed by seeing a beam of light that obviously was directing him to his next objective, so now he was more than halfway finished, he was soon to be freed from his tomb, and would be able to comfort poor Serana, who was freaked out, anxious and panicking.

…

The next gutmark; since landmark would be the wrong term, was a "bridge" which was submerged with the equivalent of two feet of stomach acid. Not enough to kill, but idling would kill him sooner, so he had to keep going. Aug had to watch where he was going, since on both sides of the semi-submerged pathway were deep stomach acid, which, oddly enough, was bubbling even more than previous oceans despite that there was no food floating in it.

"Oh gods", said Aug, realizing that he was now in the Soul Fields. "Dumbledwarf, I'm in the Soul Fields; correct me if I'm wrong."

"Don't move, if you don't want to get sliced open like an old woman's purse!" an enraged voice growled, poking Aug from behind with a dagger. Aug turned around, and what he saw was an antagonist from fourteen weeks ago: Spoon.

"So, how in Oblivion are you still alive, Spoon?" Aug asked, hypnotizing the maddened unbirth survivor with only his eyes, slowly taking the dagger from the calming Spoon.

"Fourteen weeks. I've been stuck up in the lower tract of this… monster, and all because- *GAK*!"" Spoon said before his own knife was thrust into the side of his neck.

"Glad to put you out of your misery", Aug grinned, rolling his neck and popping his knuckles. As common practice in Skyrim, Aug looted the body, and found the third riddle scroll, which read, "_Little more than a sidekick, little more intelligence than a spoon_".

Another tricky one, indeed. Unfortunately Aug didn't realize that the answers were only his friends, and as soon as he incorrectly said "Derpo", he heard a loud rumbling, and bubbling from one of the small pools of corrosive acid. Two humanoid figures rose up, but in trapped soul ghost form, and much to Aug's shock, they were Miami, the sinister mermaid and Rodrick, the rude, arrogant former vampire boyfriend of Serana; two cunning adversaries that had troubled both of them in the past.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't _you_", Miami slowly chuckled. "You disappoint me, Aug- I can call you Aug, right? But you completely wrecked my society, cheated on a sacred hunt, and ripped me open and let this beast feast on my lifeless body."

"Alright, now _you _listen", Aug declared, "First off, you tried to eat me, and luckily for me, Fat Dragon saved me. Second, you and all of your followers are evil, man-hating deep-sea killers, and you were pining to steal my loved one away from me and turn her into a heartless, soulless monstrosity with fins and flippers. And you lost. And you, the other guy, you were completely mean and abusive to Serana after she'd been waiting for so long to reunite with you. She didn't choose to get locked away underground; she had no choice."

"This guy bores me", Rodrick yawned, "I'm gonna kill him."

"No, I'm getting him", Miami spoke up. "I know you want to just stab him or bite him, but I want him to feel the same pain we've felt. He's getting dunked."

Miami's muscular, cold hand squeezed Aug's slender neck, lifting him up and preparing to toss him into the bubbling acids. Aug had one last hope of survival. "Wait!"

"Ugh. What now?" Miami groaned.

"To make it fair, how about you put me down, let that dude stab me or whatever, and _then _hurl me into the stomach acids?" Aug suggested.

Miami shrugged. "Ah, what the heck? Buddy, it's your kill."

Rodrick grinned, drawing his knife and holding his arm back to make a strong swinging motion that would gut Aug like a fish, but Aug put his plan into motion; starting by kicking the dagger out of his hand and leaping up to grab it. Once Aug grabbed it, he quickly ducked, and Rodrick fell forwards into the acid, screaming as he was reduced to his component molecules.

"Nicely done", Miami clapped, "But you've still got me to contend with, and I'm not gonna lose this time."

"We'll see", Aug growled, equipping Rodrick's dagger and his own in his hands. "Let's dance!"

Miami and Aug, sworn enemies, lunged forwards and began to fight to the death. Miami was using a knife at first, but she decided to toss it away. "I don't need a knife to skin a human", said Miami.

"No, but it sure helps!" Aug roared, hurling one of the blades at Miami, which struck her in the neck. Miami, despite being a ghost, still registered pain, and dropped to the ground in agony.

"And the hunt ends here", Aug said, finally killing Miami once and for all with a violent head stomp.

Time was running out at an alarming rate, and the oxygen count was as well. Aug came to the unfortunate conclusion that since Serana was sound asleep, she wasn't burping, so all of that unbreathable gas was being held within her stomach.

The final destination, Corrosive Ponds, was basically right next to the Soul Fields, and sitting on the ground was a visible final riddle scroll. But Aug's head and lungs were hurting, and he now realized that he could very well die. Aug opened up the scroll and read, his forehead beginning to pulse.

"_If you know me, you'll have to share me, but if you share me, I'll be gone_."

"What's the- last… last- rid-riddle?!" Aug wearily groaned, his face turning red. The scroll dropped from his hands onto the wet ground below, and Aug collapsed, knowing that he was dead and that his life would be flashing before his eyes.

…

Serana had awakened, but unbeknownst to her, she had awakened in a dream. She had awakened in a magical-looking valley, which was completely beautiful and exotic. It looked like it had been untouched for centuries, and a plethora of beautiful animal variants of normal Skyrim beasts were living in a parallel way. The game of predator and prey was still in play, but she was uninvolved. Looking forwards into the thick mist-filled woods, she saw a figure slowly approaching her, and to her elated joy, it was Aug,

"AUG!" Serana screamed, sprinting up to Aug and tackling him, while repeatedly kissing him and playfully licking him. "You're alive! I'm _so _sorry- it- it was that stupid midget! He did it to you, not me!"

"Serana", Aug said calmly, holding her hands, "I'm fine. I'm alright. You're safe, and I'm safe. But I need you to do something for me. Wake up."

"What?!" Serana exclaimed, her voice breaking, "B-But I'm awake! This isn't a dream! I'm talking to you, and I'm in a forgotten valley, a spectacular and beautiful utopia that has never been harmed by the Nords of Skyrim."

"Take my word for it, please", Aug said, kneeling down and kissing the back of her hand, "I just need you to believe me. Please, wake up…"

…

"Wake up...", Aug croaked desperately in the real world, shaking Serana in a desperate attempt to reawaken her from what might have been an eternal slumber. "Please, _please_ wake up!"

Serana's flashy eyelids slowly began to open up. Aug was thrilled when Serana managed to slowly wake up wearily. "Oh gods!" Aug cried, hugging Serana, "I'm so relieved! You're-"

Serana's eyes suddenly widened in happiness upon seeing Aug, who she believed had perished in the dark depths of her stomach. Not knowing what to say, Serana placed her hands on the back of her survivor boyfriend's head, but instead of wolfing him down like in Aug's nightmare, she pulled him up and forcefully kissed him, the rest of her body getting all tingly. Aug smiled and patted Serana on the back as he locked lips with the most sexy girl in existence.

"Ahem!" Dumbledwarf coughed, trying to interrupt.

"Sorry", Serana cheekily grinned randomly.

"What are you- OH GOD!" Dumbledwarf exclaimed, covering his nose.

"Serana, did you-?"

"Hey", said Serana in defense, "I ate a lot, I came out of a long slumber, I'd sort of been holding it in... I'm sorry. You've got gas, too. Though not nearly as much as me."

"But seriously, Dumbledwarf", said Aug, trying not to breathe through his nose, "I thought I died. What did you do?"

Dumbledwarf coughed heavily, and laughed. "I wasn't going to let you die, dude. I just wanted to make my point so I wouldn't get _eaten _again."

"I'm sorry, buddy", Serana sighed, shaking hands with the dwarf. "I promise I'm not going to try to eat you, and I apologize for cracking one off essentially in your face. It's embarrassing, and my parents never taught me manners and stuff."

"And seriously", Aug nodded, "You have my thanks for saving me, bro."

"I saw how hurt she was while you were running the risk of death", said Dumbledwarf, "And I thought, 'what kind of friend would I be if I let one of my friends digest her own boyfriend?'"

"Well, you're officially one of us. We're a family and you're one of us now."

…

**SeranAug just never ceases to please me and warm both my heart and friends' hearts. And Dumbledwarf, despite being a midget reincarnation of the featherlight, paper-thin Scando the Scaley, is a whole new guy, a talented wizard, an understanding person, and has potential to have some really good friendships, especially with Aug. Serana has promised not to eat him and to try not to fart near him, but although she is going to keep her promise, she still is dubious of him. I wonder why? What do you think?**


	37. The Midget Games Part 3: Conclusion

**So Reverend Midget McDumbledwarf III… I love his entire name, not just the Dumbledwarf bit. The longer and more ridiculous the name, the funnier it is. Those titles and stuff also are funny to me for some reason.**

**But as I was saying, Dumbledwarf has officially joined the gang, but remember two things.**

**The first, is that he's the reincarnation of Scando the Scaley, who got sat on by Fat Dragon a long time ago.**

**The second, is that he has no clue that Aug, Rocker, Mimzi and Serana are friends with him. And a werewolf and a mentally-deprived Argonian wouldn't exactly be pleasant to meet, but we know that they're all good. But he doesn't.**

**And this chapter is going to be relatively short, since it's sort of an epilogue to the events of the previous chapter.**

…

"Why are you scurrying all over the place, short-stuff?" Serana asked as she, Aug, Rocker and Mimzi ate breakfast.

"Because I can actually _move_!" Dumbledwarf cheered.

"No offense, but big deal", said Serana. "I move all the time. Well, I don't really like moving, so usually I get Aug to carry me. And that's why he's got such impressive muscles."

"Truer words were never spoken", Rocker said before taking another sip of alcohol. "But why the crap are you thinking you're so cool just because you can move around? As opposed to Madame Rollie-Pollie here- OW!" Rocker said before getting punched by Mimzi. "-I mean, Serana here, we can all move. I can move, Aug can move, Mimzi can move pretty fast, Serana barely moves, Wyatt moves a lot, too, Derpo sits around, and Fat Dragon-"

"Dragon?!" Dumbledwarf squeaked, his pupils dilating. "Y-You're friends with a DRAGON?!"

"Yup, and he weighs just a little bit less than me", Serana laughed, patting her stomach.

"He's cool, he's cool, really", said Mimzi. "Aside from himself, Fat Dragon is the only person, or more accurately, reptile, he cares about. He hates the rest of us."

"Especially Serana", Rocker snorted.

"Why you gotta be so mean to me?" Serana asked.

"Because you're always sitting around on your fat butt and eating every last speck of food in here", Rocker replied.

"Hey...", Serana said, placing both hands on her belly, "I've just got a big appetite, that's all."

Everyone felt the ground shake slightly, followed by a loud "Hey, hey, hey!"

"Oh god! He's comin' for me!" Dumbledwarf gasped. "Please, eat me again! I don't want to get sat on _again_!"

"I just ate, so no", Serana said.

"No, no, no, no, no, nooo!" Dumbledwarf squeaked.

"Dumbledwarf, are you a man or a mouse?" Mimzi asked.

"I'm a midget."

"Poor little mousie; be glad that Mama Mimzi's lookin' out for you", Mimzi said, pulling his large wizard hat down.

"Come on, short-stuff", said Serana, "Just go meet him. And Wyatt and Derpo are there as well, and they'll be just as glad to meet you, too."

"Those sound like decent people", Dumbledwarf smiled, popping the cork on a bottle of mead and taking a sip.

"Well, actually it's more like a werewolf and an Argonian", said Mimzi.

Dumbledwarf was trembling in indescribable fear. Breaking out of his frozen state, he hopped onto the table, and onto Serana's stomach, holding her shoulders.

"Please eat me", Dumbledwarf pleaded.

"Hands off the bump, chump", Serana replied, pushing Dumbledwarf off.

"Oh gods, oh gods, he's coming for me", Dumbledwarf cried.

"Well if you're really that scared, short-stuff, go stand in place outside, and we can call you a garden gnome, though that would likely upset the neighboring gnomes in the woods", Serana suggested.

"Good idea!" Dumbledwarf exclaimed, bolting off towards the Black Door. "Um, guys?"

"Yesss...?" said Aug, patting on Serana's gut and taking a bite of cornbread.

"I can't open the door."

…

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon to all of his friends waiting outside the Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary, "We're back."

"Why don't you have anything with you?" Mimzi asked.

"Well, we kind of forgot what we were going out to get..."

"And we forgot what it was we sent you out to pick up, anyway", Rocker said.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, noticing the new garden gnome, "When did we get this garden gnome?"

"We, uh, I-I stole it!" Rocker exclaimed.

"Like the other zillion things you've taken", said Mimzi.

"Wyatt seems to like it", Fat Dragon remarked as Wyatt curiously sniffed Dumbledwarf, whose eyes were nervously twitching. Everyone suddenly started shouting as Wyatt raised his leg. At this moment, Dumbledwarf screamed at the top of his lungs, and ran away from the werewolf, who then went into the woods to pee.

"Auuugh!" Dumbledwarf squealed.

"I'm right here, no need to shout", Aug shallowly replied.

"Hey, who's this guy?" asked Dragon. "He's a dwarf-"

"NOOO!" Dumbledwarf shouted, his knees whacking together in fear. "Please, let me back in!" he begged, lightly pounding on Serana's stomach.

"Again, the answer is a gritty, in-your-face no", said Serana. "Anyways, Fat Dragon, this is Reverend Midget McDumbledwarf III. He showed up basically as soon as you, Wyatt and Derpo left, and... well, Aug got more tummy than he wanted. Right, Augsie?"

"I told you not to call me that", said Aug, "And yes, Dumbledwarf did warp me into Serana's stomach again, and I nearly died; but he's cool, really. He had a valid reason, though, because Serana nearly ate him."

"And now I want her to do it again!" Dumbledwarf wailed.

"Why?" Aug asked, "It's dirty, slimy, dark, sticky, smelly, gassy, and disgusting in there. No offense, Plumpkin."

"Plumpkin?" said Dragon.

"Long story. But Dumbledwarf, this is-"

"I know who he is! He's the dragon that _sat on me_!"

"Wait", Fat Dragon said, slowing down, "You're... you're Scando the Scaley? Hey, hey, hey!"

"Well don't crush me again!" Dumbledwarf pleaded.

"Man, I ain't gonna kill nobody!" Fat Dragon declared, receiving cheering and clapping from his pals. "That first time was a mistake, and I ain't doin' it again. Never!"

"Short-stuff", said Serana, "Just chill. Speaking of chill, I'm cold, and this tummy is full of food that needs to digest in comfort. Aug, baby, would you... escort me into a warm, large bed?"

"My sexlexia strikes again", Aug grinned; his white teeth, raised eyebrows and impressive figure arousing the already-horny Serana. "It's contagious, but it's the only non-harmful STD."

"So, uh, F-Fat Dragon, right?" Dumbledwarf nervously asked.

"Yup."

"You mind, uh, telling me what the deal with all of you dudes is?"

"Sure, hey, hey, hey. Obviously you know me inside and out by now, so let's skip to Mimzi", said Fat Dragon.

"I'm Mimzi, the Glory-Whore!" Mimzi beamed pridefully, hopping up and showing off in every possible style. "I'm a short redhead from the future who always steals the show, and pisses almost everybody off. Even Rocker, who is the green, scaly asswipe next to me that I'm proud to call my boyfriend."

"O...kay...", Dumbledwarf said. "What's his-"

"DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDERPO!" Derpo cheered waving his hands in the air.

"That answers that question", said Dumbledwarf. "Just to confirm, those two people that are obviously gonna have butt-sex or something are Serana and Aug, correct?"

"Yep", Mimzi smiled. "Serana is my best and only female friend. She may be sluggish and lazy, and has poor etiquette and table manners, but she's got a heart as big as her tummy, and last I checked, there aren't a lot of hearts that big. She loves to be social, to nap, to have intercourse with Aug, and obviously to eat and eat, since her belly is apparently a bottomless pit. Aug is that nice-looking fellow with nice brown hair, smooth skin, a calming voice, and manhood as long as you are tall; he also came from the future, like me."

"Anybody else I should know about?"

"Wyatt is that cute, scraggly-little werewolf who nearly piddled on you", said Mimzi. "He's very sweet to all of us, especially Derpo, because Derpo can apparently understand werewolf."

"O...kay", Dumbledwarf said, starting to relax.

` "Well short-stuff", said Serana, "It falls down to this: each and every one of us is weird, different, and publicly-despised, and we're all friends because of this. You're a tiny little wizard dude with a ridiculously-sized hat, and our lives would be so much better if you stuck around."

And he did just that. He now was friends with a fat-stomached vampire, two future soldiers from the 9th era, a sentient, friendly werewolf, a jolly troll dragon, and two opposite Argonians. His new life in Skyrim was looking to be a great one.


	38. Fight the Fear

As the warm, bright campfire crackled and hissed, Fat Dragon and friends, including their new midget pal Dumbledwarf, were sitting around the campfire, very much enjoying the warmth that the fire provided them on that cold, cold night. The fire wasn't the only thing crackling, for Wyatt was gnawing away at a bone. Mimzi was roasting a wiener over the fire, and Rocker was attempting to roast marshmallows, which merely melted into a pool of sticky, white-and-brown goop. Aug was lying up against a tree, with his overweight girlfriend Serana on top of him, smiling at him and nuzzling his chest as she slowly made him lose the feeling in his legs. She wasn't severely overweight; she just had slightly bigger boobs, buttocks, and a large, round, cute potbelly that went from being smooth and gelatinous to being relatively hard. But Aug loved her because of this, and this is what made Serana so happy; knowing that she could stuff herself silly and her boyfriend would still be turned on by it.

"So what was the war like?" Serana asked as she rested her soft head against Aug's chest.

"I'm sorry?"

"The war. The future war that you and Mimzi came out of. In the 9th era. I would very much like to hear about it."

"Oh", said Aug, "That war. Mimz! Toss me a bottle of mead! And the rest of y'all, wake up, for this is _the _campfire story."

Everyone stopped what they were doing and came over to Aug, and Dragon leaned his head in.

"So, Serana asked me what the war Mimzi and I barely escaped was like, and I thought I'd tell you…"

…

**9E 426**

"Ha!" Corporal Aug yelled as he fired a plasma bolt through the head of the vampire, "That's another confirmed K.I.A!"

"So what's the score now, sir?" one Private First Class Mimzi Stormcloak (though at this time she had not revealed her surname to her friends and allies) asked.

"37-33", Aug said as he nudged a vampire corpse with his boot. "But you're getting better, Mimzi."

"Thanks", Mimzi smiled, flicking her long red hair out of the way before loading a fresh magazine into her M25A1 rifle, which could also be powered by soul gems. "So, we've taken the village back, I take it?"

"Correct", Aug said. "Riverwood has been standing since the 4th era, and I would like to keep it that way."

Riverwood was, as Aug said, a village that eventually became a major city. As time went on, Riverwood continued to expand and prosper, making it become the new capital of Falkreath Hold, which was unable to compete against Riverwood's economical success and resource-abundance. Falkreath was still standing, but it was out of Westinghouse Corporation control. The armies of Oblivion, namely the dragons and vampires, were bent on conquest of Tamriel and the destruction of all mortal life, and while Falkreath was weak, the vampires struck, overtaking the city, murdering the Jarl and her court, and exterminating all of the citizens. The Company was now determined to retake the forest city; although it had little value with an absence resources and economy decline, Falkreath was still a major strategic point, and was important to the Nords in particular due to how it was the heart and soul of Skyrim, where legendary heroes had been buried in the Hall of the Dead, as well as the cemetery, which was enormous. Riverwood had been under attack, so Aug's superior, Master Sergeant Hauser, dispatched the young soldier, as well as PFC. Mimzi and 4 other soldiers, to repel the assault.

"Sir?" Mimzi asked as Aug took a swig of mead, "Why are we trying to take Falkreath? It's been toasted by dragons at least 3 times, and the economy is completely toasted along with it."

"Orders are orders, Mimzi", Corporal Aug explained. "I'm on the same page as you; I honestly don't know why we have to make such an effort just to retake a ghost town, but the Commander's orders are to take back Falkreath, so that's what we're going to do."

"I understand, sir", Mimzi replied. "Sorry, sir."

"It's alright", Aug said, looking up into the sky that was getting darker by the minute. "It's getting darker, Private. We've gotta round up the rest of the squad and get back to Riverwood. Velasco, Burgundy, Benti, Cranker, you grunts still with us?"

Within a few seconds, Privates Velasco, Burgundy and Benti formed up in front of their respectable Corporal, with their rifles in their hands. "Reporting for duty, sir!" Benti said, saluting Aug.

"At ease, Benti", said Aug. "Wait... where's Cranker...?"

Everyone now realized that Pvt. Cranker, who was a skilled combatant and a loyal soldier, both to his superiors, and his fellow resistance soldiers, was absent. But something was horribly wrong. Cranker not responding to an order was like a fish that didn't like water; it didn't make any sense.

"Shit", Aug sighed, slightly getting anxious as the sun went down, "Somebody's gotta go find him, and now. We obviously won't be able to travel at night, so we're in Falkreath until sunrise. Benti, Mimzi; you're with me, we're gonna set up in the Longhouse. Burgundy, Velasco, go search for Cranker. If you don't find him within 15 minutes, head back to the Longhouse; we'll search for him tomorrow morning."

"I'm on it, sir", Burgundy nodded. "Velasco, let's go investigate."

…

Velasco and Burgundy slowly searched around the ruins of Falkreath, cruising through the vacant buildings and over dead vampires as they searched for their missing comrade.

"Burg", said Velasco, "Let's split up. You search this half of the area, I got the other side."

"Alright", said Burgundy, powering her rifle up and turning the night vision filter on her rifle's scope on, for the darkness was falling fast.

Private Athena Burgundy slowly searched around the decaying town, scanning for Private Jon "Cranker" Skull-Smasher or any trace of him amidst the scorched, decayed ruins of what used to be the true heart and soul of Skyrim. Nothing, just darkness, silence, and spookiness. Insects chirping and wind blowing through the desolate ghost town were the only sounds heard. Until she heard the scream. Velasco.

"Velasco!" Burgundy shouted as she sprinted through the debris and over the corpses to quickly rush to the Private's aid. Coming around the corner with her M25A1, Burgundy spotted only Velasco's rifle and one of his boots. Burgundy screamed, completely spooked by what her limpid blue eyes were seeing. At that moment, tension was running high through Burgundy: her questions were unanswered, and they were the type that needed to be answered. First Cranker, then Velasco. Something horrible was going on.

Burgundy broke into a sweat when she started hearing footsteps. Running, then slow walking, and back to running; coming from virtually every direction. Burgundy's heart was beating fast, tears rolling down her face, and fear of the unknown racing through her mind. Burgundy, holding her rifle's grip in one hand, quickly pulled out her sidearm, now dual-wielding a VP-78 pistol in one hand and her standard-issue M25A1 in the other. Burgundy's eyes were flying all over the place, and eventually the noises ceased. Burgundy exhaled in relief, finally calming down slightly. But she heard footsteps behind her, so Burgundy quickly spun around with her guns in her hands, ready to blast apart whatever was stalking her. To her surprise and relief, it was Cranker, who was limping slowly towards her.

"Oh thank the gods! Cranker, get over here, now!" Burgundy yelled as Cranker slowly inched forward from the darkness into the light of the lantern where Burgundy was holding position. As Cranker, who Burgundy presumed was injured, limped forward into the light, Burgundy's heart stopped beating when she saw that Cranker was broken. Demented. Undead.

Cranker's eyes had rolled back into his head, and his face was badly decayed and had the scent of rotting flesh. Maggots occasionally dropped out of the holes in the side of his cheeks which exposed his jawbone. Most of Cranker's armor was missing, and his BDU was torn up; what little was left of it was covered in blood, slime and pus. Cranker's eyes rolled back, except they were red and black. Glowing red, with malevolent, sinister black pupils. Cranker was hissing and breathing slowly as he limped towards Burgundy, who was now destined to be his first victim. At this point, Burgundy realized that Cranker had joined the ranks of the undead, but he was a new form of undead. A much scarier one.

Burgundy held her pistol out and blasted her zombified friend in the chest. The superheated plasma bolt blew a bloody hole straight through Cranker, but yet he didn't die. All this seemed to do was infuriate him. Cranker roared ferociously as he charged towards his first kill. Burgundy shouted in terror as she opened up on him with her M25A1 on three-round bursts, but this did little to nothing against him. Burgundy then switched to fully-automatic fire, which was ill-advised on the A1's due to barrel overheat, which seemed to do more damage, but her rifle overheated, rendering it unable to fire. Burgundy quickly ripped the sling off and dropped her rifle, breaking into a sprint away from Cranker, who was now screaming ferociously at her as he closed in for the kill.

"CRANKEEEEEERRRRRR!" Burgundy shrieked as the zombified Cranker sunk his teeth into her succulent white flesh.

…

"Something is terribly wrong", said Aug. "First Cranker goes missing, then Burgundy and Velasco. What the heck is going on out there?"

The rain was pouring down heavily, pounding on the window as Aug scanned through the blackness for any sign of his missing soldiers.

"Anything?" Benti asked.

"Nothing", the corporal replied. "Not a goddamned thing."

Suddenly Aug witnessed something horrific: red-headed Athena Burgundy was badly torn apart and mutilated, lying in a pool of her own crimson blood as rain poured down on top of the body and the ravenous humanoid creatures voraciously feeding on her carcass. The creatures with the large red and black eyes looked up from their meal into the eyes of the warrior who stood motionless, his eyes and their eyes making contact. The zombies quickly fled into the dark forest, leaving what little was left of Burgundy to decay.

A minute later, a loud thump was heard from the front door of the Jarl's Longhouse.

"Aug?" Benti asked.

"I heard it, too", Aug replied, slinging his rifle and replacing it with a sidearm and a dagger. Aug slowly and silently crept up to the rattling and shaking door, ready to put a phased-plasma explosive tipped energy blast through the head of whatever was on the other side.

"Come on out, you sons of…-"

Glass to the warrior's left exploded as zombie arms crashed through and started clawing at Aug, who immediately opened fire. Aug fired consistently, yet the creature still did not succumb. With his rifle's Soul Gem almost depleted, Aug quickly drew his sidearm and blasted the beast in the face, finally killing it.

"Somebody mind telling me what just happened?!" Aug exclaimed. "What were those things?!"

Benti knelt down to examine the body. "It's a zombie", she said. "Similar to a draugr, but even worse. They're almost completely unkillable, and we've exhausted over half our ammo dealing with these creatures."

"Well ain't that terrific!" Mimzi sarcastically cheered.

"Shut it, Mimz", Aug ordered. "Benti, anything else you can tell us about the zombies?"

"Their primary weakness is light and fire, so when the sun rises, they'll fall down dead and we can escape. The problem with that plan", Benti sighed, "Is that the sun won't rise for at least four hours."

"So we need to last for at least four hours against an unknown foe that is highly resistant to magicka-powered plasma rifles. Fantastic", Mimzi remarked. "And we've lost Cranker, Burgundy and Velasco. We obviously can't get reinforcements, and if we try and run for it, we'll be torn to shreds."

"Good observation", Benti replied. "I would've never thought of that."

"Benti, instead of screwing around with Mimzi", Aug ordered, "How about you make yourself useful and search for soul gems. This was a Jarl's Longhouse, and whoever they were, they had a court wizard, so there are definitely some soul gems lying about. Mimzi, you're gonna go and explore the entire interior of this building. Look for any weak spots in the walls or ceiling, look for secret tunnels and passageways, trapdoors, windows; any way into this building. I'm going to go look for the cellar, but I'm going to need some backup in case there's anything else down there waiting for us. The cellar will be the bunker in case the building gets overrun, and there are usually supplies down there, such as nails, boards, hammers, and sometimes armories. Hurry. We don't have much time."

…

**Present Day**

Everybody was eager to hear how the story would end. "Zombies?" Rocker asked.

"Correct", said Mimzi. "Undead Falkreath inhabitants that rose up from the dead for reasons unknown."

Serana smiled as she wiggled up even closer to her courageous boyfriend. "That's so cool! What happens next? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"

"Alright, alright", Aug laughed, "Chill down and I'll resume."

**9E 426**

Some time had passed, and the three remaining soldiers had begun to fortify the Longhouse. Luckily for them, there were plenty of supplies lying around in the cellar; wood planks, nails, furniture that could be moved in front of a door, and some spare soul gems.

"So, Benti", said Aug, "Since you seem to be the expert on these beasts, why don't they keep attacking and attempt to swarm us?"

"They will", Benti replied, "But think of it like this: they are in a limited number, just like us, and if they send one zombie after the other, then the odds are even that we'll have killed every last one of them. If they coordinate an attack, then we'd begin to get overrun."

"Private, go upstairs and see if the windows up there are all boarded. Mimzi, come over here for a minute."

"Yes, Corporal", Benti nodded, before heading upstairs. Mimzi came over to Aug.

"What do you need, sir?" Mimzi asked.

"Keep an eye on Benti", Aug murmured, "Something's kind of suspicious. She _knew _about the zombies."

"Well let's go pop 'er right now", Mimzi replied, loading a fresh Lesser Soul Gem into her M25A1.

"No", said Aug, lowering the barrel of Mimzi's rifle with his finger, "I didn't say she _was _a traitor, only that she might be."

"But who's she working for?" Mimzi continued, "Obviously she doesn't want to suffer the same fate as Burgundy, Cranker and Velasco, but she knows a lot about these Oblivion-spawn."

"Right now I'm worried about staying alive", Aug said. "I hear what you're saying, and I completely agree, but right now is definitely not the time to interrogate."

Benti came back down, not knowing that she was getting talked about behind her back. "The barriers are still holding", Benti reported. "What's next?"

"We've got eight urns full of oil or petroleum, and Mimzi has received a bit of mage training, so we spill the oil all over the floors and walls, and camp near the entry to the basement. When they breach the parameter, you and I quickly leap down, and Mimzi quickly casts Flames, so the whole damn building and everything in it gets roasted and toasted. Then we just wait a while in the basement, emerge into daylight, and begin the trip back to Riverwood", Aug explained. "Mimzi, you and I are going to lay the oil trap; and Benti, go into the cellar and stand by for further orders."

…

Aug and Mimzi spent about an hour preparing traps and constructing barricades.

"I'm going to go downstairs and get some stuff", said Aug. "I'll be right back."

"A'ight", Mimzi nodded, continuing to hammer away. Aug opened the cellar door and climbed down the ladder, shutting the door once he was in the cellar. Aug walked around the corner and was somewhat frightened to see Benti, who was sitting down and looked to be writing a letter. Benti saw Aug in the corner of her eye and gasped, quickly turning around to hide what she was doing.

"What are you doing…?" Aug asked, his eyebrows sternly locked in place.

"Writing, uh, a distress message", Benti replied, beginning to sweat.

"Let me see it", Aug ordered. Benti did nothing.

"I said, '_let me see the message_'", Aug growled. "That's an order."

Realizing that Benti would continue to be uncooperative, Aug stepped up and snatched the letter.

"_Reply to your previous message_", Aug read.

"_High King Westing, I am writing to inform you of my status on obtaining a zombie specimen for study and testing. Currently we are holed up in Falkreath; there have been three casualties in the Resistance squad I've been deployed with, and only the corporal and Private Mimzi remain. Team expendable; I highly doubt they're going to survive the night. And with any luck, one of the zombified soldiers will be a fresh specimen, so I'm going to attempt to capture Private Athena Burgundy in her zombified state, since she was their most recent kill._"

Aug was enraged, his teeth clenched and fists tightened. Aug crumpled up the message and tore it to shreds. "Benti, you _traitor_. You traitorous swine. You _wanted _Burgundy to die, just so you and whoever in Oblivion sent you here could perform inhumane tests on her. You don't care if Mimzi and I survive the night; heck, you probably would want _us _to die as well!"

Benti was silent and refused to make eye contact. Aug struck her in the back with the butt of his gun, grabbed some rope, and hogtied Benti.

…

"This doesn't add up", Mimzi said as she and Aug interrogated Benti. "Why?"

"We're fighting a war here, Mimzi", said Benti. "We risk annihilation at the hands of the vampires and the butts of the dragons. We _need _to win, and to win, we must be resourceful. These zombies are basically unkillable, and if we could weaponize them, we might just stand a chance. But we needed to obtain one."

"Who are you working for?" Aug growled, grabbing Benti by the jaw.

"The High King's Special Projects and Operations Team", Benti said. "We're soldiers like you, but not grunts and cannon fodder like you. We actually fight. We play to win."

Aug threw his fist with tremendous force, slugging Benti in the side of the face. "Benti, we trusted you. Burgundy trusted you, and we all loved her. And she loved all of us. And now she's dead, and she's dead because of you. Burgundy, and Cranker, and Velasco. They're all either zombies or zombie food, and it's all because of you. Why didn't you tell us, Private?"

"Captain", said Benti, asserting her rank which she lied about.

"Captain, huh?" Aug said, "Why didn't you tell us, _sir_?"

"It does not matter. I'm the ranking officer here, and as of now, you are under my command. And my orders are to release me and submit to the zombies."

"That's it!" Mimzi yelled, pushing Aug out of the way, "Benti, _you're _the bait now! Aug, do we have any more oil?"

"Already taken care of", Aug smirked, dumping an urn full of oil all over Benti, who was still tied up.

The two soldiers suddenly heard banging from all sides, and something on the roof.

"Here they come!" Aug shouted, cocking his rifle, "It's game time, Mimzi!"

The zombies unexpectedly started dropping down from the ceiling, which they then realized was made of straw. "GO! GO!" Aug ordered, "Fall back!"

Mimzi obeyed, and provided covering fire as she moved back towards the cellar. As she lit up the horde, she recognized two familiar faces, Cranker and Velasco. The two of them appeared to have some bit of control left, and fought their instinct by instead converging on Benti, which was a very ironic death for her and a very delicious meal for them.

Aug leapt down into the cellar, and ordered Mimzi to cast Flames. Mimzi quickly cast fire, and fell down into the cellar, slamming the door moments before the entire building violently exploded, instantly and painfully terminating all zombies within, effectively ending the threat.

…

As the sun rose up and the birds began chirping, shrapnel-covered Aug helped Mimzi climb out of the basement into the destroyed Longhouse.

"It's over", Mimzi sighed. "It's over."

"Time to head back", Aug said. "Let's get moving."

As Aug and Mimzi left Falkreath, Mimzi turned around to look at her destroyed home city one final time. Mimzi nodded in memory of the fallen, and ran back up the hill to join Aug on their trek back to Riverwood.

…

**This is definitely one of my favorite chapters, definitely in the Top 5. Or at least, as of now.**

**Athena Burgundy, R.I.P. I loved her name, and I know exactly how she looks and sounds. It was a combo of the Greek Goddess Athena and one of my favorite characters from Halo**_**: The Mona Lisa**_**, Burgundy the dropship pilot, who suffered a similar fate. And it may interest those of you who have not watched **_**The Mona Lisa**_** to know that Cranker and Benti are also characters from**_** The Mona Lisa**_**; Cranker, who has a cool name, is the second Marine converted into the Flood, and he also is responsible for Burgundy's death, which was getting absorbed into this giant Flood Gravemind. Ngoc Benti was one of my favorites (I love basically everyone, especially ****protagonist Sergeant Zhao-Heng Lopez); she was the platoon's medic as well as one of the most important characters in the story, and she sacrifices herself to kill a traitorous special agent named Clarence. The Benti in this episode is the other role; where she's the Clarence, and also a bit like Carter Burke from **_**Aliens**_**. **


	39. Fun with Fear

**So while this chapter may be similar to "Wabbajackoff", I would like to state that this chapter addresses most, if not all of, the characters' fears.**

…

Another dull-as-dirt day in dangerous, war-torn Skyrim, and while numerous other events and slaughters were taking place all across the province, there was a group of 8 knuckleheads that were not participants but should have been; an obese dragon with a fondness for sitting on people, a very friendly werewolf that licked people to death, and a fat-yet-sexy vampire "princess" who had a bottomless stomach. And the bigger she grew, the bigger her boyfriend's love for her grew.

Everybody was sitting around, completely bored out of their skulls. "If boredom was a sport", Aug sighed, "We'd have a trophy case the size of..."

"My stomach", said Serana.

"Well why can't we, you know, do something?" Mimzi asked. "Like go swimming-"

"NO", Aug bellowed. "I am not going in water. Not getting wet. Not even going to the sea."

"What's your problem with the ocean, wimp?" Rocker snidely remarked, laughing at Aug.

"Clearly you didn't remember when that damn mermaid tried to eat me and nearly did", Aug said. "I hated the ocean even before that, I hate being wet, and I hate mermaids. I'm not going."

"Okay then", said Rocker. "Well we can get Fat Dragon to fly us-"

"Man, no way!" Dragon yelled, shaking his head, "I'm not flyin' nowhere!"

"So what's _your _problem?" Mimzi asked. "You're lucky to even _have _wings."

"I'm afraid of heights…"

"AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?!" everybody but Dumbledwarf exclaimed, their eyes widening and jaws dropping. "Hey, I'm scared of heights, too", said Dumbledwarf. "I'm too scared to even try and climb up over that stump."

"Lightweight", Serana remarked; plopping her butt down on the tree stump Dumbledwarf didn't have the guts to climb.

"Oh yeah, then what's your fear?"

"Oh please", Serana scoffed as she took another large bite of bread, "I don't have any fears."

"You're chewing on your own fingers", said Aug, noticing Serana chomping and grinding her teeth on her fingers.

"Oh NO!" Serana cried upon seeing her reddened hands, "No more food! I ate it all!"

"I think I know your fear", Dumbledwarf smirked. "Two words."

"What are they? Screw and you?" Serana harshly replied, giggling obnoxiously.

"Food famine."

Serana's glorious golden-glowing eyes widened and froze in place, along with the rest of her body. Aug waved his hand in front of her face. "Serana?"

"_Breathe_…" Serana quietly gasped, "_I can't breathe_."

While Serana breathed heavily with Aug patting her on the back softly, the others continued to discuss their fears. "So let me get this straight", said Mimzi, "Fat Dragon and Dumbledwarf are afraid of heights, Aug's afraid of the ocean and water, poor Serana gets all anxious over the concept of no more food, and I already know Rocker's a-scared of chickens."

"Am not!" Rocker replied.

Mimzi stretched her lips out and put her hands under her armpits before clucking loudly and "pecking" at Rocker, who screamed like a frightened girl. "I'm sorry", Mimzi laughed, "I thought you was corn."

Derpo and Wyatt snickered and giggled. "Shut up, Mimzi", said Rocker. "I'm not afraid of chickens. In a related matter, don't do that again; that scared me!"

"Okay, okay…", Mimzi sighed. "Well, since we've got nothing better to do, how about we like see who can last longest against their fears? Last one standing wins a bag of gold pieces. Serana, you have to refrain from eating for 24 hou-"

Serana let out a bloodcurdling shriek upon hearing Mimzi's words, followed by hyperventilating slowly and shedding some tears.

"-Er, because you're my sweet, plump, happy little friend, I guess we can go for like 12 hours without food; is that better?" Mimzi asked, patting her teary friend on the shoulder. Serana whimpered and pressed her face into her friend's chest.

"Oh, sure", Rocker snarled, "Pity the obese vampire."

"Up yours", Mimzi growled in retaliation. "She isn't obese; she's fat, but not obese. And besides, she isn't going around biting people in their sleep, so that's good. Can't you just shut the fuck up and stop being a bully?"

"Oh, okay", Rocker remarked, "So what's my little discount then?"

"There will be one less chicken put into the coop with you."

Rocker twitched quickly, his fingers locking up in bent position. His mouth began foaming, his heart was beating rapidly, and then he dropped to the ground.

"Right, so I'm the fatty, and you're the turkey", Serana cheekily grinned, spitting on Rocker.

"So, Serana, sweetie, do you wanna be a part of the game?" Mimzi asked, since she was also sort of a mother figure to Serana. Serana nodded in agreement, wiping her eyes.

Since her own family officially didn't care about her or even recognize her as their daughter, Serana had been viewing Mimzi as the mommy she never really had. As for her "father", she wouldn't know, but either way, all of her friends were her family. They treated her well, they accepted her for who she was, and she was in an extremely close relationship with the most loving, sex-lexic guy ever, who supported her interest in overeating.

"Okay, so we've got Serana, Rocker, Aug, Fat Dragon... Is Wyatt afraid of anything?" Mimzi asked. Wyatt was sleeping, but his ears rose upon hearing his name. His eyes remained shut as he listened in.

"Well, he can't exactly speak", said Aug, "So it's awfully hard to tell."

Secretly, Wyatt did have a fear. Two, actually. Luckily he couldn't speak, but he still had a large fear of fire and silver; the two scariest things to a werewolf.

"So, that's everyone, I guess", Mimzi said with a secretive look in her eyes.

Aug noticed that Mimzi never stated her fear. "Uh, Mimzi, aren't you forgetting someone?" Aug asked.

"Derpo's fearless, remember?" said Mimzi.

A drop of rain splashed down on Fat Dragon's hide. "Aw dang it", he sighed, "It's raining."

Mimzi's eyes slightly widened, and Aug noticed this. "Rain?" Mimzi weakly asked.

"Yes", Aug said, trying to see what Mimzi was so worked up about, "Rain. Water that falls from the sky. Sky water, lightning, thunder..."

A dark rumbling was heard. "Serana, baby is that you?" Aug asked, smiling as he rubbed his hand across her belly.

"I've got a little fuel in the tank", Serana smiled, holding her lover's hand. "Confusing sounding, I know. But you know what I mean."

A second boom was heard, accompanied by an enormous flash of lightning. When the bright flash ended, Mimzi was out of sight. "Mimzi, sweetie, where art thou?" Serana asked as the rain started pouring. Serana heard weeping, and when another flash of lightning cracked across the sky, she caught a glimpse of Mimzi bolting into the Sanctuary.

"I'll be right back", said Serana, heading into the hideout in search of her fear-filled, frightened friend. "Mimzi?" Serana called as the Black Door shut behind her, barely bumping her bum. Serana followed the sound of crying, and traced it into one of the bedrooms, where Mimzi constructed a barricade out of blankets and pillows. Her eyes were red from crying, and she was breathing heavily, which obviously wasn't a good thing.

"Mimzi? What's wrong?" Serana asked in a concerned, loving voice.

"I'm scared", Mimzi sobbed.

"Aw, poor baby", Serana whispered sweetly, coming over to hug her frightened friend. Mimzi scooted over to her large, huggable friend, which was a benefit of Serana's large stomach: it was very effective at calming and achieving relaxation for terrified or depressed friends. Plus Serana enjoyed that digesting feeling that came after gobbling up a large meal. A long time ago, Serana had officially lost her status as a standard vampire, but she realized that she possessed free will, and being a vampire was just a trait. If anything, it was a benefit, since it helped her eat a lot without becoming morbidly obese as well as giving her immortality.

"Are you scared of the thunderstorm, you poor thing?" Serana asked, affectionately licking Mimzi's red, teary cheek. Mimzi nodded.

"I'm guessing you don't want to be a part of the contest then, huh? 'Tis'alright, you don't have to say anything", Serana replied, patting her sad, scared friend.

"Why are you so sweet, Serana?" Mimzi sniffed. "I love you so much."

"Well, I guess my crap-filled, fat belly might be part of the reason", Serana smiled, poking her finger into her navel. "As strange as it may sound, what I mean is that it's a symbol of how I want to live. I want to like people and have them like me. I get even more sad than you when you get like this. I want everyone to try and be like me, to just be happy with who you are and not how society expects you to act."

Mimzi wiped her final tears away as she embraced her wise, thoughtful, tubby friend. Serana Volkihar was definitely wise. Even for being about 14 in mortal years, she was a very wise girl, and being fat was good for her, as well as for the people around her.

…

**I know I kind of get involved with Serana's weight and stuff a lot, and I am not disgraced by it one bit. It primarily addresses fetishistic folks, but it delivers a number of important messages. The first, is that you can live the way you want. I cannot stress this enough. It's _your _life, and you can live however you want. You can be the nicest boy or girl ever, or the biggest douchebag in history; it's your choice. Be advised that there is such a thing as a bad choice, such as that last one.**

**This shares strands of Fat Albert's DNA, so to speak, so there is still a bit of a friendship theme that delivers important messages between bursts of fun and mischief.**


	40. Stallin'

**Let's see who'll confront their demons first: will Rocker chicken out? Will Fat Dragon or Dumbledwarf fall into submission? Will Serana actually lose weight? And where's my Mountain Dew? It's White-Out, so look around. I think I know who stole it... and who likely and gluttonously ate the can.**

**I'm pleased to report that this may very well be the beginning of the Rockzi shipping; the previous instances weren't really romantic moments or adventures in bed, but this marks at least one. Mimzi is dirty.**

**By the way, for anybody that might not think too well of "Volkihar" as Serana's last name like she's some girl next door or something; consider that Serana is a part of the Volkihar clan, which can be compared to like a large family or something.**

…

So the bet was on. Fat Dragon and Dumbledwarf had to confront their fear of heights, Serana had to go without eating for a day, Aug had to get wet, Rocker was going to be shown who the real chicken was, and originally Mimzi was to face her tremendous fear of thunderstorms, but for predetermined reasons, she was excluded due to severe anxiety issues regarding the recent storm.

"Breakfast time!" Serana cheered, springing out of bed and wiggling in anticipation.

"Ah, ah, _ah..._", Rocker smirked, stretching his arm out in front of Serana. "No food for you!"

"Rocker, shut up", Serana growled. "For once, I'm listening to you, but after this, pray to Talos that I won't eat you, you cheap son of a bitch."

Serana grumpily got back in bed in a desperate attempt to avoid thinking of food, where she fell into a deep slumber. If sleeping was a sport, Serana Volkihar would be an athlete.

…

Aug was quaking in fear as he stood at the edge of a large pond at the bottom of a steep cliff. Mimzi was not competing, but she still wanted to be a part of it. Wyatt and Derpo were also watching eagerly; always ready for a good, hearty laugh.

"Why do I have to swim in this goddamn murder puddle?!" Aug shouted in protest.

"Aug, dude, it's just a little puddle", said Rocker. "Stop being such a chicken, turkey!"

"Speaking of chicken, aren't you supposed to be screaming in the center of a chicken coop?" Aug asked sarcastically.

"Shut up!" Rocker quickly retorted. "It's only like four feet of water!"

"What if there's a mermaid in there?!"

"You seriously think there's a _mermaid _in this dinky little puddle?", said Mimzi. "WOW."

"Again, Mimzi, shut the fuck up!" Aug snarled, inching his big toe towards the waterline.

"While Snail-boy here inches towards harmless water", Rocker snidely remarked, "I'm gonna go see how Dumbledwarf and Fat Dragon are doing. Hopefully they aren't as wimpy and wussy as Aug."

…

"So, you gonna jump first?" Dumbledwarf chuckled nervously as he tightly held onto Fat Dragon's back.

"Hey, hey, hey, you're on my back, genius, so we'd go down together", said Fat Dragon. "I ain't jumpin' off no cliff!"

"Fat Dragon, you whiny little bitch", Rocker remarked, "Just jump already. You have wings, for the gods' sakes!"

"Hey, that's a 20-foot fall, dude", Fat Dragon replied. "Why don't you jump- matter of fact, ain't you supposed to be in the chicken coop?"

"Um, worry about yourself", Rocker snapped, before realizing the irony in what he just said. "Oh, wait..."

"Like you said", Dumbledwarf grinned, "Worry 'bout yourself."

"Bite my slender scaly ass!" Rocker growled.

"If only you had one", said Fat Dragon.

"BURN!" Dumbledwarf shouted.

…

"Why aren't you doing anything?" Aug asked as he ever-so-slowly inched towards the harmless brook.

"Well, first off, the storm passed overnight", Mimzi explained. "Plus, I don't feel like telling you."

"Can you at least tell me where Plumpkin- er, Serana is?" Aug asked, cupping his mouth in embarrassment.

"I already know", Mimzi smirked. "It's such a sweet little name for her..."

"Stop baby-talking and actually... just, just shut up", Aug wearily groaned. "Actually, do you know where Serana is? I haven't seen her all morning."

"She's asleep", said Mimzi. "She was all hyper and bubbly about getting some grub, but of course, my Rocker was all dicky to her, so instead of eating him, she opted to get some sleep."

Aug noticed Mimzi had a dirty grin on her face when she said the "my Rocker" bit. "Uh, Mimzi, why do you have this rape-face on?" Aug nervously asked.

"Oh, damn it, you noticed it?" Mimzi sighed. "Well, Corporal, I have learned a bit from you and, uh, _'Plumpkin'_, in terms of having a little close encounter; you know what I'm sayin'?"

"What do you mean by that, you perverted red-headed weirdo?" Aug asked, retching his face in disgust as his mind played a disturbing scene of a horny Nord having dirty sex with a reptilian humanoid.

"Well, you and Serana obviously like getting down with each other, and-"

"Wait, you _watch _us have sex?!" Aug exclaimed. Wyatt and Derpo howled in interest.

"Uh, um, well, see- uh... how do I put this delicate- yes", Mimzi said.

"DUDE!" Aug screamed, his eyes widening in horror, "You don't just watch a guy put his thingamajigger into a girl's whatchacallit!"

"Well, I do", Mimzi grinned. Aug threw up in pure disgust; his face switching from red to green and back.

"While you continue to barf, I shall continue with my sex-themed rant", said Mimzi. "Anyways, I've seen you screw Serana; I've seen the byproducts on the bed, too, and I kind of want to do something like... fantastic to Rocker."

"Something like pleasure him, or pleasure yourself at his expense?" Aug choked, spitting out the remaining vomit in his mouth.

"The... last one", said Mimzi. "Did you know that there's a second application for a belt besides using it to whip children?"

"Oh gods, I don't like where this is going", Aug groaned, though relieved in the knowledge that he was stalling the plunge into the pond.

"So here's my nasty-ass plan", said Mimzi. "Rocker. In bed. Either tonight or tomorrow night. Ambush 'im with a belt, and squeeze the love out of him, if you know what I'm saying."

"You're planning to strangle Rocker with a belt just to have a spectacular orgasm?!" Aug exclaimed. "That's so... I'm going to help you."

"Wait, what?" Mimzi asked, confused by Aug's offer.

"First off, I want you to know how creepy it is to have someone who you're not having sex with staring at your puss while some other guy screws you", said Aug, "Second; I would love nothing more than to strangle Rocker with a belt. That's... that would be fantastic. It would be an even bigger pleasure for me, actually."

Wyatt and Derpo exchanged worried looks, and unfortunately they couldn't tell the rest of the gang... not that they were planning to.

"Well, now that I've just heard the most fucked-up, perverted thing in the history of Skyrim, I kind of _want _to kill myself now", Aug said. "There's probably going to be like an enormous shark or squid monster lurking in that pond, and when it regurgitates my bones, know that I said, 'I told you so'. Here I go..."

…

"Hey, hey, hey, Rocker", said Fat Dragon, "Both out of curiosity as well as the need to stall jumping off a billion-foot cliff, what's the deal with Mimzi?"

"What do you mean?" Rocker asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well clearly y'all are like an item", Dragon continued, "Have you cats like, done anything like, uh... Serana and Aug... how they do stuff, private stuff?"

"Dude!" Rocker exclaimed in disbelief and shock, "Fat Dragon, you of all people I would expect to ask such a screwed-up question; what gives?"

"Be honest with us", Dumbledwarf added, "We're your friends, buddy. You can tell me 'n Fat Dragon anything."

"I- I barely even _know you_!" Rocker quickly replied.

"What difference does it make?"

"The same difference as asking some random guy to have sex with you is", Rocker snorted. "Now Fat Dragon, how about you actually jump? Don't you want to make any money?"

"Hey, hey, hey; maybe you haven't been keepin' up on current events, but we've got at least two full barrels of gold pieces!" said Fat Dragon. "It doesn't really matter, dude. Besides, _you're _stalling getting in the chicken coop in town."

"Maybe I am!" Rocker protested, "But that doesn't mean I can't order you to get off your lazy ass and fall to your death!"

"Chicken behind you", Dumbledwarf said.

Rocker clucked in fear, which made Fat Dragon and Dumbledwarf turn around and crackle with laughter. But ironically enough, Dumbledwarf's fib resulted in Fat Dragon losing his footing and fall off the cliff backwards.

"HEY, HEY, HEYYYYYYYYYY!" wailed Fat Dragon as he fell off the cliff. Unfortunately, Dumbledwarf, who was still piggybacking off of the dragon, lost his grip and was now free-falling, squealing at the top of his lungs as he streaked down towards the ground below like a falling comet.

…

Aug's skinny knees were clacking and smacking together as he prepared to make a "climactic" plunge into a shallow pool of water devoid of any aquatic life whatsoever. "H-H-H-Here I go!" Aug gulped. Wyatt's tail was barely wagging; his eyes widened and refusing to blink. Derpo's attention was diverted into playing around with a centipede that happened to crawl across the dirt in front of him.

Aug locked his eyes shut as he sprung up in the air and hopped into the water, going below the surface. Before he could surface, Dumbledwarf went soaring down into the water with him, crashing at the bottom. And immediately after that, Fat Dragon slammed down on the ground below, sending all of the water onto Derpo, Mimzi and Wyatt and crushing Dumbledwarf and Aug; not fatally, luckily, but it still hurt like shit. Wyatt shook all of the water out of his fur and immediately began howling with laughter, coughing repeatedly during the process. Derpo was also happily and ignorantly chuckling, and for once it was at what had just happened, as opposed to some small creature scurrying on the ground in front of him.

"Oops", said Fat Dragon, instantly getting up to ensure that nobody was badly hurt. Luckily, Dumbledwarf's incredibly puny stature protected him for getting flattened onto the backside of a dragon- again, but unluckily for Aug, he was pressed flat as paper on Fat Dragon's rough, scaly hide, receiving every ton of the falling dragon. Dumbledwarf bounced up and started to peel Aug off. Once Aug plopped down on the ground, Dumbledwarf used a couple of spells to revive him and heal his broken bones and missing teeth.

"What the fuck was that?!" Aug exclaimed, popping his back and rolling his neck.

"It was an accident, that's what it was; hey, hey, hey."

"Hmph. Well, considering how I learned that Mimzi is an indescribable pervert as well as getting squashed by Fat Dragon- again, I'm calling it a day. The sun's beginning to set; fuck the bet; I'm getting in bed with Serana", Aug declared, shaking off the dirty leaves and twigs and wiping off the dirt on his armor.

…

Aug unbuckled his armor and tossed it down at the foot of the bed, attempting to slide over Serana, who was sleeping on the side of the bed. Aug nearly wet himself when he heard what sounded like a drowning lion, but avoided screaming and waking Serana.

"Aug?" Serana yawned, rubbing her eyes and patting her roaring stomach, "Who won the bet?"

"Screw the bet. I got crushed to a pulp by a dragon, and now I-"

"*GURGULLLLL*", Serana's hungry belly rumbled. Serana smiled because tummy rumblings usually led to sex.

"Okay, now I'm not in pain; I'm aroused", Aug grinned, putting out the candle and propping his head against his gorgeous girlfriend's fat, round, noisy stomach.

…

**Obviously SeranAug will remain the dominant, prominent shipping in Fat Dragon, but this chapter marks the beginning of Rockzi kicking in. I wonder what Mimzi's going to do with that belt? Tune in next time for another fun episode of Fat Dragon! ;)**


	41. A Lady and a Vampire

**Love is in the air; even though it isn't Valentine's. More accurately, it's in my brain: not because of a romance or breakup, but because I'm kind of in this Rockzi and SeranAug fix. Of course, Mimzirana, the adorable pair of BFFFL's (see Total Drama Island), sort of counts, so let's take a look at them. This chapter should open the gate for both a new Rockzi tale and a SeranAug tale, or more accurately, continuing one that was indirectly started at the end of "Sea-Whores". One that will be in the shadows for some time, but will eventually emerge.**

…

A glum Serana sat at the stump in front of the clubhouse, watching Aug and Rocker get into a brawl after Aug unintentionally poked Rocker in the eye with a stick while playing fetch with Wyatt. Serana obviously was elated that Aug was kicking the shit out of the foul-mouthed, trashy-ass Argonian, but it hurt her to look at this handsome, romantic, clumsy man.

Serana's best buddy as well as Rocker's "girlfriend", Mimzi, came out of the Sanctuary with two bottles of Black-Briar mead. "Hey, Serana", Mimzi smiled, "Want a brew?"

"I'm good", Serana sighed, smiling briefly.

"Is something wrong?" Mimzi asked, scooting up next to Serana after popping the cork on her mead.

"It's... it's Aug. Mimzi?"

"Yeah?" Mimzi answered, keeping eye contact in the knowledge that Serana had something serious on her mind.

"Okay, so remember a month or two ago when we went to the beach and I got involved with some evil mermaids?" Serana asked.

"Yes, I do."

"So, on that night when Aug rescued me and slayed their mistress, Miami, and I basically ate the entire body, I was about to ask Aug to... before I tell you this, I need you to swear that you will not tell ANYBODY this", Serana continued.

"With your god or gods as my witness or witnesses", said Mimzi.

"I was about to ask him to marry me, but for some reason, I sort of drew back", Serana went on, thinking of this painful memory.

"Why would you draw back?" Mimzi asked. "He loves you, and you love him. He's saved your life, and you've saved his. He likes to feed you and you likes to be fed. You both like having sex. You are meant for each other. Why in Stendarr's name would you refrain from asking?"

"Because deep down, I just feel completely un-ladylike for some reason", Serana reluctantly sighed. "I... I just feel scared that he might decline a wedding proposal because I'm not really, like, ladylike. I chew with my mouth halfway-open, I eat an entire plate of food and the plate itself in less than 30 seconds, I burp and butt-burp without saying 'excuse me', I eat enough to feed an entire province, I have sex basically every night... I feel completely whorish. And since you're not as sloppy and trashy as me, I'm kind of relying on you to help me become more of a woman than I am currently."

"Sure, I'll help you", Mimzi smiled, hugging her friend. "That's what friends are for, right?"

"I thought friends were for- yeah, I'll stop there", Serana laughed. Serana's stomach growled; not loudly, but audibly, and Mimzi stared at Serana, who had a wiped-out look on her face.

"I guess you're hungry, then?" Mimzi asked.

"Yeah, how can you tell?" Serana replied.

"Serana, I know you inside and out- well, not inside, but Aug's filled me in. Point is, is you're my bestest buddy, and I want to help you, because romance is important. Let's head in for some food", said Mimzi.

Serana drooled hungrily, since her brain temporarily switched from "lust" to "hunger", and she followed Mimzi into the clubhouse, ready to absorb every speck of food that crossed her lap.

…

"Brunch is served", said Mimzi as she brought the cooked venison out to the table, which was loaded with tons of food: apples, peas, cabbages, carrots, sweetrolls, roasted and finely-grilled steaks from numerous animals, cucumbers, butter, stew mead, assorted wine, taffy, and cream tarts. Serana's eyes grew upon sighting the delicious-looking buffet.

"Now first, we're going to practice getting the right amount of food on our plate", Mimzi instructed once Serana sat down. "I know as a vampire, you need to keep your energy levels up with consistent sweets and candies, but you should also eat plenty of fruits and vegetables to balance it out a bit. Like for examp-"

Mimzi paused and watched in awe and disgust as Serana grabbed all twenty steaks and venison and gulped every one of them down in under 6 seconds. Serana burped loudly after downing the final mammoth steak, sending bits of meat and saliva all over some of the other food.

"What do you say, Serana?" Mimzi asked, trying to avoid sounding like a nagging mother.

"I want more!" Serana exclaimed. "More meat!"

"You... ate all of the steaks and loudly burped all over half of the table...", Mimzi said slowly, appalled. She knew her friend had lousy table manners, but this was absolutely repulsive.

"You say 'excuse me' after burping", said Mimzi. "Also try and cover your mouth whenever you cough or belch."

"What about that?" Serana asked normally, not seeming to have done anything... which was a bad sign.

Mimzi quickly covered her mouth and nose. "Serana, ew!"

"I'm sorry!" Serana cried, shedding a tear, "Whenever I'm nervous, I get... gassy..."

"It's alright", Mimzi replied, sounding nasally due to her plugged nose. "I'm not mad at you or anything."

"No, it's not that", Serana sniffled, "It's that that's what's going to happen at the wedding! The guy'll be yapping and running his mouth, and moments later, everybody will drop to the floor unconscious."

"It's okay, Serana, it's okay", said Mimzi. "Just please try and hold it in, for my sake."

"Alright", said Serana, wiping a tear. "I'm sorry."

Mimzi waited a couple of minutes for the room to finish clearing out before resuming her lecture. "Okay, now that the fart has died, and I haven't; let's go back to when you ate up all of the steak. You need to eat slowly and in low quantities."

"What does that mean?" Serana asked as she lifted the large bowl of soup and began gluttonously slurping it down straight from the bowl.

"It means, put the bowl down, get a smaller bowl, and eat slowly. It's not a race; you won't win any medals for eating fast", said Mimzi.

"Eat slo- you can't be serious. And eat small amounts?! You're full of crap!" Serana exclaimed, before resuming to gulp down the rest of the stew in the large bowl.

Mimzi covered her eyes with her hand and shook her head. "Serana, no offense, but guys don't want to be in a relationship with people that eat everything in under a minute, fart at the table, chew with their mouth open, and cough all over the remaining food. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but-"

Serana immediately sprung up and ran off into her room crying. Mimzi felt terrible, and she felt ashamed of herself, even though she knew that she did not do or say anything cruel or hurtful to Serana. Clearly she failed at teaching the vampire girl proper table manners, and she felt there was only one thing she could do.

Mimzi walked outside, and Aug popped open three bottles of alcohol and jugged them down in a manner similar to Serana. "Aug?"

Aug finished drinking his mead, and quickly threw the empty bottles at a tree, making them explode into thousands of glass shards. "Yeah, Mimzi? What do you need?"

"It's... Serana. She's really upset", Mimzi sighed.

"Oh shit", Aug said, frowning. "What happened?"

"Well, let's just say that she wanted me to train her in proper etiquette and table manners, but a number of things happened, and it just went downhill from there", Mimzi explained. "She's in her room, crying, and I need you to talk to her. Please."

Aug said nothing, but as he walked past Mimzi into the Sanctuary, she knew that he was going in to try and comfort his beloved Serana.

…

Serana was a wreck. Her mascara was completely smeared from constant tears pouring down her red cheeks, her nose was congested from all of the sniffling, and she was shivering uncontrollably. She felt completely horrible at that moment; believing that nobody loved her, but when someone special knocked at her door, she was proven wrong.

Serana worked up the courage to answer the door, and her face lit up upon seeing Aug, who was smiling at her. "W-What do you w-want?" Serana sobbed.

"Serana, honey, please stop crying", Aug requested. "I need to talk with you. Can I please talk to you?"

Serana was unsure of how to answer, so Aug guided her to her king-size bed, where they both sat down. "Serana", said Aug, "Mimzi informed me that you felt kind of sloppy and trashy, and that she was trying to teach you how to be more civilized, right?"

"Y-Yeah", Serana coughed.

"Serana, I love you the way you are already", Aug said, holding her hand with both of his hands. "I don't want you to be all 'ladylike' and whatnot. I like your belly. I like your ravenous appetite. I like when you burp loudly; though I don't really like it when you fart, though. I like it when your tummy growls. I like- no, love you. You're beautiful externally and internally, which is a lot more than most guys have. I just want you to know that I love you for how you are, and I don't want you to change any of that. Please, don't."

"I... love you... so much!" Serana cried, burying her head into Aug's chest and pulling him backwards into the bed.

"I love you, too", Aug smiled. "You want to lie in bed and have me bring you snacks?"

Serana happily nodded, feeling a billion times better now that Aug was with her. Aug returned a minute later, with a large platter of lasagna, sweetrolls and other fat-filled foods. "This is our schedule, plumpkin: feeding, tummy rubbin', listening to it growl, hard tool, hard tool into your soft socket. Repeating."

Serana squealed happily; not at the upcoming fun, but out of sheer happiness. Aug was the best person on Nirn. The best.

…

**Be yourself. Now when I say that, I don't mean be all disgusting as Serana, because that's how she wants to live her life. We all can live how we want, and I want you to know that you are a slave to nobody; you have supreme control over your life, even if it doesn't seem like it.**

**Good to get a bit of Mimzirana; haven't really seen that in a bit, huh?**

**See you next time.**


	42. Two Moons Part 1: Sinding

Falkreath was in peril. And Fat Dragon and his gang were about to find out why.

…

Another nice spring day, and since there was absolutely no food left in the captured Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary, Serana, Wyatt, Dumbledwarf and Mimzi went to town with a budget of 1,000 gold pieces to spend on that week's breakfasts, lunches and dinners. With a massive dragon fledgeling, a vampire with an extraordinarily high metabolism and a werewolf living together, they sometimes went through their food and alcohol like crap through a goose. Luckily, the gang still retained a large amount of money from their adventure on Solstheim, so they weren't in any form of economical debacle. Still, the trick with money was to spend wisely, and keep plenty in reserve. The gang was a mercenary team, so they were able to rake in 500 septims for every dungeon, death fortress or bandit compound that they cleared; so they were continuing to make more money in addition to the gold they already had.

"Sure is nice outside", Dumbledwarf smiled.

"It's so bright out here", said Serana, wiping drops of sweat off of her face, "I don't know how you stand it."

"Ruff!" Wyatt barked in agreement between pants.

"Yeah, buddy, sucks to be you... or at least having a thick black coat on a cloudless, sunny day", said Dumbledwarf, patting his werewolf pal on the head, "But we still love you regardless."

"Short-stuff, you're saying it sucks to be a werewolf in this heat", Serana moaned, "But try being a vampire. Your blood basically ignites in sunlight."

The two humans, the dwarf and the werewolf walked into Falkreath. "Alright, guys", said Mimzi, "Serana, go buy some steaks and cooked venison."

"FOOD!" Serana cheered, springing up in the air, "Glorious FOOD!"

"I'm going to... wait, something's wrong", said Mimzi, slowing down as she gazed at the citizens of Falkreath who were standing watching them, with their weapons in their hands.

"Can we help you fellas?" Dumbledwarf asked, smiling at the ominous-looking people. He suddenly noticed that all of the people were glaring not at him, but at Wyatt, who was confused and frightened.

"THERE IT IS!" the town's blacksmith roared, "KILL THE BEAST!"

The skirmish began: the enraged townspeople armed with pitchforks, daggers, hammers and Destruction spells rushed in after Wyatt, who yelped in fear before turning and bolting off into the forest. Dumbledwarf scurried into the fray with his mighty Dwarven Battleaxe in his hands, backed up by Serana, who was electrocuting people with Sparks in one hand and jabbing and stabbing at people who got a little too close to comfort with her traditional Elven Dagger. Mimzi had left her M25 back in the clubhouse, but she had borrowed her dear friend Aug's Dragonbone Mace, and was using this to smash guards' faces in. Eventually the enraged mob ceased their assault, and the trio used this opportunity to book it and get back to the clubhouse. Everybody was panting heavily and soaking in sweat and blood.

"I'm bleeding", said Dumbledwarf, looking at the open gash inflicted by a guard's Imperial Sword on his arm.

"Cleanup time", Serana giggled, kneeling down and loudly slurping the bleeding wound, lapping it up and savoring that glorious taste of blood, which she didn't really drink as much as she used to.

"Thanks", said Dumbledwarf. Serana burped loudly, and smiled back.

"What in the wet sack of Susat just happened?" Mimzi asked in disbelief. "Every person in Falkreath just attacked us out of the blue. We all need to have a conference within the hour."

…

"Poor buddy, hey, hey, hey" Fat Dragon said in a sympathetic tone to Wyatt, who was still quaking in terror. "So what exactly happened?"

"Well", said Serana, "Me, Mimzi, Dumbledwarf and Wyatt went to the Temple of the Divine cuisine-"

"The market", Aug muttered to Rocker, who was confused.

"But so we went to town, and all of these crazy bastards just started attacking us", said Mimzi.

"Serana, you didn't steal anything again, did you?" Aug asked, raising an eyebrow at his girlfriend.

"No...", Serana said a few seconds later.

"Well did they say anything else before they attacked?" asked Rocker.

"They were shouting stuff like 'kill the beast!' and stuff like that", said Serana. "What I fail to understand is that Wyatt's been to town countless times; he never attacked anybody, and he was never attacked."

"Mimzi", Aug spoke up, "Let's go up to the Longhouse and see what gives. Maybe that incompetent asshole Siddgeir might have some answers for us."

…

"My Lord", one of the Falkreath guards said before his superior, "There are two people here to see you, sir."

"Ugh", Siddgeir groaned, rolling his eyes. "It had better be those lazy bastards that were supposed to fetch me some wine. Let 'em in..."

The guard nodded, and walked over to the door. The guard opened the door and invited Aug and Mimzi into the Jarl's Longhouse.

"So who are you? What do you want?" Siddgeir asked.

"Aug and Mimzi of Fat Dragon's Dungeon Destroyers", Aug replied. "Now sir, earlier today, our friend Wyatt was minding his own business when all of a sudden everybody began to attack him, as well as Mimzi, Serana and Dumbledwarf."

"Wyatt... he's that werewolf pup, correct?"

"Yes, he is."

"We recently had a small girl get murdered savagely by a werewolf", Siddgeir glared. "How do I know that _he _wasn't the one that killed the kid? And also, give me a good reason why I shouldn't throw you in the dungeon for harboring a vicious predator that was responsible for the death of one of my people."

"Calm down, calm down", Aug said. "Look, Wyatt has been in this city countless times. And all of those times, he never harmed or provoked anyone. He minds his own business, and now everyone wants his head on a pike. Unless you find the real culprit, that mutt is forbidden to enter city walls."

Siddgeir's housecarl, Helvard, walked up and whispered something in Siddgeir's ear. "Actually, scratch that: tomorrow night is a full moon, and the entire town is going to go werewolf-hunting to ensure that those abominations are destroyed before the full moon, which would make them unstoppable and lethal."

…

"What a load of bullshit!" Rocker exclaimed upon hearing the news. "There's going to be a werewolf-hunt tomorrow night, and there's basically nothing we can do!"

"Wait!" Serana announced, "I'm having one of those things; a headache with pictures!"

"An idea?" Mimzi asked. Serana grunted and nodded. "Lay it on us, Serana."

"Okay, so as a vampire, I sort of have this tracking instinct; so I know where other vampires are most of the time, even if I can't see them, so Wyatt, you might have something like that. All you need to do is track down and confront this other werewolf", Serana suggested. Wyatt smiled and licked his fellow undead affectionately.

"Hold on, though", said Fat Dragon, "Serana, that's a pretty good plan you got there, but it sounds like you'd just be sending Wyatt out on his own without anybody else to protect him or help him."

"Look, Fat Dragon", said Serana, "I don't like having to send Wyatt out alone, but this is a quest that he, and he alone, needs to finish. This is suicidal for anybody who isn't a lycanthrope, and even still, Wyatt could potentially be in danger. So as much as I regret, rue and lament it, I'm afraid we have no other options except to send him in solo."

…

After the meeting adjourned, Wyatt reluctantly set off into the woods in search of his spiritual brother, a fellow member of the pack. As a canine, he had a remarkable sense of smell, and could identify each little scent. Wyatt mentally cataloged each known sense, such as the scent of each animal of Skyrim, and as he mentally switched his nose to a werewolf-seeking mode, he caught wind of a werewolf, and ran off into the forest in search of this other wolf.

Wyatt's search led him to Bloated Man's Grotto, which was a cavern on the border of Falkreath and Whiterun, and was also close to the border of the Reach. Sure enough, there were arrows stuck into tree trunks, blood splattered, fresh werewolf footprints in the mud, and other indications which suggested that the werewolf had likely come here no more than five or ten minutes ago. Wyatt entered the cave, and a minute later, he reemerged into a small cove which had a red sky with what appeared to be a full moon, though it likely wasn't actually full. There was a Shrine of Talos, which was badly damaged, burnt, and covered in fresh blood.

Wyatt stepped out into the open of the grotto, where he spotted a fatally-wounded Khajiit who had basically been bisected. The feline spotted Wyatt, not knowing that he was friendly, and attempted to quickly roll over and grab his knife, but this sudden, sharp movement caused tremendous damage to the Khajiit's organ systems and skeleton. Wyatt was clearly very disturbed by what he had just seen, so he hurried along and resumed his search for the werewolf.

Wyatt looked up and was frightened to see the dark, large werewolf standing on a ledge over him. Wyatt whimpered nervously, afraid of what might happen next, but luckily, not only could this werewolf speak, but he seemed moderately docile. "Welcome, brother", the werewolf said in a calm voice. "Why are you here, pup?"

This seemed somewhat insulting to Wyatt, since he was even more illiterate than Mushmouth, but Sinding could tell that the smaller wolf was more of a listener. "I think I know why you're here. You too, are oppressed by the Lord of the Hunt; he controls you, manipulates you, uses you, and you either have caused harm, like I have, or you want to avoid causing harm."

Wyatt nodded.

"We're both brothers, you and I. We both are cursed with this terrible affliction, and we are punished: punished by the gods themselves, punished by society, punished by ourselves. I'm sure you found out about that poor little girl that was savagely killed. That... was me. I still regret it, and I just cannot live with myself knowing that I took someone's life, and caused untold amounts of pain to that child's family. I just don't see why Hircine would take so much pleasure in forcing people to kill our loved ones. I was locked in prison, but I broke out and ran here, in order to have a nice, safe, solitary life. But it's too late. The Prince of Manbeasts has sent a large group of hunters to bring me down, and you will be killed. There is only one option, grim as it may be: you and I need to hunt these evil people together, for our own survival."

Wyatt was shaking nervously again, and was just completely wrecked at the thought of savagely slaughtering people. His anxiety reached critical levels as he heard shouting, armor clanking, and fast footsteps.

"The hunters are coming in. They'll be up here in less than ten seconds. We need to move now, youngblood", insisted Sinding. Wyatt sighed reluctantly, and Sinding knew that Wyatt was willing to help him in the battle against the army of hunters and mercenaries. Sinding howled loudly as a form of a war cry, and the two werewolves turned the corner, where a band of roughly 4 or 5 hunters were in position. Two of them were wielding bows, one had a massive warhammer, and the other two had Iron Swords. Sinding went after the heavily-armored Redguard wielding the hammer, and Wyatt quickly struck down and slashed up the two archers. Sinding finished off the mercenary by hurling him all the way across the cave, where he struck the wall and shattered every bone in his body, and turned to help Wyatt, who was battling the pair of swordsmen. Sinding quickly climbed up onto a rock and pounced on one of the hunters, viciously clawing and hacking and slashing his prey until the entire corpse had been desecrated. Wyatt knocked the other one down, and used his crushing jaws on the Orc's fragile neck, crushing it and causing more than severe damage.

"For a youngblood, you fight well", Sinding remarked, which made Wyatt feel even more guilty about what he was taking part in.

Another area with hostiles was cleared out by the werewolf duo: Wyatt had performed a devastating uppercut slash which quickly killed one of the huntresses wearing very little clothing or armor. It was not pretty: one of her breasts was sliced off entirely, and the skin covering her heart had been shredded and exposed. Wyatt nearly fainted when Sinding voraciously ate the dead woman's heart. Sinding was a completely unstoppable tank; even managing to kill multiple hunters with a single swipe.

After a solid eight minutes of hectic, violent combat, Sinding and Wyatt had actually managed to defeat all of the hunters that were sent to execute them. "You aren't much of a killer", Sinding remarked. "Nobody really is. You have to do what you have-"

Wyatt shrieked in horror when a cloaked assassin plunged the tip of her Silver Sword through Sinding's back and out through his stomach. The invisibility effects that the party of 17 Silver Hand had active wore off, and 17 people spawned out of nowhere. They were next to him, in front of him, behind him, and some were even in towers that they could use for long ranged effectiveness. Wyatt wet himself at that moment, and he honestly couldn't find a shit to give; since his attention was negative.

VERY negative...

…

**The Silver Hand... bastards, aren't they? So I was writing this for two reasons: one, is to give Wyatt some attention, and two, was to address some of the things, guilds, factions and quests in-game that related to werewolves.**

**This was kind of the werewolf mash-up; containing the Silver Hand, Sinding, Hircine, the Hunt... and plan on the Companions making a bit of a mark ;)**


	43. Two Moons Part 2: A Hand of Silver

**Wyatt's in a pickle. As seen in last (week's) episode, he was abducted by the nefarious Silver Hand werewolf hunters while making a stand in Bloated Man's Grotto with fellow werewolf Sinding. Unfortunately, the gang doesn't know where their furry buddy is, so rescue from them is out of the question.**

**But that doesn't mean rescue is out of the question.**

**(This chapter likely will be somewhat shorter than usual, due to its status as an "epilogue" to "Two Moons")**

…

Wyatt came to lying on his side in a thin blanket of hay, frightened and alone. As soon as he awakened, he had no memory of the previous events, but upon realizing that he was in a prison cell in a dungeon, everything came back to him.

An unknown amount of time earlier, Wyatt had been backed against the wall alongside another werewolf named Sinding, fighting for their lives against a horde of huntsmen dispatched by the Daedric Lord Hircine himself. Through some miracle, the pair of lycanthropes managed to survive the assault, but as they were catching their breath, a cloaked assassin impaled and killed Sinding, leaving Wyatt surrounded by a massive number of Silver Hand warriors, archers and mages. His current location, though unknown to him, was in an abandoned fortress named Gallows Rock; within viewing distanse of Windhelm. Poor Wyatt had been transported from Falkreath all the way to the opposite corner of the province, which meant that Fat Dragon and the gang would not be able to find him, since they didn't even know where he left to in the first place.

"Hey", a Silver Hand member on the opposite end of the prison cell door said, clicking his tongue. "Hey, buddy, you want something to eat? Huh?"

Wyatt's stomach had been growling, but not audibly. The werewolf had not fed for a while, and since he didn't full grasp how much peril he was in, any food offering seemed legitimate. Wyatt inched forward to eat the offering, and the Silver Hand member shot a bolt of lightning near the werewolf pup, making him whimper in fear and scoot back into the corner, paralyzed by fear. The man laughed cruelly before tossing the small piece of meat at Wyatt before heading back over to his friends.

Wyatt had never been more frightened and horrified in his life. His lifestyle, compared to his dear friend Serana, was majorly hedonistic; which basically meant he seldom killed anybody, unless he was attacked, his friends were attacked, or if he was hired to clear a compromised location. This was a tremendous twist, the exact opposite of how he wanted to live. Wyatt curled up in the corner and slowly cried, knowing that his fate was sealed: he was never going to see jolly old Fat Dragon, sex addict and canine-lover Aug, potbellied, witty, verbally-dominant vampire Serana, Rocker the "nice asshole", their new midget pal Dumbledwarf, Mimzi, Derpo... he would never see them ever again as he slowly starved to death in the hellish prison, where there would be absolutely no hope of rescue.

Or so he thought.

Wyatt was on alert when he suddenly heard Silver Hand men shouting and yelling, charging past their imprisoned werewolves with their armor, high-powered silver-tipped arrows, bows, lethal Silver Swords and Greatswords, and destruction magic; rushing into the fray to engage an unknown threat. Could it actually have been a rescue team? Maybe Fat Dragon _did _know or find out where he had been, and sent the Dungeon Destroyers out to recover him and wreak havoc on the damned Silver Hand werewolf murderers. Or since Gallows Rock was near Windhelm, maybe Mimzi's father, Ulfric Stormcloak, had been informed of this problem, and dispatched a considerable force of guards to retake the castle and rescue his daughter's friend. Unfortunately, Wyatt could only see straight ahead, and even if his face was pressed into the bars, he still would have a severely reduced field of vision, so listening on the skirmish was of paramount importance.

A Silver Hand member who had been disarmed and had lost a hand limped in front of the cage, before an Iron Arrow plunged into his spine and fatally injured him. "Vilkas! Target the bastard with the mace!" a female voice shouted. Wyatt was now obsessed with finding out what was happening.

Three majestic Nord heroes finally stepped out into Wyatt's line of sight. One of them was wearing a set of Steel Armor that had reinforced shoulder pauldrons, had long, shaggy hair, and either freckles or particles of dirt scatter across his face; it was a bit hard to tell when you only see in black and white.

Wyatt knew this was his one and only chance of being rescued, so he whined and whimpered as loud as he could to try and attract attention.

"Aela, we've got a live one in here!" Farkas bellowed, beckoning for his brother and Shield Sister to come over to him. Wyatt wagged his tail and panted happily, for this was the biggest moment of relief he'd ever experienced in his entire lifetime.

"S'he one of ours?" Vilkas asked, looking first at Wyatt, then back to Aela.

"Does it matter? These horrible bastards have been capturing, torturing, stabbing, and skinning our fellow werewolves for years", Aela scoffed. "And does this one even look remotely dangerous? I'll say this again, since you've got stones in your ears: break this damned cage open and let this poor fool out."

Farkas loyally obeyed, despite the fact that the Companions were all of equal status. The Companions of Jorrvaskr were legendary heroes of Skyrim: whenever there was a robbery, an aggressive, dangerous predator, someone who needed to be taught a lesson; no matter what hold, everybody always summoned the Companions. They had no definite leader; the closest position being "Harbinger", which was the person that gave advice and wisdom to his fellow warrior family members. Interestingly enough, the Jarl of Whiterun actually knew of their secret status as lycanthropes: at first, he was unhappy about harboring a large pack of werewolves in his city, but after proving how generous, effective, and helpful they were to the Jarl and his people, Balgruuf decided to let them stay. Very few others knew of their status as werewolves.

Farkas violently swung his Iron Greatsword at the cage's lock, bending it slightly, and made a second mighty swing, shattering the flimsy lock into thirds. The door opened, and Wyatt eagerly wagged his tail and yipped happily, coming up onto Aela and licking her repeatedly. Aela laughed, also enjoying the moment; primarily because of how good she felt for freeing a poor, innocent fellow werewolf from the clutches of her sworn enemies. "We've got it from here, buddy", Aela smiled. "Go, go get yourself out of here. We're on a mission to recover something. It's sort of... secret. Go now."

Wyatt was rather interested in what the Companions' secret operation was, but his only goal was to escape captivity and head back home. But he did know that he was now very impressed by the Companions Guild now.

"Door's that way, pup. Get yourself out of here, because in about thirty seconds, those stairs are going to be filled with beige, brown and silver, as the most dangerous adversaries in the history of the werewolf rise up over it", Aela urged.

Wyatt did not linger around. He made one final look at Aela, Farkas and Vilkas, wishing he could smile at them, before sprinting out of the keep; which marked his achievement of freedom. And as he elatedly bolted across the wilderness, homing in on his friends, he was beginning to feel love for the female werewolf that saved his life.

…

**I kind of did cut this chapter short (see above); the main reason why is that as I'm writing a chapter that must be in a correct order, I think of a fabulous new chapter idea, and that forbids me from investing my effort into the current project.**

**To fans of "The Dawn", I apologize for the appalling lack of new chapters. The same rules of attention apply for that story too, plus it's kind of dull just basically writing a script.**

**More chapters will be delivered for Fat Dragon since I enjoy it more, and it's a lot easier to make things up. I know I will resume working on "The Dawn" by at least the summer, so for those reading, please bear with me.**


	44. Conflict

**Here is what I consider to be the equivalent of a TV special, so this will be long, no doubt. It's going to answer some unanswered questions about Serana, Fat Dragon and Rocker, though not in this order.**

...

ACT I:

Heart of a Rock.

**Rocker's always been one stubborn, misanthropic son of a bitch, obviously, but there's definitely a valid reason behind that, which we're going to find out.**

...

Rocker and Mimzi, the aggressive, awkward couple, were boxing inside of the clubhouse while Derpo and Wyatt; who had escaped the malicious Silver Hand thanks to the heroic actions of the Companions, watched. Mimzi blocked a lunging strike from Rocker and punched him in the stomach, making him snarl angrily before attempting to violently kick his girlfriend in the face. Mimzi grinned, grabbing Rocker's lower leg and flipping him up into the air.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Rocker wailed as he ker-splashed into the pool in the center of the Sanctuary. Mimzi cackled with laughter, and Wyatt and Derpo joined in as a soaked and infuriated Rocker crawled back up onto dry land. "Mimzi, you rotten piece of shit!" Rocker cursed, "Would you stop throwing me all over the damn place?!"

"Try learning to fight better, and I'll take it into consideration", Mimzi smugly replied, snickering once.

"This once again proves my theory that girls are inferior genetic scum", Rocker said.

Mimzi angrily spun around and slapped him in the face. "Girls are _not _inferior! First off, I just kicked your ass for the third time this week. Second, girls are the reason you're even making this putrid remark to begin with. Third, you're being incredibly sexist, and finally, shut the fuck up."

"No, you."

"What in Oblivion is your problem?!" Mimzi yelled, reaching the end of her fuse, "Why are you always so grouchy, misogynistic, antisocial, rude, cold-hearted, sociopathic, cruel and ugly?"

"Looking at your face, I see all of those things", Rocker smirked, spitting on the ground.

"Rocker, focus on the damned question, please", Mimzi urged. "I'm sick of you treating me this way every other day, and I'm pretty sure Serana and all of our other friends have had it with your bullshit, too."

"Maybe if Serana wasn't as large as a bull, then she wouldn't be a lousy, lazy, lardy piece of shit", Rocker snorted. In immediate retaliation, Mimzi furiously slugged Rocker in the face, breaking his nose. "OW!" he shouted, "You slut! You broke my nose!"

"I will break a lot more than your nose if you don't shut the fuck up and _**GET OUT OF HERE!**_ You're a complete bastard with no understanding of emotion or joy of any sort, you treat everyone badly, and I'm done with it! I'm really fuckin' done with it!" Mimzi shrieked. Much to her surprise, Rocker gave her the finger before walking out and rage-quitting the argument. Wyatt was "Oooh-ing", which came natural for a werewolf juvenile or any werewolf in general.

…

For at least ten minutes, Mimzi was extremely proud and satisfied with herself, but her emotions caved in on her when she realized how hurt Rocker's feelings must have been by her enraged outburst. Mimzi felt like she could stab herself, but her guilt was warring with her knowledge that Rocker really was a bully, and had been treating people with no respect or kindness.

"Wyatt, what am I gonna do?" Mimzi sighed as she paced back and forth in front of her werewolf friend, who was relaxing in a specially-made doggy bed at the foot of her regular bed. Wyatt groaned in annoyance, because Mimzi was essentially speaking rhetorically; since he was unable to give a response. He did know what to tell her, except that he couldn't talk. Wyatt's brain birthed an idea of how to hint to Mimzi non-verbally. He barked three times in rapid succession, which, if listened closely, could be seen as similar-sounding to Fat Dragon's "hey, hey, hey!" catchphrase. Fortunately, Mimzi finally got the message, so she left Wyatt to fall asleep while she set off in search of good ol' Fat Dragon.

_'Humans'_, Wyatt thought as he drifted into a relaxing, calm slumber.

…

"So that's what happened, Fat Dragon", Mimzi sighed after she finished telling Dragon about how she had made Rocker run out sadly.

"Hey, hey, hey, that wasn't really nice", Fat Dragon said.

"I know", Mimzi muttered. "It was my fault... but, he's just always so mean to me, to Serana, to Wyatt, to Derpo, to Dumbledwarf, and even to Aug. But not you. Tell me, if you're his only friend, do you know exactly why he's such a jerk?"

"It's a bit of a long story", said Fat Dragon, opening up for a lengthy explanation.

…

Young eight-year-old Argonian hatchling Rocker had been growing up in a trashy area of Black Marsh, where he had been leading a miserable life. He was a very jumpy young lizard that was absolutely terrified of chickens, which had repeatedly attempted to eat or attack him when he was freshly hatched.

Argonians were the only sentient race in Tamriel that reproduced with eggs, as opposed to the mammalian humans, elves, orcs and Khajiit. The closest thing to Argonian reproduction was mermaids, who bred like fish. (This is also roughly the same time as soulless villain Miami was conceived.) The parents were able to protect their hatchlings, but since clutches of multiple eggs were laid at once, it was difficult keeping track of at least a dozen little Argonian young ones. Add the amount of dangerous quicksands, sinking swamp mud, deadly crocodiles and hungry birds of prey that resided in these bogs as well, and that severely reduces the chances of survival for a clutch of eggs.

Argonian hatchlings at the age of 3 were safe from most avian threats such as herons and seagulls, but were still easy game for buzzards, hawks, owls, bass, Slaughterfish, and alligators. At age 6, they were 90% safe from anything, since they were large enough to not get swallowed by a fish or get scooped up by a bird of prey; though the gators were still a slight problem. Young Argonians' new problems were each other. As if the return of dragons, the rise of an ancient vampire clan, high-level crime and assassinations, the Oblivion Crisis, the eruption of the Red Mountain and a civil war weren't bad enough, bullying spread through Tamriel like wildfire.

Rocker was bullied since he wasn't as agile as the other boys, but primarily because he usually freaked out and cried whenever he saw a chicken close to him. In his defense, Rocker had a valid reason to fear chickens, since upon hatching, he was nearly pecked, killed and eaten by a trio of hungry chickens, who would've killed him had it not been for the intervention of his mother. About two years later, Rocker's mother was found dead on the kitchen floor with a dagger thrust into her chest and a note with a black handprint on it left next to the knife, which left only Rocker and his dad, who never cut him slack, never helped him, and never even hugged him.

A typical day of Rocker's youth:

Rocker was walking home after playing in the marsh near his house, when suddenly he felt a bombardment of rocks and sticks strike him in the back. Rocker turned around, and spotted his two bullies, Biff-Blackscale and Yurili, throwing rocks while laughing cruelly at the wimpy kid.

"Stop throwin' rocks at me!" Rocker yelled.

"We're trying to dry you off, Rocky!" Biff cruelly cackled before hurling another large rock Rocker's direction. Yurili laughed at his friend's remark, and continued pelting Rocker with pinecones, rocks, sticks and dirt lumps. "Milkdrinker!"

"Shut up, you big heaping bowl of mammoth butt cheese!" Rocker retorted, coming in close to crying.

"There's a chicken behind you!" Biff shouted, giggling evilly. Rocker fearfully shrieked, fueling the dark laughter of Biff and Yurili. Rocker was now crying, and went running down the road back home. But the rotten rat-fuck sons of bitches known in modern days as "bullies" decided to have some more cheap fun at another child's expense. Rocker was running down a gravel trail, and as he ran, he tripped, busting his chin on the ground. Biff and Yurili took the opportunity to drop massive, heavy rocks on Rocker while he was lying face-first in the hard, dusty gravel. After dropping and throwing several large rocks, they finally were tired of it, and went off to go antagonize somebody else.

Rocker's father was in the dining area, cooking dinner over the fireplace when his bloody, dirt-and-gravel-covered child who was crying with tears in his eyes and blood in his mouth came limping into the house. "What happened to you?" Rocker's father asked apathetically.

"Those bullies! Biff n' Yurili! They did this to me! Daddy, can't you please go beat 'em up!" Rocker screamed, coughing up a broken fang.

"Deal with it yourself", Rocker's father heartlessly growled. "And as a matter of fact, you're late, so get your ass in bed before you begin to hurt even more!"

That was a sample day of Rocker's young childhood, and when he became a teenager, Rocker had secretly saved enough money to run away from home. But before he left in the middle of the night, he performed one final act of vengeance on his father. Rocker had held onto the cursed blade that was responsible for his mother's death, and honored her death by thrusting it into his dad's throat, then into his stomach, then straight in the face, where it was left.

Rocker had never seen Biff-Blackscale since that day, but all of his anger for this bastard was being dumped on his friends who cared about him more than his father ever would have even come close to.

One day, he was going to find Biff. And he was going to savagely murder him.

...

ACT II:

"I was a Teenaged Yekef."

**Although it rarely happens, Serana decided that the taste of human blood wasn't filling enough; entire humans, however, were. Although she is a member of the Volkihar Clan, she also admits to having a bit of Valenwood Yekef in her... and in her stomach. Take a look. **

…

During that same day where Mimzi and Rocker got into a massive blowout, Serana and Aug had been in their bedroom, unaware of the entire incident that was going on literally right down the hallway.

Five sweetrolls, a loaf of bread, a bowl of apple cabbage stew, two baked potatoes, a boiled creme treat, half a goat cheese wheel, and a full horker loaf. That was what Serana had eaten for brunch, and that was the reason her stomach was loudly churning and gurgling, struggling to digest the massive amount of food tightly packed into it. Fortunately, Serana's love partner was not repelled by this at all; in fact, he was aroused by every part of this. That's how sex started: breakfast in bed, then the aftermath of the feast, then the best kind of close encounter; the kind that doesn't involve an Alien and a shotgun.

"I feel like I'm gonna pop... if I keep eating like this I think I actually might..." Serana groaned, as her stomach let out a rumbling gurgle. She could feel everything shifting and falling around inside of her as it was being digested, and then the familiar pressure in her throat...  
_"*BHHHHUUUUURRRRRP!*" _

Serana loudly belched, briefly making the air smell like the combination of her breakfast foods. Serana lazily looked up at Aug, who had his glorious, marvelous, goddess of a girlfriend's over-indulged belly resting on his lap, with a satisfied smile on his face as well, despite how badly his legs were hurting.

"Very sexy, Serana", Aug smiled, patting his girlfriend's taut, rounded gut and softly stroking it and rubbing it, quivering in glee as he felt his hand slightly bump around. "Just like always, just like you. It's kind of... cold, so, you wanna, uh... get in bed?"

Serana giggled gleefully, rolling back over and crawling up into the covers. Serana was a person that slept on her back, as opposed to Aug; who slept on his side. In fact, Serana was the only back-sleeper in the gang. There appeared to be a small mountain emerging from beneath the covers once Serana had gotten under the covers and was beginning to warm up. _'Delicious'_, Aug quietly smirked, his hormones going wild and his mind getting dirtier by the minute.

A couple of minutes later, Aug and Serana were nude, concealed completely by the bed covers save for their heads and their upper bodies and forearms. Aug made extra sure to shut and lock the door after learning Mimzi's disturbing, perverted secret about watching live sex.

"So, before we write another chapter for the novel on sexy sex", Aug said, noticing how much, how loudly and how frequently Serana's belly was gurgling, "I want to ask you something."

"Sure, honey", Serana cheekily smiled, kissing Aug on the neck.

"Well actually, first; what does it feel like, all that food?"

"Oh my various gods", Serana blissfully sighed, "You'd think it would hurt, but it feels really good for some reason. Kind of like an internal massage. I mean, it's a bit uncomfortable at first, but it sort of flattens out, I guess. Was that the question, and was this the correct answer?"

"Well, yes and yes, but only for the secondary question. So as I listen to this angelic noise (Aug has problems, and he isn't the least bit ashamed of it), I think of when that rotten sea-whore tried to kill me, and then I sliced her apart and fed her to you- actually, no; a better example was with that Rodrick guy, that douchebag who you got pissed with and swallowed whole; you remember him?"

"Ah yes", Serana wistfully reminisced, "That was a satisfying meal. It hurt like fuck, but still..."

"Well, what I'm saying is, out of curiosity; why do you vore people?" Aug asked.

"Vore?" Serana asked, tilting her head like a puzzled dog.

"It basically means swallowing people whole, while they're alive", said Aug. "And no, it doesn't just apply for humans. Really, it can happen to anything by anything. A frog has no teeth. When it shoots its tongue out and pulls a fly or beetle or whatever in, it doesn't chew; it swallows, and the prey is still alive as it waits to be either suffocated or digested."

"That sounds kinda gruesome...", Serana commented.

"Coming from you", Aug chuckled. Serana laughed as well, and they cuddled up even closer, as Serana seductively walked her fingers up Aug's moderately hairy chest. "Well, now that you mention it, I do know why; I just haven't been asked that before."

"Why?" Aug asked with a smile, legitimately thinking about how fascinating Serana was.

"Well, have you read about other vampires besides me and my... family, if it can so be called?" Serana asked. "It's a book called _'Immortal Blood'_; wonderful reading material even if you're not a vampire. Two of the clans from the Bosmer homeland of Valenwood caught my attention. Do you know who the Telboth are?"

"Um..."

"I'll assume that's a 'no'. Anyhow, the Telboth kill and feed on the child or children in a family, and then spend years masquerading as the deceased youngster, killing off the family members one by one."

"Sounds like your father", Aug remarked.

"It does, doesn't it?" Serana grinned. "Oh... he's such a _**dick...**_"

"So, go on, please. We can cuss out your dad in person; it'd be a shitload funnier."

"Well, so then there are these vampires called the Yekef, who swallow men whole like they're some kind of eel-men and eel-girls."

"-Or mermaids", Aug added.

"But so the Yekef, right; well, this is what happened a couple of days after his mass got converted to fat on the ass-"

"-Good rhyme", Aug grinned, over-biting his lower lip.

"Can I resume now?"

…

Several days after she finally finished digesting what was left of her rude, sexist former soulmate Rodrick, Serana had hiked up north to her family's castle. Serana had since moved out, but since her mother still loved and valued her, she vowed to try and visit at least once a month. Upon entering the massive, ancient, vampire-infested death fortress, Serana had gotten different welcoming than usual.

Harkon for once was actually happy with his daughter. Apparently he had learned about how his daughter got off her "lazy, blubbery ass" and gobbled up an entire human, and this was an incredible step towards his goal to model his daughter after himself. He hadn't eaten an entire person, since he didn't have Yekef blood, but his daughter basically ate a meal that could feed a small clan of vampires for two months. Valerica was not as impressed: she wasn't really mad, more shocked to hear that what she thought was a ridiculous drunken lie courtesy of Harkon was actually true.

Valerica was a good mother; and she understood that one day her baby girl was going to head off into the world on her own, living her own life and making her own decisions. This is why she had no problem with Serana stuffing herself to the max and getting a near-spherical, squishy stomach that was fun for Aug to press his finger into. However, Valerica was a little alarmed to see that this rumor was true. But after seeing how shocked and confused her daughter was after Harkon completely buttered her up, Valerica reluctantly decided to give her daughter the truth. It was time for Serana to know something that could possibly scar her for life...

"Serana?" Valerica called.

"Yes, mother?" Serana smiled.

"Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"

Serana came into her former bedroom and sat down on her bed to hear what her dear mother wanted to talk to her about. "Serana, honey, your father informs me that you... ate somebody..."

"I'm not in trouble, am I?" Serana asked nervously. "Also, why would my father actually care about me for once?"

"Serana, I need to ask you something", Valerica explained. "First off, can you explain to me why you ate another being?"

"He was being a dick", Serana replied.

"Do you know why? Do you know _why _you ate him, though?"

"I think I just told you, mother", Serana said in that normal, stuck-up teenager fashion.

"No, I mean what made you? Why not just claw him up, slice him open, or shoot him up with your boyfriend's blast bow?" Valerica asked.

"I... I don't know!" Serana wailed, burying her face into her hands as she cried her eyes out, "I'm a _monster!_"

Valerica comfortingly moved over to embrace her teary daughter. "There, there, honey... you're not a monster. And as vampires, we're all considered monsters in the public's eyes. I know why you ate that person, though, and I mean as in what instinct or vibe forced you into doing that. Have you heard of the Yekef clan of Valenwood?"

"No..."

Valerica sighed. "Serana, I guess I should tell you that I... my father, who had been killed at the hands of the ancient Dawnguard; he was Yekef. It was recessive in me, but apparently it's dominant in you."

"Why?" Serana sniffed, wiping tears from her wet and red face.

"Now that part, I can't tell you", said Valerica. "My guess would be with your current diet: you're eating enough mortal foods to keep your energy levels up, but the bloodlust within you still exists, and it bottles up. I know that you decided to go on a permanent, blood-free diet, but you're still a vampire. You have been, are, and always will be my baby girl. No matter what your father says, no matter how you want to live your life, know that I will _always _be proud of you."

Serana's puffy, cherry-red lips wobbled into a smile, and Serana's tightened, crying face slowly digressed into a calmed-down, relatively happy face.

After all, a vampire mother was still a mother.

…

**One reason I give Serana and Aug so much attention is that it's easier to come up with things for them because they both have an awkward relationship as well as completely interesting and asymmetrical backgrounds. But that doesn't mean I don't love the other characters.**

ACT III:

"I ain't gonna kill nobody!"

**Fat Dragon's transfer from destructive, doom-bringing reptilian monster to joyful, social, jolly party animal has been mentioned in the past, but now it will finally be developed. It's actually a short story, since it's not really that complex; and also because it's a conclusion to the day's events.**

…

After discussing what to do about Rocker after she lost her temper with him, Mimzi, thinking of Fat Dragon's lust for fun, teaching important life lessons and problem-solving skills, asked, "Fat Dragon, I know you've mentioned this before, but I kind of want to know the full story."

"Of what, Mimz?" Dragon asked.

"Of why you stopped helping the dragon menace exterminate Tamriel and became someone who promoted fun, friendships, love, learning, and other positive things", Mimzi said.

"Well, uh, this is going to be a bit of a short story; not completely because I want you to apologize to Rocker for yellin' at him, but since it's sort of short as it is. Mimzi, you'll be surprised to hear this, but I actually came from the future, too. I never ran into y'all since I came in in 9E 416, which is the year when I sat on Dumbledwarf; Scando the Scaley back then..."

…

**9E 406**

_**10 years before Mimzi Stormcloak arrives in 4th Era.**_

The skies were absolutely nightmarish. They were all dark and were all burning. Lightning occasionally cracked across the blackened skies, and the sounds of shouting, screaming, high-powered electric plasma pulse rifle laser blasts, and dragon roars were the soundtrack playing to this unworldly scene.

The laser beams were visible, as well as the dragons that the Resistance forces were firing upon. Currently, military forces under command of the current Argonian Dovahkiin, Scando the Scaley, were engaged in all-out war for control of the Reach; mainly Markarth, which possessed plenty of refuge structures and minerals to fuel the war effort.

An assault on Whiterun was completely disastrous for Scaley's forces: Whiterun Hold was categorized by its wide open plains, which had virtually no cover. The battalion marched towards the city, but was completely decimated by dragons. A chaotic retreat followed, and the soldiers valiantly ran through the fray and explosions, being carpet-bombed by seemingly-endless and invincible dragons. But the Nord remnants lucked out in the Reach: the twisted, cave-and-crevice-filled landscape was perfect for both retreating, ambushing, falling back, and setting up base camps.

Perhaps the most disastrous part of the Evacuation of Whiterun was when Scando the Scaley was permanently relieved of command by Fat Dragon.

"Heng!" Scaley shouted, "Cast your best spells on me! I'll hold these leathery bastards back! Get all of these people outta here!"

Heng, who was Scaley's mage and closest friends, used the most potent potions, scrolls and spells on his superior, who would be making his final stand against the dragons alone: a heroic sacrifice to buy humanity some time. "COME ON, YOU SONS 'A BITCHES!" Scaley roared, his mighty Thu'um quaking the ground. Two dragons came after the Dovahkiin, who triumphantly stood his ground, awaiting his death in exchange for the knowledge that his Nords would get a fighting chance. Scando unsheathed his massive Dragonbone Battleaxe, and used Dragonrend at one of the dragons. The dragon roared in pain as its soul was compressed by the might of his Shout, forcing the dragon to the ground where it would end up getting hacked and slashed apart by the remains of one of its one.

The other dragon mysteriously turned and flew off, over the burning ruins of what used to be the true Nord's city. At that moment, Scando suddenly became incredibly nervous and uneasy: why would a dragon just suddenly fly away like that? He looked around in a panic, and before he knew what hit him...

…

"And that's it", said Fat Dragon.

"You cut it incredibly short, you know", Mimzi remarked.

"Yes, I did. I already told you that it wouldn't be a 15 minute flashback, and besides, you need to talk to Rocker. Now."

…

For the first time in at least 15 years, Rocker was crying; sitting on a tree stump next to a small pond which he was tossing stones into. Mimzi yelling at him forced to remember everything horrible and unfair that made him the most miserable child on Nirn and the most bitter Argonian in Skyrim. He heard footsteps crunching through the ivy and blueberry bushes behind him, so he slowly readied his personal dagger in order to be able to quickly dispatch the foe the moment they stepped out of the brush. The only thing that prevented Rocker from hurling his knife was that it was his lover, or more accurately, his _ex_-lover, Mimzi. "What in Stendarr's name do _you _want? You've already bitched at me enough, you bitch... what the fuck is your problem?!"

"Rocker, please", Mimzi said desperately, "I need to talk to you. Can I please talk to you? Please?"

"Fine", Rocker hatefully and reluctantly growled, resisting the tempting ability to slit the bitch's throat as she sat down on the grass next to him.

"Rocker, I'm sorry about how I raged at you earlier today. You have no idea", Mimzi said, with tears of her own beginning to form in her eyes. "You have every right to call me a bitch, and I'm sorry about how you had an unhappy childhood. I'm sorry your mother died, I'm sorry that your father was a sociopathic bastard with no sympathy for his own son's feelings, and I'm sorry about Biff."

Rocker's bloodshot eyes became even more red upon hearing this. "Who told- who the _fuck told you_- that all of that shit happened? Let me guess: Fat Dragon. That lousy, big fat son of a bit-"

"Rocker, he told me because I cared enough about you to want to know what made you so unhappy. And he cared too. Fat Dragon is a wonderful guy", said Mimzi.

Rocker shed his remaining tears and pillowed his face into Mimzi's breasts; not so much for comfort as for the sexual urge. Mimzi politely pulled him off, and hugged him, kissing him on his scaly cheek. _'That felt terrific...'_, Mimzi the xenophile thought as her soft, damp, squishy human lips pressed against Rocker's cold, dirty, textured reptilian skin.

"Mimzi, I'm... I'm sorry", said Rocker, "But my entire childhood was filled with misery, lamentation, rue, hopelessness, and woe. The painful, traumatic things that happened to me have since permanently affected me, so I can never be truly happy."

"But Rocker, everybody else likes you, and how do you suppose it feels to them when you respond with hatred and vulgarity?" Mimzi asked.

"Explain Serana, then", Rocker replied, crossing his arms.

"Look, as unclean as it makes me feel, I don't mind you messing with Serana, but I don't approve of you constantly tearing off her self-esteem to repair yours. She's a nice girl, and you haven't given her the chance to prove it", Mimzi explained.

Rocker sighed. "You're right. You're... absolutely right. But I just can't suddenly start acting nice. It's too late. And besides, I don't want everybody else to know about my horrible childhood."

"I can understand and agree to that", Mimzi replied. "All I ask is that you treat our friends with some dignity, or they won't want to be your friends. Your father never loved you, and because he was basically your only family, you've never really felt loved. But we love you. We feel sympathy for you, and we want to be your friends."

Rocker cried for a few more seconds. "Mimzi... I'm..."

"It's alright", Mimzi whispered, smiling as the sun set.

"But, Mimzi, I do need your help with something."

"Sure, Rocky."

"There's one person I've been deserving to get some true revenge on", Rocker smirked, which marked the beginning of his plot to finally get revenge on his childhood bully, who still haunted him to that day.

…

**That was fun to write; despite how long it took. Hope it was fun to read.**


	45. Volkihars and Stormcloaks

It was taking Serana's father, Harkon, a lot of self-control to avoid losing his temper and butchering everyone else at his lazy, worthless daughter's 258th birthday party, which was the most boring, stupid event of the year. Valerica, on the other hand, did care about attending her daughter's birthday, despite being busy with keeping her broken husband Harkon from attempting to start a genocidal apocalypse.

Harkon was boiling with rage and dripping with sweat, since the party was being held outside. Valerica didn't exactly like sitting around in the sunlight, but she was a good mother who cared for her baby, so she was willing to put up with it for a few hours.

Aside from Harkon, everybody else seemed to be enjoying the party. Serana's best friend Mimzi's father, Ulfric Stormcloak, was attending as well: although he didn't know Serana too well, he did care about his daughter, too, and Serana seemed nice enough, despite having low-quality manners and etiquette. Ulfric had also been talking to Dumbledwarf, who he had never seen up until this moment; and he seemed to like the midget's sense of humor

"Happy birthday, Serana", Aug smiled as he arrived with the cake. Serana cried out in happiness, and tightly hugged Aug. "Whoa!" he yelled, dropping the cake on the table and face-planting into the frosting-coated vanilla cake. Instead of crying, Serana giggled happily.

"This sucks", Aug said, wiping the frosting off of his eyelids. "I've got all of this crap on my face..."

"Can I lick it off?" Serana innocently asked. Aug nodded, and Serana began happily lapping up the thick white frosting that covered her honey's face and throat. Everybody awed ( assuming that this is the word for it) as the birthday girl happily slurped the tasty frosting off of her tasty boyfriend. And she would know since he had been in her stomach twice.

"Well, this puts an end to this dumb party", Harkon snidely remarked. "My skanky daughter gluttonously slurping and sucking on this pathetic, scrawny, perverted bastard, no blood... this is the most absurd, ridiculous, pointless thing I've ever done. Valerica, let's go."

"Harkon, this is our daughter's birthday", Valerica said sternly, angered by how much her husband hated his own child, "Stay."

"NO", Harkon roared, leaping up. "I'm sick of sitting outside on a scorching day surrounded by my fat-bellied good-for-absolutely-nothing lazy daughter, her perverted bastard boyfriend who I would eagerly kill if I had the chance, and all of these other gross, ugly losers! I am Harkon, lord of the Volkihar vampires! I have a thousand better things I could be doing instead of-"

Tears were discretely forming in Serana's eyes as her mother and father engaged in violent verbal warfare on her birthday, which was supposed to be her happy day. "M-Mom...", Serana choked, her upper jaw hardening painfully inflicted by the hurtful comments and arguments; making it hard for her to talk. Ulfric noticed that the poor little vampire girl was crying, and he decided to step in and stand up for the vampire couple's neglected daughter.

"Enough!" Ulfric bellowed, his mighty Nord voice catching everyone's attention. Even Wyatt stopped feasting on the bits of the cake that landed on the ground and looked up.

"Harkon, I barely know Serana, but you need to treat her better! She is your DAUGHTER, and you have absolutely no right to abuse her like this. And on her birthday, too", Ulfric yelled ferociously. Serana smiled slightly, though she was still crying.

"Look, buddy; I don't know who the fuck you think you are telling a powerful, elite vampire lord how to treat his child, but I don't teach you how to raise _your _disrespectful little bitch!" Harkon shouted, hurling a goblet at Ulfric which clocked Aug in the face and knocked him down. "OW!"

"You're making your little girl cry on her own damned birthday, Harkon!" Ulfric continued. "It's supposed to be her happy day, and you're making it a miserable one. If you weren't such lousy parents-"

Valerica had remained silent up to this point; as soon as Ulfric said this, her eyes widened, and she angrily stood up, banging her fist on the table. "Whoa, whoa, whoa; who are you calling a bad parent?! My husband's both an asshole and a lunatic, but I treat my Serana with love and kindness."

"Serana, child, is this true?" Ulfric asked compassionately. Serana looked up for half a second before she resumed bawling and banging her head down on the table.

"Ulfric, sir", said Aug, "Serana's mum has treated her daughter a lot better than her limp-dick father-"

"-HEY!"

"-But she's still neglected and ignored Serana. Me, Fat Dragon and the others have been her family. And Harkon, you want to know the primary reason that your daughter has gained weight? Because you fucking treat her horribly, you rotten buttfuck son of a bitch!" Aug screamed.

"Hey, hey, hey...", Fat Dragon said slowly, not taking his eyes off of Aug for one second.

As Aug, Valerica, Harkon and Ulfric went to war verbally, Mimzi attempted to comfort her sad friend, but she put it the wrong way. "All vampires are the same, huh?"

Serana raised her reddened face from the table and furiously glared at Mimzi for making such a racist comment. "Hey, at least my father doesn't get involved in war, murder, butchering and violence!" Serana replied viciously.

"He already does", Mimzi replied; Serana's anger being transmitted to her as well.

"SHUT UP! I thought you were my friend!" Serana shrieked, finally losing her mind and hurling a plate at Mimzi, which missed and ended up banging Rocker in the face. "OW! Son of a bitch!"

Mimzi did not take this provocative act too well, and retaliated by angrily jabbing her best friend in the eye with the barrel of her M25A1 rifle. Serana froze for a moment, and began screaming and crying as she covered her bleeding, blackened eye with both hands. Valerica did demonstrate that she was motherly: after seeing Mimzi intentionally poke her daughter in the eye, she and her equally-infuriated husband decided to take Serana home, away from these trashy, violent Stormcloaks.

"Serana, we're going home. And Ulfric, I don't want my baby girl to be _violently attacked _by this red-headed bitch who was one of her only friends!" Valerica hissed, baring her fangs and flashing her eyes at Mimzi, who rudely stuck her tongue out in response.

"And you, Mimzi", Ulfric said angrily, "We're heading back to Windhelm, away from these bloodsucking fiends, and not just the vampires."

"What did we do?" Rocker asked in wild confusion. Wyatt and Derpo rapidly nodded in agreement with puzzled looks written on their faces.

"We are going", both families said simultaneously to their daughters. "You are hereby forbidden to come into contact or communicate with her."

…

It was the gang's most miserable moment ever. Serana, Fat Dragon's oldest friend, had been banned from contacting or coming within contact with them or her former friend Mimzi; and Mimzi, Aug's oldest friend whom he had fought valorously alongside in the 9th era, had received a similar punishment. Everybody sat around at the wreckage of the birthday table, amidst all of the destroyed presents, remaining bits of cake and sweetroll, and damaged feelings; completely depressed. Even Rocker was depressed, but primarily because of Mimzi. He still disliked Serana, but after learning that beneath her demonic food lust, glowing eyes, fangs, and adorable over-indulged jelly-pot-belly was a kind-hearted, social, friendly vampire girl, his opinion of her grew slightly. Rocker was primarily devastated about Mimzi, especially since how she had talked to him and made him happier about a week ago. And now she was forbade to contact him or the rest of her friends. Fat Dragon, being the social nice guy, was equally disturbed about what had happened an hour ago, so he was nowhere close to having a reason to laugh or smile. Wyatt was also whimpering sadly, remembering how sweet the girls had treated him before. Aug was definitely the most distraught, and he couldn't cry despite needing to and wanting to.

"This has been the worst day of our entire lives", Rocker glumly sighed.

"Rocker, how do you suppose it feels for our girls?" Aug asked, "They've been the best of friends; both with each other and with us, and now they're gone. They were two of the most important people in our lives, and they're gone. Nothing's going to be the same."

"Well", Dumbledwarf sighed, "Guess it's game over, fellas."

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon said, his face lighting up in a heroic way, "That's not what you should say!"

"Why?" Aug asked. "We've been moping around all day since the most heartbreaking event in the entire 4th era just happened."

"But that doesn't mean that we can't do something about it."

"Uh, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, pal", Rocker said, "But they're banned from seeing or talking to each other, so for once, there's nothing a crappy musical number or upbeat montage we can do to solve this."

"No, I don't mean 'we'. Or, more specifically, 'we' as in Aug", Fat Dragon smiled.

"What, whoa", said Aug. "I can't really do anything about it. And even if I could, why wouldn't you help me?"

"Because", Dragon explained, "You and Serana were and presumably are still in love. And if you really love her, then you'll fight to get her back. You're a future soldier, man. You fight. Not always with guns and roses."

"You're... right", Aug reluctantly sighed. "And even though both Ulfric and Harkon hate me, I'm sure that they'd listen to me, since I'm not a midget, monster or lizard... no offense, dudes."

"Alright, man; here's my plan", Fat Dragon said to Aug, trying to whisper which sounded like a human's speaking voice.

…

Back in the Palace of Kings, Mimzi was equally miserable and depressed. She wanted to apologize to Serana, and she needed to. What Mimzi forgot about Serana is that she had a miserable home life with her family, and on the one day where she hoped nothing too terrible would happen, everything happened. Tears rolled down Mimzi's cheeks as she remembered violently stabbing her best friend in the eye with a long, hard metal rifle barrel, and the screaming and crying that followed. Serana's crying face was in Mimzi's mind, refusing to go away. That was even more disturbing than all of the gruesome, nightmarish sights she'd seen during her military service in the 9th era. Mimzi knew that she had to try to make things right, or at least, let her sweet, plump little friend know that she was indescribably sorry for how brutally she treated her on her own birthday.

"Daddy?" Mimzi asked to Ulfric, who was lazily slouched on his uncomfortable stone throne.

"Mimzi, my magical, beautiful flower", Ulfric smiled, touching the tip of her soft nose, "What is it, baby?"

"I'm going to go apologize to Serana..."

"Whoa, whoa; no you're not", Ulfric quickly said. "Those Volkihars are nothing but trouble. Filthy, evil, bloodsucking, man-eating scum. And that includes Serana."

Mimzi was upset to hear her dad talk negatively about her good friend. "Dad, Serana's nothing like them. Her parents suck, but Serana's different."

"Look, if those predators are hunting for the sons and daughters of Skyrim, including my own, I don't really care. What about her is different? She's got glowing eyes, slightly paler skin, sharp fangs, and a deadly infliction. That girl's identical with all other vampires I've ever encountered."

"Dad, have you noticed her weight? Her love of gorging herself, and Aug, who's a terrific chef, cooks her massive buffets which she gobbles up in less than an hour?" Mimzi asked.

"Yes, it's unusual for a vampire to be that out of shape", Ulfric commented.

"Serana's tummy is large because she doesn't want to harm people. To compensate for her decreased energy levels, she's got to eat lots and lots of regular food to balance it out", Mimzi explained as if she were giving a college lecture. "Unfortunately, the nutrition properties still affect her, but she likes having a large, taut, round belly and thicker, more spherical boobs and buttocks. Strange as it sounds, Serana is basically living like a regular human. She's been unhappy for decades, and now she has friends. I am- or rather, I was- one of her friends. She listened to me talk, I listened to her talk or digest, she got me adorable little gifts, and so much other kind things. And how do you think I feel; or more importantly, how she feels about me angrily poking her eye out with a long, sturdy rifle barrel on her birthday while she was already crying over the yelling and fighting? Bad. Horrible. Likely contemplating suicide. And I don't want that to happen."

Right before Ulfric could get the "that's final" in, Aug happened to enter the massive, cavernous keep, and ran up to his friend and her father. "Aug!" Mimzi sighed in relief.

"Aug? What are you doing here, kid?" Ulfric asked.

"Look, sir, I need to talk to you about what happened earlier", Aug urged.

"I just finished telling Mimzi that she is not to be talking with that Serana girl", Ulfric said again.

"Jarl Ulfric, sir", Aug said, "Mimzi has done and has admitted to doing something wrong, and she wants to apologize, but you're denying the opportunity for her to do the right thing. And if you really love your daughter, then you'd support her in trying to make amends. I understand that you dislike that entire family, but Serana is different. You need to believe me, dad."

"Honey, I care about you", Ulfric said, making concentrated eye contact with his daughter. "I don't want the only thing I have to live for decaying in the stomach of a vampire."

"Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away?" Mimzi rudely replied, angered by this remark. "I already told you; Serana's not evil. She eats and loves to eat, but she stopped trying to harm people. I'm going to make amends with my best friend, whether you like it or not. Throw me in the dungeon if you must. And Aug, too."

"Yeah! Wait, what?" Aug cheered before slowing down and realizing the ending sentence.

Ulfric sighed. "Mimzi, I'm sorry. You know I can't throw you, my own daughter, into the dark, filthy, skeever-infested prisons. This guy, maybe, but not you. I want you to do what you feel is right, not what I feel is right."

Mimzi and her father embraced, Mimzi burying her face into his animal-fur robes. Aug smiled as he watched this precious moment, but his happiness was cut short upon realization that liberating Serana from her home might not be as easy.

…

As sick as it was, it gave Harkon a great deal of satisfaction to know that he had made his daughter cry and publicly humiliated his wife. At long last, he no longer had to deal with the annoying friends of Serana: the loud dragon; the filthy, smelly werewolf; the rude, crude Argonian dude; the retarded Argo; his new nemesis Ulfric's daughter; the midget with a magic wand; and most importantly, that rotten Aug, who Harkon was plotting to decapitate and kill.

Serana was in her bedroom in Castle Volkihar's East Tower, sitting in the dark crying as she looked out across the Sea of Ghosts, gazing out in the distance towards the Pine Forest; a beautiful, fun location that held so many happy memories. A place she was never allowed to return to. The thought made her cheeks turn green, her heart burn, and jaw lock up.

The solitary time up in her dark bedroom gave her time to think about her current factional status. Serana had spent a bit of time jotting down all of the factions in Skyrim that she was familiar with: the Companions, the Thieves' Guild, the Dark Brotherhood; which had been destroyed, the Penitus Oculatus, the College of Winterhold, the Dawnguard, the Volkihar vampires, and her friends. She deduced that she was alone, for in addition to denying her the option of living her life freely and happily; her own family had shut her off.

But things appeared to be making a wonderful turn when she saw Dumbledwarf's oversized Gandalf-wizard hat pop up at her window. "Short-stuff?" Serana gasped, her face breaking into a smile.

"Yup, it's me", Dumbledwarf confirmed. "Climb on top of me. We're busting you out."

Serana instantly hopped out the window and landed in the dwarf's arms, which shook under her tremendous weight (relative to a midget). The man-tower consisting of Dumbledwarf, Rocker, Mimzi, Derpo, Wyatt, Aug, Fat Dragon and now Serana began to sway wildly, threatening to collapse. Sure enough, it did; and everyone went tumbling downhill, rolling off of the ledge and splashing into the icy water below. Everyone swam for the shore; not being chased by the vampires, but being frozen solid by the freezing waters.

After 5 painful, vein-freezing minutes of treading cold, icy water, the gang dragged themselves up onto the beach, gasping, coughing and shivering. "AUG!" Serana shrieked happily, sprinting up and tackling her boyfriend. The urge to undress him and herself and do it right there on the beach was a hard urge to fight, but Serana was overjoyed to have her friends back. Seeing Mimzi, however, threatened to cut this happiness short. Serana sniffled nervously upon seeing Mimzi, and slowly rubbed her black eye.

"Serana...", said Mimzi, coming up and hugging her fat-bellied, spherical-breasted friend, "I'm so, so sorry."

"P-Please don't hurt me again", Serana submissively whimpered.

"Serana, you're my best friend. I debated whether to put myself through the same pain I put you through, because I was that devastated. My anger took control of me, but you need to understand that I only did that because I love you", Mimzi said, holding Serana's soft little hand. Fat Dragon and the gang cheered and clapped as the two girls hugged each other tightly; tears streaming down their soft, velvet cheeks.

…

**This was one of those endings where my enthusiasm sort of burned out, so I don't personally dig the ending, but if you guys like it, then let me know.**

**The reason I'm so social outside of the fanfiction is because this is a story that should make you feel emotional. There's love, comedy, tragedy, violence, friendship, rivalries, and numerous other things. Friends and fans of the fanfic have given me private messages about how they really appreciated the hidden morals and themes within the story.**


	46. Futuramimzi

**At requested by a fan, I'm going to do another future apocalypse-themed chapter similar to "Fight the Fear". This is primarily going to focus on A. Burgundy, who became very popular with me and my friends; as well as when Mimzi first arrives in the future.**

…

Since they were outnumbered by their male friends, Serana the lovable, huggable, tubby vampire and her short, red-headed, good buddy Mimzi decided that they would take a girls' day off, and spend the morning lying up against an oak tree, talking to each other nonstop in pleasant company.

"So, I've been blabbing on and on about the delicious sensation that is the sweetroll", Serana smiled, slurping off some of the frosting from her sweetroll breakfast off of the sides of her mouth. "Um, do you have anything you want to say, Mimzi?"

Because she never really received proper parental advisement or guidance, Serana had very hellacious social skills, but luckily, her friends were aware of this, so they would remind her every now and then to try and help her learn. "What about the war? I wanna hear it from you, bestie."

"Aw, you're too sweet", Mimzi replied, smiling at her plumped-up friend and slowly rubbing her distended stomach. "It might've been the dozen sweetrolls you ate this morning, but either way…"

…

**9E 416**

In the middle of the forest, a swirling, translucent green time-sphere spawned, along with high winds that blew at least 30 miles per hour, and within seconds, the time-sphere dissipated, leaving nothing behind except for a short, dirt-coated, frightened Nord girl with ruby hair.

Mimzi had just been launched forward in time by means of an Elder Scroll, for reasons she was never briefed on. A small girl from the 4th era had been blasted ahead by roughly 500 years, now stranded, unarmed and alone in an unfamiliar place. The glade she was in clearly used to be part of the majestic Pine Forest in Falkreath Hold; the hold where she was originally born in. What was once a happy, cheerful forest full of musical, singing birds and beautiful little deer, rabbits and squirrels was now a black and gray, smokey, ashy, fiery wasteland. It was saddening to the young, confused, scared Nord girl to see her majestic home reduced to ashes, but her priority was to get a bearing of the new world she was in. Evaluating the total destruction of Skyrim was the secondary priority.

Mimzi fearfully screamed when she heard the loud, ferocious roar of a dragon in the distance, but her fear morphed into tension when she heard a completely alien noise that sounded like the combination of a fire, frost and shock spell at a high-speed pace, almost as if it were all at once in a singly blast. Was she even on Nirn anymore?

She heard cracking and snapping in her vicinity, which quite clearly meant someone or something was coming. Mimzi started to have a miniature anxiety attack, and she frantically searched for something to use as a weapon. Even a dead frog would suffice. Mimzi closed her eyes as the unknown entity broke through the crispy, burnt foliage and approached her. A few seconds went by, and Mimzi's locked eyelids slowly opened up. She was actually quite surprised and relieved to see that the "monster" was only a fellow sister Nord, one with short, crimson hair and armed with a completely strange-looking crossbow-like weapon made of ebony with some sort of weird cylinder mounted to the top of it. "Hey kid, you okay?" the woman asked, placing her soft hand on the poor little girl's shoulder.

"W-W-W-Where am I?" Mimzi nervously asked, weeping between words.

"You're in Falkreath Hold- or, what _used _to be Falkreath Hold. Wait, do you mean _where _you are, or _when _you are?"

"That one", Mimzi said, wiping her eyes with her raggedy cloth shirt.

"Well, I'm not sure where you came from originally, but this is the year of 9E 406, also the 37th year since the beginning of the end began", the fellow redhead said.

"The Ninth Era?!" Mimzi exclaimed, "That's impossible! I don't know how I got here! I don't know where my mama and papa are, or who they are! I'm scared, and I just wanna go home!"

Mimzi fell to her knees crying, and the female soldier hugged her compassionately, slowly patting her on the back. "There, there. Poor thing. Look, I know it's scary, hostile and alien here, but you're safe now. I'm with the Resistance. Private First Class Athena Burgundy is the name, but you can shorten it down to Burgundy."

"Resistance?" Mimzi asked.

"In 7E 312, the East Empire Company had since evolved into the Westinghouse Corporation under High King Gralif Westing. Between your time and this present day, Tamriel experienced a huge amount of technological advancements of Dwarven equipment and devices, and with assistance from the best mages and blacksmiths, we'd developed astonishing new weaponry."

"Such as that thing?" Mimzi asked, touching the shiny metal finish of the M25A1 prototype phased-plasma rifle.

"Checking out my M25, eh?" Burgundy smiled, unslinging her rifle. "This is an absolutely incredible piece of machinery. This is a tremendous enhancement of the primitive longbows and crossbows used in the early eras; an M25A1 magicka-powered phased-plasma rifle capable of shooting two different ammo types: magazine-fed arrowheads, and specially enchanted soul gems capable of powering and firing Destruction magic blasts of combined fire, frost and shock, as well as the most potent, easily-obtainable poisons that alchemists could brew."

"Wow", Mimzi said in astonishment. "Can I try firing it?"

"What kind of friend would I be if I said no?" Burgundy laughed. "Here you go, kid."

As Mimzi was instructed on how to operate and use this neat weapon, she smiled, and her heart was warmed to hear Burgundy call her a friend of hers. This was the first true hospitality she'd ever been shown, and it was a great start to an unfamiliar land.

"Okay, kid, you ready?" Burgundy smiled. "Pull this trigger, and watch the recoil. It's not as bad as the prototype XM25s, but hopefully the A2s'll lessen that. And the barrel overheat. You'll get one painful fuckin' burn if this gun overheats, so fire in single-shot or three-round bursts."

Mimzi squeezed the ebony trigger, and the rifle kicked slightly as it discharged a high-powered magicka blast which blew a hole straight through a tree. "Whoa", Mimzi said in awe, slowly handing the bullpup rifle back to its owner.

"Pretty neat, huh? Works fabulously against dragons and vampires."

"Wait, what?!" Mimzi exclaimed. "Dragons AND vampires?!"

"Correct. The dragons under the leadership of Alduin the World-Eater finally decided to mount a full strike on Tamriel, and caused tremendous damage to the lands. From these ashes, vampires under leadership of Lord Harkon Volkihar arose and joined the dragons in their mutual hatred of mortals", Burgundy explained. "We've been battling for survival for over three decades, and we're slowly losing. The entire world will eventually fall, even after all mortal beings have perished."

"I just want to go home..."

"Look, kid, we all want to get away. But sooner or later, you have to face the fears and worries, and we need you to help us do that. Skyrim is your homeland, right?"

"Y-Yeah...?"

"And are you a true daughter of Skyrim?"

"I... guess so."

"Then you should take pride in the honor of fighting for your freedom and liberty, willing to face death at any moment. It's an honorable, thrilling lifestyle, and even though I personally don't condone it, I'm happy to be where I am today: fighting for my homeland and my people. We need you to help us. Please. I can at least take you to Riverwood, and get you some food and drink."

"Okay. Thank you. Thank you so much. But I still don't believe I'll ever understand this world."

"Honey", said Burgundy, "I was born in this world, and I still don't fully understand it. Nobody ever will."

…

**So this concludes the beginning of Mimzi's story in the future; sorry for the potentially-unsatisfactory ending. But this is one of those chapters that's sort of just dialogue. There'll be Fat Dragon chapters that are completely action and violence, then some that alternate, and then dialogue-heavy chapters, such as the ending of "The Midget Games".**


	47. Super-Zeroes I Part 1: New Abilities

**In addition to being a fun, possibly-recurring superhero theme, this also contains an option to vent my frustration on bullying and being bullied in the form of a recurring Serana-inflicted death to a child. If this thing bothers you, then please don't read, and please don't leave hateful comments. I assure you that this child-cide will only appear here, so this won't be a regular thing. Oh, and lovely "Un-Lady" Serana will fart near the end (no disgusting onomatopoeia involved), so if gas bothers you, then now is your warning to back up and GTFO.**

**...**

Rocker made an effort to show his most disgusted face as Aug played around with lovely Serana's swollen ball of a stomach, giggling as he made her smile through tickling and gentle rubbing. "You two are insane", Rocker remarked, rolling his eyes.

Both to continue with his routine as well as to disgust Rocker even further, Aug puckered up and kissed Serana's outie bellybutton as if it were a second pair of lips. Serana snickered giddily as Aug's warm lips and tongue moistened her bellybutton, and Rocker turned twice as green, ready to vomit at the earliest convenience. "Rocker, listen", Aug said after he poked his slender fingers into this glorious, marvelous squishy belly of the most beautiful, interesting girl in all of Tamriel, "Our love is different than yours, but it's still love. I love her, she loves me, she loves a full belly that gets played with, and I love full bellies to play with. Is that easy enough for you to comprehend, or do I have to wang you over the head with another dictionary?"

"It's easy to understand how is disgusting and perverted it is", Rocker commented.

Dumbledwarf came shuffling into the room. "Hey guys!" he smiled.

"Howdy-hey, short-stuff", Serana smiled, patting Dumbledwarf's pin head, "What do you want?"

"Y'all big folk want some beer?" asked the midget.

Aug was a severe alcoholic: he drank mead like it was water, and on "special nights" with his lovely Serana, he'd buy a thing of fancy, foreign wine. Beer, however, was very rare, and very expensive; usually pricing at 900 gold a bottle- that is, if you were lucky. His eyes basically popped out of his head, and his face popped out of his head.

"I'd love some beer!" Serana chuckled, also being a dedicated alcohol fanatic. "But where'd you get it?"

"Found it- stole it, really", Dumbledwarf said.

"Hey", Rocker laughed, "If you stole it, then it _has _to be good!"

Everybody minus the midget took a bottle of pricey beer, popped the caps, made a toast, and sipped down their brews- except for Serana, who gulped her entire bottle down in half a second. "I want more! More beer!" Serana squawked.

Aug and Rocker laughed, but Rocker and Serana freaked out when Aug threw up violently; the revolting pile containing a lot of blood and mucous. Serana's stomach started to loudly bubble and gurgle, and she swirled around before dropping to the floor and barfing upwards like a fountain. Finally, Rocker turned twice as green and upchucked all over himself, before joining his two unconscious pals on the floor.

…

"Aug. Aug, y'alright?" Dumbledwarf asked when Aug came to an hour later.

"I just drank some beer that _you _gave me, and it nearly killed us. No, I am not alright!" Aug shouted. "Plus, poor Serana's been emitting soft, frequent burps- in the middle of unconsciousness! Not that it bothers me, but it likely is discomforting to her."

"Take one of these", said Dumbledwarf, handing Aug a small, brown liquid-filled vial. "What in Stendarr's name is this? More poison?" Aug asked huskily.

"It's a… remedy."

"If I go out again, your lights will go out, you walking kickstand", Aug growled as he finished swallowing the "remedy". Much to his surprise, he felt _great_. More than great, actually. Aug immediately grabbed two more vials from the midget and poured them into the open mouths of his sick, delirious friends. Serana smacked her lips slowly as she wearily woke up. Rocker did the same, and within seconds, everybody was back to feeling good as new again.

"Well, now we've got nothing better to do", said Serana, "You guys wanna go steal some stuff?"

"How was the potion, if I may ask?" Dumbledwarf inquired.

"I'm walking on sunshine, short-stuff", Serana grinned, bearing her two adorable vampire fangs. "Everyone, grab your masks. I declare valuable-stealin' season officially _open!_"

…

It was another hot, busy day in Whiterun: the blacksmith Adrianne Avenicci was hard at work smithing and smelting ingots and ore which would be made into high-quality armor and blades. The market stalls were buzzing with activity, and the number of people active in the streets meant that there were at least eight unguarded homes with ripe gold and treasure to plunder; including the homes of the Battle-Borns and Gray-Manes, also known as analogues to the Montagues and Capulets.

The sight of food and delicious-looking people or animals made Serana drool, but the sight of money and treasure made Rocker: Kleptomaniac-Extraordinaire aroused. The four vultures sat on the rooftops of an inn, just watching all of the people transferring marvelous gold for glorious food and awesome armor.

"Oh man", Serana shivered as she gazed down at the meat stall, "If I was a guy, I'd have a you-know-what right now…"

Something caught her attention, something that made her shed a tear. "Serana, what's wrong?" Dumbledwarf asked, placing his hand on her stomach since he couldn't reach her shoulder.

"That… poor kid…", she sobbed, waving her finger at a small boy who was currently getting bullied by a tougher girl.

"She's got it under control", Rocker sarcastically laughed, before getting elbowed in the groin by Aug.

Lars Battle-Born slowly stepped back as the bully girl, Braith, raised her fist, ready to give this boy the textbook-definition of "clobbering", but smiled when a tall, beer-bellied woman with glowing eyes and perfectly-white teeth landed behind the bully.

"If you don't want to be placed on a large white plate covered in gravy", Serana menacingly growled, infuriated at how this girl was being a cruel bully, "Then I'd shut my mouth and walk away with your tail between your legs."

"Or what, piggly-wiggly?" Braith laughed. "Boys, girls, dogs, elders, there isn't nobody I won't fight!"

"Then cometh at thee, broeth", Serana glared.

Braith charged at Serana with her fist raised, and punched Serana in the stomach. Braith shrieked when her hand broke, almost as if this crazy old lady had eaten an entire crate of Ebony Ingots. "You… you monster!" the girl cried, her face as red as her smashed hand.

"I've been called worse", Serana grinned. "And now, for the finale."

Serana spun around faster than a hummingbird's wings beating and slugged the child in the jaw, before quickly lifting her up and dropping her into her mouth. Braith immediately went down Serana's throat, and splashed into her vacant stomach, which was alarmingly active, for some reason. The digestive enzymes weren't the usual dull color (ask Aug, he knows better than anyone); they were actually very bright and acidic, and almost immediately dissolved the bully. "Ooh, that tickles", Serana giggled as she felt the struggling, churning and bubbling from within her body. Her stomach was her funny bone, and possibly her Achilles Heel. One reason this kill was so satisfying and delicious was because Serana understood how it felt to be hurt, rejected and tormented, and it boosted her self-esteem to astonishingly high levels, knowing how much better she made this little boy's life. Of course, he was completely frozen and appeared to have wet himself, but she could tell that in his mind, she was his hero.

"Oh, my goodness", said Serana, placing her hand on her squishy boobs; or more specifically, chest, where the heart would be, "That gave me quite a heartburn."

Serana looked back at the boy, who finally came out of his trance. "Lady, you... you..."

"Yeah, yeah", Serana imitated, "I'm a horrible monster."

"...You're a _hero!_"

"And I need to be destroy- say what?" Serana blabbed before suddenly pausing.

The boy ran up to his savior and hugged her soft, spherical, flabby stomach, which was only slightly larger than usual. "Hope it's nice in there, _Braith!_" Lars laughed evilly, before continuing to purr happily and nuzzle his hero.

"HANDS OFF MY WOMAN!" Aug shouted, waving his fist at this competitor.

"You monster!" a man in the spectating crowd yelled, "I'll kill you!"

A Redguard male, likely Braith's father (Amren), furiously charged at Serana, but the charge stirred up a fair amount of dust. Serana's nose began to twitch, and then...

_"*Ahhh... Ahhh... AAA-CHOOO!*"_

The spray of snot from Serana's runny little vampire nose spread out like a shotgun's shell spread, and it turned out to be composed of concentrated acid. The man shrieked and bellowed in pain as his face disintegrated, and the onlookers began to scream and flee, trampling some people to death in their haste to escape the apparently mutated vampire.

The guards had a lot more chutzpah than the pathetic citizens of Whiterun, and moved to intercept this hostile threat. Three guards; one with a bow and two with Imperial Swords moved in towards Serana, who was unsure of what to do. She whimpered nervously, and Aug heroically stepped in to save her. At the speed of light, Aug miraculously dashed off of the rooftop and down to his girlfriend; all without taking fall damage or depleting Stamina. Upon landing, Aug executed a lightning-fast strike that struck the archer in the back of the head, causing a loud, painful shatter in the rear of the skull. The two remaining guards managed to catch Aug by surprise and trip him, but before they could deliver the killing blow, Rocker dove in front of the guard swinging his sword, which shattered like cheap glass on impact of Rocker's scaly skin. One of the guards was now unarmed, and attempted to evacuate the area, but to minimize witnesses, Serana spat at him, hitting him directly in the back and slowly crippling him by burning a hole through his spinal ligaments and vertebrae. With one guard left, Dumbledwarf, who apparently had super-speed as well, darted up to the market stalls up the hill, and came rolling and spinning down at a high speed, like a human bowling ball wearing spiked armor. The ball clocked the guard, hitting him with enough force so as to launch him down into the runoff drain.

"Cheese-it!" Aug said.

Everyone ran out of Whiterun, except for Serana, who was carried by her loving boyfriend, who clearly sensed a gassy disturbance. "Seriously?" Aug said.

"Hey, that child just went through me, okay? Went through me like a crossbow bolt", Serana said in her defense. Serana did not mean to fart, nor did she like to, but a human's body was like some sort of biological processor, and every processor had a few byproducts or accidents. Serana's farts were not toxic, but they sure didn't smell like a freshly baked pie. Aug had more of a tolerance of it, both in terms of approval and physical condition, but it did still disturb his nose and lungs. "And you squeezed my bewwy when you picked it up!"

"_'Bewwy'_?!" Rocker laughed.

"I can say whatever I want, dick", Serana glared as she and her friends bolted through Falkreath, back to the clubhouse. The skirmish in Whiterun merited discussion. It definitely required some discussing.

…

**Serana's completely different appearance and portrayal is influenced by both my own fetishes and desires, as well as a major contrast that shows how different she is from meeting the standard of being a vampire. In addition to that, it also delivers a message to those fetishistic folk out there that basically says that that is your purpose in the world: to make the girl with a big belly or a guy with oversized feet feel good, special and loved.**

**That's why this 'show' contains so much preposterous content; it is in the hope that you might find something that gives you hope, boosts your faith, and helps you deal with other people and problems. This is what Fat Albert would've wanted. **


	48. Super-Zeroes I Part 2: Mirk

**Before I begin the conclusion to the first superhero episode, I want to give a sincere apology to anybody who was hurt or disturbed with the child vore. It was one of those days where I'd dealt with a lot; mainly school, and during the writing of the previous chapter, when the written script (because I do that) went to that part, I needed something to take my frustration out on, and there wasn't really another source. I am sorry, so please don't begin to badmouth and comment negatively about the fanfiction.**

**And for further reference, if you hear "Vampiraiso", "Corporal Badass", "Stoner" or "Pinecone" used, then know that it is the superhero identities of the four characters.**

…

After the kids reached their Sanctuary, Serana urgently rushed for the bathroom, commenting that "childs go through you."

"Well, while Serana's taking-" Rocker began to say before getting hit with a flash punch delivered by Aug.

"-While my lovely plumpkin Serana is... relieving herself", Aug said, trying to de-vulgarize what Rocker was preparing to say, "Let's discuss how the shmell we d getting attacked by a small girl, a black guy, and three guard clones without taking a single hitpoint of damage."

"It couldn't have been the beer. That shit tasted _like _shit! And I didn't have any breakfast this morning", said Rocker, whose stomach let out a very quiet, utteral grumble, much to his embarrassment.

"_Keep trying, Nugget!_" Serana, who Aug also called the "Gurgle Guru", shouted from far back in the Sanctuary's bathhouse. When Serana did go to the bathroom, it actually wasn't too bad, since as a vampire, 90% of any nutrients, calories or resources of her meals would be kept and redistributed as energy. For the same reasons as vultures, all vampires, not just Serana, had incredibly acidic stomachs; to help them break down the blood which could contain a number of deadly diseases and plagues. Vampires had high resistance to disease, but not as much as werewolves. That remaining 10% was usually indigestible bits; usually clothing. So the bathroom was nowhere near smelling like a communal bathroom; it smelled like mint air freshener compared to the ones in the taverns.

"And I seriously doubt we drank some sort of 'superpower juice'", Dumbledwarf added.

"Wait...", Rocker said, giving Dumbledwarf a suspicious look, "We _did _drink that 'remedy' of yours that you brewed. What was in it?"

"Uh, ...everything in... the... cabinet...", Dumbledwarf nervously whimpered, covering his eyes and waiting for Rocker to hit him.

"So you took every potion ingredient we had, and just dumped it all into a big bowl?" Aug asked.

"Prrr...etty much", Dumbledwarf replied. "There was enough to fill a dozen vials."

"What's going on, noobs?" Serana asked as she came back in from the restroom; the sound of their toilet flushing attempting to mute her out.

"Dumbledwarf gave us _superpowers!_" Rocker exclaimed.

Serana cheered and jumped up in joy. "This is _awesome! _Wheee-hoo!"

"So, how will we use them?" Aug asked.

"What do you mean?" Serana replied, giving Aug her adorable little head-turn.

"Serana, when you were a little girl, what was your greatest fantasy?" Aug said.

"To have nice parents who loved me", Serana sighed, shedding a tear.

"Y-Yeah. The correct answer is to be a superhero", Rocker smiled, which was incredibly rare for him to do in company of Serana.

"Hey, yeah!" Serana replied, lighting up. "Can I be, um... 'Vampiraiso'?"

"That was such a terrible name, I think it gave me Brainrot!" Rocker shouted negatively.

"Cram a dick in it, Stoner", Serana said, flicking her wrist at her rival.

"Rocker, you shall now be known as 'Stoner'!" Aug said.

"Aw crap," Rocker growled in frustration, "Oh, so who are _you _going to be, Corporal Badass?"

"That", Aug grinned.

"I meant that as an insult, but okay..."

"And I'll be 'Pinecone'!" the feisty little midget said, springing up triumphantly. "'Cause I can wear this little foldable suit of armor with imbedded nails, and spike people up when I roll into 'em!"

"That's a good idea, I guess", said Aug. "Super-1337 Justice Team, assemble!"

"We're already here", said Serana. "And I take it that this is a superhero team, right? Not a supervillain organization, right?"

"What do you think 'justice' means, Nincompoopula?" Rocker hissed.

"Bite my sexy white ass", Serana glared.

"Maybe some other time", Aug sexily grinned, while visions of sexual desires dance through his head.

"But wait", said Serana, "We're- *urp* -fugitives in Whiterun, so wouldn't that make us bad guys?"

"Well, we're going to find a way to redeem ourselves", said Pinecone. "Right, Corporal Badass?"

"Yes, but how exactly we'll do that I do not know..."

…

"Jarl Balgruuf, I beg you to listen to me", Farengar, the court wizard of Dragonsreach pleaded, "I've been hearing very strange, ominous things coming from the basement in the keep. You need to send some guards down there and secure the situation."

"Farengar", Balgruuf declared, "Unless this basement issue, which you've bothered me about at least four times before, threatens me, my keep, my people, or my land, I don't see any reason at all to suddenly start worrying about it. Stay out of the basement. There will be bad consequences if you decide to disobey."

…

Later that night, Balgruuf, his children, and his loyal Dunmer housecarl Irileth had settled down and fallen asleep, but Farengar managed to cleverly use an excuse that would permit him to be in his workroom, which was close to the basement where these scary noises and moans were coming from. While two Whiterun drones talked about their arrow-in-the-knee stories, Farengar casted an Invisibility spell, allowing him to sneak past the sentries that Balgruuf had ordered to guard the basement door.

_"Farengar..."_, the mysterious but seductive voice whispered.

"That's me...", Farengar smiled.

_"Come. Open me. Open me and learn the ancient, long-lost secrets of true sorcery."_

And that's when Farengar made a life-changing mistake. Farengar unlocked the deadbolt for the door, and was blasted with an extremely powerful volt of dark magic. His white eyes rolled back and were replaced by pure black eyes, a color as dark and ferocious as the Daedra themselves. A couple of seconds later, the transformation was finished, and a supervillain mage was born. Mirk.

…

It was kind of boring having only four out of eight friends at the clubhouse. Mimzi had gone to Windhelm to spend some quality time with her father, and she invited Derpo, Wyatt and Fat Dragon to come with her, leaving Aug, Serana, Rocker and Dumbledwarf home. Despite having very few friends present, the segment of the gang still managed to have some fun by themselves. Dumbledwarf was practicing and perfecting his Conjuration magic, while Rocker hacked and slashed away at a mannequin. Aug and Serana were having another little intimate lover's moment; sitting up against their favorite oak tree and having Aug read to Serana. It brought Aug a lot of joy to see her soft, rosy, slightly-chubby cheeks brighten up and her mouth creak into a smile as Aug read fantastic books to her. He had already gone through _Cats of Skyrim_, _The Aetherium Wars_, and _Immortal Blood_; which was her favorite.

So these two sweethearts were just cuddled up together, giggling as they kissed and turned the pages of the books, when all of a sudden, they spotted a lone, unarmed guard come running up to them. Aug sprung up in a flash with his M25 ready, and Serana also jumped up; her gut wobbling slightly. Serana hissed ferociously with her Elven Dagger in one hand and a Frost Spike in the other, and the other two also readied themselves for potential combat.

"If you're going to ask us to go somewhere", Serana growled, her eyes glowing and flashing, "The only place you'll go is into the pit of my belly, dickface."

"Please, ma'am", the guard pleaded, "We need your help."

Aug chuckled to himself, but realized that the guard was serious. "Wait, you're serious", said Aug, "Let me laugh even harder." Aug followed this statement with a loud, cackling laugh that left his throat sore.

"Please, heroes-"

"You tried to _kill us!_" Serana yelled.

"Plus, she ate a kid!" Rocker blurted, pointing to Serana in the "she-did-it" fashion he was well-known for.

"Look, we'll discuss that some other day, but please. There's an evil wizard destroying Whiterun, and we urgently need your assistance!"

"Hmph", Serana said with a mouthful of sweetroll, "I've heard that one before. Either 'evil wizard', or 'dark knight' or something else totally cliché like that."

"We'll pay you!" the guard wailed. "Whatever you want!"

The gang members' faces rose into grins. "Here's our price", said Aug, "A crate of booze for Rocker, a six-pack of spell tomes for Dumbledwarf, a basket of soul gems for me, and Serana gets to eat all the food the Jarl has in that ol' palace of his."

"Done. Now please, hurry. We mustn't delay, for the dark wizard Mirk will destroy the entire city if we do."

…

People were screaming and running through the panicked, chaotic streets of Whiterun as an evil mage corrupted by Meridia, the Daedric Prince(ss) known for taking an interest in mortal affairs, demolished the city and sent people flying around the city. Numerous guards desperately put arrow after arrow into this unstoppable fiend, but they merely shattered upon impact of his powerful force-shield.

"There's no stopping him!" Commander Caius of the Whiterun guard shouted as he drew another arrow, "He's too powerful! None of our weapons can harm him!"

"But maybe we can!" Vampiraiso boldly shouted. Serana's new costume for her new superhero identity was incredibly tight and revealing; making her taut, round, hard belly, her spherical, squishy breasts and equally-shaped buttocks stand out like a sore thumb. Corporal Badass's appearance wasn't really too different: he was still in armor that resembled a Colonial Marine's. Pinecone was suited with modified Dwarven Sphere plating that had small, sharp spikes and stakes jutting out, and Stoner was in a set of plated armor.

"I don't care who you freaks are!" Caius replied, "Just help us defeat this abomination!"

"Yo dick!" Stoner announced, trying to get Mirk's attention, "Come-th at thee, bro-eth!"

Mirk roared in frustration, apparently still sentient enough to take insults. Mirk, who was shielded by a destructive swirling whirlwhind, floated towards Stoner, demolishing the paved tile pathways and corners of certain buildings. "Uh, guys?!" Rocker yelled, "A little help?"

Phase Two of the Super-1337 Justice Team's plan came into action. "Vampiraiso, are you able to make yourself barf?" Corporal Badass asked.

"I'd need some mead-" Serana began to say, before Cpl. Badass quickly force-fed her tons of alcohol, making her stomach grow slightly. It was killing Aug to know that despite all of the sexy bubbling he was hearing, that he wouldn't be able to have sex with her after she finished a meal. It was the first time, too. He used his super-strength to lift his fat companion up, and used his hyper reflexes to shake her around, making everything in her stomach slosh and bubble loudly. Aug launched her in the air above Mirk, and sure enough, poor Vampiraiso puked up a large amount of acidic vomit which directly hit Mirk, disabling his shields and sending him falling 10 feet, where he dropped on the ground below. He was on his side, and his right arm was broken. Pinecone finished him off by rolling downhill and leaving spike holes in the back of his skull.

The crowd cheered at the heroes' victory over the sudden threat, and Commander Caius came up to the heroes with a respectful smile. "Damn good work, heroes. I misjudged you. Care to come with me up to see the Jarl?"

…

"So, tell me heroes", Balgruuf said, "Who are you?"

Serana turned to Aug. "Can superheroes give their identities?"

"We're those people from yesterday", Rocker blurted, completely blowing their cover. Aug facepalmed.

"You're the ones that murdered my people?!"

"Yup", Serana said, since there was no reason to continue hiding their identities. "My name is Serana, from Clan Volkihar, this is Aug, Rocker and Dumbledwarf."

"I admire your honesty", Balgruuf smiled. "At this point, consider your bounties erased. I don't condone what you did, but you saved a lot of lives, kids. Hopefully you'll return someday to help us in our time of need."

…

**So that's the end of the first superhero special. There will be a second one, though no details will be given. Expect it in a little bit, though, so there's not too long to wait.**


	49. Chaurus Chaos

**Coming up with chapters for Serana, Aug, Rocker, or Mimzi seem to be pretty easy for me, but coming up with chapters for Derpo is nowhere _close_ to being easy. And the ironic part is that I didn't come up with this one. Good, reliable Julie did. At the time I thought it was kind of ridiculous (no offense), but I reread the outline and it sort of hooked me. Here it is.**

**Some more sort of "birds and bees" sex talk is in this, so if that disturbs or disgusts you, I would recommend skipping this chapter.**

…

Derpo was out in the woods playing around. His best friend Wyatt was not present with him, but Derpo was still having a bit of fun just gayly skipping through the nice, beautiful forest. Derpo was the only member of the gang who truly understood and saw the beauty in nature.

Derpo's train of slow thought was interrupted by a rustling in the bushes. Derpo was slightly nervous, since usually his werewolf pal was at his side, ready to defend him at all costs. To both his surprise and joy, a tiny Chaurus; which was an aggressive arthropod that was commonly herded by Falmer deep underground; came scuttling out and up to Derpo, who laughed happily. The baby Chaurus made a friendly, happy chirping noise, and was appearing to follow Derpo. It was time to go home and show his friends his new pet.

…

Everyone else wasn't as cheerful and happy as Derpo, who came running down in excitement while holding his new friend.

"Hey, hey, hey", said Fat Dragon, "Whatcha got, Derpo?"

"CORY!" Derpo squealed, clapping his hands.

"Wait, is that-", Serana began to say, before Mimzi's bloodcurdling shriek cut her off. Mimzi was having a major anxiety attack, and was desperately hiding behind her best friend; locking her arms around Serana's waist.

"Serana!" Mimzi sobbed, her entire face red and wet from crying and shrieking, "Eat that bug! Kill it; just please do something!"

Serana calmly patted poor little hysterical Mimzi on the shoulder, lifted her up onto her belly, and hugged her softly, slowly stroking her hair and cheeks. With Serana's round, fat tummy, boobies and booty, she was essentially a giant stress-reliever toy. She had a delicate, soft touch, and as a result of constantly overindulging herself, she was able to get free belly rubs, butt touches and breast play; since she was so soft, squishy and cuddly.

"What's the fuzz, Mimzi?" Fat Dragon asked in concern, noticing how freaked out his dear friend was.

"She's entomophobic", Serana said, before giving her crying friend a loving kiss and a soft pat on the back.

"...Which means what...?" Rocker asked.

"She's terrified of insects and spiders and arthropods in general. Just how like I'm afraid of fire and food-deprivation, and you're scared to death of-"

"Okay, okay, okay, I get it", said Rocker, "Look, Derpo, that thing's gotta go."

Everyone with a heart (Rocker not included) felt immediately guilty and shameful when their retarded friend began slowly crying. "Okay, okay", Aug said, "Please don't cry, buddy. You can keep it-"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Derpo cheered, shaking his hands around in the air.

"-...But it's _your_ responsibility..."

…

Not even 48 hours had passed before everyone was starting to get a little frustrated with Derpo's new little friend, who wasn't so little anymore. The Chaurus had grown tremendously since it befriended Derpo; it was already an adult that was causing problems around the clubhouse.

Aug and Serana, the two perverted lovers, were slowly preparing for another fun, tender moment in a big, warm bed. Aug was already in bed, waiting for Serana to get her belly "started". As intercourse usually goes, males get erections, which in turn make females "wet". Aug got his by seeing, feeling and hearing his perfect girlfriend's large, rumbling tummy.

Serana was going into the kitchen to gobble up a heavily chocolate-coated sweetroll, which had even lower nutritional value than bacon. Serana adored sweetrolls, because her taste buds would just go wild on it as her slimy tongue lapped up the frosting and glazing; which was her favorite part of the dessert, and use her tongue to toss the delicious frosting down her throat. Her life was bad, but the food certainly wasn't.

"Hmm...", Serana muttered, "Bacon, sweet-"

Aug sprung up and nearly broke his spine when he heard Serana shriek. Aug grabbed his ebony-finished M25 and ran into the kitchen. "It ate all of the food!" Serana wailed. "Now what am I supposed to eat all of?"

"Blegh", Aug said. "Serana, he did sort of leave a present... or more than one..."

"So you mean he ate all of my snacks _and _he shitted all over the place?!" Serana furiously hissed, entering her attack mode with red eyes, bared fangs, and devastating Destruction spells in each hand.

"Yep, pretty much."

…

Derpo was happily laughing and clapping as his new animal friend crawled all over him and tickled him with its antennae, but was hardly startled when the majority of his friends barged into the lounge with their hands on their hips and their feet tapping with no music playing in the background. Derpo cheerfully shouted his own name as his special way of saying "hello", but he didn't realize that this time, people were angry with him.

"Look, Derpo", said Rocker, "We gotta talk about this overgrown bug. The damn thing ripped up my bed, and I stepped into a nasty pile of insect poop a half-hour ago."

"And he ate all me munchies!" Serana exclaimed, glaring at the Chaurus.

"And I'm scared of it!" Mimzi cried, burying her teary face into Serana's soft, round, squishy bust.

"D... Derpo?" Derpo replied in a low voice, turning his head.

"Derpo, buddy", Aug sighed, "We know you love that thing, but the rest of us don't. It's done all sorts of horrible things to us and our possessions. You need to let it go."

Serana, Wyatt and Aug felt a lot of burdensome guilt in their hearts; especially Wyatt, who couldn't bear to see his best friend Derpo saddened this much. Derpo crying was about as frequent as Serana being full: it just about never happened. And it was a very upsetting sight, since out of all of the gang, Derpo was always the happiest, but now he was crying, possibly for the first time in his life. Wyatt whimpered nervously, and went to comfort his upset friend while Mimzi (who had been having a large-degree anxiety meltdown since Cory's arrival), Rocker (who didn't really care about anybody but himself), Serana (who loved Derpo but absolutely loathed his new pet), and Aug gathered up to discuss what to do.

"I say just get rid of the damned thing", Serana complained. "It ate all of my snacks, and I can't eat it as payback, so can we just ditch it?"

"Serana", Aug said, since he was a thoughtful, relaxed sort of person, "I'm not gonna lie; I don't really like the Chaurus either, but if we get rid of it, then we'd lose a friend."

"I'm willing to take that risk", Rocker commented, before Aug angrily slapped him in the face. Mimzi was not speaking, for her screaming, crying face was nestled into Serana's bust.

"Look, what we need to do is get him a new pet", Aug suggested. "We'll help him find a new pet that doesn't poop all over our stuff, rip up our bedding and eat all of Serana's snacks. All in favor?"

"Aye", Serana said. Mimzi lifted her head and raised her hand.

"All opposed?" Aug asked. "Good. Because I don't give a shit."

Aug turned to Derpo, who was cheering up from hugging his fluffy, furry werewolf friend. "Derpo", said Aug, "You can't keep that thing, but we'll help you find a new little friend that isn't as destructive as this one. Okay?"

"DERPO!", Derpo cheered.

"Wyatt, you and Derpo stay here. I have no idea where the fuck Fat Dragon and Dumbledwarf are, but we don't need them on this quest. We're going out into the woods to look for a new pet for Derpo, so just keep an eye on him and this thing, okay?"

"Ruff!" Wyatt barked obediently.

Rocker grinned as he pulled out his new Dwarven Sword, and Aug tossed Mimzi her rifle as he put on his body armor. Serana was wearing her regular cream-colored Vampire Armor modified into a poor hoodie which could not go down below her bellybutton, which was like a cork about to pop. Another sexy thing that Aug adored about Serana. Serana had stopped wearing her Vampire Royal Armor a long time ago to mark her desertion from her clan, and she felt like her own little princess wearing this adorable, small hoodie which exposed a lot of her stuffed belly, round breasts and squishy butt.

On her way out the door, Serana noticed a large amount of Chaurus Eggs in Dumbledwarf's alchemy lab. The midget had a plethora of ingredients in his alchemy lab, from Giant Toes to Cyrodiilic Spadetails to Ectoplasm, and he was spending his earned money from dungeon raids and mercenary missions on items to continue his research. That was one thing Serana and Dumbledwarf did have in common, is an interest in concocting and brewing potions and poisons. Dumbledwarf was an alchemist to the truest sense of the word, and Serana, being a spellsword- a warrior that used a fair balance of One-Handed weapons and Destruction magic, sort of went together, since Serana was almost always willing to test poisons and potions on enemies and her stomach, respectively.

Serana failed to realize that these eggs weren't purchased by Dumbledwarf.

…

"For the last time", Rocker growled as he, Serana, Aug and Mimzi tumbled through the door, "I did not see a bear. I did not know there was a bear there- HOLY _CRAP!_"

Mimzi shrieked in horror and fainted into Serana's arms. Serana groaned in annoyance, since her schedule of stuffing-sleep-sex-repeat had been disturbed by the damn Chaurus, and because of the stupid bug, Mimzi was dropping into her arms every five minutes. Serana was also alarmed, but as a mother figure to Mimzi, she had to keep her cool to prevent her short, skinny friend from getting even more freaked out.

Everybody was freaking out over the fact that hundreds of tiny Chaurus hatchlings were crawling all over the interior of the clubhouse. Wyatt was scared to death, and Aug spotted him shivering nervously beneath the couch as the swarms of baby Chaurus scuttled all over the place. Derpo was also having a conniption, and was panicking and yelling as he tried to gather up all of the uninvited guests. Derpo didn't even care that the rest of the gaggle was home; his only priority was to scoop up all of the baby Chaurus.

"Derpo!" Aug yelled in frustration, "What did you _do?!_"

"D-D-Derpo! DERPO!" Derpo shouted, running around the room nervously.

"Guys, it's time for rock-and-roll pest control", Rocker grinned.

"Rocker, for once I completely agree with you", Aug nodded, tossing him Mimzi's gun. Serana carried her poor little friend up to the bedroom, where she would take care of her and defend her until all of the bugs had been exterminated.

For a solid ten minutes, the deep, frequent, low-pitched sounds of plasma magicka blasts echoed through the Sanctuary as Rocker and Aug went to town on the infestation with their M25A1s. Rocker laughed maniacally as he shot up the frenzied insectoids, but shouted in frustration when his rifle's Common Soul Gem depleted. A couple seconds later, Aug also ran out of charge, and now they were both boned.

Something unbelievable and strange happened that moment. Derpo shouted his name loudly, and every single Chaurus, including Cory, paused in their steps and looked at the Argonian. Derpo yelled his name a second time and pointed to the door, and much to everyone's shock, the insects lined up in a perfect line and trotted out of the clubhouse. Derpo and Cory stepped outside to watch Cory's offspring scuttle off into the bushes, and Rocker, Wyatt and Aug came out as well, astonished by what they had just witnessed.

A tear ran down Derpo's scaly cheek, knowing that he had to say farewell to his pet. Derpo hugged Cory, who rubbed its antennae against its friend, and after making one last look at Derpo, Cory crawled off into the forest.

While Aug and Rocker completely disregarded Derpo crying and went inside to both clean up and tell the girls to come out, Wyatt came up to his sobbing friend and placed his paw on Derpo's shoulder, followed by a soft, warm lick on the cheek to wipe his friend's tears. Wyatt wished that Derpo was smart enough to understand that Wyatt would always be there for him, but he still loved his mentally-disabled friend regardless. He was part of a family, but Derpo was his closest friend. Serana and Aug, Mimzi and Rocker, Dumbledwarf and Fat Dragon, and Derpo and Wyatt; all were happy best friend pairings. Wyatt also would think of the future, and was believing that maybe someday, more friends might join their ranks, and it would be such a magical thing to look back and see the contrast of that day and when he first met Serana and Fat Dragon. Their lives were changing, they were growing up and maturing fast. But friendships never grew old. Even in death, everyone would still be spiritually linked, and whether they were in Sovngarde or Oblivion, they would all still be together, having fun, careless, hedonistic adventures in their homeland.

…

**So, this chapter's done. I enjoyed working on it, overall. Obviously, it's not a favorite, but the significance of it, in my opinion, was that the Derpo and Wyatt friendship was built upon some more.**

**And Wyatt has a point: it is just fun for him to look back from when there were only five friends who just sort of lounged around to a large family of eight teenagers (relatively speaking) that shared many fun experiences together. Romances were and are blossoming, and friendships continue to improve.**

**That is the beauty in life.**


	50. Neglected & Rejected Part 1: Bella

**Face it, we've all felt jealousy. When the girl or guy you like is spending time with somebody else, or is romantically involved with somebody else, you feel rejected and neglected.**

**Lovable, huggable Serana and sassy, sweet Mimzi are dear friends, but whenever someone you like spends less time with you in favor of somebody else, then you just feel lonesome.**

…

Serana moaned pleasurably as she sunk her teeth into a thick, greasy, delicious mammoth rib, while her best friend Mimzi sat next to her, smiling and rubbing her friend's growing stomach as she fed. The boys were all outside playing soccer, and Serana had just woken up. Aug always enjoyed being in company of Serana, especially when she was gorging herself, but Aug also wanted to spend time with Fat Dragon and the rest of their friends.

Mimzi smiled at her happy friend, who cheekily grinned back. "Serana, you are just so cute", Mimzi said, patting her friend's stomach. "I'm just so, so happy that we became friends. I mean, I like Aug, Fat Dragon and the rest of the bunch, but I just really needed a girl friend, who I can talk to girl stuff about. Like beauty, periods-"

"Those? I don't really have those", Serana said, taking another chomp into the irresistibly tasty rib. "I know I'm a girl and all, but I'm just... my body works differently."

"Which, by the way; assuming this isn't too awkward a topic", Mimzi replied, "How come you burp and fart, but rarely one or two it?"

"Same reason", Serana said. "My body is a massive processing station-"

_"*Guuurrrgle...*"_, Serana's noisy beer keg belly added.

"That uses just about everything in food. When I'm not eating humans, drinking blood, or both; I need all the proteins and fat and stuff to keep me functional, and there's only a small amount of unused waste, which takes the form of a gas. Which hole it comes out doesn't really make a difference, but when I vore a human or humanoid, I have more than enough food, and my body can't break it all down. It's good that the previous owners of the clubhouse had a bathroom, because this place would be like the Dragonsreach Dungeon if they didn't."

Mimzi laughed. "Serana, you are just fascinating to me, and I mean that. You have one heck of an active gastrointestinal tract-"

"Ask Aug; man knows better than anybody else", Serana chuckled, though she still remembered how terrified she was when that had happened.

"-But that just is one of the things that makes you a good, interesting friend. And I feel that it is my duty to help you become slightly more lady-like, in terms of social skills", Mimzi continued. "You may have some social and mental problems, but that's what makes you great."

Serana whimpered in pain, which made Mimzi nervous. "Serana, baby, are you alright?"

"No... I feel like I'm gonna explode", Serana moaned as a tear of pain strolled down her cheek. Serana and Mimzi failed to take into account that Serana really lost track of how much she was eating when she was talking or distracted.

"Aww, poor baby", Mimzi said, affectionately stroking her crying friend's puffy little cheek, "Do you want me to get the belly oil?"

Serana nodded. "I think we're all out, though. Oh gods, this hurts."

"I'll be back", said Mimzi. "I need to ask Aug where to get some, and then I'll see about heading to town and picking it up, okay?"

Mimzi walked outside and spent about five minutes heading out of the forest to the edge of the plains, where Fat Dragon and the Skyrim Kids were busy playing soccer, which was one of their all-time favorite games.

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon laughed, "That's 8,000,000-2, Aug!"

"More like 8,000,000-4!" Aug snapped back.

"Hey, guys", Mimzi smiled, hugging Aug in a friendly manner.

"Hey Mimzilicious", Aug grinned, "How are you and my little Plumpkin doing?"

"She's got a tummy ache", Mimzi frowned, "Do we still have any of that belly oil?"

"I accidentally used it as bubble bath- or at least, I thought it was", Rocker added.

"Well, there's your answer", Aug said. "Arcadia's Cauldron and Belethor's General Goods in Whiterun usually have a ready supply of oils and ailments and whatnot."

"What does that stuff even do?" Mimzi asked.

"Well, it's primary function is to prevent stretch marks for pregnant women, but stuffed ones also benefit from it, too. And Serana tells me that it also speeds up digestion, plus I just enjoy rubbing oil all over her plump, naked body..."

"Pervert!" Rocker yelled.

"Bite my slender white ass!" Aug retorted.

"'K, thanks", Mimzi smiled. "Oh, and if you can, can you please go and keep her company?"

"With gusto", Aug replied.

…

Serana was quietly crying in pain, alone and in agony. Something that had recently began happening was that Serana was eating even more than her usual amount, and was feeling like her stomach would burst open at any given moment. A smile brightened her face when she saw Aug enter the room.

"Hey, sugar cookie", Aug grinned, casually sitting down next to her and lifting her belly onto his lap, despite how badly his legs were hurting from kicking balls. "Are you feeling good?"

"What do you think?" Serana wearily groaned. "My belly is aching horribly."

"There, there", Aug said sympathetically, "Mimzi's going to Whiterun to do some shopping. What do you want to do, plumpkin?"

"I wanna take a nap while you rub my tummy", Serana smiled with the :3 face. Serana laid her head against a pillow and purred happily as Aug stroked her bulging, rumbling gullet. Life was good.

…

Mimzi was dissatisfied with her role as the shopper, because whenever Fat Dragon and the gang needed something; be it weapon, food, alchemy ingredient, or otherwise, she was always sent out to go pick it up. Still, Mimzi did dearly care about little belly-stuffed Serana, who was a terrific friend and a pretty girl, so she happily obliged this request. Mimzi was also fetching some things for the rest of her friends: werewolf chew toys that the Golden Claw in Riverwood did not have in stock, rocks; which Derpo was obsessed with for some reason, soul gems for Aug's rifle and hers, and some ingots and smithing materials for Rocker, since he had taken an interest in leveling Smithing.

"Welcome to Belethor's", the wood elf greeted as the dirty, short-haired redhead made her way into the general goods store. "Anything you're looking for, ask me, and I'll give you some assistance."

"Are you coming onto me?" Mimzi exclaimed, drawing the attention of everybody else in the store. Belethor glared at her before finishing the current transaction with a customer who had bought a lifetime supply of Troll-Tarts and a dwarf-sized condom.

Mimzi perused the pharmacy section of the large store, looking through herpy-derpies treatments, suppositories, skooma powder- bump! "Oh, I'm sorry!" Mimzi gasped when she bumped into another customer.

"It's alright", the female consumer, who had tan skin, war stripes under each eye, and short, dirty, black odangos replied. "My name's Bella", she said, extending her hand, which Mimzi shook.

"Pleasure. I'm Mimzi Stormcloak", Mimzi grinned.

"Stormcloak?" Bella said, "I personally don't pay attention to politics; my concern is how much money I make. Either side'll pay me to go in and wreak havoc in their camps and garrisons, as long as the pay is good."

"So, erm, Bella", said Mimzi, "If you don't mind me asking, how much money do you make?"

"_Thousands_", Bella smirked. "I spend 5% of it each week on medical treatment, and another 15% on weapons, arrows, spell tomes, potions; shit like that. What are you looking for? Chances are good I can find it, because I've been going in this store for years and years looking for drugs, booze, meds, and supplies."

"Elsweyrian belly oil", said Mimzi.

"Belly oil?" Bella snuffed, "Honey, you don't look knocked up."

"It's for... a friend", Mimzi replied.

"Oh, then here", Bella said, reaching to her right and grabbing the largest vial of belly oil. "Nice meeting you, Mimzi. Say, why don't we meet at the ol' Bannered Mare tonight, and I can see about getting you in on some _real _action?"

"Count me in", Mimzi smiled. "Thanks, Bella."

…

"I'm back!" Mimzi announced. "Serana?"

"Ow...", Serana moaned. Mimzi noticed that Serana's pale, fleshy orb stomach had diminished slightly, though her breasts and thighs did seem to get a bit larger. Aug, who had selflessly been massaging Serana since the moment Mimzi stepped out of the door, stood up and received the vial from Mimzi. Aug applied some of the moist, black, syrup-like substance to his hands and began rubbing it all over Serana's aching belly. Serana exhaled peacefully with a smile as the curious combination of warm and cool oil was rubbed over every developing stretch mark and sore area. Her leg was also twitching as Aug applied the oil over her swollen abdomen, just like when Aug was inadvertently used as a sex toy thanks to the actions of the griefers Spoon and Gaylord; the latter who ironically suffered from the same experience that he had put Aug through.

"What else did you bring home?" Aug asked.

"I... didn't bring anything else this time; I... only had enough money to buy the oil. I have to run now, I'm, uh, meeting up with a friend."

"But I'm here", said Serana.

"No, I made a new friend today", Mimzi smiled. "Toodle-ooo."

When Mimzi departed, a few small tears pooled in Serana's eyes. "B-But I'm your... best... friend...?"

"Hey, I'm here", Aug grinned, seductively licking Serana's bellybutton and trying to ignore the vile taste of the oil.

"No, Augsie, you don't understand", Serana said, "I love you, your... *ahem*... _hotdog_, the rest of the gang, but Mimzi is my best friend. You're my lover, you keep this tummy full of yummy treats, you give me sex-on-demand, and you've been inside my body at least three times, but Mimzi is a girl. I need girl friends, to talk to girl stuff about with. Like... boys, and... stuff."

…

Bella had never specified when exactly her little get-together with Mimzi would begin, so Mimzi decided to show up early and wait for her new pal to arrive. "Hulda", Mimzi said as she cozied up on a bar stool, "Just give me some Brandy Wine."

"You got it", Hulda nodded, turning around to retrieve the requested liquor.

All of the bar patrons were either singing silly Nord songs or throwing darts, until they heard a door open and spotted the woman who'd opened it: one of the greatest mercenaries this side of Cyrodiil. Everybody began cheering and shouting as their hero walked into the bar, sat down next to Mimzi, and said, "I'd like a glass of milk, please."

"WHAAAAAAAAAT?!" a man with a squeaky voice exclaimed, angrily waving his red wine bottle in the air.

"No thank you", said Bella, lowering her hand, "I don't drink."

"Drink this stuff, man!" the guy persisted, intentionally pouring the entire bottle on Bella's casual tavern clothes. All of the other drunkards and the bartender gasped in awe. Bella slowly stood up with an infuriated look on her face, quickly swiped the bottle of Brandy Wine from Hulda's hand, and smashed it against the side of the asshole's face, knocking him to the floor in a small pool of alcohol. The patrons all clapped their hands in astonishment as Hulda handed the champion fighter of the bar her requested glass of milk.

…

**I sincerely apologize for the delay in new Fat Dragon content; I've just been having some major writer's block. Once again, Bella's character and looks are taken directly out of Aliens: Colonial Marines' Bella Clarison, but Bella in Fat Dragon is a lot different. I'll mention that Bella might have future roles in the fanfiction; not as a regular, but as a recurring character, like Burgundy.**


	51. Neglected & Rejected Part 2: Differences

Mimzi whistled in awe as Bella took a sip from her lukewarm milk. "Damn, Bella, you're the most", said Mimzi, smiling and nodding.

"Eh, it's what I do", Bella shrugged.

"So why don't you drink, assuming you won't hurt me for asking?"

"Not to offend, but people who drink constantly are complete morons. Before you ask, back in the store I _did _mention that I was buying some mead, but the explanation behind that is that I have alcohol in moderation; about one drink every two weeks. Milk is a preferable beverage, because it's good for your bones and teeth", Bella explained.

"So, what was this 'action' that you'd mentioned?" asked Mimzi.

"There's an Imperial garrison west of here that, ironically enough, your father hired me to clear out in order to brown Tulius's pants", Bella continued. "I could always use a hand, and you look strong and powerful enough."

"Count me in", Mimzi smirked.

…

2:00 in the morning. All was eerily silent and dark around the Imperial garrison, which had no guards posted. The horses were asleep, and the campfire still burned. "They're all asleep", Bella said in a low voice to Mimzi.

"So, what's the game plan?" Mimzi asked.

"I spent about 4,000 septims on petroleum lanterns repurposed as explosives", Bella explained, patting the side of the stuffed sack which sort of reminded Mimzi of her best friend's stomach after a massive meal. "It's sort of simple: don't get caught, pour oil all over the floors of the armory, kitchen and barracks, get out of the fort, and set it ablaze, killing every Imperial soldier within."

"Sounds pretty brutal, even by my standards", Mimzi noted.

"Honey, we live in Skyrim, where death lurks on your doorstep. We need to fight, for our safety, for the safety of others, and so that we don't end up as an immobile blob. Oh, and for gold. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of gold."

"Amen", Mimzi nodded.

Bella slowly opened the large gate and snuck into the unguarded Imperial fortress. The horses were either asleep or daft, plus they weren't really attack dogs. Bella gave Mimzi, who was still waiting outside the gate, the signal, and Mimzi performed the sneak-roll ability until she reached her partner in crime. Once they were stacked up against the fort entrance, Bella; with her gold-plated knife in her hand, cautiously opened the thick wooden door, when she heard the crackling of a small fire and a soft snoring coming from the same place. Turning the corner, she spotted a narcoleptic soldier who had fallen asleep against the cold, filthy cobblestone wall around the fire pit; a perfect target to use to show off her personal takedown.

"Hey Mimzilicious", Bella smirked, tossing her knife up and down, "Check out this sexy move."

Bella swiftly moved up to her snoozing target with her knife in hand, but the soldier began to slowly wake up. Bella slid over to him, grabbed the back of his head, and slammed his face into her busty cleavage. "Peek-a-boo, motherfucker!" Bella hissed as she plunged the gold-bladed knife into her victim's spine. The Imperial's satisfied grin morphed into a look of horror and indescribable pain the moment the knife penetrated his bone, which cracked and chipped loudly. It was a nightmarish experience for the poor young soldier, and he couldn't scream for help on account of the fact that Bella's massive melons were squishing his head and mouth. A few seconds later, his eyes rolled back into his head, and Bella dropped the lifeless body onto the fire, where it began burning and flaking in flames as Mimzi watched speechlessly. "Pretty legit, eh?" Bella grinned, elbow-bumping Mimzi.

"_That _was brutal", Mimzi remarked.

"So what, you think I'm some sort of monster?" Bella asked.

"No, no, no, no, no; not at all. In fact, you outta see some of my friends", Mimzi replied.

"How weird are they?"

"Well... let's cross that bridge when we get to it", said Mimzi.

Ten or fifteen minutes later, Bella and Mimzi had finished coating the floors of the immense fortress with combustible, highly-flammable petroleum oil, and had regrouped at the entrance. After stealing everything of value, that is.

"Mimzi, do you want the honor?" Bella smirked. "Your daddy'll be mighty proud of ye."

"Sure", Mimzi smiled, though she was still unsure about brutally incinerating a hundred unsuspecting soldiers in their sleep. Bella struck a match on the heel of her boot, and delicately handed it to Mimzi. Bella opened the door out into the cold Skyrim night as Mimzi hurled the lit match into the center of the sleeping quarters. The moment the match came in contact with the oily petroleum, the chemical reaction occurred and the entire place went up in vicious red flames. Mimzi and Bella ran for their lives as the sounds of agonizing screams were drowned out by hissing flames and crumbling rubble. The flames were so bright and powerful that they could be seen all the way from Whiterun, and the smoke could be seen possibly from Solitude.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Bella growled, "In under thirty minutes, at least two battalions of Imperial bastards'll be on us like flies on shit!"

"Come on!" Mimzi said, tugging on Bella's tank-top, "I've got a place where I like to hide after crimes!"

…

The gang was awake, for some reason, but they were relaxing. Fat Dragon (being the size of Fat Albert; only slightly larger, since he was a young dragon), was chillin' with Wyatt and Derpo in the main chamber. Serana, of course, was still on the couch with Aug, who was reading a novel with her. The belly oil worked, and her engorged stomach had reduced down to its normal size, which is the equivalent of being four months pregnant. Dumbledwarf was up in his alchemy lab, and Rocker was working the forge. Everything was calm and serene until the door to the Sanctuary burst open, and two young women coated in ashes came sprinting in.

"Hey, gang", Mimzi wheezed, since she was out of breath, "Meet my good friend Bella."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Fat Dragon bellowed.

"Yip!" Wyatt happily barked.

"DERPO!" Derpo cried.

"Howdy hey!" Aug yelled.

"Nice to meet ya", said Bella. Bella walked over to Fat Dragon. "So who are you, and why should I care?"

"Hey, hey, hey; that ain't too nice to say", Fat Dragon said.

"Nah, I'm just fucking with you", Bella laughed, fist-bumping Fat Dragon's arm. Bella moved on to Wyatt, who was thrilled to have a visitor. Thrilled to the point where he jumped up onto the guest, knocking her down as he licked her to death.

"Whoa", Bella chuckled, affectionately rubbing Wyatt's soft black pelt, "Good boy, I can tell. Who's this fluffy little fella?"

"That's Wyatt, the werewolf", said Mimzi. "Fat Dragon's known him since he was a puppy."

Derpo happily waved his arms and hands, and Bella gave him high-fives. "Something tells me that this kid's name is Derpo", Bella said.

"Correct", said Mimzi.

"Hey, sister", Rocker snarled, "I'm Rocker, leader of this bunch."

"That's why these cats are planning a mutiny", Bella laughed, punching Rocker in the chest and knocking him back before moving on to her next person. Bella looked down, and she just vacantly stared at the feisty little midget before her.

"I'm Dumbledwarf", he squeaked.

"Charmed", Bella replied with a half-assed stare.

"This is a guy from my own time", Mimzi smiled as Bella faced Corporal Aug.

"Your own time?" Bella asked as she studied the tall, brown-haired man.

"We're both from the 9th era", Aug explained, "We were both sent back to this time with a new teleportation technology using the power of the Elder Scrolls. There's going to be a massive war between the remaining races of Tamriel, and a combined force of dragons and vampires. It sucked, but at least we got these", he said, unslinging his M25A1 rifle.

"This looks either like one heck of a crossbow or some kind of mechanical dildo", Bella said. Aug didn't take too kindly to this remark, so he began loading a soul gem.

"Watch and learn", he grinned. Aug fired a plasma shot that whizzed past Bella and left a scorching mark on the wall behind her.

"Well I'll be a kangaroo's asshole", Bella chortled, "That shit's tight."

"What's a can-gah-ru?" Mimzi asked.

"Honey, when you travel 'cross the world, you run into all kinds of stuff", Bella simply replied before walking up to Serana, who was still lying on the couch. "Now what's this thing?" she asked, provocatively jabbing Serana's belly with her middle finger.

"Ow", Serana said. "Don't do that."

"This is my sweet, sexy Serana", Aug smiled, cuddling up next to his vampire girlfriend.

"Sweet? That remains to be seen", Bella snidely remarked. "Sexy? No chance."

"What's that supposed to mean?", Aug growled.

"Hey, hey, Bella, please stop", Mimzi begged, trying to prevent hurt feelings or a fight breaking out, "She's my best friend. Yes, she's plump, but that what makes her unique; that, and being a vampire of the Volkihar clan. You've met a whole bunch of weirdos now: two future soldiers, an obese dragon, a mentally-retarded Argonian, an Argonian with anger issues, a midget, a werewolf, and now a fat vampire. The only reason she's fat is because she wants to distance herself from other vampires, and she doesn't want to cause harm to others."

"Then explain why she swallows people whole", Rocker interjected, crossing his arms as he eagerly awaited Mimzi's explanation. Bella's eyes widened when she heard this statement.

"Because", Serana sighed, "Be-Because sometimes people treat me or my friends horribly, and as a vampire, I still have a bloodlust that just takes control of me; so why not use it productively?"

"Doesn't it bother you that you're putting your 'meals' through an agonizing death?" Bella asked with a disgusted look.

"Maybe they outta think of that before they try to harm any of us", Aug added.

"That statement has successfully convinced me not to gut this potbellied girl like a fish", Bella said, glaring at Serana, who was crying slightly. "Come on, Mimzi, we've got to go deliver the news to Ulfric."

"Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon said, "She seemed nice."

"Are you _crazy?!_" Aug furiously exclaimed, "Poor Serana's _crying!_ Bella's an asshole, is what she is!"

Aug turned to Serana. "Serana, darling, don't listen to mean ol' Bella. You're very pretty, very sweet, and very kind. Bella doesn't understand that, and she probably never will."

"I don't care about _Bella_", Serana sniffed, "I care about Mimzi. She's my bestest friend, and she's just not spending any time with me."

"It hasn't been _that _long..."

"Look, I just know that Mimzi and Bella have more in common, and that they're both in terrific shape", Serana said. "I wish there was some sort of way to prove myself to Bella. I'd like to be her friend, but I don't know if she would want me as her friend."

…

_Eight hours later._

_Castle Dour, Solitude._

…

General Tulius had not yet received the news of the destruction of the fortress in Whiterun hold, but when his second-in-command, Legate Hannah Rikke, entered the war room with a look of concern on her face, he knew that something was wrong.

"Destroyed?!" Tulius exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air, "What do you mean, destroyed?!"

"Captain Becker here was the only survivor", Rikke replied, turning to her witness who looked like an overcooked meatloaf. "He reported that two young women, one with dual buns in her black hair, and a redhead, poured at least a dozen jugs of oil on the floors of the barracks and set fire to it."

"Is this true, soldier?" Tulius asked.

"Yes, sir", Becker replied. The poor captain was absolutely cooked. Becker was the only survivor of the garrison raid, as well as the commander of the forces within. Or at least, he used to be.

"Who do you think was behind this cunning assault, sir?" Rikke asked.

"Most likely Ulfric", Tulius replied. "But... then again there have been reports of a woman just like the one this soldier reported, a woman who had been performing constant hit-and-run attacks on bandit camps, remaining Thalmor agents, and military camps."

"So what are we going to do, sir?" Becker asked in a distorted voice, since his larynx had been injured by the flames and thick smoke.

"Son, you'll be spending the rest of your service time up here working on intelligence and battle planning", Tulius said. "Rikke, I want you to send in Ghost Company."

Rikke gasped. "What's Ghost Company, sir?" Becker coughed.

"Within our ranks, Ghost Company is a myth. But it actually exists", Tulius explained. "Ghost Company is a small, elite force that we use on very important operations. Ghosts managed to infiltrate Windhelm and gather some intel on Ulfric and his next move. There's an old army quote: _three men behind the enemy are worth more than fifty in front of him_. Eh, something like that."

"Where do you want me to dispatch the Ghosts?" Rikke asked, somewhat excited to be deploying the legendary Ghost Company.

"Since I'm sure that one or both of those girls was sent by Ulfric, they'll likely be heading back to Windhelm to deliver the news. Set the Ghosts in ambush at some point along the road, and when the girls move into position, they are to be captured and sent to the Castle Dour Dungeon, where Jarl Elisif and I will determine their fates."

…

**This doesn't look too good for Mimzi. Bella's obviously the Imperials' target, but since they are traveling together, Mimzi could also be in danger.**

**I'm 99.9% positive that Rikke's first name isn't Hannah, but somehow I just see Hannah as her first name.**

**Speaking of names, the reason I gave Serana the last name of Volkihar is this: Serana is part of clan Volkihar, and in comparison, the Battle-Borns/Greymanes in Whiterun are part of their respective clans, so for example, Lars Battle-Born, Jon Battle-Born, etc.**

**That's why Serana has a surname in Fat Dragon. Plus, it also has this ring to it: Serana Volkihar, Valerica Volkihar, Harkon Volkihar...**


	52. Neglected & Rejected Part 3: Saviorana

Mimzi absolutely adored Bella, and almost viewed her as a mother figure; though she certainly wouldn't let Bella know this. Unfortunately, what Mimzi didn't realize is that her new friendship was harming her friendship with Serana. Bella wasn't necessarily a bully, but she disliked Serana and how abstract they were: Bella, a female commando and mercenary who worked out and drank plenty of milk, and Serana, a vampire girl with a troubled past, low self-esteem, poor social skills, a demonic food lust, and a stomach that could go from the size of a soccer ball to the size of Dumbledwarf.

Serana was feeling glum, and was sitting alone outside of the Sanctuary, watching her friends play soccer. Aug noticed this, and left the game to go spend some time with Serana. "Hey, plumpkin, you okay?" Aug asked.

"Yeah... yeah", Serana sighed before a thought occurred. "Oh shit! Mimzi forgot her rifle!"

"So?"

"Augsie, she's my friend, and friends look after each other."

"But she sort of dumped you for that asswipe Bella. No offense."

"I don't really carry a grudge against Bella", Serana explained, "I want to be friends with her, too, but even if Mimzi doesn't care about me anymore, I'll still have her back. I'm going into the clubhouse to grab her gun, and I don't want you to come. I love you, honey, but I want to prove to Bella and myself that I'm still top dog in Skyrim."

"Hurry, champ", Aug smiled, "They haven't gone far; you can catch up to 'em."

…

Unbeknownst to Serana, Mimzi still did care about her, but she didn't realize how lonely she had Serana feeling. "Hey, Bell", Mimzi said, "Why don't you like Serana?"

"The fat girl?" Bella replied. "I just dislike how lazy and hedonistic she is. Like I said before, Skyrim is a land of war and plundering, not stuffing your belly and slumbering."

"Well, that's just the way she wants to live her life", Mimzi explained. "I used to hate her, you know. But we got over our differences and became the best of friends. And I mean, if you rule out everybody that's a reptile, or everybody that's out of shape, of course you're going to be lonely."

"There's nothing wrong with having high standards", Bella snappily replied. "We've got a lot in common, you and I."

"Yeah, but differences are what make us all special", Mimzi stated. "This world would be boring as fuck if everybody was just a duplicate of you, a reflection. Making friends is an important skill to have, and it's really fun going through people and seeing how much or how little you have in common. If you don't really have much in common with someone, that doesn't mean you should shun them and treat them with neglect."

"I suppose", Bella sighed, before stopping abruptly.

"What?" Mimzi asked nervously, before realizing that she'd forgot her gun and had no way of protecting herself.

"There's somebody or something near us", Bella said, sniffing the air like an animal trying to find its prey. "My warrior instincts are telling me that it's not friendly."

Mimzi and Bella were walking along a pathway that passed a small ledge. Mimzi yelped nervously when she heard and saw bits of rock crumble off of the ledge, and Bella readied her knife. Suddenly a muscular, cloaked hand clenched Bella by the neck and began squeezing, causing Bella to gag, choke and cough for air, dropping her priceless knife in the process. Mimzi ran over to try and rescue her friend, but she herself was tackled by another invisible assailant. The cloaking, whether it was from an Invisibility potion or else wise, wore off, revealing them to be Imperial soldiers with masks, hoods, and modified armor with orange and white markings.

"Who are you two?" the leader of the ambush team asked in an angry tone.

"Bella Clarison. Do you love me too?" Bella grinned. Mimzi was impressed by how Bella was unafraid of the intimidating Imperial, but a look of horror crossed her face when the pissed-off man slugged Bella in the jaw. Bella was still unafraid, but she knew to keep her mouth shut from this point on.

"Who are you?" the Imperial brute snarled, tapping Mimzi on the chin.

"M-M-M-Mimzi S-Stormcloak", Mimzi squeaked, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"You both are under arrest", the commando captain declared as two of his men handcuffed the girls. "Frederick, haul these whores away."

…

Serana was casually strolling down the road, unaware that minutes ago her friend had been abducted by Imperial spies. Serana slowed down and crouched when she heard voices.

"...Do you think Tulius will do to them?" one of the two remaining Imperial sentries asked to his friend.

"I dunno, Mac. Probably going to torture 'em or something. Execute, maybe? I mean, we captured _Bella Clarison and Mimzi Stormcloak_. Why let them live?"

Serana quietly gasped when she heard the names, and her mind played a dozen graphic scenarios, including being chained and pushed off of the Solitude docks, and being thrown into a ring with an angry bear, troll, or pack of wolves. Serana positioned herself up on the small ledge above the two soldiers as she considered her two options. The first option, which would be sort of cheap, would be to inform her best friend's daddy, since she was only a stone's throw away from Windhelm, but there would be two negative outcomes. The first outcome would be that Ulfric might send a team of Stormcloak rebels, that, if discovered, would provoke Tulius to butcher Bella and Mimzi. The other outcome, regardless of whether a rescue team was sent or not, was that she wouldn't really have any credit, and that would be demoralizing. The other option, which contradicts the safety lectures adults give, was to be a hero and rescue her friend herself.

Serana then decided what to do. Serana pulled out her Elven Dagger, and leapt off of the small ledge with her knife in a stabbing position, and performed a death-from-above takedown on one of the Imperials. Before the second grunt could do anything, Serana immediately pulled out Mimzi's M25 and blasted the Imperial, who dropped to the ground with a steaming hole in his torso.

This now marked her decision: the decision to rescue her friend and (hopefully) earn the respect of Bella. But the most important, and most obvious, step was to find out where they were going to be taken. Most likely to Castle Dour, but things could change.

Serana looted the bodies, and found "Imperial's Orders". Serana opened the letter and read.

_To all Ghosts,_

_The Legate has entrusted us to carry out the mission of_

_locating the two women who were responsible for the _

_destruction of the Whiterun Imperial garrison. They are_

_believed to be heading to Windhelm to report the news_

_of the attack to Ulfric Stormcloak, so an ambush shall_

_be set along the road._

_Once captured, your orders are to find out the names_

_of these two war criminals, and bring them back to Castle_

_Dour Dungeon, where the General shall decide their fate._

"Oh no!" Serana gasped. Fortunately, she was able to confirm that the girls were imprisoned up in the Castle Dour Dungeon. Serana also noticed Bella's dagger lying on the ground, which she confiscated before tugging her own blade out of the breast of the dead Imperial.

Serana then ran all the way to Windhelm, where she planned to use a carriage to reach Solitude, and from there she would infiltrate the dungeon. Serana was scared that she had to do it alone, but she was going to do whatever it would take to recover her kidnapped friends.

…

"Send in the prisoners!" Tulius hollered. Rikke nodded, and signaled for the two soldiers that had handcuffed Mimzi and Bella to drag their captives in. The soldiers hauled the tied-up women, and rudely dumped them on the floor in front of Tulius. The soldiers saluted the General, and exited the room.

"So we have... Bella Clarison and... Mimzi Stormcloak", Tulius mused aloud. "You two were almost as skilled as the special-ops team I sent to capture you troublemakers. You're skilled, or at least, to the point where you are able to successfully murder one-hundred Imperial soldiers and demolish an entire fortress. I don't exactly appreciate that, you know."

"Cram a dick in it, asshole", Bella snarled.

"Bella, this may be the first and last time we've met", said Tulius, "But I've known all about you for a very long time. You've been responsible for just about every crime or quest in Skyrim, and it'll be good to get rid of you. I hope you're good swinging a pick, because that's how you'll be spending the rest of your life. Cidhna Mine awaits you, Clarison. Now, as for you, Ms. Stormcloak..."

"I'm listening, you slobbering cumbucket" Mimzi growled.

"You're a very pretty girl, and I think the Dominion would pay generously for you. However, your treacherous father might pay more. You're being ransomed. Rikke! Take them both to the dungeon!"

…

_Six hours later._

…

Mimzi and Bella were imprisoned, and were just sitting on the cold, filthy floor, discussing how the rest of their lives would look. They both would be sold into slavery, where they would perform forced labor until the day they died. Tears came to Mimzi's eyes when she realized that she'd never see any of her friends ever again. She'd never hear Fat Dragon's jolly laugh, she'd never hunt with Aug, she'd never argue with Rocker, and she'd never be able to snuggle with and feed her soft-skinned, cuddly little vampire friend. She'd never see any of them.

Little did Mimzi realize that this was going to change.

…

Nightfall. Serana had chosen this time not only because the cover of darkness would benefit her, but because her vampiric strengths were most potent in the pitch-black. She could see in the dark, she could turn invisible, and a semester of Illusion magic at the College of Winterhold had taught her a new trick: how to pull off a siren trick that would allow her to take the form of a gorgeous, barely-clothed woman that any guy would fall for.

There was only one guard posted at the entrance to the Dour, who was quietly growling about how he was left alone with all of the mosquitoes while his partner, who was sick, got to rest in a taverns, surrounded by beautiful women, delicious mead, and wonderful music.

To his enjoyment and surprise, he did spot a beautiful woman- _very _beautiful. Serana had taken the form of a gorgeous lady with breasts nearly the size of his head, and with very suggestive apparel. "_Hey, you hot stud, you..._", Serana's siren delicately whispered, "_Come, __make love to me_."

This was an offer that the young soldier, no older than 20, could turn down. As he approached the sexy lady, Serana's illusion distorted in a frightening way: flashing from the hot girl to a ferocious vampire with red eyes, blood around the mouth, and sharp fangs, and back and forth until it stopped at the hybrid of both, which was the hot girl with a devilish smirk and demonic eyes. The soldier tried to scream, but Serana pulled him behind a crate and began savagely mauling him, as the shadow of the grim spectacle played out on the large stone walls. Once her victim was in pieces, Serana dressed up in the Imperial garb, which fit over her regular clothing despite her food baby belly. Just as a precaution, she reactivated her camouflage and crept into the mighty castle.

Serana remained motionless, using her incredible vampire hearing to try and locate her captive friends. Eventually she detected the cries of anguish, and moved through the corridor and down some stairs. Serana opened a door, and the cries grew louder, meaning that she was in the Dungeon.

…

Mimzi and Bella also heard the door creak open, and this had them somewhat alarmed. Mimzi noticed a cloaked figure approaching them, but right when she thought she was dead, the figure uncloaked and revealed itself as her dear friend Serana.

"Serana!" Mimzi gasped with a smile. The two girls ran up to the bars and embraced as best they could. "How did you know we were here?"

"Look, let's focus on escaping", Serana urged, readying the M25. "Stand clear! I'm gonna blast the lock off!"

"*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM !*"

The disintegrated lock plopped down, and the cell door swung open. "So what now?" Bella asked. "Go after Tulius?"

"We're going to need to get my dad's support on this matter", said Mimzi. "Let's go."

…

Bella, Serana and Mimzi had managed to successfully escape the Imperial prison, since everybody was either asleep or in some other region of the massive castle, and were now on a carriage ride to Windhelm. Bella now had a lot of respect for Serana, and she knew that this would be the right time to apologize.

"Hey, er, Serana?" Bella nervously asked, scratching the back of her head.

"Yes?"

"Look, I... I misjudged you, kid. That was very brave of you, and I see why Mimzi loves you so much. For an overweight vampire, you're alright", Bella smiled, patting Serana on the shoulder and scooting closer to her to give her a hug.

"Thanks, Bella", Serana blushed, giving Bella a mighty bear-hug that nearly squeezed her eyeballs out.

"Anytime, honey", Bella replied, continuing to rub Serana's back and nuzzle her cheek.

…

"Tulius captured you?!" Ulfric bellowed furiously when the trio of girls reached Mimzi's father's castle.

"That's right, sir", Bella reported. "Mimzi and I were en route to the Palace of the Kings when a special-ops Imperial team ambushed us on the road. Who were they again, Serana?"

"Ghost Company", the tubby vampire added.

"Ghost Company?" Ulfric remarked, "I thought they were only an army myth."

"Well, not anymore", Mimzi replied.

"Bella, I must thank you", said Ulfric, "Not only for completely demolishing that fort in your usual, spectacular manner, but for rescuing my little Mimzi-"

"It wasn't me", said Bella, walking forward with Serana. "It was Serana."

"You?" Ulfric said in a surprised voice, "Aren't you that vampire with the neglectful father?"

"Uh, yes, sir", Serana smiled.

Ulfric stepped forward and placed his hands on Serana's shoulders. "Serana, as of this point on, I harbor no resentment against you. You may be completely abstract from my little girl, and Ms. Clarison here, but I want you to know that you are noble, despite what your family says. And if you ever feel disowned, consider yourself a part of the Stormcloak family."

Tears came to Serana's eyes as everybody enjoyed the tender moment.

"Well, I hate to interrupt", Bella announced, "But I have to be going now."

"G-Going?" Serana asked.

"Look, kid; I really love you, Mimzi, Mimzi's dad- by the way, can I get my money for burning down that fortress?"

Ulfric complied, and ordered Galmar Stone-Fist to fetch a small chest containing 5,000 gold pieces.

"Thanks, sir", Bella smiled.

"No problem, Bella", Ulfric nodded.

"But I enjoyed meeting you, Mimzi. I also really love your friend, here, and the rest of those oddballs back in Falkreath. But I'm an adult, and I'm a commando. I go across the continent in search of people to kill, dungeons to raid, people to save, and septims to earn. I hate to leave so soon, but I'm afraid I have to."

"Oh, wait!" Serana yelled as soon as Bella turned around.

"Yeah?"

"You forgot this, Bell", Serana smiled, handing Bella her signature knife. Bella was elated to see her antique dagger, and simply replied with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodbye, friends", Bella nodded. "Maybe my travels will lead me back here to Skyrim, which I now consider to be my home province."

"One last question, before you go", said Mimzi, "If you don't mind me asking, where _is _your true home? Where did you come from?"

"I honestly don't know, Mimzi. I just don't know."

Ulfric comforted Serana and Mimzi as the most legendary woman in Tamriel walked out of the Palace of the Kings, off to cause more havoc in another part of the continent.

…

**Well, Bella's gone.**

**For now. Bella's a lone-wolf, but she, like all of us, needs friends, and she has Fat Dragon and the Skyrim Kids to thank for that.**

**And as for Serana, never judge a book by its cover. Somebody that might seem pathetic or inferior may be just as skilled as, if not more so than, you.**


	53. Astrid Resurrected

**Mother's Day. A very special day where we show our appreciation for the wonderful mums that brought us into the world and helped us through our struggles.**

**It's Mother's Day in Skyrim (again, know that Skyrim's holidays might be a bit different from ours), and just about everybody is happy.**

**This chapter is a special, and is special. Read, and you'll understand why. It's going to go from a fun Mother's Day special to a dark quest filled with movie and video game references.**

…

Mother's Day was very important to Fat Dragon and the gang, because life in Skyrim was hard and short, and they were blessed by the gods themselves to have been born the way they were. Not all of the gang mates were with their mothers, but the majority of them were able to accept this, despite how depressing it was. Derpo and Wyatt, for example; had lower intelligence than the rest of their buddies, so they weren't really thinking about their families too often. Rocker had found his answer to not being depressed during Mother's Day: alcohol. Lots and lots of drugs and alcohol. Aug was also slightly glum, since he'd spent basically his entire life without parents, but he had comfort in knowing that his friends basically were his family. As for Dumbledwarf, since he was a Dovahkiin, he had been reincarnated and had no memories of how he came into existence as a dwarf, so he didn't really care too much.

Essentially everybody who didn't have a mother was slightly upset by this, but were able to get through it. Except for one person.

"Look, mother!" Serana squealed, "I killed this Breton for you! And I didn't eat the body or nothing!"

Valerica placed her slender hand on her chest and smiled. "Aww, you're very sweet, honey. You definitely know how much I love the blood of the Bretons. We'll be having this for dinner; it'll last at least three weeks. And it was a corpulent one, too."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Fat Dragon laughed to his elderly dragon mother, "I squished this dude, and put him on this card as a sticker. Fat Dragon's mother looked up at the building-sized Mother's Day card with an adventurer splattered over an entire page. Both dragons bellowed with laughter at the poor Nord hero's misfortune.

Mother's Day was also a social event, so that way people without mothers could feel happy and in good company, but one short redhead wasn't feeling so social and happy. Serana noticed Mimzi sitting alone in the shade, and gave her mother an affectionate kiss on the cheek before skipping over to her lonely friend and plopping her round butt down next to her. "Hey, buddy buddy buddy", Serana chirped, mimicking a parrot.

"Hey", Mimzi sighed, lazily batting her arm.

"Are you okay, Mimz?" Serana asked, tilting her head in concern.

"Fan-[BLEEP]-ing-Tastic!" Mimzi raged.

"Whoa, whoa, what did I do?!"

Mimzi slowly began crying. "Serana, do you know where we are?"

"The clubhouse."

Mimzi covered her face with her hand and shook her head. "The clubhouse, but it used to belong to the Dark Brotherhood."

"Oh, those guys? The ones we murdered because we were too damn lazy to build-"

"You and the gang killed my _mother!_" Mimzi shrieked, grabbing Serana by the front of her Vampire Armor and violently shaking. By the time Mimzi stopped, Serana's eyes were rolling around, and she had a completely derped-out look on her face.

"Oh, that...", Serana said. "Mimzi, I'm so, so, so _sorry_. I... we didn't know."

"Howdy fellas", the cheeky little dwarf Dumble waved, "What with all of the crying and whatnot?"

"Short-stuff..."

"Listening."

"You met us less than 6 months ago, so you wouldn't really remember any of this, but... the clubhouse... used to belong to the Dark Brotherhood."

"WHAAAAAT?!" Dumbledwarf squeaked. "Whaddya mean, 'The Dark Brotherhood'?!"

"The... Dark Brotherhood. The shady band of assassins?"

"Oh... so what's the big deal?"

"Mimzi's mother was a member of the Brotherhood, and a year ago, we exterminated all of the Dark Brotherhood in the Sanctuary because we didn't want to build a clubhouse from scratch, despite the fact that we'd earned at least 10,000 septims during a long mission on Solstheim. Mimzi's mother was one of the assassins that had been killed."

"Oh shit... I wish there was something I could do", Dumble D. sighed.

"Wait", Serana said, "You're a mage and an alchemist, correct, short-stuff?"

"Yes. And stop calling me that."

"Whatever, short-stuff. But you're like an adorable little magician who breaths farts all day-"

"-_Your _farts."

"Shut up. But, that stuff I just said, and I'm a necromancer. Mimzi, do you think if we found your mom's body, that we could bring her back to life?"

"I... I suppose", Mimzi sniffed, wiping away her tears, "But I mean, she'd be a lifeless thrall. She'd be just a rotting corpse that would disintegrate as soon as the spell wore off."

"Unless I mixed up some potions that would increase that duration", Dumbledwarf added.

"Hm, that _might _work", Serana remarked, "But we'd need to find the best necromancer in Skyrim, and as much as my ego wants me to say it, I'm not the best. There's a guy named Falion in Morthal, and he's able to cure vampires, as well as do all of these neat things to ward off evil spirits, undead, witches, and all of those other things. Short-stuff, go to town and buy all of the stuff you need. Just make sure I'm not gulping down anything disgusting."

"Why? You eat all sorts of small vertebrates all the time?"

"I swallowed a frog yesterday, and he's still- *urp* -hoppin' around in there", Serana groaned.

"Why'd you-?"

"Long story. Just get your tiny little ass to town and get all of the stuff you need."

…

The Mother's Day celebration had ended five hours later, and everybody resumed carrying out their normal lives- well, relatively speaking. Serana and Mimzi were waiting patiently for the midget to return with the potion. Serana was still moaning in discomfort as Mimzi rubbed her aching stomach. For the first time, Serana's belly ache wasn't caused by stuffing, but by one unhappy bullfrog.

"Serana, why do you even do this shit?" Mimzi chuckled.

"Because I'm basically a predator. I hunt and eat humans and certain animals", said Serana. "But I need to make a note to not eat frogs ever again. Them things are yucky."

"I'm... I'm... I'm back", Dumbledwarf wheezed, sounding like a dog's squeaky toy.

"What the heck happened to _you?_"

"I got... chased by a bear... It looked like Yogi Bear, but it was kind of hard to tell when a giant black bear's chasing you and trying to eat you."

Serana and Mimzi burst out laughing, and the frog in Serana's belly even began croaking (though he had already been doing so for at least 17 hours). Tears of laughter streamed down the girls' cheeks, and Serana was laughing so hard that she didn't even register the abdominal pain caused by swallowing a live amphibian.

"What's so funny?!" Dumbledwarf asked angrily.

"Nuthin'", Serana snickered, "It's just... the thought and sight of you getting chased by a bear is completely fucking hilarious."

"It was _scary!_", Dumbledwarf exclaimed through heavy panting.

"No, but we heard your squeaky little shrieking from here!" Mimzi chuckled, also temporarily avoiding thinking about how much grief she was in. "We thought it was some sort of animal, or possibly Derpo making silly noises!"

"Anyways, if you assholes are done making fun of me, I brought the elixir", Dumbledwarf grunted, using all sixteen pounds of his midget strength to lift up the potion and hand it to Serana.

Serana looked at the large potion, which looked like its content was vomit. "You seriously expect me to drink this shit?" Serana asked with a glare.

"I never said you did. We're doing this for Mimzi."

Serana looked at Mimzi, who sniffled sadly, and decided that she would have to switch roles with her bestie and be the mommy figure. It would be disgusting as seeing Rocker naked, but it was for a good purpose. "Bottoms up", Serana said, before jugging down the entire vial and chucking it at Dumbledwarf, knocking him down. Serana's eyes bugged out as she and Mimzi hear her stomach bubbling and churning violently, and the frog screeching and chirping loudly and rapidly. A few seconds later, there was a small explosion that caused Serana's belly to expand a few inches and then revert to its regular state. Smoke was fizzing out of Serana's ears and nostrils, and Mimzi was just frozen.

"What happened...?"

"I think-", Serana began to speak, before coughing up a large cloud of black smoke, "I think Kermit ker-ploded. Short-stuff, get up before my ass gets a relaxing sit-down on your face."

"You threw a glass vial at me!" Dumbledwarf exclaimed, rubbing his forehead and pulling a shard of glass out.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fabulous. So what exactly are these effects, besides causing frogs to spontaneously combust?"

"They permanently increase your Conjuration skill to 100, and all summoned Daedra and risen thralls stay alive 300% longer before they disintegrate", Dumbledwarf explained.

"Well played", Serana grinned.

"So, you made a frog explode in your tummy, now what?" Mimzi asked.

"Now, we've got to find your mother's body. Do you know where she was buried, or did you idiots just dump the bodies into the lake?"

"Let's... go for a swim", Serana nervously chuckled.

…

The trek to Lake Ilinalta took half an hour, but luckily it was during the evening, so the heat and humidity wasn't completely unbearable. Mimzi and Dumbledwarf waded into the water, but they noticed that Serana wouldn't go within ten feet of the shoreline. "Serana, what's the matter?" Mimzi called out.

"I'm not too fond of water. Not after Miami", Serana replied, shaking her head.

Mimzi dove down underwater and began swimming to the bottom of the lake. She had drank a Potion of Waterbreathing prior to entering the water, so she wasn't at any risk of drowning for at least five minutes. Plenty of time to peruse the bottom of a murky lake for the decaying body of her long-lost mother.

The gods themselves must have been in favor of Mimzi, because she was able to locate the rotting bodies of the Dark Brotherhood assassins almost instantaneously. She found a slender skeleton with a hood and mask, as well as the other D.B. attire. Astrid. To others, the year-old decaying corpse that had provided meals for numerous mudcrabs and slaughterfish would be absolutely gut-wrenching, but to Mimzi, she would be willing to kiss this lifeless body. Mimzi wrapped her arm around the corpse's torso and began paddling upwards.

"_Watch me get eaten by a friggin' slaughterfish or giant mudcrab_", Mimzi thought to herself as she swam up with her mother's body. Again, luckily, nothing terrible happened, although the corpse did smell god-awfully bad. Serana clapped her hands when Mimzi hauled the body onto the shore.

"Smells like horker shit", Serana remarked. "Sorry."

"I'm overlooking that remark", said Mimzi. "Resurrect my mother."

"Mimzi, are you absolutely 100% completely totally prepared to do this?" Serana asked nervously. "If this fails, then Astrid is gone forever. Just erased from this world, and all other worlds."

"Serana, I want a mother to love me, too. You'd understand", Mimzi pleaded.

"You're right", Serana said. "Preparing to resurrect Astrid. Stormcloak."

Serana raised her arms and took deep breaths as she channeled and calibrated the Magicka within her, and sent a ball of energy directly at the rotting body, which shook slightly before slowly rising up. Flesh and hair began to sprout on the disgusting carcass, and finally, the Astrid thrall moaned like a zombie.

Mimzi shrieked with excitement and ran up to Astrid. "Mommy!" Mimzi cried, burying her face into Astrid's bust. She was thrilled, until she realized that her undead mother was saying absolutely nothing, save for the occasional groan.

"Hey, Serana, what gives?" Mimzi asked.

"Don't view this as me trying to be a jackass with a loophole", said Serana, "But Astrid isn't alive again. She's dead. Right now she's midway, undead. We need the help of a professional mage to fully resurrect her."

"Then we have to hurry", said Dumbledwarf. "We've got two nights to get our zombie here to Falion. On that third evening, she will disintegrate and she won't even have an afterlife. No Void, no Oblivion, no Sovngarde, nothing. She basically will never have existed."

"Don't worry, Mom", Mimzi said, loading her rifle with both a magazine containing 40 arrowheads and a Black Soul Gem, "I'm going to bring you back. Or die trying."

…

And the trek though the darkness began. Mimzi had brought Dumbledwarf and Serana with her, for numerous reasons beyond security and lack of company other than a lifeless body: Dumbledwarf was an exceptional mage, medic and alchemist, so if any spells or remedies were needed, then they would be set. Serana was exceptionally potent and alert at night, and with her night vision and vampire senses, she could lead the way. The only flaws with traveling with Serana were that she was exceptionally susceptible to sunlight, as well as her insatiable food lust.

Mimzi felt kind of rude for leaving Falkreath to head to Morthal without informing the rest of her friends, but she just needed to get to Falion. Her friends would always be around, but her mother wouldn't be. True, her mother would eventually die if she were revived, but Mimzi also accepted death, and her only true goal, her only personal goal; was to have a family. A mommy and a daddy, to love her, to help her overcome life's many obstacles, to play with her, and to tell her that she was special.

One benefit of Skyrim is that you can go for _years _without sleeping, so there were to be very little "rest stops" and setting up camp to sleep. Serana, being a creature of the darkness, was always potent and could hear a fly crawling on the other side of a wall, and even though he didn't really need to sleep, he could always give himself a jolt with Sparks. Since nothing was trying to kill them, and because he was kind of tired of listening to Astrid moan and incoherently mumble about Sithis and the Dark Brotherhood, Dumbledwarf decided to ask Serana something.

"Serana?"

"Yes, short-stuff?"

"Seriously, why do you keep calling me that?! Are you so stupid to the point where you can't even remember my name?"

"Easy, short-stuff, you're turning red. Like a cherry. And cherries are delicious."

"W-Well how would you like it if I called you, uh, um, er... 'Fatty'?" Dumbledwarf asked smugly.

"Better people than you have tried", Serana shrugged.

"And how'd that turn out for them?"

"They were _eaten_. And _digested_", Serana devilishly smirked, licking her chops at the small, infuriated dwarf.

"Cram a ham in it, twits", Mimzi growled. "Serana, why the hell are you so sarcastic?"

Serana didn't give an answer; only grinning. Mimzi groaned and rolled her eyes as she stepped over a log.

…

_Day 2_

_Whiterun Plains._

…

"Gods dammit", Serana wailed as waterfalls of sweat poured off of her adorable jelly-belly, "This heat is unbearable!"

"So is not having a mummy", said Mimzi, quickly gunning down Serana's complaints. "Now let's keep moving."

"Oh crap", squeaked Dumbledwarf, "Look ahead, girls."

Mimzi growled in frustration as she looked at the Giant camp that Dumbledwarf was pointing towards. "_Now _what are we supposed to do? There's a pair of Giants there, and... oh gods, that's Dell the Red Ox. Shit."

"Hmm...", Serana grinned, turning to Dumbledwarf. "When I was little, and when the Dwemer still existed, I remember that Giants used to play golf with them and whack 'em up into the air with those big-ass clubs. They'd practically go into orbit, but five minutes later they'd just come plummeting straight back down unharmed... well, not dead, I should say..."

"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no", Dumbledwarf said, rapidly shaking his head, though his entire body was quaking.

"Well, short-stuff, here are your options: you can do this willingly, or you can spend a little time in my gut or under my butt for a little 'motivation'. Your choice."

…

"Man, I haven't punted me one of them dwarves in so damn long, Paul", one of the two giants commented.

"Yeah, I done reckon they- oh my God! Bill, look!" Paul Bunyan exclaimed, pointing to the innocent, terrified midget quivering in fear.

"Go get 'im, Dell!" Brimstone Bill shouted. The ox was preparing to charge, but Paul stopped him.

"Hold on, watch this, man!" Paul hollered, charging up towards Dumbledwarf with his massive club.

"No- no- no- no- no- no- no- no- no- no- NOOOOOOO!" Dumbledwarf squealed as a colossal Giant's Club struck him in the face and sent him flying straight up into the air at over 65 mph. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!..."

Thanks to this distraction, Serana, Serana's Astrid and Mimzi were able to waltz straight through the camp and reached another forest at the foothills of a mountain range. About five minutes later, Serana said, "Look up in the sky!" and pointed at the U.F.O that was breaking Nirn's atmosphere. Dumbledwarf's trademark squeal of terror was audible, and soon enough. Dumbledwarf was completely black, and there were tiny flames still on his wizard garb.

"Nice entry", Serana remarked.

"Shut... up...", the smoldering Dumbledwarf wheezed, coughing up a cloud of steam.

…

The group of two undead, a Nord, and a dwarf were voyaging through the dark, snowy forests, determined to reach Morthal on the other side. As Serana dragged her feet through the snow, she suddenly realized something. It was bright. She could see clearly. Serana looked up at the moon and screamed.

"What is it?!" Mimzi shouted, firing a few shots of her Westinghouse plasma-based rifle in the air to ward off anything that might've been attacking Serana.

"The... moon...", Serana whimpered, pointing up at the full moon that lit the entire forest.

"What's so bad about that?" Dumbledwarf said, before he heard a distinctive howling that echoed through the woods and up the mountain. Everyone shivered in terror, especially Serana, since she was sort of a veteran survivor of the Hunt. The howling continued, but it was closer. There was a third howl which sounded distant, and a following howl that sounded like it came from a position between the first and second howls.

"Oh, damn it", Serana sputtered, "It's a full moon. The werewolves are on the Hunt. And we're the game."

What was eerie was that the coniferous trees were tall, but all of the needles and such were at the very tops of the trees, which basically made the forest a large field of tall, branch-less pine trees. To make matters worse, there was a thick layer of fog rolling in, so it was incredibly difficult to spot the lycanthropes that were stalking them.

"Ohh, I wish Bella was here...", Serana commented as she readied her antique Elven Dagger and Ice Spike.

"Yeah, but you've got something that you never had on your first Hunt survival: this plasma rifle", Mimzi said. "Right now, we need to keep this thrall safe. _Yes_, I do care about your lives, but we need to defend the reason we came out here in the first place."

Dumbledwarf was all excited to be battling werewolves. He was springing up and down like the large frog Serana had swallowed the previous day, with his magic spells in his hands; ready to vaporize any of the vicious wolf-men that dared to attack them. The tension and uncertainty were just too much to bear for the trio. Astrid, being a brainless, conjured zombie, was completely ignorant of what was going on, but she did have enough soul left to understand that something was going on, and it wasn't good.

Finally, Serana's cat-like reflexes spotted a tall, wolf-like creature bolt across the treeline. "They're on the move!" Serana reported.

"Alright, here we go!" Mimzi shouted, "Find your targets, conserve your Magicka. Only use potions if ab-sol-ute-ly necessarily!"

Finally, the Pack made their first move. A large werewolf with pure black eyes ran directly at Serana, prompting the vampire to fire off an Ice Spike which hit it in the forearm. The beast howled with pain, and Serana took this opportunity to thrust the hooked, curved blade of the Elven Dagger into the werewolf's neck. Mimzi aimed down the scope of the M25, and set the configuration to SmartScope, which would automatically target unregistered entities and terminate them with the press of a trigger. Mimzi fired a shot that blasted the monstrous wolf in the face, killing him as painfully as possible.

Serana quickly wiped off as much blood as she could off the blade of her knife, and tried something new: Serana slit her wrist and dumped a thin coat of blood on the blade, and when another dog soldier approached, Serana plunged the Elven Dagger into the chest of the werewolf. The blood of the vampire was seeming to overpower the blood of the wolf, and the werewolf howled in pain as blood poured out of its nose, ears, and eye sockets.

"And then we'll stab a- a happy little werewolf that lives right here, dead on the ground", Serana grinned, trying to pull off a cheesy one-liner.

"Come on, hotshot!" Mimzi ordered before spinning 180° and blasting a werewolf in the face. "Midgicide, are you still holding up okay?"

"Never been better!" Dumbledwarf cried as he fired dual lightning blasts like some sort of gunslinger. "C'mon, you goddamn hairy motherfucking dogs!"

"Wyatt would find that offensive!" Serana shouted as she kicked a werewolf in the top of the head. "Hopefully he isn't here, because if he was, then any of the six lycanthropes I've slain might've been him!"

"Fuck it, RUN!" Mimzi shouted, tugging at Astrid. Astrid was indifferent to the chaotic last stand going on all around her, and the werewolves weren't attacking her.

During the fight, something supernatural happened to Mimzi. Her perception of reality was turned upside down, and a raging fire boiled inside of her when she watched her undead mother get mauled and sliced apart by one of the ravenous werewolves. Mimzi roared loudly and suddenly grew claws. Time slowed as she charged the murderer, leapt through the air, and began viciously hacking the crying werewolf apart before she suddenly blacked out.

…

Mimzi came to on a strange, floating, glowing path in the middle of a dense forest full of deer spirits. As she went down this bizarre path, pairs of werewolves knelt before her, as if they knew what she was about to do. Mimzi was alarmed at first, especially because she was unarmed, but a familiar dagger with a flaming blade appeared before her. Mimzi carefully took the dagger by the handle, and closer inspection revealed this mystical, mysterious knife as Bella's knife. Looking ahead, Mimzi noticed a strange silhouette that looked like the body of a man combined with the head of an elk, just pacing back and forth.

"Who are you?" Mimzi asked, slowly raising her weapon with eyes smoldering with rage.

"I am the Master of the Hunt", the man-deer replied in a distorted voice.

"Wait", said Mimzi, "Are you... are you Hircine?"

"Some in your realm call me that, yes. I go by many things, including names that would take mortals eons to pronounce. I'm after two of the members of your group: the Volkihar, and the thrall. Both of them have displeased me, and I have sent the Pack after them."

"You aren't killing anybody", Mimzi said with teeth clenched and fury in her eyes.

"I guess that's your challenge of 'you'll-have-to-go-through-me', isn't it? You can't best a Daedra."

"I don't have to be a Vigilant to wield a knife", Mimzi snarled, before lunging in to attack. Hircine dodged this strike, and brutally kicked Mimzi in the jaw. "It is more than amusing, watching you try and defeat me."

Mimzi was breathing heavily as Hircine stood over her, cackling with distorted laughter. But Mimzi remembered what she was fighting for: a mother. With this new source of hope and motivation, Mimzi growled ferociously as she plunged the otherworldly knife into the torso of the Daedric Lord, who howled in pain before dropping to his knees as blood poured out of his mouth.

A mystical charge of some sort buzzed through Mimzi, and she dropped to the ground paralyzed. Before she completely blacked out, she saw Hircine's eye move.

…

It was the following afternoon when Mimzi came to; all she could feel was a throbbing pain in her head and cramps in her arms. Mimzi looked around in surprise at all of the dead werewolves around her. Fortunately, her friends and mother were still alive, and the moment Serana saw Mimzi twitch, she rushed over to assist her. "Mimzi, you alright?" Serana asked with concern.

"Ungh... what happened here?" Mimzi replied, slowly attempting to stand up.

"You went on some sort of warpath and annihilated all of the werewolves that were attacking us", Serana explained. "That was pretty damned impressive, if you ask me."

"Thanks, buddy", Mimzi smiled. "Where's Dumble D. and Astrid?"

"Over here", said Dumbledwarf, walking up to the two girls. "But we've got a problem. Do you notice anything unusual about our thrall here?"

Mimzi and Serana examined Astrid's reanimated corpse. At first, there didn't seem to be any issues, but closer inspection revealed that small bits of magical ashes were beginning to flake off Astrid and go with the wind.

"Oh balls", Serana said, "We don't have long. It's late in the afternoon."

"Then we make a dash for Morthal", Mimzi concluded. "3... 2... 1... GO!"

Dumbledwarf, Mimzi, Serana and Astrid made a run for it. Mimzi was unquestionably the fastest runner within the gang's ranks, and her heart was set on resurrecting her mother. Dumbledwarf was scurrying as fast as he could, but having legs that were only 12 inches tall made things sort of difficult. Serana was also out of shape, and she was getting all sorts of abdominal cramps.

An agonizing five-minute sprint finally paid off, and the group had reached their moor-side destination. "You, lifeless, milk-drinking guard", Mimzi said to one of the many idiotic, drone-like guards, "Where's Falion?"

"That is an insultingly accurate stereotype", the guard said. "But Falion is over there."

"Thanks, shrap-head."

Mimzi, holding her mother's hand, ran down the docks in a desperate hurry to get her mother revived before the evening would make her disappear from existence. Mimzi channeled her soldier strength to kick down the door, which understandably startled Falion.

"Are you Falion?" Mimzi asked.

"Yes. Now what do you need?" Falion asked, rudely rolling his eyes.

"I need you to bring my mommy back to life."

"Well, this might work", Falion said, handing Mimzi a tiny vial of blue liquid. "It's called holy water, and I would love to hear how it works."

Mimzi rushed her mother out the door and ran through the salt marsh to the summoning circle. Mimzi laid Astrid down on the ground, and began to summon Sithis, or at least converse with him.

"Sithis, reveal yourself before me", Mimzi prayed, not having a single clue of what to say. "Reveal yourself that you may bring Astrid Stormcloak back from the Void, and give her life."

Once she was finished with the prayer, Mimzi delicately opened the small vial, and applied small drops in various parts around Astrid until only a third of it remained. Astrid was beginning to shut down, so Mimzi quickly let her drink the remaining holy water. Whether it would digest or not was uncertain, but Mimzi was so frightened and anxious.

The saddest event in Mimzi's entire life then occurred. After giving Astrid the remaining holy water, Mimzi heard "_Farewell..._" escape Astrid's lips as she began to disintegrate. Mimzi shrieked in frustration, sending several flocks of birds flying. "GOD DAMNIT!" Mimzi cried, completely falling apart, "Mommy! Don't leave me!"

Serana and Dumbledwarf finally caught up, and Serana felt a sharp pain in her heart as she watched Mimzi cry her eyes out. Serana knelt down next to her sobbing friend and embraced her, softly rubbing her back and hair. Dumbledwarf was indifferent to the whole thing, but right when Mimzi began talks of contemplating suicide, an amazing, wonderful, unbelievable thing happened. The heap of ashes began to reform into a human body. Beautiful, pure-golden hair sprouted from the top of Astrid's head, while the ashes transformed into human flesh and organs. Astrid's beautiful hazel eyes reappeared, and her lips formed, but instead of her normal lips, these ones were as red as her daughter's hair.

Finally after about a minute of further transformations, Astrid rose. Mimzi squealed in excitement and ran up to her mommy. "Mom, mom, it's me!" Mimzi said, bouncing up and down happily.

It took a bit of time for Astrid's memories to return, but the moment they did, Astrid smiled widely, and picked up her daughter, giving her a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"Mimzi...", Astrid smiled, tightly hugging her baby girl, "Even in the Void, I waited for you to return someday. If my memory serves, the entire Family was wiped out."

"So if the Dark Brotherhood has been killed off, what will you do now?" Mimzi asked.

"Being an assassin was part of my old life", said Astrid. "This time around, I want to just enjoy life with my daughter and husband. Is he still alive?"

"Yeah, Daddy's still in Windhelm", Mimzi smiled.

"I think I'm going to head back home and settle in before I depart to visit your father", said Astrid. "The Sanctuary's still there, right?"

"Well...", Mimzi said, "Yyyyyyyyeah. My friends and I live there."

"Yes, I was actually about to ask who these two are", Astrid replied, pointing to Serana and Dumbledwarf. "The corpulent vampire and the midget in stereotype wizard's clothing."

"That is insultingly accurate", Serana said jokingly, since she was happy with the was she was.

"Mother, this is my best friend, Serana", Mimzi smiled. Serana shook hands with Mimzi's mother, who blushed kindly.

"Nice to meet you", Astrid said. "But I feel like I've seen you before."

"You... have...", Serana sighed. "I was one of the people who exterminated everybody in the Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary."

Astrid temporarily glared, but then told Serana that she forgave her. "You do?" Serana asked in confusion.

"Look, the Family might've been my 'family', but they weren't. I don't think I can ever completely forgive you and the rest of Mimzi's friends for murdering me, but you cared after my daughter, and gave her friends and love. You helped her get here and bring me back to life, so for that, you have my thanks", Astrid nodded.

"And this is Dumbledwarf", Mimzi said.

"Ew", Astrid rudely remarked, "Smells like the colon of a mammoth."

"That would be my doing", Serana grinned.

"Aside from his asthma and bad luck, Dumbledwarf is pretty neat. He was partly responsible for bringing you back to Tamriel, and like you, he was a reincarnation."

"You are?" Astrid asked.

"I used to be an Argonian Dragonborn in the 9th era", said Dumbledwarf. "And now I'm a midget who breathes farts on a daily basis and has possible lung cancer."

"That stinks", Astrid grinned. "Pun definitely intended. But wait, you say you're from the 9th era?"

"Mom, don't you remember?" Mimzi asked. "I was sent to the distant future with an Elder Scroll."

"I... don't really remember that", said Astrid. "I don't remember everything from my past life."

"I'm basically a future soldier. Serana's boyfriend is, too", Mimzi smiled. "Now let's get going, while it's still a bit light."

And they were off. Serana, Dumbledwarf, Mimzi, and Astrid were en route back to the clubhouse, except this time, there were all human beings (I'm not too sure if a dwarf counts), no thralls or animated bodies.

"So, what was the future like?" Astrid asked as they all began ascending the mountain range.

"It was dark, ruined, and apocalyptic", Mimzi said. "It wasn't home. But now I am home."

…

**Two days on the road and three days in a flat. That's how long it took to finish this.**

**Still, I'm very satisfied with the finished product, and I'm sort of proud of myself for bringing someone back to life.**

**UlfricxAstrid is not a canon couple (I highly doubt they even met each other), but it is ForgetMorals's pairing, and I kind of like it. It's interesting, to say the least.**

**But, Astrid is back. Mimzi finally feels at home, now that she has a home in her home town, a mother and father, and seven wonderful friends.**


	54. Confrontation

**This chapter is short and serves as a foreshadow for how things in the distant future are going to look for Skyrim. It won't be anywhere near as long as the previous chapter, but things will carry out normally after this one.**

…

_Palace of the Kings, Windhelm._

...

It were almost as he were expecting it, Astrid's return.

The citizens of Windhelm, the snowiest city in Skyrim, all stood aside as a petite blonde woman with looks that could make the sun shine and hips that could sink ships casually walked up the aged cobblestone steps to the Palace of the Kings. Stormcloak troops guarding the colossal gates lowered their weapons and bowed as Astrid opened the door into the massive keep. The door behind her shut, silencing the flurried blizzard outside, so now there was absolute silence as Ulfric and Astrid store each other down. They hadn't spoken in over 20 years, but that was due to their different "careers": Ulfric Stormcloak, the mighty commander of a revolutionary legion, and Astrid, the leader of the Dark Brotherhood.

"You could've written", Ulfric finally said, his voice echoing through the almost-vacant castle.

"I was dead", Astrid smiled.

"Then if you were dead, how is my wonderful wife standing before me?"

"Mimzi, dear. Mimzi brought me back to life", Astrid explained.

Ulfric's eyes widened. "How did-?"

"She survived a 'hunt'-"

"Wait, wait, a _Hunt_? As in the werewolf hunts?"

"That's right", said Astrid. "She dove to the bottom of Lake Illinalta to fetch my remains, and with the help of a midget and a fat vampire girl-"

"Serana", Ulfric grinned, "Damn if she ain't spectacular."

"-,They went to Morthal and brought me back to life with some holy water or something. Isn't that incredible?" Astrid continued.

"It is indeed", Ulfric replied. "Why isn't Mimzi with you, or Serana, for that matter?"

"They went on home, and I'll catch up with them later", Astrid explained. "But I haven't seen you in over 20 years. 20 years drifting in the Void, alone. I need to talk to you about some things, ask some questions, and so on. First off, how have you been? Since we were forced to abandon our daughter many years ago, what have you been up to?"

"The same thing that kept me from spending time with my family", Ulfric shrugged, "Y'now, liberating Skyrim and whatnot."

"And how has _that _worked out?" Astrid grinned with a twinkle in her eye.

"We... haven't made too much progress", Ulfric sighed. "But how have you and your murderers been doing?"

"Well, besides rotting in the bottom of a lake, we managed to kill the Emperor of Tamriel", Astrid smirked. "He... didn't really have much security for some reason."

"Reportedly, a vampire lord was responsible for killing Commander Taurus Maro", said Ulfric. "Most likely Serana or her mother."

"Which brings me to another question", said Astrid. "Serana, she seems like a sweet girl, and from what I've heard out of you, she is, but how is her family? What is her background?"

"Well", Ulfric said, "Serana Volkihar comes from... Clan Volkihar, and she has two parents, like how our Mimzi does. Her... mother, Valerica, is a caring mother, even for a vampire, and we sort of get along."

"Why 'sort of'?"

"Well, we agree on some parenting issues, and then we disagree. It's sort of confusing. But her father... well, just please be nice to Serana, because she doesn't really receive proper treatment and love. She wasn't taught any social skills, manners or anything, and she is just lonesome without Mimzi or any of her friends. Even though she's fat and lazy, she did save our little girl's life recently", Ulfric smiled.

"And her other friends, how are they? What are they like?"

"I... think you need to see for yourself."

…

_Fat Dragon's Dungeon Destroyers Clubhouse, Falkreath._

...

"Guess who's coming here this afternoon?" Mimzi elatedly squealed.

"NO", Rocker snidely replied as he, Aug, Wyatt and Dumbledwarf played a game of cards while Serana was ignorantly playing around with a paddle ball and tossing snacks up in the air and into her open maw.

"Don't mind him", said Aug. "He's just butthurt because I've already gotten like 600 septims from him. Seriously though, who is it?"

"My mother!"

Everybody gasped, except for Serana and Dumbledwarf. "Hey, hey, hey", Fat Dragon said in shock and astonishment, "Didn't we... y'now, feed her to the fishes last year?"

"Tell 'em, Serana", Mimzi grinned.

"So, we went on this interest- no wait, the other thing: tedious, journey, we survived a Hunt, and Short-stuff got shot up into outside space", Serana explained.

"Well if your mother's coming here, then why didn't she come with you, Serana and Dumbledwarf?" Dragon asked.

"Because she went to catch up with my father", said Mimzi.

"Should we cook dinner or something?" Serana asked with a hungry look in her autumnal glowing eyes.

"No, because for starters, you'll probably eat it all before my mother arrives", Mimzi chuckled, smiling at her spherical-bellied vampire friend. "Second, she's just coming to visit briefly, since she'll be staying with my dad until further notice."

"...And apparently she's here", Aug commented, pointing to Mimzi's gorgeous mother who was walking over to the clusterfuck of oddball friends.

"Uh, Mom, how did you get in...?"

Astrid rolled her eyes. "Mimzi, dear, clearly you forgot that the Dark Brotherhood built this damn hideout, that door included. So, what's the deal with Alduin's obese brother, a scruffy furball, this scrawny brunette guy with something poking out of the front of his pants... two reptiles...?"

"Well, Mom", Mimzi replied nervously, "Technically you _did_ meet them once..."

"I would like to apologize for us... killing you...", said Aug.

"No, kid, I want to thank you", Astrid smiled. "You wiped out the entire Dark Brotherhood, myself included; and when I reincarnated, that gave me a second chance in life. Without a Brotherhood, I'm pledging my love and attention to my husband and daughter, so I can live a tranquil life in Skyrim without blood on my hands and bounties on my head."

"Mom, this is Corporal Aug", Mimzi smiled as Astrid shook hands with the love-machine with something rising below. "Aug was from the future, and we were in a squad together. He's also Serana's boyfriend."

"Pleasure", Astrid cheekily smiled.

"Same", Aug nodded. "Actually, I have a question, uh, Mrs., uh, Stormcloak- Astrid- Ascloak-"

"Just call me Astrid", Mimzi's mum sighed, rolling her eyes once more.

"Okay, Astrid, why aren't you, like, freaking out over us, because essentially we're freaks. Outcasts. Weirdos."

"Kid, when you were in a Dark Brotherhood with an Argo, a Redguard who looked like a stereotypical terrorist, a vampire girl younger than that adorable pale-skinned sweetheart stuffing her adorable little belly on the couch, a Dark Elf, an elderly wizard, and a werewolf; you don't get too surprised by these things."

"Well, let's narrow this down, shall we?" Mimzi asked.

"I guess, since your father's carriage will be picking me up shortly", said Astrid.

"From left to right, excluding Serana, Dumble 'D. and Aug; you've got good ol' Fat Dragon, who you'd have to be blind not to recognize; good puppy Wyatt, who is stuck in werewolf form but is basically one of the sweetest characters in here; our mentally-ill buddy Derpo, who doubles as Wyatt's best friend; and Rocker, who is... _not my boyfriend._..", Mimzi explained. The rest of the gang cheered and waved at their new ally and friend, Astrid Stormcloak.

…

_Castle Volkihar, Northern Haafingar._

...

Valerica hadn't seen her daughter in a while, and her worry was spread between that and her husband, who was seeming more sinister than ever. He was plotting something, for he was constantly talking with his aides about something regarding Serana, which had Valerica extremely concerned for understandable reasons. She and her deranged husband had not seen Serana at least since the quarrel between the Volkihars and the Stormcloaks on their little girl's birthday, and it was only a week after Serana was bailed from her bedroom tower and safely extracted back to the clubhouse that Harkon learned of the daring escape. For some reason, this just seemed to have been the last straw for him, and now he was aiming to extract revenge on Serana, Ulfric, Mimzi, Aug, and all of his daughter's putrid friends whom he hated with a fiery glare.

Valerica was getting more and more anxious, and she decided to confront her husband.

"Harkon", said Valerica, in a formal, but serious tone, "You've been acting very... different lately. You're planning something. And I need to know what."

"Hmph", Harkon grunted. "Valerica, my dear, a new dawn is rising over Tamriel. A dawn where vampires shall destroy the sun, and we will never have to stick in the shadows. The world will be ours."

"Wait... you're not talking about... the Tyranny of the Sun, are you?" Valerica asked with suspicion.

"Oh, that indeed, my dear wife", Harkon grinned. "But in order to carry out this ascension for our kind, there are eight things I need to deal with. Two, in particular. My lumpy, pathetic, fat-bellied daughter and that futuristic swine are growing ever so closer, and eventually they shall wed each other."

Valerica glared at her insane husband. "Harkon, I will _not _let you harm my daughter, or any of her friends."

Harkon did not take to this too kindly. "It's treason, then."

"If protecting my baby girl from her lunatic father is treason, then I'm the biggest traitor in Skyrim."

Valerica noticed that a crowd of all of the court vampires were watching this climactic discussion, and they were all squinting and smirking, their eyes glowing from orange to red. "Valerica, further analysis of the prophecy means I need the blood of a Daughter of Coldharbour. I care about you more than that pitiful disgrace of a vampire, but not much longer. Court, Valerica Volkihar is officially banished from the Volkihar Vampires, but there is a far deeper penalty than banishment. Strike her down, and make sure there is nothing left to bury."

The vampires that Valerica was good friends with for over 500 years were now approaching her, preparing to carry out their lord's orders. Valerica's eyes smoldered with rage: how could Harkon not only do this, but plot to murder a misfit band of multiracial teenagers; his own daughter included? Valerica quickly cast Telekinesis at a sword in an open display case, and began to fight the vampire loyalists. Valerica was clashing blades and violently kicking her fellow vampires as she made her way towards the exit as Harkon's cackling evil laughter echoed through the keep. Valerica had only caused one casualty, which was on a vampire she had never even _seen _before. An intern, maybe?

No time for jokes. Valerica was outnumbered at least 8 to 1, and she wasn't a Dovahkiin like her daughter. All she could do was quickly cast a Master-level Destruction spell, which sent a pyrosonic blast in all directions around Valerica, blowing her attackers far away. Before they could retaliate, Valerica was out of the castle and heading around the west side along the shoreline. She was now a most-wanted enemy of her own husband and her own friends and clan members, and the only time Harkon would want to see her in his keep again would either be in a body bag or in a pool of blood on the floor, gasping for life.

There was only one place that she could go that Harkon would dare not go. It was far more dangerous than Castle Volkihar, and she would be facing immediate new threats the moment she entered the realm. A tear came down Valerica's cheek, for she was unable to say goodbye to Serana or give her any hint or code suggesting her hideout location. All she could do was hope for her daughter, her future son-in-law, and their silly, friendly companions, who had no idea of the coming storm.

…

**I've picked up a few references and story elements and stuff from watching The Clone Wars, so what is happening here is that times are changing. Aug and Serana's relationship draws ever closer; as does Rockzi, and Harkon is becoming a serious threat. What do you think? Maybe Harkon's plot is tied with the first marriage?**


End file.
